no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.
Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.
On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?
HaveToWearHeels · 04/01/2012 14:03
I ended up writing 'miscarriage' on the sick form (because they then can't take it into account for sick absence totals as it's pregnancy related - not that I've ever had a sick day there before) and handed it over hoping there'd be no comment but he said less than 1 word and off I went. He is super nice though and took me out of the office for a coffee for an hour - cue more tears for being nice. Feel a bit mortified now though.
I had all my antenatal appt letters through on Weds so I've had fun ringing and canceling them. My prescription exemption card arrived too! I've consoled myself somewhat by book holidays so I have something nice to look forward to over the next few months.
Sorry to see there are more people joining the thread. 
Had a bit of a wobble during casualty. A woman with a star pendant on a necklace for each of her lost babies. There were several. . It's not even RL. 
Hi All, so sorry for your losses davidsmum and blackcats I have had a better week. Last week was horrendous as was still bleeding heavily after the ERPC and felt really crap and just wanted to give up everything.
After a good chat with a friend i felt loads better and now the bleeding has stopped nearly i feel physically better. The emotional scars however will take longer to fade.
I think i just feel so cheated by it and had so many plans, it really hurts.
Love and hugs and a glass of vino for you all 
Davidsmom your story is familiar to mine, I had DD at 39 after having an ectopic at 38. I feel like I have been cheated. But 42 is OK according to my midwife (she is fab). Would you consider trying again ? We are going to try but I am not holding out much hope, we so desperatly wanted 2 children as we are both only children. Were you offered an ERPC ?
Loublou I know you are right, she is just soooo precious now, she always was must now it is different. Lovely that your in laws are being so supportive by having your girls. You really do need some time for yourself don't you.
shomes sorry you have had a crap time after the ERPC :( but glad to hear you are feeling physically better. I found getting back to a normal routine really helped me.
I could really do with but trying to loose a few lbs before holiday. I felt quite sick with the pregnancy and as a result was eating lots of biege food. I amd now not pregnant but fat :(
Dear All, (Long and TMI warning!)
I typed a long message this morning then when tried to post it got asked for password again and I?d lost it. The second time- v frustrating. So third time lucky?
The early pregnancy unit I went to at St Marys, Manchester were fantastic. I?d been booked for another hospital by GP for yesterday afternoon but had had some problems with them before and when phoned St Mary?s to check if they saw patients without a referral and spoke to a lovely receptionist who explained all about the opening times, what they offered etc and who told me I was very welcome to come I decided to try there in the morning instead. (Cancelled the other one!)
Had another scan and confirmed no heartbeat. They explained that because it was very small (4mm) their and Royal college guidelines say that technically it could be an early pregnancy and not the 8-9 week one expected by my dates. So no heartbeat could mean it hadn?t developed that far, not that it had stopped developing (if you know what I mean) Now there is no way it was a new early pregnancy as haven?t been near DH in that way. But because I had the 6 week scan report with me stating that there was an embryo at a size consistent with dates and a heartbeat at that time they ?deviated from the protocol? after checking with the consultant and accepted I could have treatment. So although upsetting that I saw heartbeat and LO died soon after there was a good side to having had the early scan. Otherwise they would have refused to treat and scanned me in a week. That would not have been good for my sanity.
As I was already bleeding and cramping I opted for the medical management and took the first tablet at 6pm yesterday. The cramps were already at about 5-6/10 and escalated to about 8-9/10 over the next 6 hours. The codeine helped (30mg) and although woke up at 3am a hot water bottle helped. The bleeding was bad but only really when I went for a wee. Plan was to return on Thursday for pessaries and to stay in hospital until had passed the pregnancy. They discussed all 3 options, natural, medical management and surgical management (ERCP). Choice was mine and no pressure for any particular option. All clearly explained and although I had to go back in the afternoon to get the tablet and anti D because the blood group test took so long overall my "experience" was very good. They were all very understanding etc.
This morning I stopped having the cramps and started passing errr..?tissue? then this afternoon what was definitely the pregnancy sac. Did have a look but nothing really to see, probably as so early. The bleeding has reduced to what I would have as my heavy bit of a period.
Contacted the unit who have arranged a scan tomorrow morning and if nothing left can go home, if still ?stuff? then will have to go through with staying in. Am pretty sure its all gone but can see its best to make sure and get it all over with.
So not as horrendous as I expected although the pain was bad. I think I was well on my way anyway though and the tablet just got things going faster. Had been cramping for 2-3 days before I got the bleeding on Monday and as was supposed to be 8-9 weeks and LO only got to about 6 so suspect it had been happening naturally over the few weeks before. On balance think I did the right thing with the medical management. Of course when the scan says there is still stuff and go through hell tomorrow may be eating my words and wishing I had gone for the ERCP
Now on the emotional side not doing so well though?
Blackcats,
Thinking of you for tomorrow.
I definately feel a partial closure in that mentally I feel I am now "not pregnant" whereas yesterday if someone asked I would have said I was despite it obviously having died . Dont know if that makes sense?
Think I can now start to grieve. but not sure how to start
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