Missed miscarriage limbo land..support/your stories please

[LittleMissSnowShine]

Hi all,

I should be 10 weeks pregnant but I went for my booking in scan y'day and me and DH were devestated to hear that baby had stopped developing at about 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat.

I have a 23 month old and although I had hyperemesis when I was pg with him I didn't have bleeding or anything. This time round I was crippled with nausea very early on and my friend who is an obstetrician sneaked me in for an early scan. I have irregular cycles and with DS I wasn't too sure of my dates but this time round it was very much planned and I knew when we had DTD etc and I'd seen some very faint implantation bleeding right before I got my BFP. So when I went for the early scan 3 weeks ago I knew I should have been just over 7 weeks but the baby was only measuring at 6+1 so I was a bit concerned but there was a nice clear heartbeat which was lovely to see.

3 or 4 days after that scan I started to bleed, but it was very light, no cramping, no clots or anything like that so hospital just told me to stay off my feet, be careful, take it easy etc and hopefully everything would be fine. This continued for about 10 days but never got heavier and I never got cramps, and then it pretty much stopped so I had convinced myself everything would be ok - my boobs are still really sore and I'm still crippled with morning sickness. I feel like I should have just gone into the early pregnancy unit for a scan but since I had already seen the heartbeat and I had one booked for y'day I just told myself to try and hope for the best and have faith that it would all work out.

But y'day...no heartbeat :( :( :(

I have to go back on Monday for a second ultrasound just to confirm and then they will probably give me tablets to move things along, but right now I'm just in limbo land. I'd already just about got a small bump and my hair is looking all huge and thick, and I'm still so queasy but I'm just waiting for the heavy bleeding to start.

I'm so sad this has happened and I'm worried that my irregular cycles might make it tricky to ttc again soon, and most of all I'm afraid that all this upset and upheaval is going to affect DS - he doesn't really understand what's happening obviously but he knows something is going on. My friends, family and work colleagues are all being so lovely and supportive but I just feel at a loss - I don't know what to be doing with myself, I'm trying to stay positive and keep my mind off it since I have no control over what has happened but then I feel guilty for trying to get on with things. And of course there's also a teeny tiny irrational part of me that won't give up all hope (even though there is no hope) until after my second scan to confirm things on Monday so that's making me feel really up and down too.

Has anyone else been through this? Or is going through this at the min? How on earth did you cope / are you coping?

Thanks for your advice / experience / expertise x

Bump

SO sorry for what you are going through. I had similar at christmas, and understand your fears. I, like you, was 100% certain after the first scan that things had gone wrong, but had to wait 10 days for another scan to confirm. They were a long 10 days that I spent waiting to bleed (which I did, heavily) and getting pissed! Generally doing the things you shouldn't while pregnant, whilst taking every opportunity to go back to bed when I could. My DS was 21 months at the time, I really don't think he noticed much, and certainly has not been be affected by it. The second scan confirmed what I knew, but also that I hadn't finished miscarrying. I opted for an ERPC, which I also waited another 10 days for. For me the ERPC was fast, painless and really speeded up my recovery.

As for TTC after, well... It took 4 cycles and I am now nearly 17 weeks. My cycles were totally wonky. I took vitamin B6 which I credit with restoring some normality. And I did charting (see the Fertilty Friend website) which helped my know more about my cycles. Some people do get pregnant much sooner than that.

Life does (eventually) go on. I felt very very calm and "OK" at first, then about a week after the ERPC I was very wobbly and miserable, and was on and off for about 3 months. I think it is no coincidence that this was also the time that my cycles (and therefore hormones) got back to normal, and I fell pregnant again. Being pregnant after the mc has been stressful for obvious reasons, but I am just starting to calm down and enjoy it.

Littlemiss really sorry to read your post - i think we were on the Feb board together? I also should have been 10 weeks and started bleeding on Saturday - had a scan on Monday but showed it stopped growing at 6 weeks and no hb. Like you they said wait a week then come back for another scan, even though i knew there was little hope. Well today I have started miscarrying properly, large clots & heavy bleeding etc. I know that the bit where i didn't know what was happening was just so awful - the shock of the bleeding, the tiny glimmer of hope that all would be well. And then having the worst confirmed just so upsetting.

It is such a roller coaster - tbh although this actual miscarrying part is not nice at all, i already feel better because i'm hoping this will be over soonish and then i can get on with things.

I also have a 2 yo (and a 4 yo) and i know its so hard trying to not let them sense what is going on - although they are helping get me through it by reminding me that i'm so lucky to have them.

It is such an awful time - I can't offer much but sympathy/empathy to you. i'm finding its helping to read other people's stories who have been through the same and the EPU have been really good - I have phoned them a couple of times when i didn't know what was happening and they've been very understanding.

Thinking of you.

@Orange - I'm so sorry to hear you're in the same situation as me, it's so heartbreaking :( The gradual bleeding has been the worst bit for me, because it's never been heavy enough to feel like anything very serious but obviously it has been going on because I have been very slowly miscarrying. Like you, I kind of just want it to start because even though I know it will be horrible, at least that way the worst will be over. At the minute I'm feeling exhausted and wretched, but no more bleeding or anything. Just...waiting... Hope we both have better luck the next time round.

@Bonzo - Thank you for sharing what happened to you. The waiting just feels terrible and your wait was certainly very drawn out so I can really sympathise. I am really hoping when I go in on Monday that either the scan shows that the very gradual bleeding has done the job or they can fit me in for a d&c asap.

Oh it's a hard week but hearing from other people who've been through the same thing really helps. Thank you.

Hi littlemiss and orange - another one from the Feb board here.

I just got back from the hospital this evening having found I have had a missed miscarriage - I should have been 9 weeks tomorrow. It must have happened ages ago but I still did a positive pregnancy test this afternoon at the hospital. But the scan lady said there really is no hope - no heartbeat and no fetus, just the egg sac.

I am booked in for a rescan next week (for my peace of mind). Now I need to decide between waiting, tablets or D&C. I haven't read up on them yet but I think I will go for the latter as just want it over with tbh. I am spotting so lightly I am worried I might have to wait ages naturally.

I feel ok - sad obviously. So wonder if I am still a bit shocked. Had 2 glasses of wine and 2 cigarettes this evening because I can! Gave DD (28 months) lots of cuddles - so grateful to have her.

So sorry Fidget :( I know its important to have the second scan for piece of mind or even just to see if the miscarriage has proceeded on its own but im still torturing myself that it might have been a mistake. I know it wont have been but you do hold on to these stupid ideas - i wish i was going in tomorrow instead of Monday but hospital policy is to wait a week so Monday is already one day early.

I originally thought i would just wait and leave things to happen naturally but rven the light bleeding I had been having stopped on Sunday and hasnt been back so I think if Im still in this situation on Monday it'll have to be a d&c for me too. Feeling just drained and horrible at the minute.

So sorry to see both u and orange here in this situation along with me :( :(

Hope to see you again under happier circumstances on a diff thread in the future. In the meantime let me know how things go for you both over the next week or so x

Ps ) also wine and cake for me y'day - diet of champions. Folic acid and veg to.resume....but not til next week

oh fidget I can't believe another one of us is having to go through the same - I'm so sorry. Its so cruel - the emotional shock and sadness then followed by physical pain.

I think the worst of the actual miscarriage has happened naturally now for me (the clots have stopped) but i still have to go back on Monday 'just in case' - yeah right like there's any chance now.I suppose they'll tell me whether everything is clear or whether i need a d& c as well.

The pain is quite bad today and I feel quite flat emotionally - trying to keep going for the DCs but its hard. At least DH is staying at home with me.

I really hope you and littlemiss are as OK as can be and this is all over for us soon. Happy to chat about it anytime.

Well I was all set to go to the hospital to book in for a D&C but then I had some strong bleeding and clots. I rang the EPU as I wanted an idea of whether that is it or there is more to come. They said it might be all there is but that I can come in anytime for another scan so I am going to go tomorrow and then if there is any left go for the tablets or D&S for a final clear-out so to speak.

My biggest fear in leaving it to nature was that the bleeding might not start for weeks, so I am quite relieved it seems to be kicking off.

I am having a quiet day at home on my own, have had a pedicure & manicure, bought some trashy magazines and am having sushi for lunch (can't maintain this level of spending but figure today is allowed!)

I am not feeling too bad (so I just hope that remains). DH has got Friday and Tues off work so we will get lots of family time over the next week. But I am Hoping to be back at work on Monday (luckily I was always due to work at home during the Olympics, so I can keep busy without having to leave the house or be around too many people).

One of the things I feel sad about is that it took 15 TTC this time and 18 months for DD so I fear I have another long road ahead of me with all the stress and downs that brings.

Love to both of you - this really is very crap x

Hope you are all bearing up. I had lots of bleeding and some huge clots after my first scan. The second one showed that there was still a lot left behind. . I was so disappointed to have gone through that and it not all be finished. So sadly heavy bleeding is no guarantee that you won't need further treatment.

Mine happened after 7 months ttc. DS had only taken 1 month, so that had seemed a long time. If its any consolation, some people find themselves extra fertile after an mc.

Anyone considering the erpc? For me it was the best of some awful choices. And afterwards I sort of felt like my womb had been purged of what had happened, and prepared all fresh and new for another baby.

Hi, so sorry for those of you who are going through this difficult time.

I found I'd had a mmc last November when I started to bleed at 8 weeks. It took another 3 weeks of scans and blood tests for it to be confirmed (my HCG levels kept on rising and rising which gave me tiny glimmers of hope that I really shouldn't have clung on to).

I opted for the ERPC as it was the right decision for me. As terrified as I was of having a general anaesthetic I was so pleased I went for it as it really was all over in a matter of hours. Went into hospital at 7am and was released at 3.30pm the same day. I bled heavily for a few days afterwards then it was all over. I cried a LOT.

My next 2 cycles were very long but 3rd cycle I fell pregnant again and I'm now almost 24 weeks gone. I've been so cautious about being optimistic with this pregnancy for fear I'll be let down again (it'll be my first DC) but since my 20 week scan I've begun to think that it's actually happening this time!

There is hope after mc, it's just so very hard to cope with. Keep talking, that's what got me and my DP through it all. Good luck xx

Fidget - so sorry again but at least the bleeding gives you a bit of closure and even if the scan shows u need a d&c your body has started the difficult process of moving on from.this. Let us know how the scan goes.

Bonzo - yes im def thinking it'll have to be a d&c for me - im.not even spotting and i just want it all to be over

Misslaughs - so sorry to hear about your experience but congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you all the very best.

Im feeling exhausted and very hormonal, just trying to take it easy tho not easy between looking after DS and getting ready to move housr. Going into work for a few hours 2moro since lots of people are on hols at the min so it'll be v quiet.but cos we have a big deadline coming up it should hopefully tske my mind off the long wait til monday. I keep thinking this is just a bad dream im going to wake up from - still FEEL preg and no bleeding but apparently no baby any more :(

Recognise some of you from feb 2013 thread, sorry to see you here. Will post later on phone at moment. I should have been 12 weeks today

Yes sorry to see us here too :( and you as well cheese - what happened??

Fed up with seeing old faces from threads on here when we should all just be getting happily fat and stretch mark-y. Went to park with DS earlier and these little boys were playing with him, one was nearly 5 and the other was 6 and they were brothers, and i just kept thinking how sad i feel for DS that he'll probably have at least a 3 year age gap between him and a bro/sis. Stupid little thing, but it gets to you...

I have a ds who is 25 months so understand what you mean about the age gap littlemiss, with my pregnancy age gap would have been 2.5 years or so which I thought wasn't so bad.

I started spotting on a Sunday, no pain, really light, by Tuesday night I was bleeding like a heavy period and in my heart I knew. Had such bad cramps I was on all fours on the floor, I know now that this was my cervix opening. Ended up on the gynae ward that night, had scan first thing next morning which confirmed I had had a complete miscarriage as they put it. I was eight weeks, hadn't even had my booking in appointment with the midwife yet.

It's a real roller coaster. Cried every day for a couple of weeks. Af has just returned so am now trying to be positive that we can start trying again ASAP. Had made so many plans already though in terms of when I was going to finish work for mat leave, holidays, etc. will try not to get so excited and look too far into the future next time.

Hope you're all doing ok, it's such a shitty thing to go through. It knocked me for six emotionally and physically. Felt very weak after for awhile, took lots of multivitamins and liquid iron to just boost myself. Had no appetite which didn't help much though.

We just have to let nature take its course and remain as positive as we can.

Can you tell I'm feeling quite pensive this evening ?!

Hi Cheese - I was so sad for you when you left the thread as you were the one who set up that first one so it seemed all the more unfair somehow.

Well I am on my second session of bleeding heavily and passing clots. I have been surprised by how painful it is.

I haven't cried too much today - think I will deal with the emotions when the physical is out of the way.

Thank you bonzo and misslaughalot - it is so helpful to hear other people's experiences.

Take care all of you x

Cheese - That sounds terrible and im so sorry :( yes we were going to hav a 2.5 year age gap but i havent even miscarried yet and with my pcos/dodgy cycles i cant predict how long it will take us ttc. Im also still really suffering with nausea so no appetite either. Im so glad my scan was relatively early at 10 weeks or i really wouldnt hav had a clue that this had happened. Just wish it would actually go ahead and happen now but still no bleeding / spotting and we're moving house next week so probably hav d&c and then hav to get on with packing/cleaning/barking orders from the sofa :-/

Fidget - hopefully this will mean no need for any further medical/surgical intervention for you. So heartbreaking but hopefully your womb springcleaning and making way for a new occupant can give you some closure.

So sad this has happened to us :( please tell me theres a nice hand holding post-mmc thread for us to graduate on to for some tea wine and sympathy?

Not being wierd or anything, but littlemiss started the second February 2013 thread ( I checked yesterday to make sure i had the right names). How spooky is that?!

vows never to start another baby related thread again

Littlemiss, there a couple of really nice threads for people who've been through what we have, one has the words wine and shagging in the title, there is lots of support in there, makes you feel a bit more positive too about the future, it's so nice for someone to understand what we are feeling instead of the blank look I get off my friends sometimes

cheese - yep no more thread starting for us sorry your friends aren't being as supportive as they might be - i've noticed a bit of a divide in mine, some tend to be hugely sympathetic and offer to do anything/everything they possibly can for you, others text to say how sorry they are and then you don't hear anything else from them, others just want to take you out and buy you cake or wine (both of which are v welcome). V lucky with a great DH and brilliant mum and MIL who are both stepping up big time to help us with childcare and anything else we need this week just to help us get through. I think after the d&c and craziness from house moving has settled down i'll be very down but at the minute it doesn't all feel real and i'm a bit manic...

Hi, I was also on the Feb 2013 thread. Found out our bad news yesterday. Story was that I went for an early scan due to very irregular periods putting me anywhere between 5-14 weeks. Found out I was almost 6 weeks, saw the baby and the heartbeat.

Started bleeding on Tuesday and went for a scan yesterday, where I had an internal because of a "tilted" uterus. There was no
Baby, just a sac which was the right size for 11 weeks, which I would have been yesterday. Apparently the baby must have died a few weeks ago and disposed like tissue by my body.

The problem is I just can't accept it. I did yesterday but I think I'm in denial today. I've never heard of this before. I've heard of there being no baby, that implantation occurred but the baby never grew, and I've heard of women going for scans and their babies being there but smaller than they should be without hb...

So I stupidly let myself google and convince myself I was misdiagnosed, confusingly timed with sudden stop to the bleeding. It was only ever spotting with 2 or 3 small clots, so I know miscarriage hasn't finished yet.

I feel like a lunatic but I'm convinced and I know I'm setting myself up for another fall...

babylann not another one of us - so sorry to hear your story, that must be really hard - I know we all cling to the glimmers of hope - but make sure you get a second opinion if you need to.

littlemiss, fidget, cheese hope you're doing OK. I too would have had a 2.5 year age gap which I thought would be just right and also had made too many plans for next Feb. I'm really annoyed now also that we didn't start trying earlier - I arrogantly thought i'd get preg when i wanted to and it would all go to plan. How stupid. Also next time I won't plan in so much detail how we are going to announce it after the 12 week scan, who we'll tell first etc etc, how many weeks i'll be at christmas and so on. I feel like i've been taught a lesson.

Thats a bit weird on the thread-starting - remind me never to do that...!

cheese can i ask how long your AF took to come back? I just want to get on with TTC now, even though i haven't even had second scan yet. DH wants to wait a while to get back to 'normal' but I feel like there's no time to wait now, this could happen again for all we know.

Am feeling sad and disappointed about it all today. DH is being such a rock through this and has sorted a babysitter tonight so we can go out and drown our sorrows have a nice meal. Am also going to go and have a blue cheese sandwich now and maybe shove some prawns in because i can...

happy Friday everyone

Oh babylann I am so sorry - I was following your updates on Facebook just before we got our news, so I am so sorry that this was the outcome. I'm sure they will be happy to give you another scan before doing anything else, for your peace of mind.

I am now on my third batch of heavy bleeding - I went to the EPU earlier in the day and they are pleased with how things are going and hopeful I can avoid tablets or the ERPC. Which would be a relief.

littlemiss - I agree, with the physical miscarriage happening so soon after me finding out about the missed miscarriage at least I can hopefully get closure a bit sooner. My heart goes out to you that you are still in limbo.

My mum is here today looking after DD which is great as DH could come with me to EPU and is rubbing my back / bringing me tea etc. It was also lovely to be able to give my mum a big hug. I have also appreciated talking to 2 friends who had miscarriages, as it means I can talk to them about the gory details without them minding.

orange - I know what you mean about 'because you can' - I had pâté last night for that reason plus a large glass of wine. And I have not taken my multivitamin with folic acid for 2 nights now (have taken it everyday for past 18 months!). Although I will be starting DH back on his conception vitamins soon as I hear that some women are extra fertile after a miscarriage so I am clinging to the hope that is true!

babylann - oh no, im so sorry to see you here as well. Like u i had an early scan at 7.5,weeks and saw the heartbeat. Baby was slightly small for dates but i assumed with my irregular cycles that id somehow gotten the dates wrong. Then at 10 weeks no heartbeat and baby stopped growing. I had some v light bleeding a fortnight ago but not even spotting over the last week and like u im v up and down - one minute i accept what has happened and i feel v down and the next im convinced theres been.a mistake. Doesnt help that i still feel so pg :( hope u can hang in.there, its a really tough time.

Orange - yes wine, chocolate and takeaways til we begin to feel a bit better :( i had to tell ppl early on this time cos i was so sick so.lots of my friends and everyone in work already knew. I couldnt hav realistically avoided telling them but its been hard having to tell everyone what has happened - tho also nice to get the support too. Also if it helps consultant told me to wait 2-3 months but as soon as she left room midwife told me to just crack on ahead with ttc as soon as we wanted to and not worry about cycles returning to normal...

Cheese - going to go out and buy more folic acid / multi vits at weekend, also hoping this increased fertility thing is true. Fx for us :)

Yes lets make the most of this window - eating and drinking what we want, after all its only going to be a few weeks and then we'll all be preg again

i too have heard about this extra fertile period and intend to make the most of it. Folic acid and healthy eating is resuming on Monday...

littlemiss sorry you're still in such limbo - i only had that for 4 days in the end and that was bad enough. It must be good to get the support from people despite having to tell them the bad news. I didn't really tell anybody and its quite hard trying to pretend nothing is wrong. I have told one friend in RL who i know had a mmc, so thats been really good to talk to someone who understands.