Missed miscarriage limbo land..support/your stories please

[LittleMissSnowShine]

Hi all,

I should be 10 weeks pregnant but I went for my booking in scan y'day and me and DH were devestated to hear that baby had stopped developing at about 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat.

I have a 23 month old and although I had hyperemesis when I was pg with him I didn't have bleeding or anything. This time round I was crippled with nausea very early on and my friend who is an obstetrician sneaked me in for an early scan. I have irregular cycles and with DS I wasn't too sure of my dates but this time round it was very much planned and I knew when we had DTD etc and I'd seen some very faint implantation bleeding right before I got my BFP. So when I went for the early scan 3 weeks ago I knew I should have been just over 7 weeks but the baby was only measuring at 6+1 so I was a bit concerned but there was a nice clear heartbeat which was lovely to see.

3 or 4 days after that scan I started to bleed, but it was very light, no cramping, no clots or anything like that so hospital just told me to stay off my feet, be careful, take it easy etc and hopefully everything would be fine. This continued for about 10 days but never got heavier and I never got cramps, and then it pretty much stopped so I had convinced myself everything would be ok - my boobs are still really sore and I'm still crippled with morning sickness. I feel like I should have just gone into the early pregnancy unit for a scan but since I had already seen the heartbeat and I had one booked for y'day I just told myself to try and hope for the best and have faith that it would all work out.

But y'day...no heartbeat :( :( :(

I have to go back on Monday for a second ultrasound just to confirm and then they will probably give me tablets to move things along, but right now I'm just in limbo land. I'd already just about got a small bump and my hair is looking all huge and thick, and I'm still so queasy but I'm just waiting for the heavy bleeding to start.

I'm so sad this has happened and I'm worried that my irregular cycles might make it tricky to ttc again soon, and most of all I'm afraid that all this upset and upheaval is going to affect DS - he doesn't really understand what's happening obviously but he knows something is going on. My friends, family and work colleagues are all being so lovely and supportive but I just feel at a loss - I don't know what to be doing with myself, I'm trying to stay positive and keep my mind off it since I have no control over what has happened but then I feel guilty for trying to get on with things. And of course there's also a teeny tiny irrational part of me that won't give up all hope (even though there is no hope) until after my second scan to confirm things on Monday so that's making me feel really up and down too.

Has anyone else been through this? Or is going through this at the min? How on earth did you cope / are you coping?

Thanks for your advice / experience / expertise x

Sorry orange - the waiting for it all to be over is so hard. I've been in pieces for the last hour trying to get my bag ready for hospital tomorrow and getting texts from friends.

How are things with u Fidget? And Babylann?

Managed to get some super strong cocodamol ready for the next "attack" of pain, which I think could be coming on right now as I'm starting to get that feeling that's become too familiar for the past couple of days :( We rang the hospital and they said there's no way we can move the op, so I still have to wait for Wednesday.

Your post made me cry, my baby was re-absorbed too and it is a comfort to think of it the way you put it. Good luck for tomorrow, I can't imagine it will be a good day but at least you will finally be able to move on.

littlemiss - I hope it goes as well as it can tomorrow.
Your post really moved me - I didn't have an early scan they just found no fetus last week, so I have wondered whether it was ever there. Knowing that your baby was re-absorbed so quickly since last week gives me reassurance that maybe mine did exist too. I also love the phrase about it becoming part of you - I will steal that thought if you don't mind.

orange sorry to hear that it isn't over yet for you - so will they bring you in for another scan to be sure?

babylann hopefully this stage will pass soon - I hope the pain killers make it more bearable.

I worked from home today and it was lovely to speak to colleagues (most of whom don't know) and talk about everyday things and take my mind off all of this. I have had hardly any bleeding today so am keeping everything crossed that is it. My cervix was really sore yesterday (couldn't sit on hard chairs etc) but today feels a bit better so I am hoping it is not as dilated as it was which might be a sign of things coming to an end (wishful thinking!)

I know this is a really crap time for all of us and I am really grateful to know that I am not alone in going through this. Take care of yourselves x

So sorry you're all going through this. I had an MMC a couple of years ago / my twins would have turned 2 around now if they'd survived. I found out at my twelve week scan and they had died at 7 and 7.3 weeks.

It does get easier although you never forget. I got pregnant very soon afterwards (my DD is 18 months) - I suspect I was still hormone-central which is why it was do quick.

The worst part is the waiting I think. I had an ERPC which I felt very guilty about. I was showing no signs of miscarrying naturally and so it was the right thing to do but I suppose I felt as if I was letting them down somehow.

Anyway, I found ways of getting through it and although they're always there, I've moved on. This is going to sound ridiculous but I sort of 'gave' them to my late Grandfather to look after. He loved kids and died when I was pregnant with my DS. So they're with him, in his back garden, picking tomatoes for lunch. I know! Crazy! But it helps.

I hope you're all ok. You will get through this and you're in my thoughts.

Hope you are ok, I am in hospital now just gone through same thing, I understand the emotions you are going through its awful. Please don't worry about your ds, kids live in the moment, I have a 2year old he was upset seeing me cry. Just told him mummy banged my head and he could understand that, said silly mummy and started talking about tractors! D and c is fine, I was terrified and mine was complicated but if I go through this again, god I hope not! I would opt for d &c.

Good luck today littlemiss thinking of you

fidget I have to hope that nature does its thing over the next 10 days and then do a pg test. If it is negative and I have continued to bleed then that should be that. If not then I'll have to be re-scanned. If it can happen naturally I'd rather that way, but it does drag it out and I could still end up with d & c, although the midwife seemed positive that I should be ok.

babylann hope you're not in too much pain today. Sorry to everyone else going through this too x

Limelight - I did exactly the same as you, I broke my heart crying and 'gave' my little baby to my granny and grandad to look after for me as well. They looked after me, my sister and my cousins when we were all little and our mums and dads were at work and I always remember their house as being so full of happy memories and love that the idea of them being able to look after our little angel has really helped me over the last week or so. So sorry you lost your twins and I'm sure that none of us will ever forget this but it's reassuring to hear that you were able to get pg again quite easily after a ERPC, esp since i had one this morning.

Fidget / Babylann - Glad you find that idea comforting as well. I thought having DS had made me feel like a 'proper' grown up but its actually been this experience which has really made me feel older and I think the loss is just something we will carry with us but also hopefully the happy memories of finding out we were pg and all the planning and daydreaming that goes with it. We should all come back for a cry next Feb, tho hopefully by then we'll all have happy, healthy bumps

Orange - Hope things continue as they should for you and you get the all clear next week.

Had ERPC / d&c done this morning. It was fine - the tablets they gave me to take at 6am made me very crampy and brought on some bleeding but the midwives / anaethetist / consultant were all lovely and very reassuring so even though I was very nervous and emotional about it all they kept me calm and it was over before I knew it and I was sitting up drinking sugary hospital tea. Got out at lunchtime and now just resting at home while MIL minds DS for me - lots of house move related phonecalls to make but luckily I can do those while horizontal! Lots of good wishes and best of luck to everyone here, it has made the last nightmarish week so much easier to be able to have other ladies to talk to and hope to maybe see some of you on a ttc thread in September.

Really glad it went ok today littlemiss - you sound much more upbeat. And best of luck with your house move!

I've got my 2nd scan tomorrow to hopefully get the all clear - already started back on our conception vitamins (perhaps getting a bit ahead of myself!).

Just come across this thread. I'm really sorry for everyone going through it. I had similar... Scan at what should've been 7 and 4 showed heartbeat but only measured 6 weeks. Everyone was adamant it was fine (including midwife at 8 week scan who said I was 'ridiculous' for wanting another scan) went for one a week later and there was no heartbeat and measuring just over 5 weeks. I had an erpc a week later. The hardest part for me is now thinking what it should be (about 18 weeks) and thinking I should have a bump etc. just had first period since and now ttc again.

Hi, sorry for your loss, I've just been through the same thing and yesterday had surgical removal of (I hate this term) 'the products of conception'. I have a lovely little boy, but this is my 3rd consecutive miscarriage. Hopefully you won't be so unlucky and will go on to have a normal pregnancy, which most people do. I found I was incredibly fertile after each miscrriage, and got pregnant after just 1 normal period each time, so it's tempting to make the most of that fertile time to fall pregnant again. However, I did wonder if that was why I miscarried again. Noone medical has suggsted that to me but I did wonder. In terms of dealing with it emotionally, I found that although the physical process of a miscarriage is unpleasant, going through it, and taking the time to rest, gave me the time to process it emotionally. It's so hard because as soon as you know you pregnant all you can think is 'baby' and suddenly it's all over. Personally I found thinking of some positive things I could do really helped, like now I'm thinking, OK so we're not going to try for a few months so I'll use that time to get fit and lose some weight. OK, I know that doesn't really compare to having a baby but it helps me a little bit. I hope you find a way of dealing with this and that you have success in the future.

Had my surgery and just got home today. Hopefully it can be of some consolation to people who join this thread after us if I say the procedure was easy and handled sensitively, and that I feel a million times better now that the wait is over. Having a week to prepare myself for the inevitable has almost made today feel like a relief and I'm glad we can finally start to move on.

Dp has a few days off work left, so we're gonna use them to appreciate our little family and count our blessings. We will complete our family in time but I think this devastating period of our lives will help us appreciate it all the more when it happens.

Hope everyone is as well as they can be x

Hey everyone, so sorry to see some familiar Feb faces :( I kinda jumped ship to Facecrack and have been on it for a wee while now... Should almost be 13 weeks and had our first scan at 12 +4 on Mobday, only to have the dildocam and told that growth had stopped at around 9 weeks... I knew something was wrong when she said an internal, then we saw a small blob...
I have 2nd scan and bloods etc this Friday, and surgery booked for Monday... Meh, everything seemed to be fine :/ No bleeding or pains, the sickness and tiredness then the raging appetite... I suppose that's what's making this so hard... No crappy signs, just me and the man wife on the bus to first scan :'D We had booked to go to see family and friends up north this week to announce it, but instead, we are letting the very small group of peeps who did know we were cooking a bun know its been unsuccessful :'(

Hope everyone is as well as they can be, and we will be seeing each other again in a few months x

sazzababs - I am really sorry to see you here as well. It must have been such a shock - it is so horrid to have no idea anything is wrong and then to find ourselves here. Take care of yourself over the next few days - that is good they have booked you in relatively soon.

babylann really glad that your surgery went well and you can start to move on.

I went in for my second scan today and practically everything is gone. A bit like orange, there are still somes clots and a bit of blood left. But she said they are very small so she was hopeful that will happen naturally (I have a scan in a fortnight to check) so I shouldn't need surgery or tablets.

I am going into the office for the first time tomorrow (have been working at home due to the Olympics- which was 'fortunate' timing for me). I am quite nervous about going out and about and into central London as I have been a bit of a reclusive since last week. (can't believe it has only been a week - how things can change so quickly!).

sazzababs thats so cruel, not to find out until then. I just wish I had bled at 6 weeks when it stopped growing and not a whole month later. Hope you're doing OK in the circumstances.

babylann glad it went well for you - it def does make you appreciate what you have doesn't it?

fidget i'm finding it a drag that there's still stuff left - I am still bleeding but very lightly, I did a hpt today just out of interest but got a feint second line, so not all clear yet, will give it another week as the hospital said and then do another - it does drag it all out a bit doesn't it? Its positive if they think you won't need any other treatment. I just want my body to return to 'normal' so I can get on with starting again.

I think I am in the angry phase of grief - just keep getting really p**ed off that I'm not going to have my February baby, not able to announce it next week, I would have managed to get through to 12 weeks without anyone guessing, etc etc and all back to square one (or beyond). I know I should stop dwelling and try to move on (I think DH is getting fed up with my moaning now) but some days its hard.

Sorry for the indulgent moan, its good to get it out though.

Hope you're all doing OK.

Hi everyone,

Firstly I just want to say I am so sorry you've been through this horrible ordeal too. And to offer some reassurance.

I lost our baby at 14wk scan in december, I already have 2 dc so I spent the weeks following blaming myself and being convinced I'd done something wrong. I opted for the erpc as it was so close to christmas and I didn't feel strong enough to deal with anything else. The hospital looked after me well and I can't fault my care whilst there.

The hormone 'surge' as such appears to be true, there's large group of us in pregnancy on a thread 'pregnant after a miscariage' I fell pregnant in my 4th cycle after the mmc. And I'm due the week I had my erpc for the mmc.

Whilst it helps with the pain and emptyness the fear and anxiety is unreal. I expected to be fine as soon as I got my bfp. Its a long journey and I wish you all a lot of luck. Xxx

Thanks stateofconfusion it does help to hear the positive stories, and congrats on your preg. I feel a long way off being able to try again yet and I can't imagine how anxious I will be if I do get preg again, but hopefully we'll be in your shoes in the not too distant future.

Good luck orange, I remember all the feelings all too well, my midiwife has told me a pregnancy following a pregnancy is MORE likely to suceed aswell. Xx

Just watched 'midwives' from Tuesday thatI had sky plussed. Don't ask my why. Am sobbing now. so stupid.

cheese its like being drawn to the edge of a really high cliff - I do it too (I might have to go and watch that now - why??!?)

Thanks guys :) I had my bloods and BP taken at the early preg unit today... I should also be 13 weeks today...Was waiting in a waiting room with other pregnant women and nearly died :( A few obviously saw how upsetting it was and I heard the 'should be a separate bit for when things go wrong' etc comments. But a Midwife saw me and swept me and the Hubby into a private room where everything was gone over...

I'm in on Monday for ERPC as discussed with unit on Monday, but having severe cramps just now at home... Bah! I'll see how things go with super strength co-codamol (thanks GP!) and just hope for the quickest, safest outcome...

Hope everyone is well x

Hope things go smoothly for you sazzababs - At least one way or another you should be closer to getting some closure by Monday night.

Although still a long way off normal, I feel 100 times better even just a week on; so the old phrase of 'this too will pass' was helpful for me.

Take care x

Ladies hope ur all doing well - house.move was, as u can.imagine, completely hectic for us over weekend and im.back in work and still bleeding so.between.not having half my stuff unpacked and all the craziness im feeling pretty drained. Had a night out with friends and wine on Fri which was a good way to have a bit of a break.from it all. After.my.house.moving takeaway diet of the last week finally started cooking proper meals again today, going to re-start folic acid and maybe even dtd in.next couple of days tho wish bleeding would stop since its been a week since erpc :(

Hows everyone else doing? Anyone else feeling drained / a bit apprehensive about starting ttc again?

hi, nice to read some updates - littlemiss did the house move help take your mind off things? Nice to be in a new place?

Its been 2 weeks since my mc and yes i am still bleeding, but only a tiny amount - I really want it to stop now as emotionally I feel 100 times better than I did, amazing how much difference a week makes. I am feeling more ready to think about TTC again so might start to dtd again soon. I'm feeling like I just want to be preg ASAP now, but think I will be v worried if it happens...
Hope everyone else is doing OK.

Hey Everyone
I had the ERPC on Monday and have been at home being lazy since I was discharged... I have to say that the day surgery staff at my hospital were ace and really nice... Everyone else there were obviously there for surgery which was most definitely not an ERPC, so the staff let us into the ward early and get some privacy :)

The nurses and surgeon dude were really lovely and I went to sleep for a bit. Came round fine, had a wee bit of a reaction to the drip but soon stopped! Was in from 8am till just before 6pm as the manwife had to go to get the dogs out lol!

Chilling at home just now, have a note from GP for work until next week and to go see her on Mon next week. Manwife has been ace and we will just see what happens from now. Been a bit twingey today, I suppose that's just things going back to their space and size?

Most appreciative of MN and everyone on here willing to 'talk' about what's happened: don't really want to talk about it with anyone else in rl prt from hubs... Tips like take wet wipes with you and PLENTY to do/read was most helpful :) Anyways, hope everyone is well and will pop by tomoraah x