Part 2 - I have fallen of a bus 2012/2013 with a thump just need someone to hold my hand!

[Countmyblessings]

Sometimes it good to share your BFP news but with
Some of us we fall of with MMC/EC/MC!
It's a hard time and so this is a place to share as much as you want, a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent!
All welcome - although it's horrible to fall off, I hope this thread helps, even just a little bit!

Hi ya, I fell off the Dec 12 bus with a molar pregnancy, my 12 week scan was last tues since then had ERPC on Thursday and now I don't really know where I belong! Feel like I'm in limbo, I'm at least not going to be able to TTC till Dec, 6 months of tests following molar to make sure I'm clear. I don't know how I'm going to cope with seeing all the real life BFP's when I really thought I was carrying a healthy PG for 8 weeks I'm blessed with 2DD's and have a busy year with friends weddings etc but it's nice to find a place I can hide for next few months

Firstly....sorry to you both for your losses . Thank you for this hiding place.
I was 12.2weeks when I discovered I had suffered a MMC...has been 9+ weeks since that day & I'm still feeling very up & down. Thinking of TTC again...yet very scared. Would love to hide here with you all.

Livismum & Wifey6 - can I first say how very sorry I am for your loss, it's very hard when you are completely unaware something is wrong and then to be told at a scan is just so cruel!
Last year 12 weeks scan told I had a MMC I was clueless about it never heard about it, didn't know anyone it had happened too! The dealing with it was hard as I wanted so badly to get pregnant again to erase the hurt as my due date came around just after Christmas was so painful, roll on 2012 I said new year new hopes! Then just as I was getting better I fell pregnant again this April was due December again! Wanted a scan to let me know all was well to be told pregnancy in unknown location!!! What are you kidding me no pain nothing and now surgery to remove my baby and my tube!!!!!!!! Would be 16 weeks!!! But I'm dealing , healing and hopefully after my 2nd cycle can try again! If my body permits!
Many thoughts as you wonder " why" and try to avoid pregnant women and all other expecting mothers hang outs!!!! Until I heal!

Sorry for my long post, just sharing my experience and just to say mumsnet has helped me so much!
The part1 thread had such happy endings as most ladies on there have gone on to having healthy babies! Or are now pregnant!

Thank you for sharing Count....just like you I had never heard of MMC before & found/find this process so cruel. My sister is now pregnant...& will be due a few weeks after what would of been my due date. Haven't seen her as we weren't on friendly terms...& in truth I am dreading seeing her. A reminder of the life I should of been living. I am blessed with my wonderful DS...he is nearly 2 & am thankfully each & everyday for him.
Count...MN has been a great saviour for me too...I have spotted you on a few threads. Such a shame we/all are on this one...

Wifey- its awful to hear about something when your going through it! I also found out its called a "silent miscarriage" as your do unaware anything is wrong!!!!!! Just as your scan is suppose to be a happy exciting time, I will forever dread them as you don't want to get bad news again!
As for your sister I can totally understand how you feel and I'm sure if you in your own time explain how your feeling she will try and understand from your point of view!!!! When your pregnant everyone asked you "how your feeling",when your due, loads of best wishes! As they watch your belly grow! When you lose a child people avoid you, say silly things to you, expect you to bounce straight back and be happy all the time! Unrealistic really!!! As all you do is get constant reminders when you see a pregnant lady of what you don't have anymore!
When I see pregnant women I try guess how far they are, wondering if I would look bigger then them'! Hard hard hard!
Yes been on a few threads I feel that being on MN has really helped me through my sad, darkest days!!!! Not out yet but better then I was!

I did explain to her Count...& she was actually spiteful & deleted me from her social network friends list.
I really put myself & heart out there to be honest with her. I explained I was so happy for her but whilst still struggling emotionally I would hope we could re-build our strained relationship before meeting...which my DH agreed was a good idea & she shot me down.
I'm not ready to put myself out there again as I have my own healing to do.

Thank you for starting this thread Count...feel safer already just being here.
Our dark days may not be over yet..or for a while...but let's tread that dark ground together

Can I join you all please? I found out on Monday at 11w5d that I had lost our baby at around 5 weeks. I had some spotting and knew something wasn't right even as everyone around me tried reassuring me they had all had spotting and had gone on to have healthy babies. Scan proved my feelings and I had a D&C on Tuesday. I've spent the last two days just absolutely heartbroken. My partner is in France (I'm in Australia) for the Tour de France until the end of July and isn't quite getting it that I really need him to come home. I have no idea how I'm going to get through this. Luckily I work with some absolutely amazing people who have been so supportive but I just feel like my life is running out of control....

aussie....so incredibly sorry for your loss. Sorry you find yourself having to join this thread...but we will all be able to help you...even though virtually.
It's a shame your DP can't be by your side during this terrible time.

Can I come and join you all? I'm sorry we're all here, I've seen you around a fair bit wifey and count. Aussie that sounds like a horrible experience and it must be very tough without your dp there to support you.
I was due in October but lost it at about 12 weeks (3 days before the scan I was looking forward to) on Easter Sunday. It had been a surprise pregnancy so people seem to expect me to be relieved about it because initially I hadn't been thrilled with being pg (purely because of dps reaction, but other people don't really know that). Dp really is relieved, he didn't want it in the first place :( So now I'm miserable and sad all the time, and want to ttc again but he won't be persuaded because he was only going along with the last pg so we didn't split up :( I am not normally an overly emotional person but in the last 12 weeks I have cried every single day, usually more than once, I have cried at my boss and burst into tears at being invited to a christening.

Jodidi....so very sorry for your loss.
How awful & the situation with your DP sounds isolating. Do you have much RL support? I have found comfort hiding in MN...we are all here for each other & unfortunately can understand each others grief & pain.

Can I join too - I MC on 6th May and have been really struggling with things. MY DH has been amazing but his sister has just torn my half in heart this last month and dont seem to see it! She announced her BFP 2 weeks after I MC and stated if baby was a girl she would be using the name we like as ' we didnt need it anymore'! Then about a week later broke up with her boyfriend and decided the baby didnt suit her life anymore and had a termination on Monday! People think I should be supporting her - she is 'family' after all but I cant support her actions of gettin rid of her healthy baby when I am still broken hearted over losing mine though with no choice!!!

Me and DH are TTC and Iam 8dpo but I really dont feel it has happened this month :(

zoey...so sorry for your loss & what a cow-bag your SiL sounds!!!
What an awful thing for her to do!! That has enraged me...can't imagine how that must feel for you being so close to the situation. You need to follow your heart here & if keeping away from someone who was clearly so insensitive to you when you genuinely needed support is what you need to do...then do it. Her actions are awful. It's wonderful to hear your DH has been so amazing.
My friend had a termination shortly after my MMC, pressurised by her H as he didn't want anymore children. They have two DC. She was heartbroken & I chose to support her as it wasn't her decision & knew she would of loved to of expanded her family. Her H however... I do not mention him... as she never admits he is wrong/manipulative.

Marking my place for later to add my story

Hey ladies, may I join you too? Was 11+1 when I miscarried, had been due v early in January. The pregnancy was a surprise, totally unexpected. The miscarriage, coming just as we'd got our head around things and making plans, even more so.

Because it was unplanned we now have to (eventually) decide whether we will go for dc3, or whether to take steps to permanently ensure it doesn't happen. I never want to go through another night like that one again though, haven't the strength.

Meant to say, have no idea what caused mine, or if it had been molar or a mmc, anything like that. I never got as far as my scan date, and it was a Friday night when the heavy bleeding started and there was no chance of getting a scan done then, so I never even saw my baby.

Whole thing still seems totally surreal.

wifey6- your sister sounds like a grade A Cow!!!!!!!and yes i would say steer clear of her for awhile, glad you like the thread i really found it was a lovely place to share when you have gone through child loss! been her last year and now again!
Aussie-OMG so sorry for your loss!Its so fresh and your going through this alone!!!!!!! your OP needs to be with you, as the up port is key, although even with my DH around i still felt very alone with my deep feelings of loss and sadness, was in a dark pit for a while!
Jodidi- Sorry for your loss, regarding if the pregnancy was not planned why would you be relieved to lose your baby!!!and now dealing with your feelings without your DP support is just awful, i can't imagine! how long have you been together, if you don't mind me asking. i think times like this make you really look at your life and if your happy with it!
Zoey - i am so sorry( i believe i have seen you on another thread also)
what a awful thing why would YOUR family want you to support her LIFE choice?????? you had no control about your loss and for her to announce it, break up and then get rid is just heartless!!!!! keep hold of Hope you will get another BFP real soon.
Cheese - Sorry you have found yourself here, but glad you have found this thread to unload as much or as little you want!
Had a fab time yesterday my friend came for lunch and we talked about feelings and how awful when you are having TTC problems or dealing with loss while everyone else around you IS pregnant! fab day and felt rest after!

-If you could all make a tshirt with a slogan what would it say?

Should be at my scan now (the 12 week one that was booked for 13+1). Am here instead. 2 weeks since that hideous night. Sometimes it feels like 5 minutes ago, other times a lifetime.

Cocka... ((hugs))... I remember that feeling when I was due my 20 week scan. It still feels like yesterday & yet a lifetime. I was told that the first year would be the hardest (of course I do not know how true that is..) as you have to face due date etc. Do you have much RL support? We are all here.
Count...I guess my t-shirt would read...'Had enough love for a lifetime'.
It's from a poem I saw on the bereavement thread...it gets me everytime.
Can I please ask...excuse me if too nosey...but I have been having trouble adjusting to the new person this awful experience has turned me in to...does anyone else not recognise themselves from all this?

wifey thanks. I do have loads of rl support, am very very lucky. My friends have really stepped up and dh has been an absolute star, even though he's just as shell shocked as I am. What astounds me is that so many people I know have been through similar and I had no idea. That's comforting in a way I think, because I can see they've been through it and although their lost babies have never been forgotten they have gone on to have regular lives.

Sorry. Have been horribly self-centred since barging in on the thread! Will make amends soon x

Cocka- I'm so sorry it's heartbreaking,but glad you have found a safe place to hide right here! 2 weeks is still fresh! Mines was 30th April and it seems like yesterday! I still remember the waiting room, poas and it going pink with 2 lines instantly! Keep talking to your DH and RL support!
Wifey - 1st is def the hardest with constant reminders of where you should be,how far you would be and then the due date! Which is harder if u know people who would be due as well!!! Now
I have 2 due dates which I'm dreading!
I've turned into a little bit of a bitter person, and although happy about great scans, gender info, it just makes it harder as I never got there! All I can do is not beat myself up about it and let me know it's a temp glitch and the " real me" will be back soon!
You will not always be like this as Cocka has found out from her friend not pressure and not time limit of grief!!!!

Hi Count

Yeah I have posted on some other threads as I have found this site to be such a great support and somewhere where you can actually say what you think and know there is someone (or a few) that understand how you feel and can relate to you :)

I am keeping away wifey as right now I too have become that person that I dont really know and am scared I might drop kick her
Cocka dont even worry for a second about being on the tread we all have our stories of what happened and its noce to be able to getthem out, I feel it helps to accept the situation by seeing it in black and whate -0 as silly as I am sure that sounds!

I'm Jodidi but had a name change.
Zoey - there is no way you should have to support your sil with any of that, she sounds totally insensitive. I would be scared I would drop kick her too.
Cocka - 2 weeks is absolutely nothing. 2 weeks after mine I had been abck at work for a couple of days but took to my bed for the weekend and refused to get up at all, did nothing but cry and read all day. Dp looked after the 2 dds we already have. It's now 12 weeks since mine and I have good days and bad days (but even on the good days I have usually cried at least once). I never got as far as my scan either, I started bleeding on the long Easter bank holiday, the out of hours doctor arranged a scan for first thing Tuesday morning but the miscarriage happened on the Sunday. I have no idea when it died or why it happened and sometimes that feels like the worst thing.
Wifey - I have definitely turned into a different person. I'm much angrier, I don't care about my job the same way I always have and I'm much sadder :( I cried when dp told me we've been invited to a christening, he is sending our apologies so i don't have to go especially since I can't stand the mother and she's part of his extended family. I then cried at my boss when she asked me how I'm feeling about next year. She meant professionally but I am so dreading October and my due date that's all I can think of, she didn't quite get it when I said 'I just don't want to be here next year'.
Count- I don't know what my tshirt would say but I'm giving it some thought.

Hi guys, good question re t shirt slogan! At the moment I'm definitely still in angry mode so mine would prob be something along the lines of "f&@£k off with your sympathy, f&@£k off with your stupid questions!" yep definitely still in angry mode! The only people in RL not currently pissing me off are my lovely sister, best friends and DH, everyone else can do one!