Recurrent Miscarriage Testing, trials and tribulations...Part 7!

[squizita]

Hi all, carrying on from part 6. All kinicker-checkers, blood-testers, clinic-attenders and finger-crossers welcome. Nothing but love and crossed fingers...

I've just seen Latebloomers post. My long post all about my own troubles seems highly inappropriate. I'm really sorry for everything you are going for. I should have posted on the main page rather than interrupt this discussion. Apols and best wishes.

Wibwoo no need to apologise! Questions about trying again are basically what we are all about here - so ask away!

In terms of trying again, the usual advice is try after your period, but this is to help with dating. Fertility-wise, once you're ovulating, you're ready.

However, a couple of things to consider are your emotions and your general health. Miscarriage can really knock you back - I had 3 in 7 months - so take time to heal.

I notice you had hcg of 150,000 - I would also request blood tests to ensure you are down to zero BEFORE TTC. This is due to a very rare condition called partial molar (which I have) where you have to be monitored and treated for 6 months. It is VERY rare but a simple blood test 2 weeks after will tell you.

If it is a normal MC, your period could happen 3-6 weeks after, but your cycle may be uneven for a while, or longer/shorter. However in the majority of cases you'll be ovulating just fine. You can buy ovulation tests off amazon (cheaper than boots!) And I found these helped reassure me I was ovulating. Hope that helps.

Latebloomer, goodness, what hard news - am so very sorry for you and your dh going through this. Don't feel bad about thinking about continuing to try - all that doesn't go away because you have this other fight on your hands too. I've no practical advice but I hope the drs will. Be kind to yourself.

squiz, great progress! Am waving pompoms for squizwomb

Hello Wibwoo, and sorry for your mc. I think there's a post of mine further up about trying again. I have had 5 mcs and each time our decision about when to try again has been different according to circumstances and how we/I felt at the time. Physically there is no reason not to unless you have had a molar - but with hCG as high as that I would definitely want to know that to be properly ruled out in your case, as squiz says from her experience.

Latebloomer, gosh hun that is such bad news. I am so sorry for you and your husband, as if you didn't already have a bad time already :( I really hope he will be OK. I asked my hubby what he'd want if we were in this situation and he said to carry on trying, don't feel bad. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Wibwoo, so sorry for your loss. I have had three miscarriages in 6 months but we waited each time to try again. One period between the 1st and 2nd and two between the 2nd and 3rd. Once your HCG is back to below 5 you are good to go again, so if you feel ready right away go for it. There is no medical reason why you can't, unless like the others said and it was a molar pregnancy. But if it isn't you can try again when you feel ready. But again as the others have said, get your levels done again to check they are coming down at a good rate.

Wibwoo, so sorry to hear about your loss. I've never had my hcg levels checked, so I'm not much help to you. I'm not going to wait for my first period before trying, but maybe if the preg test is still positive then I will.

I went and got a blood test at St Thomas in London today for thyroid antibodies. It's a study squiz told me about. I noticed some blood in what looks like the start of my fertile mucus and had a bit of cramping. Luckily my appointment was in the EPU there, so they took a swab for infection and booked me for a scan tomorrow (I work in London 3 days a week). God they were soooo nice and professional there compared to my local hospital. The nurse even gave me a pillow for my arm while she took the blood test. They didn't even debate the need for a scan or a swab - just totally helpful!

Went back to work today for the first time. Was a bit sad thinking the last time I was pregnant and hopeful. Mind you I feel so energetic now and healthy and non-bloated compared to when I had pregnancy symptoms so every cloud....

How is everyone?

Wibwoo i dont think it makes any difference to be honest i had 2 mcs in a year then due to personal circumstances decided to stop trying waited 6 years had another mc had 1 cycle fell again and am now 21 weeks so if you are ready emotionally i wouldnt waste any time good luck xx

Hi everyone, just checking in. I'm going to the zoo today with friend 1 who is being persistently lovely and making sure I'm not moping. She has just sold her house and is moving out of the area. I'm sure we will remain friends but at the moment we see each other a lot and fairly casually, I am really going to miss her. I feel very torn between being pleased for her as they've been trying to make this happen for ages and being upset for me.
friend 2 did get back in touch to say thanks for her birthday gift and ask how I was, and was pretty upset when I told her what had happened over the last few weeks. I'm seeing her next week, we'll see how that goes.
My DH is really upset this time. He hasn't really said it's because of the MC but he seems really depressed. He was v surprised that I didn't want to try again straight away this time. I think he may be more keen to carry on trying than I am, which could be another spanner in the works. We have a lot of talking to do
Sorry, that turned into a "all about me" post. How is everyone else?

Much love to all - thinking of you, baking and donttrythis.

Baking, that sounds tough with your dh. It's a little the other way round with us. Dh could take or leave a third child - that sounds very callous; what I mean is of course he would be thrilled with a third, I know he would, but he wanted two and has them and doesn't feel the need/urge I do. He is happy to keep trying but finds it difficult to see me upset and has said now and again that he's not sure we should go on if it's going to upset me again and again. I found him reading an article online about vasectomy the other week . When I asked him whether he was thinking of getting one he said absolutely not - and he has always said in the past that he wouldn't have one, even if we decided we were finished - but it did make me think a bit, iyswim.

I am myself beginning to consider the possibility of not actively trying again. I'm nowhere near ready yet to take that step - and in the meantime we are continuing trying, just going into my presumably fertile time now - but the thought is ripening away, I think. Not sure what conclusion this will lead me to

baking sorry to hear your friend is moving. My 2 most empathetic friends (one has had a child after post-cancer infertility and another had numerous pregnancy complications so gets the anxiety etc') both live far away, although they are great at phoning and FB messaging support. Glad to hear the other friend has got in touch too - hope the meeting clears the air.

The DH thing is very tough. It's tough on them because there's so little control (even less than we have and we have hardly anything!) over the situation. My DH was also desperate for a baby. The first 2 losses he was like "try again! POAS" but this third one, with the fact we CAN'T has changed it. Weirdly, although a massive, massive disappointment to him I think it's helped him evaluate the situation for what's best for everyone not just "I want a baby" (he is a very broody boy ).

Up until the recent complications, my DH wouldn't contemplate any un-treatable situation. Just wouldn't: not gonna happen, if you have something it's APS or Thyroid and treatable... no sperm/egg donors cause our karotypes WILL be OK, no adoption ever because the docs would find out what was wrong and fix it. Like this delicate "LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" optimism which made me feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - because I know there is a (small) chance it won't work naturally even with aspirin or whatever. It caused a lot of pressure and upset - I felt he had no idea what it might be like to go through this again and again in blind faith- and that giving up would let everyone down, and sapped my hope that if the worst (medically) happened he would refuse other options and we'd never have any family. Sadly I think it took the 3rd loss's 'complexities' shall we say to make him a bit more realistic (not that I'm saying I won't try again, but I mean to get him to contemplate a plan B). For the first time he's said if we get to 40 without success we'll 'consider' adopting and joked about passing the medical with his beer belly (which he is actually dieting to get rid of! He was comfort eating when he was 'being optimistic' but depressed at the same time). It feels awful that him accepting such a sad possibility makes things better and I was worried this dent in his 'optimism' would make him depressed, but to he honest, it seems to have perked him up. Almost like he's accepted the fear and is dealing with it - and it's made me feel 100% better. I know now he will understand if they say 'sorry you can't have kids naturally' and he said to me the other day "I used to want a baby me, now I want a family for us". It's made me more positive for trying again, too. With fewer 'what ifs', I can just concentrate on the health/testing side and see that 70% chance as something we're both realistically aiming for. I used to fear a childless, bitter split aged 45 or 30 more years of a disappointed, brittly optimistic husband because he'd never explored every option (irrationally) but now that pressure is gone.

Just seen something on The Miscarriage Association forums that has knocked me for six. I don't think the poster realised but... now I keep thinking "is that what people think of me? That I would be dumb enough to drink alcohol? Just feel awful now. Went to the toilets and cried, think people must think I'm a bad person now. :(

Part of the tragic irony if miscarriage is how hard in real medical terms it is to scupper a pregnancy through lifestyle. Of course health (no booze, good food, cleanliness) during pregnancy must be promoted but at the same time I can't help worrying (some) people might assume fault in mothers. I mean we've all seen stupid comments about stress... and I read on another forum a mum who had convinced herself, thanks to a careless comment, that her child's disability was caused by having clingfilm in her kitchen. :(

...drink alcohol when pregnant I mean. Which I did not! I would never! At the moment I am not allowed to TTC for several months, so a Friday glass of wine is allowed.

Oh, squiz

I have never yet had anyone assume I caused it in any way, though I have had the lectures on stress (FFS). I'm as sure as I can be that people don't think that, in general, and that the person cited on the forum was a particular exemplar of insensitivity or stupidity or both combined. And yyy to what you say about causing mc through lifestyle.

After mc no. 4 I tortured myself as I had eaten some grilled goat's chesse in the very early days - grilled so it was properly heated through but I was terrified in case it was listeriosis. And I worried after this pregnancy because I had still scooped the cat litter, although our cats are purely indoor and only eat commercial cat food, i.e. are at almost zero risk for toxo, and I have always been extremely careful re hand hygiene. I think worries and self-blame are part of the whole horrible package we get landed with. And I honestly believe blame from elsewhere is vanishingly rare. Please don't let it upset you. x

Thanks, to be fair this person simply posted something along the lines of 'a survey shows booze causes pregnancy problems- I have decided to tell you recurrent miscarriers all in the hope it saves a baby' ... to me that suggests there are folk out there thinking I'm that thick.

I had some daft comments (make up, hair dye... because we all know looking mainstream means you've a better womb?!) but it really upset me.

Hormones I think. Heyyy maybe my hormones have fallen far enough for it to be PMT??

I hope they were told where to go! I'd be incandescent with rage if anyone dared to imply I'd caused any of the miscarriages.
You're both right about how hard it is to actually cause a miscarriage by doing everything wrong (exhibit A, all the women smoking outside school with their massive bumps). I think all the healthy living and vitamin supplements in the world can only tip the balance every so slightly in your favour.
I've decided I'm going to do the C25K running programme over the summer to get fit and do something positive whilst we consider our options. I bought some frighteningly expensive running shoes today from a very bossy man who told me which ones he'd allow me to purchase so we'll see how it goes.

Squiz what a stupid comment - on the Miscarriage association Forum FFS?!!! Some people just have a staggering lack of awareness. I had to grin at your comment about your reaction being due to PMT. Every cloud....
That was a very touching post about your DH. I just want to give him (and you) a very large hug. I never really think of the effects of this on the men. My DH while empathetic to me is just not great at expressing himself emotionally, although he is trying.

Baking, glad to hear about your friend being back in touch. It's hard that your friend is moving away. I don't have any close friends nearby, in fact not even in the country, and I feel the lack strongly at the moment. I've been in touch with one of my friends back home who has had rmcs (now 12 weeks preg yahoo) which really helped.

Picardy - it is sad to be considering the unthinkable isn't it? I have the faintest glimmer of similar thoughts now. It's occuring to me to stop trying as I'm 40 and I am fearful of the quality of my eggs to be honest.

I had a scan today and have retained tissue. Am happy to have discovered this, but what a pain. It's only a tiny amount so have been advised to "see what happens" for a week, and then do a pregnancy test. I told then I am really keen to start trying again but they said I won't ovulate until I get a negative pregnancy test anyway. And that medical management might not be successful at removing the tissue anyway. I'm frustrated as I was sure I was ovulating and wanted to get cracking.

Anyone have retained tissue after a ERPC before?

Donttrythis I don't know if mine is the same but I had a tiny bit of retained tissue, which did not show on scans (I think it was lying flat and the same thickness as the lining). When it shifted (it just bled), my HCG went down by 150+ in a few days whereas it had been stuck! And as my HCg is sticky for other reasons yours might go down even faster. Hopefully. Before that, I had almost daily comes-and-goes mild pain one side or the other and sore boobs - this is much less so now.

As for the comment... I feel a bit of an overreacter now! This is a relative of a lady who MCed, I guess some people search for reasons and if it's not them personally just don't realise that (A) if you're on that site and pregnant you've been through it already and the only cocktails you're on are ones aspirin and vitamins and (B) that 'reasons' need to be carefully handled to avoid victim blaming.

Hi all, please can I join you? I've started other threads and been advised by posters to pop over to here so here I am.

I'm feeling so low today. Just so lonely. I've had 4 mcs since dd (3), most recent one in April which was a mmc at 10 weeks and resulted in erpc. 7 weeks later I had the AF from hell and since then have dtd at approx the right time. I now find myself one day late (if my cycles have gone back to their normal 28 days). Planning to test tomorrow morning with fmu. Tested on Mon night but got bfn.

Have got an appt at St Marys RMC next month, but we took the decision to carry on trying in the meantime...

I am desperate to get pg again but so emotional about the potential rollercoaster again. One thing I find really tough is that sometimes I want to talk about the mcs but then I run the risk of stupid, unhelpful comments, so then I just never discuss it, which just makes me so very lonely and isolated - perhaps that's where this thread can help me?!

I just feel so out of touch with friends, and so lonely. We moved to a new area which isn't helping, I'd convinced myself that a fresh start would be good (I was finding it increasingly tough being around friends who have all had 2nd children) but now I'm not so sure it was the right decision. Grass is greener and all that.

Am also very unhappy at work, (although thankfully that situation should resolve itself at the end of this year - just got to find a way to get through the next few months) and finding my DD's behaviour very challenging at the moment. I am just so exhausted.

Rubbish!!!

Anyway, I needed to get that off my chest, hope that's ok!

Hi blimey. Your situations sounds very similar to mine. 1 daughter of 3, multiple mcs (3 in my case), recent ERPC after a mmc, isolated from friends, moving to new area, friends with second kids, dislike work, and desperate to e preg. In fact most people on this thread share some or all of those characteristics. Shit isn't it?

Hope you are pregnant, and welcome to the thread. There's lots of support here.

squiz, you didn't overreact - that poster was deeply offensive.

Me again!

Are there home tests you can get for testing levels of hcg, or is this determined by bloodtests only?

Thanks donttry, but sorry that you have experienced/are feeling similar to me. Definitely is shit, yes! Sending some positive vibes your way.

Welcome Blimey. I think having a place to chat really helps. I know lots of people IRL that have had one miscarriage, by the time you get to 4 you are outside their experience and they are back to not knowing what to say.
Donttry I don't think you can get home tests that give you a level of HCG, just a positive or negative HPT at whatever level they can sense the hormone. I suppose you can look for the weeks going backwards on a CBdigi but seems a waste of expensive tests. If you still get a positive in a week on a cheapie test then I'd ask for blood levels to be checked.

Forgot to say good luck for testing tomorrow Blimey hope you are pregnant and if you are we are here to hand hold through the rollercoaster.

Thanks baking that is so very true, and why I feel so isolated. I know that sometimes people are genuinely well meaning but they cannot possible truly understand remotely what it feels like to go through multiple times ( I also feel that some think why are you bothering to carry on). Thanks also re handholding. I will report back tomorrow.

Great idea baking, thanks. I seem unable to pick my way through the information on this, even on seemingly obvious things, so all the help on this thread is very appreciated.