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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

462 replies

HaveToWearHeels · 04/01/2012 14:03

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

OP posts:
MrsHerculePoirot · 21/03/2012 14:59

Glad it went smoothly lttlespade. Not being scanned after is normal.

AF has just arrived - a little bit different to normal, but I am pleased it is here. For me 5 weeks after ERPC.

Redbird12 · 21/03/2012 17:39

Hi All, Littlespade, glad the ERPC went well, mine was ok also, seemed to take longer to come round immediately afterwards this time but physically actually feeling ok today, very little pain or bleeding. Emotionally less so, all over the place, now it is really hitting me after feeling a bit more together at the start of the week. Last time i found the ERPC helped give me closure, this time it has just intensified the loss and losing twins seems to have magnified the heartbreak. I guess as well losing another 2 babies so soon after losing the first, feel like i had just got back up again and am now being well and truly torn apart. Given up trying to be strong and am just letting myself grieve for now as just need to get through the next few days, can't think much further out than that yet.

MrsHerculePoirot · 21/03/2012 21:00

Oh redbird I think how you are feeling is completely normal. Allow yourself to feel however you need to in the near future and just get through a day at a time.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 21/03/2012 22:43

Hi All

Hope you are all ok and have been able to enjoy this nice weather.

Redbird and Littlespade, glad your ERPCs went well. take the time to recover, don't rush. As the others have said, seems normal to not rescan, so nothing to worry about there. Redbird, it is totally understandable that you feel so sad about everything; what you are going through must be so very draining and upsetting. Am thinking of you.

AF has arrived here, and totally in sync with my previous cycle, so hopefully that will make TTC slightly more straightforward.

loubloutwinmum · 21/03/2012 23:27

Redbird I think the way you are feeling is totally utterly understandable! I think you are doing amazingly well & you are very strong even if you don't feel it at the moment. Hope over the next few days you start to feel better but you need time to grieve your lost babies. Sending you lots of strength & love xxx

Littlesoades glad ERPC was ok & although I had med management, I wasn't scanned after. Was mid way throug treatment but that was due to complications. I was just told to take a pg test 3 weeks after treatment & would only be rescanned if positive, which it wasn't! Hope you start to feel better over the next few days!

Hi to everyone else x

Dorita75 · 22/03/2012 19:38

I'm glad the ERPCs went well for our 2 ladies. Same with no scan for me, got negative preg result after 4 weeks though so that's another way to check all's sorted.

As others have said, from my experience it's a case of taking as much time as you need and don't feel bad about any emotions, just go with it and look after yourself.

Ethel glad your AF's arrived, sounds good it's in synch, fingers crossed eh!

I'm just having a G&T, out tomorrow with work, I'm really making the most of this window Wine and will stop when ttc starts again....I promise.....!

blackcatsdancing · 22/03/2012 20:37

littlespade glad your erpc went well. I didnt need any cleaning up afterwards, i know some women mentioned need for wet wipes, the hospital did a good job there for me.
i was actually preoccupied afterwards of what i looked like in surgery- as in how undignified was i and to how many people? seemed another insult to be added. however i found a photo online that was very reassuring, woman bascially completely covered in green surgical drapes except for access to the vagina which only had the surgeon looking at it as he worked. No exposed thighs or legs at all.
redbird i agree with the others, you've been through a major trauma, whatever you feel is normal and right for you. Take your time and do whatever is right for you.

SwanseaMum · 26/03/2012 20:42

hi ladies haven't. messaged in a while but dip in often to see how every one is doing. Red I am incredibly sorry for you terrible loss i think you are amazing for how you are dealin with your grieve. I hit the 3 month mark on the 24th had a bit of a moment.
Recently found out i am pregnant again. absolutely terrified. I am going to to loose this one too. won't book with the midwife cause i don't want it to feel real yet.
I am sorry i really don't want to rub salt into your wounds. I am sorry thinking of you all xx

Dorita75 · 26/03/2012 20:51

Swanseamum that's great news. I think we all appreciate good news like this. I'm hoping I'll get pg soon too...and also know I'll be terrified, think that's normal considering. We can only hope and try to stay calm (though realise that's impossible!!)

Congratulations Smile

blackcatsdancing · 28/03/2012 12:35

congrats swanseamum. Good news stories are very welcome and give hope. I know you've got a long way to go yet but its statistically far more likely you will have a good outcome than not so hold onto that fact. I do wish you all the best.

Redbird12 · 29/03/2012 20:07

Congratulations swanseamum, agree with blackcats, it it far more likely that it will all go well, the main reason my 2nd pg didn't was because of it being identical twins, not anything related to the 1st mc.

I have been back at work the last 3 days and actually feeling much better as a result than when I was sat round the house thinking about everything all day. Feeling very tired but a bit more positive. Think we are going to have a bit of a break and then try again in a couple of months.

Hope everyone else is doing ok x

MrsHerculePoirot · 29/03/2012 23:06

Congratulations swanseamum that is fab news! Hope you are able to stop worrying and enjoy it as much as you can. It is definitely nice to hear good news and have hope as the others have said.

AF arrived for me last week and so I think we're going to start TTC again now... every so often I get a bit emotional about it all (well twice in the last week, having been fine for ages). I have been able to talk to people about it quite opening without getting really upset and have found so many people in similar situations. One of best friends has just reached her 12 week scan, and they have been TTC for ages and were just about to start testing for fertility issues when her next period never arrived.

Redbird it is so nice to hear that you have been back at work and feeling a bit better. Your post certainly sounded like you felt better if that makes sense! I know you know all this already, but allow yourself to have those moments of upset in order to continue hearling when needed.

Hope you've all been enjoying lovely weather and have nice plans for the next couple of weeks over Easter. x

Dorita75 · 30/03/2012 21:41

I agree with MrsHP You sound much better Redbird Being at work made me feel loads better too.

My AF came on 18th for about 4 days, and has reappeared yesterday. Was quietly thinking "this could be the implantation bleeding I've heard about...." but actually I think it's too heavy for that (sorry tmi). Will do some t'interweb searching....and realise like everything else there is no 'normal' way and everyone is different, so end up not knowing anything and just having to wait and see!! Makes you feel like you're doing something though I suppose.

3 people in work (or partners of) have had babies this week and I've been okay with that. Feel like it's my turn next though Smile

Got nice day with my neice tomorrow, hope everyone else okay.

SwanseaMum · 31/03/2012 09:32

thanks ladies. keeping this baby to myself at the mo until i know everything is ok

Red you sound quite calm at the mo, maybe being in work is good for you. I found work so difficult but i work in Dr surgery and seeing al the pregnancy stuff from the midwife was too much.

Davidsmom · 05/04/2012 00:26

Hi
Am sorry as just scanned your messages quickly- a just checking in afer a long absence after MMC in early Feb-medical management at 9.5 weeks, stopped progressing at 6.5-7 weeks.

Rebird my sympathies bloody hell, how completely shit awful can life be. with all my heart hope you get that sticky LO.

Swanseamum- best wishes for things to come.

I am pretty down- apologies but DH NOT persuadable on future children so trying to deal with his decision. Actually briefly discussed it and will go for counselling/relate or whathever tho doubt will ever see things the same way at least will have discussed it.

At Center Parcs at the moment and surrounded by mixture of v small people/ babies which doesnt help.

shomes · 05/04/2012 15:57

Hi ladies,
Sorry haven't posted in a while.
Had hell on bleeding front after ERPC. Bled fine to begin with then had what thought was period but lasted for 3 weeks!! So was referred for a second scan after 2 weeks of no bleeding then another period and she said there is still stuff left behind!!!!! This is incredible, i am so frustrated and annoyed, she said no need to intervene as it wasn't enough left to do that?????!!!

So now i need to sit back and wait, when i thought things were finally going back to normal!! Baaaaaaaaaaaad week!

Swansea really praying for you after the hell you went through, take things one day at a time, that helps and all the best of luck in the world x

SwanseaMum · 05/04/2012 18:28

aw shomes that's so crap. got an early scan next Tuesday cause I have got pelvic pain again its. starting to stress a bit hopefully everything will be ok
take care xx

MrsHerculePoirot · 06/04/2012 09:09

Oh no shomes that sounds horrible. Hope you start to feel better soon. I recently found out something similar happened to a friend, they said after next period it was all clear so hopefully it will allget back to normal for you soon.

Hope scan goes ok Swansea mum.

blackcatsdancing · 06/04/2012 15:35

shomes that really is awful. I had odd bleeding but never had a second scan as my pregnancy test was negative at day 20 (post ERPC) so told not to come in. I'll copy what i wrote earlier on the other long MC thread. Its really just for other people's future info.

for those with weird bleeding i wanted to add this odd thing. I had an ERPC early Feb, had lots of spotting for almost 3 weeks after, seemed endless, then a very light period at 3 weeks , then nothing, then more spotting, then another very light period after a long cycle- about 34 days. Then my partner decided he didn't know if we should TTC so I went on the pill, however (and am cutting a long story short here) after 4 days I got worried and came off the combined pill, 2 days later I started bleeding, standard thing that is meant to happen but here's what is weird. My last 2 periods have been light with pinkish blood, no clots, very thin watery blood. This bleed is like my normal period, heavier, some small clots, thicker blood and darker. I mean how weird is that? This bleed started 6 days after my period stopped. Its hardly much time for uterine lining to build up again. I was absolutely not pregnant- i did loads of tests so not an early MC. All I can think is that hormones were still all over the place (as is usual after a MMC) and taking the pill for a few days and then coming off seems to have forced my body to do something different. Strangely it is rather reassuring to get a more familiar period.

blackcatsdancing · 06/04/2012 15:39

i just wonder how often hormone therapy would help sort some of these problems out? Yes, as my GP said , things will eventually get back to normal (she said it can take 8 weeks for a bleed to stop after an ERPC- 8 weeks!!!) but i wanted to get back to normal quickly not 3- 6 months later. To be fair she did say if people didn't want that they could take a hormone but i was also told that if you stop taking it then the bleeding will restart. grr

blackcatsdancing · 06/04/2012 15:40

swanseamum good luck with the scan!

blackcatsdancing · 06/04/2012 15:44

davidsmom mine has had second thoughts too but has said i should go ahead if i really want to, not sure what to think anymore, really wanted him to be as excited as he was originally , i don't like the idea of years later having something like "well you wanted the baby, not me" thrown in my face (unlikely he would never say that), but he might not want to get that involved as he seems rather scared at the lifestyle changes. Anyway good to know you are going to have counselling together , even if he won't change his mind it will help with the relationship to understand where you are both coming from on this.

SwanseaMum · 07/04/2012 08:33

I have to honestly say the mmc has made dh far more supportive and caring I didn't think it would happen as we had decided to have my coil fitted again.
somethings they say they don't mean and when it happens their attitude changes. Don't loose hope davidsmom as it can still happen xxx

Dorita75 · 07/04/2012 22:59

Just want say I'm sorry for what some of you are going through with partners and what you're dealing with schomes

Good luck with your scan swanseamum

Hope everyone else ok x

SwanseaMum · 10/04/2012 18:38

hi ladies scan went well 8 weeks and. 4 days. still not building my hopes up too much still early days ,
take care xxx