Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

iph Your experience really does sound horrendous. It is good to hear how bad things can be so people are prepared for the worst I think as the doctors never really tell the full range of possiblilities. I'm just pleased you had your DH with you when you collapsed! I really hope there is something in the 'more fertile after miscarriage thing'! I wish you all the best with this pregnancy - take care of yourself x

My situation still hasn't changed much. Its now the end of my second week of waiting for things to happen naturally and still nothing has really happened. Since last weekend I've had on and off light pink and brown spotting but only noticeable when i wipe and no progression to anything heavier. Not sure what's going on! Maybe my cervix is blocked or something?

Anyway I'm back to EPU for another scan on Monday so hopefully I'll know more then. If given the option i think i'm going to go for an ERPC now to get some closure on all this. Struck me as odd that no-one has ever taken any blood to check my hormone levels. Not bothering to POAS as i'm guessing it would still say positive.

Hope everyone else is doing ok and has a good weekend. I think Sunday is going to be interesting to get through with it being mothers day and us seeing the inlaws.

Hi all, it's been a while since I've been on here after my ERPC in Jan and then getting pregnant again very quickly afterwards. I had an early scan at 9 weeks and so wanted to come on here with good news to give you hope but unfortunately I am faced with even more heartbreak...the scan this time showed twins but both had died at 7 weeks.

This time both DH and I felt more optimistic going for the scan and that it couldn't happen again, now I am in shock and disbelief that I have lost 3 babies in less than 3 months. Last time I could convince myself it was just one of those things, now I feel so guilty, as if somehow I have not been good enough or healthy enough to protect those babies, just to prevent even one of them from dying.

I have to go for another scan in the week but they seemed pretty sure as they said there was internal bleeding and for the length of the babies they should definitely be able to detect their heartbeats.

I am assuming it will be an ERPC again but need to understand best course of action. We hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy this time, but i think we will need to now as all the family were due to come round tomorrow for Mother's Day.

I'm really sorry to see more people have joined this thread and I also can't believe I am back here again but the support last time really helped me out and I suppose at least this time I know what to expect, it just doesn't make the loss any easier.

oh redbird i am so very sorry, that is awful . It doesn't sound like it will be good news next week but i shall keep my fingers crossed for you. What has happened to you is what I am fearful will happen to me, my age (44) really doesn't help matters.
FWIW i've been reading professor Regan's book Miscarriage and she says how unusual is it to miscarry more than one or twice in a row. The NHS don't generally investigate until you've had 3 recurrent for the good reason that most women who have 3 or less than that will go on to have a live baby to take home with no intervention. Not that that helps anyone who wants answers before they get to that awful stage. I had some tests done for clotting issues after my MMC and they came back clear- i was worried as there is a history of clotting problems on my fathers side. Speak to your GP and see what they can do for you. I'd really recommend the book , its very reassuring and if there is a treatable problems you'll be able to read about it in there. The only thing is it was published in 2001, so advances since then have been made. I wish i'd bought it sooner after my MC as it explains a lot more about things- but of course there is much they just don't know.

Take care of yourself x

Oh redbird so sorry to hear your news. I wish there was something I vod say to help, but I don't think there is. Big hugs instead.

Still no AF here either, although I keep thinking it is coming being ever the optimist!

Little spade and mumcmd I hope things get going for you both soon. I waited three weeks in the end, but was ready to go for ERPC in the next week by then as enough was enough and I wanted to move on.

Redbird my heart is breaking for you. I don't post on this thread much anymore, but check in every now and again to see how you ladies are doing.
I am so sorry to read this news, I can only imagine how you are feeling, but please do not blame yourself for this, it is not your fault. I really don't know what to say, but life can just be so shite sometimes. So sorry :(

hi redbird,

So sorry for your loss. I was horrified to hear your news. I'm unsure if there is anything we can say. I'm hoping they can somehow find a medical reasons for you but they tend not to look before the third MC. Stay positive, it will happen ;-~

Oh Redbird I cannot believe this has happened to you, can't begin to imagine how you are coping & have no words at all. Just wanted to say how very very sorry I am. Hope you have the RL support to help you & DH through this. So sorry xx

Just wanted to say a big thank you for all your kind words, I am a bit numb and in denial at the moment. Have 2nd scan to reconfirm later today.

blackcats thanks for the advice, have ordered that book from Amazon today, will also speak to consultant to see if there is anything they can do to investigate.

Hope everyone managed to get through Mother's Day ok yesterday, actually seeing family helped take my mind off everything but i think only because it hasn't really hit me yet. I know I have to be strong for the rest of the week to deal with ERPC (assuming that is the route I go down). Friends & family in the main are being supportive in RL although no one really knows what to say (but then what can you say), just trying not to re-read the message I received from a friend who I'm sure had good intentions but basically implied that this was bound to happen when I got pregnant so quickly after the last time

Hi everyone

redbird i had read the entire thread and vaguely wondered what had happened to you. Such rubbish news - really feel for you. So sorry.

Well i went back to the EPU today and they did another scan - they saw very little change from last time, just mentioned the sack looked like it may be beginning to collapse. So I've decided not to wait anymore and have an ERPC booked in for tomorrow. Am quite nervous as not had an operation before so wish me luck!

Hi littlespade, I am now booked for ERPC tomorrow as well, at least I know what to expect and it was fine although would really not choose to be going through this again less than 3 months after the last time.

Don't worry too much about it, sounds like you have made the right decision, it is at least all over quite quickly and stops you being in limbo waiting. Take some magazines or books for the waiting around, some sanitary towels and wet wipes or similar, dresing gown and slippers. Afterwards, expect some mild pain but nothing that a couple of paracetomol won't deal with and a bit of bleeding. I know everyone on here has been different but mine stopped after a few days and was fairly light after the 1st 24 hours. Felt groggy from GA all next day after op but started getting back to normal after that.

I had another scan today which confirmed the previous one, the consultant was able to tell me they were identical twins and so naturally higher risk as one can't survive without the other and he thinks totally unrelated to previous miscarriage. He recommended ERPC, said they don't advise letting nature take its course with twins, too much blood & tissue!

Hope your op goes well tomorrow littlespade and that everyone else on here is doing ok.

Will be thinking of both of you tomorrow.

Redbird I am glad that the consultant said it was most likely unrelated - not that it makes it OK of course but it sounds positive for the future if I am making sense.

Hi all

First of all, redbird, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It really is so crap, but please don't think it was anything at all that you did. Life is sometimes just an absolute bag of shite. Sending you a massive hug.

littlespade, all the best for tomorrow. I am sure it will all be fine. I was the same as you, never had an op before, but apart from all the hanging about in my case, it was fine and the actual procedure was over before I knew it. Thinking of you.

Still no AF here, now almost 6 weeks on from ERPC... Come on, I am getting bored of waiting now!

Redbird Please delete that painful message now and never read it again.
I got pregnant 8 days after ectopic and loosing a tube, after spending a year trying to concieve the first time. Sorry but your friend is misguided and as my Mum would say "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".
Please try and take some comfort in the fact this was totally unrelated to you first loss. This was simply just shit luck. Sending you huge hugs.

To the ladies having ERPC's tomorrow best of luck. I felt much more positive when it was all over, I could sort of draw a line under it ITMS ?
Please take loads to read (could be a long wait if you go down last like me) and also something to eat as after having nothing to eat for 20 hours, the two slices of NHS toast just didn't cut it.

Redbird I've only just been able to answer as I've been away this weekend. I'm so, so sorry this terrible totally accidental thing has happened to you again. Delete that 'friend's' message! Absolutely wrong.

I was only thinking about you last week and was so sad to see what you posted on Friday. There's not much to say other than my thoughts are with you and I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow and you're home soon.

LittleSpades I hope you're okay tomorrow as well. My scan showed the sac was breaking down 4 days before the ERPC (and I started naturally mc few hours before ERPC) so there's no way of knowing how long you'd have to wait without the ERPC, at least this way you can start the physical recovery soon.

Taking something to read is great advice but don't do what I did and accidentally take a Mills and Boon book with you! (Grabbed from library without paying attention...)

Ethel AF arrived for me yesterday, 4wks and 2 days since ERPC. Hope you're not waiting too long. It's very light and no period pain. Not done a repeat preg test yet to check for a negative, hoping AF means no preg hormones anymore but will check tomorrow.

Thinking of you Redbird, really hope ERPC is ok tom. I just can't believe what you are having to cope with.

Littlespades thinking of you too, hope tom is ok, or as ok as it poss can be. xx

thinking of those having an ERPC today, hope all goes well and it starts the road to recovery.
redbird i agree with the others, delete that message. Even if your friend meant well those sorts of comments or implied concerns are not at all helpful.
The old advice used to be to wait 3 months but there was no medical reason to wait (unless the woman had suffered great blood loss or an infection which needed to be sorted out first- and that takes a couple of weeks not months) , it was to give her a chance to grieve and to pause. My consultant was very clear, I could try again immediately and she said that there was new research which showed that pregnancies outcomes were no worse for those who got pregnant straight away .

Just to add to blackcats post, my doctor also said we could start trying again immediately. I said I'd read conflicting advice and she just shook her head smiling and said there's no reason to wait.

How are things with you blackcats?

dorita i'm a lot better thanks . On hideous 2WW now which is doing my head in a bit. Not feeling as hopeful as i was a few days ago but you know i'm now 44 and have a grown up daughter who is wonderful, my partner has a child he sees, though nowhere near as much as he'd like. If i can't have another one it won't be the end of the world, i'll find something else to occupy my mind and time! I'm sure many people will think i'm barmy wanting a baby at my age anyway and in many ways i'm lucky to have had a child when some people don't.

I see your AF came, pretty bang on time too so hope you are back to normal (hormone wise anyway). Are you trying again? I cant remember.

blackcats keep the faith, there is no reason to think you can't have another child. Being nearly 42 myself I have done some research and spoke to my consultant when I had the MMC and she said that mid 40's was not considered old anymore.
Stay positive and it will happen for you and you will make a lovely Mum :)

aww thanks havetowearheels what a lovely thing to say. Hope very much things turn out the way you want too.

I don't think you're barmy blackcats We want what we want and that's that. We are trying again yes. I'm 37 and no children yet so definately trying again as soon as this AF is out of the way. My boyf is 27 and we really do meet in the middle, both very hopeful and positive that it will work out next time

I just need to.stop. drinking. wine! Making the most of this little window, plan to stop drinking when AF over. Know it prob makes no difference to getting pg but will help me shed the pounds after weeks of eating lots and no exercise...

dorita i put on a few pounds after i found out about MMC- only 3 or 4 but i was already at my highest so i feel very flabby and none of nice clothes fit, very depressing . i'm walking a lot more than before which will help gradually but would love to drop those pesky things and then another 7. Things is i cant do diets, i guess extra exercise and less biscuits would eventually do the trick.

Anyway off out for day out and its lovely and sunny. Hope everyone has a nice day .

Hi all.

Just wanted to check in to say thanks for all the well wishes and to let you know how the ERPC went yesterday.

Apart from all the boring waiting around, which even led to DH falling asleep at one point, it really wasn't that bad. We got to the hospital at 7am and left about 2pm. I had my own private room with ensuite and DH with me all the time except in anesthetic, theatre and recovery. It was a bit gross cleaning myself up to get dressed to come home - hospital orange swab stuff and blood (sorry if tmi!) - so thanks to who ever suggested the wet wipes. A helpful, non-squeamish DH also really helps :) The food was also awful - cold stewed tea and an egg mayo sandwich (when you feel a bit delicate) but on the up side I got 6 chocolate biscuits :)

I had some cramping and bleeding straight after the operation but not really as much as I was expecting and there's been almost nothing since last night. Feeling even better after a shower this morning, just taking it easy as feel a bit wiped out by the anesthetic still.

Had a little sad moment yesterday evening when I realised the baby now really was gone but otherwise I think I am feeling a little more positive, hoping everything is ok inside me and looking to the future.

Hope you got on ok too redbird?

The only other thing is they said they're not going to scan me again to check everything is out. Is that normal?

She said if it wasn't all out I'd know because I'd get further pain or bleeding or feel unwell.

Littlespade Glad it went well. That is normal, I wasn't scanned again.