Part 2 - I have fallen of a bus 2012/2013 with a thump just need someone to hold my hand!

[Countmyblessings]

Sometimes it good to share your BFP news but with
Some of us we fall of with MMC/EC/MC!
It's a hard time and so this is a place to share as much as you want, a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent!
All welcome - although it's horrible to fall off, I hope this thread helps, even just a little bit!

little9, welcome to this thread,so sorry to hear what you've been through, don't worry about being self absorbed, you're talking to people who can identify what you're going through,who want to listen and who care. I think it helps to put into writing how you're feeling too.
38 isn't too old (I'm 44 and still trying!), if you look on some of the other threads (eg fantastic 40+ on the conception page) there are lots of stories of older ladies who've had successful pregnancies even after multiple MCs, it gives hope.

livismum, sounds like you had a tough time back at work, I think the first few days are the worst,with time it becomes easier to deal with.
I'm opting out of a hen do tonight for similar reasons to you avoiding the wedding do! One of the girls is a few weeks more pregnant than I should be now, and though I wish her well I just find it really hard to be around her and listen to her talking about her baby girl kicking etc. ,it's just still too painful.

Little9 & Zacsmum, I'm so sorry, what you've been through is so horrible. to get so far must be hard, at least i knew I was in the 'danger' first trimester.

For me, well, it's finally gone now, I naturally past the baby yesterday, I shouldn't have looked, but I did, I could have made out the shape and was a right state again. Bad back and feeling drained, but ok, not too painful so far. Lots of wine last night helped. As did having an old friend over who lost a baby herself at 9 weeks so understood what I was going through.

Then today I had to host a party for DS's birthday, and somehow I managed it, only of his friends has a little baby brother. At one point the mum asked me to hold her beautiful baby boy while she just took her older boy to the loo. I managed not to cry but it was so hard. Throw in the fact my SIL had a little girl at the weekend and so tomorrow I've been asked over to visit. We've said we'll see how I'm doing, SIL is a bit of a clean freak and doesn't do germs, so I said if I'm struggling, I'll say I've got a bit of a cold and she'll be happy for me to stay away.

Trying to decide if I should go to work on Monday.

I haven't been around in awhile, really finding it hard to cope at the moment. So sorry to hear about everyone else joining this thread.

Just wondered if anyone has had any counselling? My GP sent through a referral for me and I missed the call from the lady on Friday and need to call back tomorrow. Don't really know if it would help of not. Just really need my OH to hurry up and come home...

aussie the mc counsellor came to see me before I was discharged from hospital and was lovely. Think that helped me to decide to see her. I have only seen her once but was good to talk to someone that doesn't know me personally. See her again tomorrow. Not sure how much it will help but I'm gonna stick with it for now.
livismum can relate to you not wanting to socialize with your newly pregnant friend right now, its hard not to get emotional.
I went on my Facebook page yesterday and seen the 12 week scan picture of my new niece/nephew and I broke down, ended up cancelling visiting my DB because he and his gf would want to show me the real thing and I didn't want to get emotional. Then I read a status of a fb friend who is a week further than I should be, complaining about how sick she feels and she is sick of being pregnant, she has been like that since she were about 6 weeks pregnant, every other day is the same. I wanted to comment and tell her how lucky she is to have a healthy baby growing. I refrained and instead deleted her from my list. Now I feel maybe I overreacted.

Hello all. Thanks Irish. I think it has helped putting down how I feel. Am feeling much more positive today and have managed to get through the day so far with no tears. Although came close as saw someone on dog walk who I haven't seen for a while and they asked when I was due - just managed to keep it together!

Have decided I need other things to concentrate on so am going back to the gym tomorrow with DH. I've got an agility competition with my two dogs in a couple of weekends also, so am going to try and concentrate on their training for a bit as haven't done anything with them since this horrible mess began.

Am considering going back to work on 16th July but will see how next week goes first before deciding if I am ready.

Other people's pregnancies/new borns aren't really affecting me too much now. May have something to do with me having to go past the maternity wing of the hospital every day as it's just at the end of our road.

Not had any counselling aussie, so unfortunately can't comment.

Take care everyone.

Dontmind- if you want you should go, but I had my loss end of April and still not been gp happy to sign me off as he said I never got over my last one so the 2nd one really knocked me! I'm emotionally, physically,mentally drained!!! And need time for me before I see growings bumps at work!!!!
I was told about talking to a counsellor but may have to go through work as waiting list too much and I really would rather it was given to someone who really needs it!!!
Big hugs to everyone!

Well I spoke to the lady at the hospital about counselling today on the phone and I'm sad to say that some people just shouldn't be in the jobs they're in. She was the most patronizing person I think I have ever spoken too. Long story short, she has suggested I go back to my GP (who referred me to the hospital psychology unit) to get some counselling through the community mental health unit instead. I honestly don't even know if it is going to help. I just feel like I need my partner to come home. I've been back at work for a week now and have had my ups and downs, all my colleagues knew I was pregnant so have been extremely supportive but two weeks have passed and I'm feeling like everyone expects me to be back to normal. I don't remember what normal was...

aussie I don't know if counselling will help but it's worth a go. I would go back to gp and tell them how patronising the woman you spoke to was. I haven't had any counselling, partly because I didn't want to say any of this out loud as it makes it more real somehow. I do think it helps a lot of people though. When is your partner due home? It must be so hard coping with this without him. 2 weeks is nothing, please don't put any pressure on yourself to be back to normal. People expect me to be back to normal too, it always surprises them when I get teary about things now. I suppose it's 3 months for me now so it's a reasonable expectation that I should be getting back to real life.

There is no time limit on grief!!!!! It could of been 20 years it's your feelings and how your coping that important!!!
How dare that women be like that too you, people clearly are in certain jobs for the Money and common manners and how to deal with people clearly needing help means nothing! I would def report her for yourself and to prevent that treatment to others!
Even if you returned to work if you can't cope go back to your gp!
Goodbut- 3 months is nothing in terms of grief! Fingers up to whoever expects you to be back to "normal" yes as I will never be " normal" again going through this breaks something in side and no matter how long you will always have the scars!!!!! On your heart!

Thanks. I've just been back to my GP. He at least is fantastic. He's referred me to someone else so fingers crossed. I did try to weasel out of it but I and he knows deep down it won't hurt. My partner isn't back til the 26th, he's in France living his dream up at the Tour. I begged him to come home at first but then let him off as he's wanted to go forever. 2 weeks and he'll be home.

Aussie - that must be hard being on your own. (Also married to a cycling nut, he's going away the week after next to do the Iron bike in Italy, but that's just for a week and am determined to let him go).

Soooo, just been to the hospital for my second scan, I have lost the baby, although there is still a clot I've got left to pass so they want me to go back again next Thursday to check that's gone. Still bleeding heavily and think I need to allow myself to recover more. They took some blood to see if I'm anemic because apparently I'm losing a bit too much blood. Feel like I need this to be over so I can get on with being upset about it, if that makes sense. I just feel like I'm holding on and dealing with practicalities until I can then focus on the emotions.

Oh, and my bloody mother - she tends to make things all about her and create 'drama' round things, which means I always feel I have to down play problems, can never discuss things with her etc. I had her coming over with some others on Saturday and on Friday I spoke to my DB, mentioned that I was hoping she wouldn't be 'hard work'. Seems he decided to have a word about supporting me, not making drama, she's taken umbridge and then have had a week of arguments. (She was, however, unusually well behaved on Saturday, I did think she'd been really good). She called last night and left me feeling like it's my fault they've all fallen out, she knew I had the scan today. DH is livid, he said she was just trying to make it all about her, so now I ended up apologising that my DB was telling her to be nice to me, and trying ot make her feel better about it all.

I said I'd call her after the scan and let her know, but I can't face it now, is that mean? I don't feel like I'd be calling to get and support from her; I've realised she wants me to support her in the trauma shes suffering from her DD losing a baby - if that makes sense. I don't want to feel like I have to make someone else feel better about it. Or say "it's not that bad, it doesn't hurt" when it does, when I'm not ok, when I'm a mess, but that will upset her not encourage her to help me... AHHHH!!!!

Sorry, that was a right rant, feel free to ignore.

Hi everyone, I'm new here, but have been reading your stories and felt like finally here are people who 'get it'.
Dontmind I am so sorry that your mum is not being the support you really need right now. Unfortunately I also know supposed friends who thrive on making other's tragedies about them. I certainly would NOT let yourself feel bad that you haven't spoken to her about today. You've been through an awful time and don't need to be there for her - it should absolutely be the other way round! Is there any chance that you could text her? That's what I did when I wanted to update people as to how I was getting on, but didn't want to talk to them. And then unplug your phone if at all possible!

It's weird how when you experience something as awful as losing a baby, you feel like to have to apologise for other peoples shock when you tell them. I discovered at my 12 week scan in Feb that I'd had a mmc at 6 weeks. I'm so blessed to already have 2 older boys (7 and 8) from a previous relationship, which I'd had no problem conceiving, so this was pretty devastating, but when is it not?

I've moved into another county last year, a three hour drive from all my friends so been feeling a bit isolated, and it's so good to know I'm not alone! Thank you for making me feel sane!

I'd have been due 12th August, two days after my brother wedding, and when he found out, he wanted to move his wedding forward, so our dates wouldn't clash. Now I'm dreading going, and struggling to feel excited for him as I know I'm going to be thinking about what should have been. I'd rather hoped I might be one of the lucky ones who fell pregnant again straight away, ttc is pretty much the only thing keeping me sane atm I think. But so far, no joy. I don't know if it's because I had a natural miscarriage, but my cycle seems to be really really long - I've only had three periods since Feb, which is kinda of not helping :(

Sorry for going on a bit, but it's so good to be able to share this with you all and know you understand, thank you

Hey dontmind I'm another with mother issues (again another threads worth probably!) but it's exactly as you said I had to help her through it when I needed support not constant questioning! Grrrrrr!
KP I have my close cousins wedding on what should of been my due date, I'm thinking that gives me cast iron reason not to be the usual designated driver and get spectacularly drunk! And people are allowed to cry at weddings, no one needs to know what I'm really crying for!
Had another close friend announce their pregnancy today (I was at work so had be jolly!) is it just me or is there a RL baby boom occurring? I'm really pleased for everyone, honest, but FFS could they not have kept their legs crossed for a bit please!

don'tmind it's really not on when other people make it all about them. My parents tried to be supportive but my mum started telling me what to do when i phoned to let her know, she thought I should be going to the hospital even though I'd been told by the ooh doctors not to bother unless I felt faint or ill. She also kept telling em to calm down, I'd lost my baby that day, of course I was upset. Don't let your mum make you feel guilty about not speaking to her today, it's not about her, it's about you. You can come and rant to us all you like.

KP I'm sure you would be dreading your due date anyway but it's hard when you have to pretend to be happy for someone else. My due date is on dd1s birthday, so I will probably have a houseful of teenagers and won't be able to hide away and cry, I'll have to be the birthday girl's mum and be a good hostess.

livismum yes I think there is a rl baby boom going on. I can't go anywhere without seeing pg women and/or new babies. I'm quite lucky that nobody I work closely with is pg atm, but there are friends I am avoiding seeing as they are due around my due date. I had a tough time holding myself together at church this morning when a new mother came and sat beside me with her baby boy. I want one of my own, I don't want to be surrounded by other people's.

sorry i can't read all posts on a very small screen!
i just hope that all of you having issues with people not respecting your feelings of what your going through i would give them a miss until your feeling stronger! Mums/inlaws included!!!!!!!
aussie- I'm sorry that your partners is not with you but hopefully the days will go quickly and you'll be together and let him know how your really feeling! and all you have had to endure!
dates are important due date will always be a lasting memory, and i hope all how have weddings etc to deal make the right choice for you and hopefully not something you may regret!!!!

lets continue to support each other a place to talk as we may not be able to do so in RL!

i have a feeling some BFP around the RL corner!

Hi,
Can I get on the bus?
I fell off the January one on Monday.

OH and I have been trying for a year for our first child. Got pregnant for the first time in May, got BFP on my birthday in June. Told my parents and my best friend. Bought two teddies and a new car (with four seats and a boot).

Then the day before my 12wk scan started getting some brown discharge, hoped it was nothing but feared the worst. The scan showed an empty sack.
My OH was so sad, I had already started to think it was over even though the bleeding was light and had had a little cry the night before, so was not as shocked as he was. They said the dates could be wrong but that didn't add up.

Then the bleeding started to get worse, on Monday it all kicked off, so much pain, so much blood. Apparently like labour because of the opening cervix but I have not point of reference. The nurses were very attentive and looked after me while I went through it. An hour or so later the pain subsided but my blood pressure had dropped very low so they admitted me to the ward over night.
Next morning I was discharged and am booked in for a rescan on Thursday to 'check it has all gone'.

Slept for 18hrs straight and woke up feeling very weird. Like I had jet lag.
Drifty and blank. It feels like the past six weeks were a dream. That none of it happened and there never was a baby, that it was just part of the same wishful thinking that I've had since last year.

For most of my life I've believed that I can't have children. With such irregular cycles I've always thought that there was something wrong with me. I want to be a mother so badly but can't shake the feeling that it is a pipe dream and will never be. As such I didn't truly believed the BFP and am not feeling a proper sense of loss because I never really got my head round the idea that there was actually a baby in there.

We are going to start ttc as soon as possible and I hope this time I can believe it. I certainly feel a bit more 'informed' and if that pain was like labour then I know I can handle it, even though it felt like I was going to die.
I survived for an hour and a half with my only pain relief being two paracetamol that I'd taken a couple of hours earlier.

I need some hand holding some reassurance that we can do it, that one day we will be parents that I didn't imagine this and that, although I've been asleep for the best part of two days, that it wasn't all a dream.

Carrot- firstly can I say how very sorry I am that you have this totally awful experience and I hope you are getting loads of care and support in real life! I'm glad you have found this thread which was started to offer support and advice as WE have all been through different experiences of a life promised but never fulfilled!
I have had 3 babies taken to soon! Ect- 06, MMC - 2011 and another Ect in April with removal of my right tube! But I have DC which makes things abit different! But I also know how horrible it is too have a scan and get bad news!
We on here are a great bunch and are here for you!

Carrot - was also on January bus.

I don't know what to say to help, it's probably helpful to know your body can get pregnant, that's a step forward. You didn't imagine it. It happened.

Take care of your body, I've pushed myself too much and suffered. Try to eat foods high in iron and get lots of sleep.

Oh, and for everyone else, I spoke to my dad in the end, not my mum, he was great and not had to deal with my mum and her 'drama' much inbetween. They are coming here this weekend though, and DH is away. Thank god I can drink...

Thank you. I need a place to hide with some people that understand. I'm sorry for all your losses and hope I'll be able to offer coherent advise and support once I've stepped out from the weird dream state I'm in now.

@DontmindifIdo - it is true. I do oddly feel we achieved something making a sac even if it was an empty one. Hopefully next time we can improve on that.. maybe my body just needed to figure out what to do with all the happy juice it's been receiving. :) .. omg you made me smile!

Well, back at the emergency gyne for third scan, hopefully this will be it and I can move on. They are running a bit behind and this is the most depressed waiting too I've ever been in, full of woman with tear stained faces and men trying to look supportive, but really looking like they've been hit by a bus. I guess we looked like that the last time we were here... Hoping we can draw a line under it after today.

How is everybody feeling at the minute? I hope you are all getting the tlc you need from everyone around you.

Has anyone had any counselling? Did it help you?
I went for some reflexology today thinking it would help relax me and just be nice. I went when I was ttc dd2 3 years ago so the woman sort of knows me and asked about how everyone is, the kids, work, etc. She then asked why I was there and what I thought she could do to help me. That's when I cried :( And I kept crying the entire hour I was there. She kept talking to me about it all, how I'm feeling, what support I'm getting, etc. She had me doing some stupid 'Emotional Freedom Techniques' which felt like a load of rubbish, then she did a little bit of reflexology then decided she'd do some reiki which again felt really stupid. She seemed really out of her depth with me and suggested that I should go and get some counselling because she doesn't know how to help me. I am thinking about it, but I don't really want to if it's just going to stir up the painful feelings again that I've worked so hard to ignore and pretend aren't there. Then again I'm not really coping very well anyway, I'm sort of disengaging with real life and retreating to mn a lot in a bid to distract me, so maybe I should get the counselling and hope it helps me find a way to deal with it. But what will talking about it do for me? It won't bring my baby back and it won't persuade my dp to try again, so how can it possibly help?

Sorry for being all me, me, me. I'm not doing very well today as you can probably guess. I found out a colleague is pregnant on Tuesday last week, then on Friday another one announced her pregnancy. Then I went out shopping with dd1 this afternoon and couldn't turn around for seeing babies or bumps or women with babies and bumps, some of them incredibly young (the mothers, not the babies), and it just doesn't seem fair :(

Hi all
Dontmind- I know you most probably want to get passed this stage and get on with life but don't forget this is your life and def something you need to deal with, I have noticed when you try ignore certain feelings it then exploded and comes out in the most strange and unlikely manner! Some people will then say " why didn't you say that's how you was feeling" and your like I couldn't it just hurt too much! Even write your feelings down in a journal will help!!
I hated the fact that I was in the same space as people waiting and getting good news it really hurt them with smiles and hugs and us with tears and pain!!!! Not nice at anytime!
Good but- I only saw a Berevement midwife and that was once last year!
She was good and just listened as I spilled my soul and pain had loads of tears and massive hugs!!!! It felt good but wasn't enough but never seeked help got a book that helped me place my feelings and got back to my RL as much as I could! Holding back the tears as more people announced they were pregnant some came from the most shocking backgrounds and for a split second I felt they don't deserve it! Which was wrong who am I too say who should and shouldn't be blessed with a baby! I guess break through came for me after my second pregnancy and heartache in April in which I was forced to address my future without another child! Which I was willing to accept as hard as it was! But that won't be the same for everyone and you def will have to seek out a good counseller who can help you through your feelings!
All the best and 1 day at a time!
I do hope everyone else is ok? Enjoying the sun!

Hi everyone, i've just fallen off the March 2013 bus, feeling a bit raw and bruised at the moment as miscarried on Thursday. Due for a scan tomorrow to check everything has been passed completely. Dont really know where to start with anything as still in a bit of a daze really! Iwas 6+4 when we lost our bean.

Sorry that you guys have also found yourselves here as well.

V x