Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

blackcats sorry to hear you are still bleeding off and on but it is good news that all the exams say everything looks healthy. I think joining that thread sounds great and it felt like a really positive post when I read it.

My bleeding has stopped and I've has what I consider to be my normal mid cycle goings on down below so I am hoping AF arrives in around two weeks now. I even played netball yesterday and was a bit nervous but it was fine andI felt much better for it after. I am hoping to try a Zumba class this week now!

oneday sorry you've had to join this thread. I haven't tested at all tbh, I don't know how I would have felt seeing a positive but knowing it wasn't. I can say though that for me I felt much better emotionally and physically after two weeks - almost normal with only the odd moment. We will be TTC asap too so fingers crossed all round!

Hope everyone else is well.

One day, very sorry about your loss. Agree with mrsherculepoirot, it will take a few weeks until you feel better. It has been 4 weeks since my ERP and I'm ok, not so when i think about how far I should have been etc... but there is just now point wishing what has not been...so moving on and TTC again... have not waited for AF to come back...we'll see if anything arrives this week- I was told 4-6 weeks by the hospital...

Trying to compensate by doing more sports again to get rid of excess weight gained and feeling better about it... my tommy has shrunk also, as I hated having a pregnant belly looking for nothing!
Still not fitting in one of my work trouser but aiming for it!

take care!

Hi onedayatatime I'm so sorry you've gone through this too. As long as you know it's normal to feel down (and up!) I had my ERPC 17 days ago and the hospital asked me to do a test on Wednesday this weeek, I've not done any at all, just that one to come.

I've also stopped bleeding and feel I'm returning to normal Hercule emotionally as well as physically. Being back at work and doing normal things with family and friends has really helped but I'm glad I waited an extra day or 2 to return to work as I thought I was okay, then would spend next day crying. Making myself go to town for a wander round shops with my boyf really helped as a first step back into the real world (the Saturday), and I was ready for work on the Tuesday. Everyone's different onedayatatime but that worked for me.

Went back to badminton tonight, first exercise and really enjoyed it! Zumba will wait till next week as I can feel my arms and legs getting sore already as it's been so long since I've done anything!

I've been reading so many lovely stories about people conceiving quickly after a mc. I had a fab 'flash' the other day when I realised we can have another go - not like a job interview where you can't do anything about it, this time we get to have another go!!

Sorry - just read that back and it sounds confusing - I had nearly 2&half weeks off in all. The week after the ERPC was very up and down but feeling much better now.

Hi all, hope you are all ok. Had s bit of a moment today as my friend who found out she was pg same time as me and who was due roughly same time as me, had her scan today and put pic on fb. Really pleased for them, but just felt a bit that we weren't being able to give everyone lovely news like that. I generally feel ok about it all but that made me a mixture of and I suppose, if I'm honest, a bit too.

On a more positive note, think I might have ovulated yest so hoping things are settling back down again. Really just want to get back to normal and TTC.

Hope you are all doing ok. Have been grateful of all your support and advice, really do appreciate being able to talk to ladies who understand.

I saw that on fb earlier and it freaked me out a bit as one of my fb friends also announced their preg with scan photo today too. I think I felt like you described really too, but I also felt less upset than I thought i might have if that makes sense.

I thought I was all fine really, but have realised I am sleeping quite badly since it all happened. I don't lie awake worrying but I do seem to have bizarre dreams which are related to it. I'm struggling with eating properly ( just eating junk and too much) and as a result am struggling with my diabetes control. I really need to sort myself out, but just can't get motivated.

Great. Just done pregnancy test and it is still bloody positive. When will this shit be over?!!! Am ok really, just a bit, aaargh!

I had a similar FB experience, not a close friend but still the scan pic make me think, oh bugger off. Just annoying isn't it, not their fault and glad we can moan on here and not worry about sounding mean.

Positive vibes to everyone today xx

Hi all,
dorita can empathise with still testing positive. My negative came on day 20.
My green monster moments come when i sometimes visit the due August thread and see where they are all at. Also started thinking myself " i should be 17 weeks today" etc. not good.
mrshercule sorry about the poor sleeping, i've been pretty good up to this week but now have early waking- a symptom of depression for me. My eating is better but mostly because I've put on weight and have to stop that. Started the 10,000 steps a day thing too so hope that will help.
I'm having another session of acupuncture today, last week i had my first ever, very relaxing. Cycle still all over the place. Bleeding every 2-3 days, then back to clear CM, one day it actually shifted to a different more fertile consistency but now back to sticky, where it always is. Sorry if that's TMI. I'm using the cheap ovulation tests and they are coming up completely blank, no second line at all, i've never had that when i've tested before. Finding it very hard to deal with. My only hope is that i am just in the category of women whose cycles take that little bit longer, maybe the period i thought i had at 3 weeks wasn't really one and i'm going to get one at 6 weeks? who knows. ERPC was 5 weeks tomorrow, started bleeding just over 6 weeks ago. GPs say early days but i just want to see signs things are going back to normal. sorry for the moan.

Hi ladies,

Not been on for a while as life been a bit hectic - not in a good way just busy and stressful!! Sorry to see some new ladies on this thread. Dorita sorry to see you are still testing positive - that is really crap.

Totally sympathise with the FB announcements - had a few of those myself and just hidden them.

Been really wobbly this last week - DH & I are both totally terrified of TTC again and after lots of indecision, seem to have decided def not to!!! I felt quite OK about this at first, almost relieved but am now feeling quite panic stricken. I also don't think it helps that AF is due tom and I feel totally rubbish and mega bad PMT. Also just went on the July thread and looked at several bump photos - why I did it I have no idea but now feel so depressed.

My first AF after mc was horrible but I was relieved it came and it meant physically I was back to normal! However, this one looming is just feeling awful and just a slap in the face that I am not pregnant and never will be again! I'm sorry but I am just so confused.

I just wish I was still pregnant and all these decisions were out of my hands.

Hi everyone, Can I join? I was on the September 2012 bus but recently lost my seat.

Went for my dating scan at 12+4 on Monday only to be told i'd had a MMC. The sac was about 2.5cm long but appeared empty. Me and DH were utterly shocked to say the least as I'd had absolutely no bleeding and still had pregnancy symptoms. But now wondering how much of it was in my head?!

Just feel so sad but also utterly cheated and like i've wasted 3 months of my life. All my plans and excitement have gone out the window and there's now no-way i can have a 2012 baby. Had originally wanted one in 2011 but had to wait to ttc as i was made redundant. And its so hard not knowing whether this'll happen again next time. Although I have been cheered by redbird and others stories of quick bfp after mc.

Sonographer took us up to the EPU where they did various tests and then we sat down to talk to a doctor - basically gave us the option of go home and wait for miscarriage to occur naturally, or have operation. She seemed to think the miscarriage would occur within 2 weeks but i don't understand why if it's not happened so far! Anyone any experience of this? Anyone know anything i can do to try to speed the process up? She made the operation sound quite hazardous. I have a follow up scan in 2 weeks if nothing has happened but if it has they'll cancel that and just get me to do a pregnancy test with the intention of it being negative.

Since Monday i have just been so angry and frustrated that nothing is happening and just want my body to get on with the mc! Me and DH also had a row last night as he was just being over chirpy and positive about the future like he'd got over what was happening already.

Really good to read all your posts and hear that things will get better. Also recognise a couple of you from the Sept bus i think.

Hi littlespade I to had a mmc mid Feb, was due on the 2nd Sept. I was 13 weeks but the baby had died at about 6 or 7. I can completely empathise with everything you have just said. I was very much looking forward to a September beby and even Christmas with a 4 month baby etc....it does feel like the past 3 months were for nothing.
I decided on the ERPC route, as after 2 days of intense pain nothing was happening, I found the procedure emotionally awful (but I found the whole mmc that way) but in term of recovery it felt much better for me. I knew that once I had had it done that was it and that I didnt have to wait for anything else to happen. Its 3 weeks tomorrow that I had it done and I feel so much better already. Feel quite guilty writing that but I think now I just feel hope, i have accepted that sadly my baby was very ill and not ready for this world, but I have hope that the next one will be.
In terms of complications, i dont know why you were told that it could be a problem. Its a very very small risk procedure (10 mins), i felt no pain after and bleeding stopped within 6 days (and was only light) Perhaps if things are not happening soon contact the EPU and ask for more info about an ERPC?
I found the pain when the mc started really upsetting as it felt like I should of been rewared with a baby at the end of it. i really dont mean to scare you saying that, and it might not be that way for you....but consider how you may feel when it starts to happen?
I understand the hubby situation too...I guess it is a little dif for us as we 'feel' the baby more...also, i know after the ERPC my hubby was so happy that i was ok...wasnt that he wasnt sad about the baby, but just that he was glad he still had me.
Sending loads of hugs....its the crappest thing to go through but you WILL be ok xxxxx

Hi littlespade and allchik - I also joined the Sept 2012 thread but won't be reaching the destination.

Had scan today after light bleeding and baby had died at 7 weeks. My 12 week scan was due next week so am very sad not to have seen my baby ever. Oh well.

Booked in for the ERPC on Monday. Have already found out when likely to ovulate after that and plan to TTC straight away. When pressed, the nurse had no reasons other than it would mean I don't have a clear LMP date. Like I care!! So we are going straight back at it.

I know that is not everyone else's strategy but just feels right to me. Esp as this really was no surprise today. Symptoms stopped at about 8 weeks and I have had an inkling something not right since then.

Very very sad though that the week I planned to tell everyone to much gasps of delight and happiness will actually be spent having an op under general and recovering from that. Life sucks sometimes.

Hi allchik and tedmundo. Sorry to hear your sad news too.

The hospital, despite saying it was ultimately my choice, seemed to really discourage me from taking the ERPC route without firstwaiting 2 weeks to see if it happened naturally. Don't meant to scare anyone and I don't know if I've been mis-informed but the doctor said the operation, although short, carried the risk of internal tears to the uterus and cervix which may cause future problems such as infection, pain during sex and pregnancy difficulties. Hence DH is of the opinion that for the sake of 2 weeks we might as well wait. I'm less patient but don't want to take unecessary risks and potentially jeopardise the chances of us having a baby in the future. Just wish something would happen!

tedmundo can i ask how do you know when you're likely to ovulate next?

I know how you feel about it being hard having sad times when you'd expected to be able to share happy news - we'd made loads of plans to see people and are trying to keep as many of them as possible but are just telling people about a planning permission we've received instead of about a baby - so heartbreaking.

littlespade - I straight out asked the nurse at the clinic today when my cycle should resume and she said after the ERPC it could actually be 2 weeks later that I ovulate (ie back to a normal cycle).

This is of course not guaranteed but is a possibility. In reality, and with a few hours to let the news really sink in, DH wants me to have a period first and then go from there. Darn his practicality :)

I was interested in your experience with the doctor. Mine was very neutral about both options on what happens next. Gave the facts but did not try to sway me. The risks were as expected with any op. Said problems occur approx 1 in 1000 which sounded pretty good to me.

We have invited in-laws down next weekend for the planned "big reveal" on Mother's Day - oh the irony. Can't cancel on them so will have to just stick a smile on.

If we are ever lucky enough to get pregnant again, will just send a text to everyone after the all-clear sigh

Hi all, just catching up on the new posts, but just to say there are a few of us in here from the Sept 2012 bus; me included. funnily enough know quite a few in RL who are in the same position.

Hi littlespade I remember you from the sept thread. Really sorry you are going through this, it's not nice.
As for the practicalities, docs told me there were risks as you described with the ERPC (op) but that they were small. I had it about 3 weeks ago and apart from the hanging about in hospital, it was over quickly, painlessly and with minimal after effects. I would recommend it. I don't know if you've had chance to read through all the more recent posts, but both Dorita and Hercule started off waiting for 'natural' mc and ended up having ERPC. I am sure they'll be along at some point to tell you about their experiences.

tedmundo and allchik really sorry for your losses. Hope we can all offer you some support on here. Xxx

littlespade, allchick, tedmundo and ethel, and everyone who is going through this horrible time, i am so so sorry. I too was expecting a september baby, due date was my birthday! Things went wrong 4 weeks ago when i had a slight pain, to cut a long story short after 4 long weeks and seeing hb on scan mc finally diagnosed. i have been bleeding for 10 days and can't cope anymore so i too got erpc booked for mon. I feel like such a burden to my DH even though he's been amazing. I just want it over with asap. we too have decided to wait 1 cycle then try again. i have a beautiful 20 month old daughter and feel so blessed to have her, i just wish i could give her a sibling. I guess we all have to be positive and and take advantage of the gift that mother nature gives us being more fertile after a mc. I know our lost ones can never be replaced or forgotten but we will feel better in time.

On the subject of managing the mc, i asked the epu nurse and midwife straight, what would they choose for themselves? Both said off the record that if i wanted closure and more control over the situation then erpc best option for me. I initially decided to wait it out but i cant go through the toilet trauma anymore! If anyone is unsure, take some time and listen to what your gut instinct is telling you, you will make the best decision for your body.

I'm so sorry littlespade and Tedmundo Use this thread to get all your feelings and worries out, you'll see that sadly, we have all been thru it and know and can hopefully offer advice or just listen, at every stage.

As ethel says, ERPC was best for me. I waited a week after my 2nd scan that confirmed mmc and although I started bleeding nothing was happening. I thought it had but no, when I went into hospital for ERPC, it started naturally and I spent a few hours passing 'stuff' before having op. I was only in for 5mins and apart from feeling knackered for a week or so afterwards, found the whole process the best and quickest, least painful (physically and emotionally) way of managing the mc.

Yes they tell you about the risks but only because they have to, I looked into it a lot and even if something does go thru your womb lining it is just sewn up and you recover fine. It's so so so not likely to happen tho, it's just like every op, there may be a risk but it's highly unlikely.

Nearly 3wks on I'm feeling pretty much normal, look like myself again and feel ready to ttc asap!

Hope this post helps, feel free to ask any questions x

Sorry you've joined us too Marielisa glad you've got yourself booked in for Monday. I found getting the physical stuff sorted meant I could concentrate on giving myself time to get my head sorted.

Hi everyone - thanks for the well wishes. I feel better today. Hope you are all too. Nearly the weekend ...

And 100% sure I want the ERPC on Monday. I just want that closure - this pregnancy is not going to happen, so I just want it to be over. Risks seem well within reasonable boundries and this period type pain is a miserable and constant reminder of what I have lost.

Sounds like Monday is a big day for a few of us... good luck to you all.

I already have 2 DC and live in an area where 3 or 4 DC is the norm, so schoolgate mums are ALWAYS teasing "oh when are you having the next one..?" etc.

I am a VERY private person (love MN for the chance to be anon) and have not even told anyone we were TTC, let alone preg and then MMC. I am truly dreading the next "nudge nudge, wink wink" teasing and if I will be able to take it with a smile on my face. Why do people think it is acceptable to speculate about such things??!!

Rant rant rantitty rant.

Hi all, just catching up really.

I thought my bleeding had stopped after my AF on the 19th Feb,( lasted 9 days) but no...i was wrong, more bleeding!!!! Its really annoying me now as one days it normal blood, next day its brown spotting! I went to the GP when the period was in mid flow and she took bloods and said they were fine, not anaemic etc but i don't feel right. She said to come back if the bleeding continued but she is on leave this week and I really don't want to see a male doctor!!

Has anyone else experience this? I'm now 7 weeks on from ERPC XX

Hi all. I just want to offer some reassurance to everyone who is due to have an ERPC over the next few days. I had one this morning and I am very pleased to say that the experience was nowhere as bad as I was expecting. I was admitted at 7am and was out by midday. So far I've had some bleeding like a heavy period but no pain. Strangely since coming round from the anaesthetic I have had sense of total calm. Whilst I expect this may be drug induced I do feel like there has been some closure now - being in limbo over the past few days has been hell.

Good luck to you all. I hope you are fortunate like me to have a lovely nurse looking after you - I think that made a huge difference - must remember to write a thank you letter.

Shomes - I haven't read the whole thread but is it worth contacting your early pregnancy unit rather than your GP? I've been told by mine to approach them directly if I have any problems.

Hi all. Just checking in. Been feeling a little more positive today and managed to get a little work done (I work from home). Although now the sun has gone in and the day is getting on I'm getting a bit down again and just want DH back from work. Still having zero pain or bleeding and am desperately frustrated for something to happen!

tedmundo I have read of others on mn who have ovulated 2 weeks after ERPC so fingers crossed for you. Are you going to wait for your period before ttc?

We too are seeing the in-laws on Mothers Day but DH has decided to text in advance and explain what's been happening.

Hi ethelred - yes have read the whole thread and recognised you, dorita and hercule

Dorita thanks for sharing your experience. I do understand the risks bvut I've never had an op and have a good friend who had an awful experience and loads of later complications from post-labour surgery so i think i'm just a bit paranoid about it. Think I'll try to wait the 2 weeks and if my body doesn't want to do anyting in that time I'll go with the ERPC then.

Good luck to those having op's on Mon!

Hi jollyb, sorry to see you on here, but glad it all went well for you. I know what you mean about the sense of closure, i felt like that after my ERPC.

Shomes, really sorry you are having to deal with this. If I were you, I'd try to get an appointment with your doc for when she's back from her hol. I can't remember from previous posts, are your periods generally regular? After my ERPC, I just had 3days of light bleeding and then that was that. But I tend to have short, light periods now, so that seems to be inline with how I am normally IYSWIM. (sorry rambling!)

Hi thre

ETHEL I'll definitely call on tuesday when she's back as i am getting fed up and concerned now too, periods were regular after coming off the pill albeit shorter so i don't know whether its hormonal or not but i definitely want to check it out!!

Hope all of you who have had the procedure recently heal well and you can start trying again if thats your planxxxx