Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 15 - tests, treatment and trying again

[Justonemoretime]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

Hugs to you, Brummie. And 'staler' is not a word.

That's good news counting. Well done for being pro-active.

On positive stories, I have a good friend who had her dc2 after 40 and plenty of acquaintances. My own dm suffered 12 years of infertility before unexpectedly and unexplainedly having me at what was then considered to be the ripe age of 36 and then went on to have my dsis at 38. She always said her body wasn't ready before then. Her twin sister had a similar experience.

I never know if positive stories are helpful or not as in my darker moments I just think "yes, well, good for them, but that's not me". But I took heart from Baking, Tiny and Tanny ahead of me. When I first joined this thread Baking was the only active poster with a positive tale to tell and it was a bit daunting. Look how far we have come!

Ladies there are plenty of younger women on here with exactly the same experiences as you so it's clearly not the whole story.

Yes, it is Prof Quenby's clinic sun. I believe some people have seen her and some Prof Brosens.

Great - thank you. I will look her up. x

counting, yes, it's true that pregnancy related sickness shouldn't count towards sick leave. They still show up on my hr record (my Bradford score got to over 1000 before Xmas! ),but i don't get the warning meetings or any of that.
Ridiculously I had to have an argument with one particular girl in hr as she didn't agree that miscarriage was pregnancy related. This happened Twice. Third time i still had to get them to change it but there were no arguments. Some people have no clue!

brummie, I was equally angry/upset that they did nothing after 2. I meant to find someone high up in the nhs to write to about it, I think they ought to do something, even if it's just the smallest cheapest thing to make you feel like your doing something. I always had the feeling that that wasn't the end of it at no2

Thanks for the info March. I was really worried by our policy as it says after 4 short term absences in 12 months (I'm on 3, total of 5 days) you won't be paid for any further short term sick leave and will have to have meetings to discuss reason etc and how to reduce the number of sick days going forward (if only I knew how to prevent further mcs!!!!). I'm not sure how well work would react if they knew I was trying to get pregnant though.... :-(

Hi ladies. So sorry to be me, me, me but it's my 1st ever nuchal scan tomorrow and I'm so very scared.

I'm almost 14 weeks now and my last scan was just before 12 weeks. What if the baby has died since then? How will I cope? My bump seems to have stayed the same for two weeks, shouldn't it be growing bigger each week? A girl at my work is two weeks ahead of me and she looks huge compared to me.

To make things worse there was a mass gushing email chain today about a stunningly beautiful girl that everyone loves at my work who is breaking for her maternity leave next week with DC2.

I was cc'd in with no thought of course even though they don't know I'm pregnant but do know our infertility and mc history. I had to see every reply and all the little plans and gift ideas. Had to keep smiling even though I was broken hearted at the insensitivity of my 'friends'.

Went to the toilets for a good sob but looked such a mess afterwards that I had to just leave. Lucky we're on a flexi hours system at my work.

This is journey is so very hard somedays.

Hello Sun, sorry that you find yourself here, but you are most welcome. I have attached some links to my blog on various clinics and treatments, and some of the frustrations. I hope you find them useful. I'm a Coventry (Prof Brosens) pompom waver, being utterly convinced that it was the progesterone/heparin combo that has done the trick for me (now 15.5 wks). You need to be two cycles clear of being pg to go there, but they are great, IMHO.
justonemoretimeagain.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/it-cant-do-any-harm-the-aspirin-problem/
justonemoretimeagain.wordpress.com/2014/10/03/the-difficult-demographic/
justonemoretimeagain.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/practical-matters-what-happens-at-st-marys-and-coventry-rmc-clinics/
Congratulations Ourday, glad the holiday relaxation worked its magic! Hope this is a sticky one.
AFAIK, it's only St Mary's who do the TEG, and would repeat it when you're PG. I was entitled to this (it was normal first go), but by the time they would have done it I was on the heparin so it would have been pointless.
I can't remember who said their HR person said MC isn't pregnancy related. What the fucking fuck is it then?! Sorry, I'm outraged by that on your behalf! If they dare to suggest such a thing again go off on long term sick leave due to stress and depression caused by insensitive and down right stupid comments from HR. Whilst it is true that you wouldn't be entitled to any maternity pay or leave (as you would with a later term loss such as a stillbirth), its still in a different category to other kinds of sickness, and should be recorded on your record as such.
Good luck for your appointment, Cloud, I am sure that there is still hope. From what I've read between the lines from the research coming out of Coventry, it's not so much the eggs which deteriorate (although I'm sure some do). Prof Q and B's research suggests that all fertilised eggs are a bit imperfect and the implantation process selects the ones that have potential, rejecting, under 'normal' circumstances, the very chaotic ones. Rather, it's the lining and the actual process of decidualisation (sp?) and therefore implantation that becomes compromised. Since steps can be taken to correct that, I'd say you've a few good goes in you yet. The only issue with this is that it is still in the research phase so not all consultants will agree. Remember, the ubiquitous line of age = dodgy eggs is based on ancient and massively flawed research. I'm not saying we're heading for a future of limitless fertility, but I'm sure that current research will show that it's simply not as straightforward as some would have you believe.

Sun, if your work react badly, its discrimination. End of. If they're funny with you, note it all down in a diary. Can you join a union?

Cat, I am sure you will be absolutely fine, but I totally understand how upsetting it must have been. Not helped by the stress of the scan and the hormones. Be kind to yourself. I have everything crossed for you. If you got to almost 12 weeks and all was fine there is a VERY HIGH chance that all is still fine now, and its just a case of taking the measurements. ((Hugs)) to you. xx

catlover massive good luck vibes for tomorrow! try not to give in to scanxiety tonight....

cat good luck for tomorrow, I know you'll be stressing but try not to, you've got through the scariest bit. What time is your scan?

Good luck for tomorrow cat. Hope you can hold the scanxiety at bay long enough to get some sleep. You've done so well to get this far and your good scan at 12 weeks is such a good sign. Fingers crossed for you xx

Thank you ladies, I'd go crazy if I didn't have you lovely lot to chat to My hormones almost certainly aren't helping haha. Scan isn't until 5.30pm so need to get through a 'normal' day at work 1st. XxX

Right you old crones, listen up. Yes, we are no spring chickens, yes we have fewer eggs and they might not all be perfect, but there is plenty of evidence on this thread and beyond that women in their 40s can and do have perfectly healthy children, even those with a history of rmc. Some find success after treatment, for others like me I suspect it was a case of keep going til you get a goodun.
As long as you are producing eggs and you can get hold of some fresh sperm at roughly the right time, there is a chance you will end up with a bambino. The tricky bit is knowing just how much hope of success you need to sustain you through what can be a very gruelling experience, and that is a personal decision.
cat you have made it to the magic 12 weeks, you have seen your baby. At this stage bump size means nowt. I am 16 weeks today, and mine completely disappears at times. Chances are so in your favour now. Big big good lucK xx

Agreed Belle! It's not like a switch that just flicks at 40. Lots of women have children at an older age now, that has to keep us all going :)

Thanks for the good luck message too. Relieved to know your bump comes and goes a bit as mine does that and I was freaked out by it haha! X

Also Cat. I wouldn't worry about feeling like your bump hasn't got bigger. With dd I definitely had weeks where it seemed to pop a bit then weeks when it didn't change. its hard to notice a change when you're looking at it every day, so try not to worry x

counting glad you're feeling a bit better, well done for taking the decision to look after yourself and take some time off.

ourday I was told no aspirin even though I do have a diagnosed clotting disorder due to the general u-turn following the recent research - which was pretty inconclusive rather than hard evidence it caused problems in my opinion (but then the other consultant we saw at the same hospital said I could try it which shows there is no right answer).
I can't believe the hideous behaviour of the nurse in EPU. Fingers crossed she won't be on shift when you go back for the scan. I don't have any advice on the 6 week or wait for 7 week scan. I was thinking exactly the same but went for the 6 week one anyway and got clear bad news, which I thought at the time was better than waiting another week before finding out. Even if it had been the correct size but no hb and told it might be fine, I would have spent the same time up to the 7 week scan worrying. Does that make sense? An earlier scan might not be conclusive, but I'd have been worried anyway, and there's every chance an early scan might bring good news, so on balance I thought it was a good idea.

sun so sorry you're on here, but you've come to the right place for great advice and support. Probably a lot more than you'll get from the nhs!

brummie I agree with sun on the age and eggs thing. I've been ttc #1 for 3 years so know plenty of other women with fertility problems. The women with low egg reserve due to age are releasing far fewer eggs and therefore struggling to get pg at all, not releasing lots of dodgy ones, iyswim. If you've managed to get pg relatively quickly* three times it's likely you're still churning out plenty of eggs.
*I appreciate everyone has a different concept of 'quickly' but I've been pg twice in the last three years and only with fertility treatment, so anything below 18 months to get pg is speedy in my book!
This is purely anecdotal, unqualified opinion, obviously!

I did manage to get a referral to the rmc after just two mc, but that was because I argued my chances were running out and I couldn't afford to waste any - I've never had a natural pregnancy so am relying on fertility treatment working again against the low odds.

cat it's normal to worry and I'm not going to tell you not to, but try and focus on the positive. The odds are now overwhelmingly in your favour. Good luck for tomorrow

Thanks, march, and what numpties- I'd like to see the miscarriage that wasn't pregnancy related!

Oh, cat what a wretched day. I'm so sorry you had such a horrible time. My all time low was due to some mind-blowing insensitivity at work. I sobbed from Paddington station to my house (3 hours away), DH had to scrape me off the doorstep at 10pm. I truly feel for you. I'm really pleased you could leave (flexi rocks). Huge hugs my dear. All the very very best for tomorrow. Xxx

Hi all, gosh what a quick thread! I feel like I've missed miles of stuff. Welcome new chaps, and sorry you find yourselves here (although here is a pretty ace thread with some exceptional women on it!)

Thank you for asking AndCounting, first day went well. My brain is all over the place with trying to compute doing one job on one day, then a different job the next, but I'm sure I'll get into the swing of things (crosses fingers).

I can't remember who it was that said about the EPU nurse, but GRR! That makes me so CROSS! Honestly, part of their job surely is to reassure and not create even more anxiety and stress.

cat will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Thanks, longest and barking.
justone I'm going to browse your blog now

Gah, have a word with me please. I can't get enough salad at the moment but dh has just googled lettuce and reckons its got loads of vit A in it. I wash it so I think that's ok. Sane to bonkers in one swift Google!

I don't mean I think that washing it gets rid of the vits, just that I know the other issue with salad is that you need to wash it.

just I have never heard that lettuce is a significant source for Vitamin A! Did your DH mix it up with Vitamin K, by any chance?

From what I remember, salad was never on the list of things to watch when pg - I'm really not an expert, but I think you are safe with the stuff regarding Vit A. I would go as far as saying it's good for you .

Thank you all so much for being kind, feeling much better now that I'm home and in my PJs.

Oh Counting that sounds like it was a terrible day, I think work can be the worst place for it as there's no way out.

Just I'm quite sure lettuce is nothing but good for you and the baby, I've never heard that salad should be limited during pregnancy. Maybe ask your MW next time you see her?

XxX

Thanks, catlover, it was months ago now though. Pleased you are home and resting. X

Good work Flen, well done for taking the plunge.