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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

It's shit, isn't it?

49 replies

NoNoNoMYDoIt · 21/09/2013 20:04

That's it really.

Second time for me. Both times really early on (7 - 8 weeks).

Physically, I'm fine. Mentally - not so much.

OP posts:
vix206 · 21/09/2013 20:08

Yes it really is shit. Even more shit that it's happened twice to you - I'm so sorry.

HumphreyCobbler · 21/09/2013 20:10

It is shit. Unbelievably awful. I am sorry this has happened to you.

Hessy · 21/09/2013 20:13

It really is. Sending love x

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 21/09/2013 20:23

Thanks all.

At least this time the pain is fine. Last time was hideous. And I moved house on the day it happened, so I had no choice but to carry on; lift, shift and sort.

OP posts:
mikkii · 21/09/2013 20:28

I know this is really hard.

I comforted myself with the saying that it usually happens because something is wrong with the baby.

In my case, I had a MMC followed by a private ERPC. Unbeknown to me, it was the surgeon's normal procedure to test the products. In fact, the tests showed that the baby had a chromosomal disorder that was incompatible with life. I comforted myself with this, an early miscarriage being better than a late one or a still birth.

I'm sorry if this seems morbid, but it was a comfort to me.

I hope you can reconcile yourself to what has happened.

pleasestophidingskinnygirl · 21/09/2013 20:33

Absolutely the shittest thing ever, hugs from me

Liskey · 21/09/2013 20:35

Sorry your going through this. I had a second mc 6 weeks ago and it was emotionally crap (physically not so bad as the first time with mmc). Try to look after yourself and keep talking to your Dh/P as I struggled with that.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 21/09/2013 20:36

It really is. Sorry for your loss, remember to look after yourself right now.

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 21/09/2013 20:37

On neither of my mc's has there been anything for anyone to see. The first one I bled so heavily before I went in that it probably all went before they scanned me. This time, I had only just started bleeding but there was still nothing visible. And I haven't even really passed anything even now - lots of blood but no clots or anything that looks like anything. So god alone knows what is going on.

I have 2 kids already. They are 7 and 4. So it's not as bad as if I'd never had a baby. But just the feeling of utter helplessness - and the feeling that something must be very badly wrong for there to be nothing to see at 7 weeks... it's shit.

OP posts:
Bakingtins · 21/09/2013 20:37

It is. Flowers

Bakingtins · 21/09/2013 20:39

No 2 particularly shit as it's very hard to convince yourself it is bad luck but still nobody takes you seriously as a person with a problem Sad

HarkAtYou · 21/09/2013 20:43

It is shit! I've had 2 mcs and am pregnant again, early scans look good this time. Please don't lose hope

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 21/09/2013 20:44

I'm very sure there is a problem. I am quite old (41). I'm sure that's what it is. But it's still shit.

OP posts:
Forester · 21/09/2013 21:19

I'm very sorry for you NoNo. I had my second MC a week ago so can certainly sympathise. The only "positive" (and I use this in the very loosest way) is that you are miscarrying naturally. Both mine were MMC and the experiences of both those scans haunt me. The first because I didn't even know there was such a thing as a MMC so had been happily looking at the picture of the baby until the women completed her measurements and turned to me and said "I'm so sorry". The second because unfortunately for me my pregnancy symptons had continued (MS, growing tummy etc) so by the time I reached the 12 week scan my fear of a MMC had receded (though replaced with other fears) - only to be told that the baby had died at about 7 weeks.

I hope you can make some time for yourself without the kids to get your head around what has happened. I'm currently alternating between being completely fixated on my MMC (hence my regular visits to this section of Mumsnet) to distraction (I can recommend the film Rush).

lighthousesea · 21/09/2013 21:23

It's really rubbish once, poor you having to go through it again. Sending love and prayers

Bakingtins · 21/09/2013 21:23

Lots of advice and support on the recurrent miscarriage thread on this board if you want to come over and discuss tests. We don't apply the criteria as strictly as the NHS do - all welcome.

northender · 21/09/2013 21:35

sil found out today that their 3rd attempt at IVF has failed Sad. I can only imagine what they and you are going through. Feel very sad tonight. Take good care of yourselves x

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 21/09/2013 22:24

I just wish I knew that there was something actually happening - that there had been something visible either time. This time the sonographer thought there was nothing at all. My womb lining wasn't even very thick. but it had been 3 weeks and 2 days since I had done my positive test and I had MS and breast tenderness and had had to buy new bras because my boobs had grown so much. So clearly the hormones had done something - but where was the product of conception?

No idea if any testing is even possible. No one saw a sac or anything either time.

I just need to grieve and get on with life I guess.

It's just shit. And I'm sorry there are so many of us in the same boat.

OP posts:
PeppiNephrine · 21/09/2013 22:26

yep. 3 times for me. Got to 12 weeks last time and had had a scan with heartbeat so thought that one would stick.
You just keep on going and it does get easier.

Crownjewel · 21/09/2013 22:30

Yes it certainly is shit Thanks I'm so sorry to hear that OP. Thinking of you xxx

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 22/09/2013 08:23

It's heartbreaking, and must be so much worse for those of you who have had even more m/cs or those who have no kids at all.

My kids are with their dad for the weekend (we are divorced), so it feels worse because I have no-one to distract me and I miss them so much. I get them back later and the house will be full of noise and fighting (!) and I won't have time to dwell on my sadness. And that's why I think it must be a whole lot worse for those of you who haven't got kids.

OP posts:
WibWoo · 22/09/2013 09:19

So shit. I am amazed at just how painful and long lasting the fallout is. I'm so sorry you are going through this a second time.

Purplefrogshoe · 22/09/2013 13:21

Yep i agree its shit, hugs

nearlyreadytopop · 22/09/2013 16:57

I agree. totally shit. Thanks Wine

Tomkat79 · 22/09/2013 20:42

So sorry OP, agree, bloody shit.

I actually kept my DS off school for a week with me as the silence in the house when he wasn't around was unbearable.

Xx