Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

[HaveToWearHeels]

Bonzo well done you, forgot all about the op and after, very similar experience to you. Had to eat, drink and wee before they would let me go home, no problem ther I was starving and thirsty.
Oh and you did make me laugh about the blood in your bum crack :)

[loubloutwinmum]

Swanseamum sorry you are having a bad day, sounds awful but it is such a difficult time so don't beat yourself up.

Bleeding quite heavily now but only for last hour or so! I really hope this can happen naturally & quickly so I get all clear when I'm scanned Tues. my appointment is at 9am so haven't got to wait all day at least! Really hurts at the moment, even with drugs! Might have a glass of wine in a bit, can't feel any worse.

[HaveToWearHeels]

loublou really hope this goes quickly for you now, thinking of you.

[SwanseaMum]

Oh loublou i really hope this ends quickly for you, i hate to think what pain your in. hot water bottle and a bottle of wine never mind a glass. :) xx

[shomes]

swanseamum I really hope today is a better day for you. My ds is playing up alot at the moment and since we have just comeback from christmas in italy he is not sleeping well at all which i making it worse for me as i'm really grumpy!

bonzo thank goodness you made me laugh with the bum crack thing, lightened my mood this morning,

Have been talking to DH he seems like he's trying to carry on as normal as are we both and work is a distraction but getting through the whole week will be torture. I suggested we think about going away to Norfolk in the summer instead of the usual abroad stressful holiday and he seems to think its a good idea and may give us time to reevaluate things if we don't concieve again before then. At the moment i'm not sure if i want to but desperately want a brother or sister for DS x

[SwanseaMum]

Shomes I am calmer today partly cause I am completely exhausted and don't have the energy to get angry or stressed and partly cause know the boys are in school and nursery so I will have a little time to myself which i desperately need.

loublou hope your ok today xx

[bonzo77]

Hoping everyone is bearing up today. Spent the morning at the horses and riding, which was fun but my goodness exhausting. Hadn't been for about 6 weeks so loss of fitness and loss of blood to blame. Definitely feel better for some proper "me" time, fresh air and keeping my mind occupied. As a bonus one of the girls remarked how thin I'd got! Hoping everyone manages to find some kind of silver lining over the next few days. (hugs and [tea] all round.

[HaveToWearHeels]

Loublou hope you are doing OK ?

Bonzo good for you, I have been out with the dog today on my own while DH had DD and it was great, fresh air and my own thoughts. Wish someone was telling me how slim I look. Gonna start diet and exercise tomorrow.

I think DH is shifting slightly now just need to keep working on him.
DD has been lovely today, she is 2.3 and has really started stringing sentences lately, today she was chatting all day, really cheered me up and also made me realise how much I desperatley want another one.

[SwanseaMum]

Omg my life just doesn't get any easier money stress now its like a kick in the teeth :(
I don't understand why everything has to happen at the same time. Am off work now just couldn't concentrate and I need some alone time.
Somebody help me I feel so low :'(

[Redbird12]

swanseamum so sorry to hear you are having a tough time, it WILL get better and in the meantime, we are all here for you and understand what you are going through. Some time off work without that added pressure will probably help, be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling so low, it is normal at this difficult time, sending you lots of hugs.

loublou hope you are feeling ok.

bonzo and heels, thanks so much for explaing what will happen at ERPC for me, I am booked in for tomorrow. NHS couldn't do it until next week at earliest so have ended up going private. Just couldn't face waiting around that long, feeling in limbo, not knowing if I would mc naturally, not knowing what to do about work. Just glad it will be over quickly, well the physical part anyway, emotionally am feeling very up and down.

[Redbird12]

Just wanted to add one minor rant to get it off my chest!

On way back from 2nd scan to confirm baby definitely had no heartbeat, stopped at Next to return some maternity clothes I had bought from the sale the week before, at the time had thought i would stock up in advance whilst they were half price, they were still bagged up so just wanted to return them.

There were a few people waiting in the queue when I got near the front, a woman 2 behind me pushed forward when they said 'who's next' and went to the till. When I pointed out quite politely that I was actually next, she started giving me abuse so i just ignored her but then as I was leaving with DH she came up and started jeering at us and giving us more abuse. DH was totally taken aback as hadn't seen earlier exchange & obviously neither of us was in great state of mind at this point anyway.

Just why would someone do this?! I know I am being over-senstitive at the moment but I just didn't need that, it was hard enough returning the mat clothes anyway, got in the car and had to try v.hard not to cry :(

[loubloutwinmum]

Sorry I've not been on much, had pretty grim 24 hours. Very heavy bleeding & can't believe I haven't totally miscarried but scan tom will confirm! Feel exhausted & washed out & old!

redbird hope it goes ok for you tom, sorry you've not had a great day. That woman in Next needs a slap.

Swansea hope you ate feeling a bit better, I hope your other problems sort themselves out, it is such a hard time.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Heels, Shomes, Bubbaloo, Bonzo - thinking of you all.

[HaveToWearHeels]

Redbird I really understand the Limbo thing and think you have done the right thing by going private. I am sure you will feel much better once you have had the ERPC, physically anyway. emotions will take longer. Remember a good book, don't know what I would have done without it as lots of waiting around. Hopefully as you are private you will get something nice to eat rather than the standard NHS slice of toast. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope it all goes smoothly.

I too have a couple of maternity things to take back to Next. I think you were very restrained, I think I wold have slapped the silly cow, I hate queue jumpers :(

Bleeding has stopped for me, just a little brown discharge when I go for a wee. Have been having a huge clearout of clothes and stuff today, DH is going to take it all to the charity shop tomorrow. I found it good therapy.

Loublou this must just be horrendous for you, I just can't imagine how exhausted you must be. No one derserves to be going through what you are. Thinking of you tomorrow, hope it is all over with soon xx

[bonzo77]

Oh swansea, you poor thing. I hope the time off, with boys at school and not having to go in to work will give you some space to recover, both emotionally and physically. We all get strength from different things, I'm sure you will find what works for you. Things surely will get better.

loublou, fingers x for your scan, hoping that you don't need any more treatment. I felt just like you did, washed out and feeble. I'd been taking floradix, a "tonic" with iron while pregnant, and started taking it again, I'm sure it helps. A bit of iron has to be a good thing when you've lost the amount of blood that we have. It's only got a little iron, so no risk of constipation. Speaking of which the codeine gave it to me really badly, so have been on movicol and lots of water. I'm sure the water makes you feel less feeble.

redbird what a bitch in next! Worth returning the clothes though, you don't need them haunting you. And the couple of bits I got from next maternity last time weren't all that great: the t-shirts were weirdly short, and I only got a tiny bump last time. This time round all I've bought were some sleep bras because my boobs had been killing me over night. They'll go up in the loft with my other maternity stuff next time I go up there.

heels my bleeding has all stopped now too. I did a pregnancy test this morning, just out of interest to see if hormones have gone, and got a BFN!

[shomes]

Hi there

All sort of quiet over here, just still waiting for the next agonising 6 days until the scan next monday.

Re: The woman in next, she definitely needs a slap how dare she, i find people are so insentivie in general these days.
Luckily DH is coming with me on monday which is good although mum was just as good, i think he feels like he needs to see whats going on for himself and also be there for me too.

Birthday was ok yesterday although tinged with sadness, had to close my eyes when walking past the maternity clothes as i was looking forward to buying them this week :( feeling very down as well but trying to cover it whilst at work :(

Hope you all have a better week xxx

[loubloutwinmum]

Evening, had such a grim day! Scan showed that the pregnancy & sac etc was all still there! Couldn't believe it as bleeding been so heavy & lots of clots. Was referred to emergency gynae clinic at local hospital. Waited for hour then spoke about my options! They couldn't offer me an ERPC until Fri, possibly Monday! In the end DH & I decided the medical management route was better option. However as I'm already bleeding doc examined me because suspected my cervix was already opening so would beable to skip oral pills & just have pessary. However, turned out my cervix is tightly closed! Bizarre as am bleeding loads!

So had oral pills & had to wait hour to ensure I could keep them down. Then I had blood taken which was a disaster & just bled & bled & bled! Then had anti D also as I'm rhesus negative!

Finally got home at 3 pm! Got to go back Thursday morning for pessary & then stay at least an hour & then go home. DH is so stressed & angry & worried & I'm worried about him. I'm starting to feel that there won't be another baby for us as I really don't think either of us could go through this again!

Sonographer was lovely & said the pregnancy looked perfect but just sadly didn't develop past 6/7 weeks for some reason! She said my womb & ovaries looked very, very healthy. I guess that is good but still not sure I could go through this again!!

I really hope you are all doing ok! I feel like this is never ending!

[HaveToWearHeels]

Bloody hell Loublou that sounds dreadful, so very sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you. Sounds all very strange but our bodies are funny things and who knows what or why this is happening.

Dreadful that they couldn't offer you an ERPC for a few days, so glad mine was offered for next day.

This will be over soon and you can start to heel, thoughts are with you x

[bonzo77]

loublou there really is no rhyme or reason to this... it just shows how all our bodies and minds are different. Not to mention the various standards of care we've experienced. I waited 8 days for my ERCP (and 9 days between 1st and 2nd scans). I totally relate to the disbelief that even after all the bleeding and pain that the sac etc are still there. I spent a couple of nights rolling around on the floor practicing my breathing from antenatal classes, and out of my tree on codeine only to be told the same. Thinking of you tonight, really hoping that things get better ASAP.

[Dunnitt]

Hey HaveToWearHeals.

Sorry if i'm too late to offer this advice. From my experience go the ERPC route as quick and clean, BUT insist on having a follow up scan to check its all clear. I didn't do this and 3 months later, yep 3 whole months, it transpired that there was still stuff there and as such there was no chance of becoming PG in that time.

And it terms of emotionally. Take your time. It does get better. And I know you've heard this but this is so so common. Everyone single one of my friends has had miscarriages and gone on to have healthy babies. Hang in there.

[shomes]

LOUBLOUthat sounds horrendous, i will definitely check on monday if they are going to do erpc or whatever that i will have a check afterwards.

I've been having an awful few days, still no bleeding but not feeling pregnant anymore and just so down about the whole thing, i think its just the waiting thats killing me and maybe on monday i'll feel better x

[loubloutwinmum]

Shomes sorry you are feeling so low but I know how you feel & the waiting is just so horrendous.

I had the most awful eve, night. I won't go into too much detail because it is so grim but I am sure the oral pills alone have brought on full miscarriage. I started contracting & cramping like never before about 7pm last night, the pain was off the scale & pills didn't touch it! My insides literally fell out & it went on until about 1 am! I just dozed off when DD woke & seems to have ear infection so was in agony. DH tried to soothe her but she wanted me. Was so hard as I just wanted to curl into a ball & die!

Got a few hours sleep this morning but cramps started again this afternoon & I'm still passing enormous clots. I am scared about tom & having pessaries because if it's worse than this I'm not sure I can cope. Sorry, I hope this isn't TMI but this is so different from my earlier m/c & I'm exhausted. Will talk to doc tom about my concerns before anymore treatment. My poor DD is on anti biotics & my poor DH has been rushing around looking after us both, getting her to docs, other DD to Schl & picking her up & at same time running his business. He is exhausted, stressed & on the edge. I just want this to be over now!

[shomes]

loublou that sounds like a hellish experience, I am now convinced to go for ERPC as i don't think i could go through what you all have been through with the pills or naturally occuring mc. It all just makes it more real and confusing, sometimes I feel like my body has failed me :(

Thank god for honest women who can advise each other on important yet painful things like this, I too worry about my DH as he works so hard and is exhausted yet he is really trying to make me feel better. I on the other hand feel like i'm being monstrous to everyone and now i'm feeling really guilty. I suppose its like the stages of grief where you feel sadness then anger then denial etc.

Really hope you feel more human soon loublou and that things settle down and you can emotionally move forward. xx

[SwanseaMum]

loublou I truly feel for you, I am not sure how I would have coupled in your shoes you are incredibly strong xx

shomes sug the erpc is quick and the physical recovery much faster. I won't help with the emotional repercussions of a mc but if your not in pain it can be a bit easier.

I had a tattoo today in memory of the baby. Its cherry blossom so it has a double meaning for me. Unfortunately the emotional pain I am feeling needs a physical counter part :(

I genuinely thought I was over my depression this mc hasn't helped.

girls I an thinking of you all xx

[SwanseaMum]

Bloody predictive text on my phone sorry if my message doesn't make sense x

[Redbird12]

loublou so sorry to hear what you are going through, I hope they come up with a resolution a bit quicker for you.

I had the ERPC yesterday - it went fine (as much as it could do). Woke up after op with a bit of pain and bleeding but pain has already gone by today and bleeding now very light. Thanks for your advice heels and bonzo, it was definitely the best option for me and also for advising what to take, a book was definitely needed!

Still felt quite groggy today and emotionally up and down but have told work not coming back in till next week so at least no pressure to rush to feel better within a couple of days.

One question i forgot to ask yesterday was when normal cycle would return? Does anyone know? Also, consultant told us to wait 3 months before trying again but miscarriage site suggests you are most fertile in the 3 cycles immediately following an mc so wouldn't want to miss this if true!