Recurrent Miscarriage Testing, trials and tribulations...Part 7!

[squizita]

Hi all, carrying on from part 6. All kinicker-checkers, blood-testers, clinic-attenders and finger-crossers welcome. Nothing but love and crossed fingers...

(((Picardy))) sorry you are having a tough day. It must be getting to the point for all of us where there is always an anniversary or EDDround the corner. It's rubbish to be a year on and no further forward.

June - I thought oestrogen dropped v rapidly once you'd ovulated. Should there be any significant amount around by day 21?

Saw a friend at swimming today who has a daughter same age as my DS2. She announced her second pregnancy as we started trying for no 3, that baby is now 18m and she's due again in October (due date of MC3). I like her and everything, but how is it fair that she's managed 2 babies in the time we've been trying for one? She's my age as well, not a 20 yr old popping them out.

Bakingtins, I feel like this about a few friends, almost thinking they are greedy or something :/ Some people have all the luck. I just can't help but cry it's not fair, I'm a good Mum, a good person but this keeps happening. there is no rhyme or reason to it. If there was certain wouldn't be having babies......sorry to go there, I'm bitter.

Ignore my typo's....

Hugs to all. And thank you.

Baking, encounters like that are so hard.

I'd find it hard if people around me were going on to their third pregnancy, before I'd even managed a second. Even though I don't want a third child

Yeah it's so difficult. Especially when you know it's irrational to be bitter about someone doing exactly what we would be choosing to do if our medical woes were sorted out, and they're nice women.

What makes me feel utterly crushed is awful parents who have LOADS of kids. Seriously sometimes I meet them at work and the openly don't even like their own kids. :( Yet they have 6 for want of a condom and here I am having blood tests and goodness knows what. I wouldn't even describe it as jealousy it's a very weird feeling: I feel angry and SO sorry for those kids thinking if they had been born to a woman who has had to fight for it (whether MC or IVF or whatever), or even a really fertile but loving woman, that would be fairer for everyone involved. Hell, the miserable uncaring mum would probably prefer it too. But it's like an unfairness lottery where everyone seems to lose.

I agree, Squiz. There are a few families with hordes of uncared for kids at my son's school. The woman I mentioned isn't like that at all, and has no idea we've been trying and failing, she was just getting me up to speed with her news. She'd be mortified if she realised how much the news could hurt. I suppose it just brings it home how much other families have moved on in the time we've been trying.
I'm actually at a point where I've started looking again at adoption. We considered fostering a while ago (before deciding to try for no 3) and ended up rejecting the idea as I didn't want to entirely give up work to do it, and I think I'd really struggle to see kids passed around, and also worried about the impact on my own family of transient children. Foster parents seem to be a pawn in the system and not always able to advocate for the best outcome for the children. The irony is whilst we are seeking help for miscarriage and for about 6 months afterwards we wouldn't even be considered as potential adopters, so if we decided to go down that route we'd be giving up on my last possible fertile years and with no guarantee we'd be accepted.
We need to wait and see what our RMC appt brings and then make big decisions.

How is everyone?
I've been to the GP today, so he filled out a referral form for Mr Shehata (as I have autoimmune condition I heard he is good), and agreed to book me in for various tests as recommended by Bakingtins e.g. TORCH swab and various blood tests. Also getting smear and Vit D, Vit B12 and folic acid checked.

I have a question please. I started to bleed a few days after ERPC, but it stopped at the beginning of this week. Now I see fresh red blood again. I'm sure they told me at the day surgery that if bleeding started again I should take action. But I can't remember...
Does anyone know (Dr Google hasn't helped so far!).

Hi Donttry. That's so good that you're doctors being helpful. It must feel like you're at least doing something positive now.

I had the same thing after my last erpc. I rang the hospital and they basically said that as long as the bleeding was super heavy and there were no other signs of infection it was fine. They checked back on me 3 days later and it had died down again. Hope that helps. As long as its not excessive and there's no pain/bad smell etc should be ok.

Sorry I've not been on here as much recently. Been feeling pretty awful and doesn't seem appropriate to moan here. Been very nauseous all week and also did my back in so was in agony and could barely move. Back much better now but still feel sick. Had bad sickness with my 2nd mc so can't even get excited about this but I know how jealous I was 2 months ago of a friend with morning sickness so don't want to go on about it here!!

Other than that I'm just obsessing about no hb at next scan. Even dreaming about it.

I totally agree how frustrating it is when other people seem to pop babies out without a fuss. I just hope we can all look back at this rubbish time one day and feel that there was some purpose to it all. After my first mc I rationalised it once I'd had DD by thinking that without the mc I wouldn't have DD. it also made me much more grateful and appreciative of all the good things. However that all gets much harder to do after 3 mc. Now I just think I've learnt all my lessons, its made me stronger, I just want some good luck now!!!

Sorry I obviously meant to say as long as the bleeding wasnt super heavy

My GP has told me that the day 21 tests, test for progesterone and E2 (oestrogen). So we shall see. I have a note book that I am writing questions in for the specialist. Knowledge is power!!

I spoke with my GP yesterday as the bleeding had stopped but out of nowhere just started again, dripping from me with clots. I am still having bad cramps and my backache is awful. He is concerned about retained products so has told me to go to the EPAU on Monday if I am still in pain or bleeding. I said I was testing negative but apparently that doesn't mean anything, apparently you can still get pregnant with retained products but you'll miscarry.....which made me think more about my losses as I was never scanned with my first two losses. Wish he didn't say that. He said women can test negative and go months with no symptoms of retained products. Also, he said all this when I mentioned the mid cycle bleeding. Since my first miscarriage I have had my period, then a few days later I bleed for around 5 days with my fertile cm. And my ovulation pain is a lot worse, like really bad and it lasts for days up to a week. This isn't normal?

Anyway, I'm completely waffling now. I hope you are all well today ladies :) xx

Donttry, I would get checked out hun, best to be safe.

tea, when is your next scan? I can imagine it is very stressful, all that worry right now. the not knowing is just horrible.

Thanks tea and june. I think they should scan you after a mc/ERPC routinely to make sure there's nothing retained! Is it possible to demand one? It's a pain that its the weekend and I said I'd be back in work on Monday. I guess if still bleeding then I should ring GP/EPU.

Tea, it's not inappropriate at all to be on here moaning about pregnancy symptoms. Please don't feel you have to hold back. I was moaning about my symptoms in the last pregnancy, even though I was very glad to have them after the last two mcs, the fact is pregnancy symptoms can just be awful and wipe you out. The only good thing about not being pregnant now is how energetic and non bloated I feel, well relatively speaking.

June - are you getting the day 2 tests as well? I am , although can't remember exactly what they are for (are LH and FSH). Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Come to think of it I did have a terrible cramp last night for a while too, but short lived. Is horrible. Interesting you can test negative with retained products - so surprising!

Donttrythis yep see your doc. I've been scanned and tested to kingdom come, due to the partial mole. Nothing seen (by several 'national experts', so confident they knew their job). Bleeding last week - suddenly some placenta-ish clots what was very clearly a tiny part of a sac popped out in the work toilets ( in the club no one wants to join, you know what 'products' look like as well as a gynie doc). It must have been lying there ever so flat in between my normal endometrial lining and been missed, and was slowing my HCG fall. Thankfully no infection - and once it shifted my HCG had another sudden fall (340 Mon 3rd, bled from Tues, 265 Friday 7th, 108 Weds 12th) so I guess that bit of was causing the lag.

Heavy bleeding and infection are dangerous and might warrant medical intervention BUT in my case, the bleeding was my body flushing out a little bit the ERPC missed I think - and thankfully pushing those pesky bloods back towards the safe amount. Hope yours is as simple but definitely go see someone for peace of mind.

PS. I whooped down the phone when I heard 108. I was like "180, 118, 108?" and she was like "ONE O EIGHT" and I went "woop woop!" C'mon little uterus, you can do it!! Keep chugging away! We need you normal by August so Prof Regan can check you out.

at you whooping at a HCG level (particularly a low one) but good news all the same!

108, yay! Pleased for you Squiz :)

Hi great news about your scan tea! Fingers crossed for the next one it must have been great to see a little heartbeat :)

Junebug since my last mc I have had mid cycle bleeding every month around ovulation last month it lasted for 5 days then when I got actual af if that's what I can call it it was really light almost just like spotting. I'm waiting to see if it happens this month if it does I'm going to get checked have a smear or an examination just to put my mind at rest but it's more than likely hormonal. Because I often spot before af I've demanded a progesterone test they tried to fob me off but I persisted, I used cb digi ov tests last month but didn't get a positive so I'm trying again this month so I can time the blood test. Seems so strange to be using ov tests and condoms at the same time! Def get it checked. though doesn't harm to rule another thing out.

Sending love to everyone else hope you are all doing ok x

Hoping everyone is well, I'm sorry for the radio silence over the past few days. I am feeling good but we've now got bigger fish to fry: DH was diagnosed with squamous cell cancer of the neck and tonsils. It's stunningly unfair news and I'm mot coping with it. Surgery is scheduled for early July and we have a load of appointments between now and then. His health comes first and that will have to be the primary focus. But I wonder if we can continue to try? I don't know, it feels like such a small thing, an unimportant thing. But it's what we both wanted so I wonder if it could be a positive thing to focus on while dealing with the cancer ? Suppose we'll have to see what the docs say.

God latebloomer so sorry about your dh that's awful :( deciding wether to try is a big decision to make but only you know what is right, I think you probably have to decide how you will cope if you are pregnant while he is. going through all of that, on the other hand would you be able to deal with not ttc for potentially quite a while it's so hard when you want something so badly. So sorry that you have all of these awful things going on at the same time. Thinking of you and your dh x

LB I'm so sorry to hear about your DH. It is quite stunningly unfair that you should have to deal with his illness on top of everything else. I think you should talk to his doctors about whether this affects you TTC from a physical point of view (is he likely to need any chemo? do you need to be thinking about banking some sperm?) and to each other about how it's going to affect you emotionally. What is the likely timescale for him having treatment? Could you cope with a stressful pregnancy or (god forbid) another miscarriage whilst he is also going through so much?
I'm just so sorry, you shouldn't have to be making those sorts of decisions. Hope you are both getting lots of support IRL.

Latebloomer How awful for you. :( With regards to trying again - if you feel it is best - a friend of ours had Hodgkins Lymphoma (conceived pre-chemo and banked sperm) and he has 2 kids now. So have a discussion with the doc about it, however as Baking mentions, it might be very stressful if you both ended up needing treatment at the same time when you were pregnant. Perhaps they have a counsellor who can advise?

Oh Latebloomer I'm so sorry to hear that. You poor thing. It never rains but it pours does it...I hope you and your DH are doing ok. How is he feeling? What have the doctors said re treatment and time frames?

I agree with what everyone else has said about trying again. Maybe take some time to gather information from the professionals and then you & DH work through every possible scenario and see how you would feel in each situation. I know you've said before that you're age is a factor and so you feel the pressure to get on with it. In a way age is a positive factor in rmc as the chances of random chromosomal abnormalities increases with age. So hopefully you have just been unlucky and a 'good egg' will soon stick. However as everyone else said you have to be prepared for it to go wrong again. But maybe having bigger fish to fry will help you deal with the thought of another mc?

In general I always think you may regret not trying more than you'll regret trying. However last year I physically couldn't have kept trying without a break/tests and was getting physical symptoms of stress as a result.

Good luck with everything. Keep chatting to us and let us know how you both get on.

Latebloomer, what a shock! I am so sorry to hear about this. I can't really add anything to the advice you've been given. How is he feeling? I don't think you shlould feel bad about still thinking of TTC. Of course your Dh's health is paramount, but definitely see what the doctor says about TTC. I'd be surprised if the doctor didn't raise it anyway. Good luck with the a
Appointments and don't be afraid to say anything at all you want on here. X

Hi everyone. This is my first post and I was hoping for some advice. I have been reading this thread since finding out about my missed miscarriage three weeks ago and it has helped enormously. I had an early scan at 8 wks as a 'treat' bc I had been so sick with morning sickness and fainting so my husband and I thought it would give me a boost to see a little heartbeat. Given the HCG levels at a recent blood test (> 150,000) and my sickness I didn't really entertain the idea there could be a problem. Sadly my baby measured a few weeks early and had no hb. I was sure of dates but was in denial given the strength of the preg symptoms so waited almost a week to have another scan which showed no further growth and no heartbeat. I ended up having a D & C the day after.
It has been ten days since the surgery. I feel very very sad in bursts but am back doing everything I was before. Night times are the hardest and I often cry when i get in to bed and feel better for it.

That ended up being a long introduction to my actual question, sorry. I was hoping for some advice on conceiving after a miscarriage. Please excuse the ignorance I will show on some of the questions below!
I have had all the signs of ovulation today and this is the normal time for me (about 10 days after period).
I feel really conflicted about whether or not to try again now or wait (or whether its even possible to fall pregnant now?). I conceived the first month of trying with my DS 2.5yrs and again this last pregnancy so don't want to just 'see what happens' if the risks of miscarriage are higher (is it an established fact that the the uterus lining needs more time to reestablish?) or if there are associated health risks eg risk of infection. Also, if my hcg was so high 10 days ago it must still be in the process of coming down- does that influence your ability to get pregnant? I can't get in to see my obstetrician until Thursday for a follow up by which time it will be too late this cycle.

My major concern is that my period may be v delayed meaning I don't ovulate for months so I should take this opportunity. The miscarriage has shown us more than ever how much we want another baby.

I feel like I'm realistic about the emotional roller coaster that I'm likely to experience next pregnancy and feel like a few months won't make much difference for me. Obviously it is very early days and I could be very wrong about that. Physically I feel fine now. I stopped bleeding after a week and don't have anymore cramping.

I would really appreciate hearing about others' experience/ info/ opinions on trying this soon after a miscarriage. Thank you so much for even reading what had turned out to be a v long post.