Am I going to have another miscarriage?

[foundintranslation]

Had a positive pg test - faintish line but clear enough and not really faint - last Friday when I was about 3 days late. By my reckoning I must be about 5 + 3 now. Went to the gyn today to have the pg confirmed. They did a test which I didn't see, then a transvaginal scan (usual over here). The gyn said he could see a sac but not that he could see anything in it (it wasn't the best quality image but I could see the sac couldn't see anything in it either) and took blood to check the hCG levels - the results of that should be back on Monday afternoon. He said things to the effect that we need to keep cool and see what happens - not that he thought I might miscarry - but when I asked him directly he did indicate that things were behind what he might expect at this stage. As I was going out I asked the assistant who'd done the pg test what the result was and she said it was a 'really faint' positive. When I got home I did the other test in the pack and the line was exactly the same strength as a week ago - not really faint but not strong either. I have to admit I have a not very positive feeling . I don't have pg 'symptoms', apart from an increased need to go to the loo since yesterday, but I didn't in my last, successful pg either. Am I going to have another mc (I had one, also at about 5/6 weeks, before ds)? After my last pg was successful I really wasn't expecting this to repeat itself and am having a really hard time right now. Has anyone got any stories of similar things happening and everything being OK? I'm feeling guilty too - when I did the test last week it was a bit of a shock and at first I did wish I wasn't pg - but that all changed over the weekend and I realised I was really, really looking forward to this baby. Can't help thinking it was something I did
Would appreciate any advice or just a listening ear!

No, not too harsh, I'm afraid. The gyn actually said, oh don't think about the blood test, labs can get things wrong. So why'd he do it then?! (especially as he doesn't intend to repeat it in a few days!)

oh god, fit, if it's offered it is so hard to say no, though.
last time I got scanned too early (less than 6 weeks, but I was bleeding) and the consultant booked my next appointment for 2 and a half weeks after that. It was so hard to wait, but it was the right thing to do. I couldn't have waited that long unless someone had told me to. the other times I was at the EPU 2/3 times a week. very wearing.

You're right harpsi and em. This swanky state-of-the-art German healthcare is a blessing, but sometimes a pretty mixed one.

Feeling bizarrely optimistic this morning - which I find hard as my usual tactic is to prepare for the worst. Also have a pretty strong feeling telling me not to ring for the blood result on Mon - he's not going to do another one, so what's the point? -, but just to go to the scan on Fri. What's that about? An 'all will be OK' feeling or denial?
Sounds really, really stupid and trivial, but I've got students' oral presentations and a written exam to mark over the next couple of weeks and am thinking if I miscarry I'm going to have to find some other way of dealing with that so they get their assessments - which will mean doing the work at another time - but everything's planned so tightly there isn't this other time. I need my time off in Aug and I have to have it anyway as I need to have ds so dh can get some work done. There's so much pressure atm. I taught for at least half a session on Weds unable to see much because of flickering vision but there was just no time to stop the class. I don't know why I bother, seeing as they're not renewing my contract (it's not personal to me - it's the system - if they renewed my contract now I would be there long enough to have a right to a permanent position and they don't like giving people permanent positions). Well, I do know why I bother - I've got to be good, so I can help to support us in the future. I was really looking forward to (hopefully) being able to stop work for a year or so with this baby
I suppose I'm also thinking, in the back of my mind, whether another mc means something is wrong with me? I'm quite 'extreme' in my reactions to stuff sometimes. I spent the first half of my pg with ds in absolute dread of it all going wrong any day. But now I've had him and that was all fine I suppose I almost thought mc 'couldn't' happen to me again. And I'm still almost feeling that now. Wish I knew what was going on. Who thinks it would be stupid not to ring for the blood results?
Oh dear, this has turned into a bit of a rant.

If you don't want to go for the bloods, skip it and get a definite yay or nay on Friday with the cscan. Why not? Do as you need to, not as you are told.

Peachy, my thoughts exactly - that was what I came on here just now to say - that I'm not going to ring up tomorrow. One figure in isolation can't tell me very much ( found the link on the hCG and the range is really pretty huge), and even if it doesn't look good I won't be seen any sooner than Fri.

I'm doing well atm. I have definitely developed a 'feeling' the pregnancy is OK - I can't explain it and it's incredibly unlike me, as I'm usually a doom-and-gloom type who needs to prepare for the worst. Denial? My way of getting through? No idea. I know it could still be bad news though , but at least it means I'm coping OK in the interim. OTOH I'm also having gloomy thoughts like 'hope I don't have to have a d&c' and wondering how long I'll have to wait before ttc again.
Thanks again everyone, more news when I have it.

hello FIT, just came on briefly to see if there was any news.
I think it is a good idea to wai if you can till Friday.
concentrate on the good thoughts. if a bad thought come along, try wrapping it up in a parcel in your mind, and throwing it in the skip if that makes any sense.
thinking of you
HC xx

Thankyou harpsi. It does make absolute sense (particularly as there is a skip atm outside a house across the road, so I can go past and throw the thoughts in there ).

Hi FIT
I hope you stayed away from that phone!
Thinking of you! XXX

FIT, only just seen this thread. Mixed feelings are totally normal and inevitable, and do NOT affect pregnancies, you know that . It must be really hard being anxious about this pregnancy with the previous miscarriage on your mind. You must be patient with yourself for a while - if it were a friend going through this, you would be kind and understanding of all their feelings, wouldn't you?

How are you today?

I'm thinking of you. xxx

Good luck FIl I hope everything goes ok :0
FWIw last week at my Ob/gynae appt due to a previous ectopic they said...
If you get pregnant again we will do a trans vag scan at 6 weeks to rule out ectopic, we leave it til then as it is unlikely to be able to detect a heartbeat or fetal pole before then.
Am keeping all thing crossable crossed for you xxxxxxxx

Morning all and thanks for replies.
Well, I'm bleeding, bright red blood (sorry tmi), and have slight pain. Expect it's all over, just waiting to ring the gyn back to see when I can be seen. Hoping now I won't need a d&c. Feel calm but 'cheated' somehow - so my feeling was wrong - and know I can't start talking about it really or I'll just dissolve. Am also asking myself the 'is there something wrong with me?' question - my second mc.
Thanks everyone for your support.

oh FIT I ama so so sorry to read this but it is still very early and don't lose all hope yet. I have had pain and bleeding and lost the baby but I have also had pain and bleeding and not lost the baby. try and hang on in there for a bit.
Two m/cs are very hard to take, I know, but not indicative of anything necessarily, especially with a successful pregnancy in between.
If your worst fears are confirmed, then you don't need to rush for a d&c, you can just have the situation expectantly managed.
Are you getting any support? is anyone looking after you?
thinking of you
HC xx

thanks harpsi.
Well, back from gyn and none the wiser. hCG from Fri was 300-odd and they've taken blood again - results tomorrow. There appears to be a sac on the US and something in it, and the gyn said we just can't tell yet what will happen. I've done another pg test - thought if I got a really faint line I'd at least know - but the line was exactly the same as the last 2 times again - after a few mins I thought it actually got a bit darker. I'm still losing some red blood. I'm at home now with dh and ds, off work and have to take it easy. I really don't want this shred of hope - so scared of it being dashed. (this is not against your lovely kind thoughts. harpsi - it's just my way of coping, I suppose). Wish if I'm going to mc the whole process would just hurry up.

I lost red blood for over a week with dd. A friend had what seemed like a colossal red bleed with her ds, who is now eight. It can and does happen that all could still be well, FIT. Am hoping for the best of outcomes for you XXX

Urk, misread you as "don't want to lose this shred of hope", sorry. Thinking of you just the same though XXX

Thanks Marina. It's just my way of coping, I suppose. I'm on new territory a bit here because, although I've had a mc before, it was a little earlier still ( 5 1/2 weeks-ish), extremely quick and straightforward - started bleeding and that was it, even the pg test was negative again. I haven't been through this limbo before. And I suppose I'm just in shock a bit - I naively felt having had a successful pg in the meantime was some kind of 'insurance' against it happening again, I suppose. And I don't do uncertainty well at all. I'm wondering again about this inexplicable feeling I had that things are OK. Oh dear, what a mess...

FIT I'm so sorry - habe alle Daumen gedrueckt dass doch noch alles gut wird!

danke dir em

Still bleeding steadily, not huge amounts, probably a bit less than a normal period. Very slight ache which comes and goes. Tired and sad, but still able to laugh at my gorgeous ds's exploits. Feel very very lucky and grateful to have him.

fit, have only just seen this thread Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Take care xx

I remember an ex client of mine who skipped her termination coz she was bleeding so heavily she was house bound- and has an extra child now.
So bleeding isn't everything. Indeed, my Mummy on her eighth PG missed being PG for 5 months coz she was having regular and V heavy periods. I mean, you'd think she'd know by that stage what it was like to be PG, wuldn't you? LOL

FIT you are having such a bumpy ride with this. I hope things work out well for you.

x

Thank you everyone.
If no change by tomorrow morning I think I'm going to go into work - it won't change the outcome (not a stressful journey, only a 10-minute walk) and will save me being deluged with emails and home phone calls from students about their presentations. Then I'll be home again by late morning when I can ring up about the bloods. Oh dear.

Really good luck FIT - I hope you are trying to relax. Let us know how you get on.
x

Thanks RR - yes, just having a glass of alcohol-free wine and taking my mind off things by MNing. It's a big relief to feel 'almost normal' for a bit.