Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

shomes - I hope you get a bit further with the doc when you speak to him/her. 7 weeks post op - I am not surprised you are feeling annoyed that things are not getting back to a normal rhythm. I will keep fingers crossed for you.

Keep forgetting I no longer have a live baby inside me and when I remember feel very sad and fed up. One of those sh*y remembering moments was when DH handed me a generous glass of wine earlier. Needless to say, I took a big swig... :)

I think I will buy some cheapo ovulation test strips from ebay just to see what goes on once the bleeding stops. However long that will be .....

I am pretty sure DH will NOT want to TTC for a while but control freaky me would like to be in the know.

Anyway, Corrie calls.

Glass of wine definitely helps forget about the pain of the mmc, it does get alittle easier, however I still have those moments at very strange times which is frustrating but part of the healing process x

How's everyone doing this weekend?

Littlespade how are you feeling?

Tedmundo just sending you good luck for tomorrow, hope the ERPC goes well and you're back home soon

Wine, yes! At first I couldn't drink anything but this week I've had wine nearly every night, only a glass or 2 but still....also ate 2 custard slices yesterday...have started a health kick today and am returning to zumba this week. Feel like I needed that week or so of 'sod it' to drink and eat whatever, whenever I liked, ready to get healthy for a new baby now ...as soon as that negative preg result shows!

It has been an odd weekend dorita75 - thank you for thinking of me and sending the good luck vibes! It is appreciated.

I am really hoping I won't need the ERPC tomorrow. Friday evening was like some kind of horror movie. I would not wish that experience on my worst enemy and will never forget it.

The lovely lovely people at the hospital were so kind to me every time I phoned. They thought from what I was going through that the miscarriage has happened. I have to go to the EPC tomorrow morning to have a scan and confirm that the pregnancy has been passed out (God willing). If it hasn't, then I will have the ERPC.

Off my face on codeine, paracetamol and ibuprofen - it is the only way to cope with the pain. Surfing on a drug high right now but clock watching as I know it will wear off soon and then I have the dreaded hour or so til I can take the next lot.

But I can honestly say, not one bit of me doubts whether I will try again. As soon as my next natural AF has happened DH is getting lucky! Look for me on the TTC thread ladies - I will be there!

Ooo sorry you've had to experience that Tedmundo Even if you do still need the ERPC, you shouldn't be in hospital for long and will got reassurance on wha's been happening...

Am with you on ttc! As soon as I get a negative result which will hopefully be this week, that's it. We're going away this coming wkend and I've already told DP that along with seeing the sites, chilling out, eating nice meals out...I hope yo make a baby too

That's supposed to say hope we make a baby too.....doh.

Oh tedmundo so sorry you had to go through that on Friday - I can imagine from what you have said what you have been going through. Dorita earlier up the thread described it as the grossest thing ever which I think is certainly correct. I hope that the scan shows all has gone now naturally, but if not (and that was the case for me) the ERPC was quick and painless. Someone else said that they had a strange sense of calm the moment they came around from the op and that was exactly the same for me - I was a bit wierd.

Littlespade so sorry you have had to join us too from the Sept thread. Re the waiting, we ended up waiting for three weeks for it to happen naturally. I had one day of very light spotting (very brown rusty coloured old blood it looked like - use one very thin pad really all day) then one day of still relatively light bleeding (period like really) and then on the next day it all of a sudden started very quickly. I bled a lot and passed a lot of stuff and nearly fainted twice and had to lie down just where I was for 20 minutes, ended up going to A&E and being admitted and had ERPC the next day. I was told that it was still better to wait as it meant my body was ready, naturally, to expel everything and more on making it a higher probability of completed success in the op and making it more likely my body would recover and get back to normal quicker. Having said that, I don't know that if there was a next time that I would 'wait' again, but maybe I would wait until the slight spotting started and then tell them I wanted the ERPC?

shomes I hope the GP helps you sort out the bleeding, that doesn't sound very pleasant at all.

I am waiting for AF to arrive - from the discharge situation below I reckon that it will possibly be end of next week, but we shall see. I haven't yet actually POAS of any description... although everyone seems to have - were you advised to out of interest anyone?

mrshp and dorita - thank you for the messages. Friday was terrifying. They of course tell you about the clots, but I was not prepared. If I have op tomorrow then so be it. I am quite Zen about life right now.

Sounds like there will be some happy dh over next few weeks. ;) We caught first 'time for this preg so just hope as lucky again.

I should get some pg tests in post tomorrow and also plan to start once get bfn. And no bleeding of course. Dh wants to wait 1 cycle but I am too impatient!!

MrsHP the nurse on hospital ward told me to do a test on 7th March, 19 days after ERPC, and let them know result as they'd have to let various people know...didn't ask at time but assume they mean my doc, my hospital notes...I've got to repeat this week as it was positive. They said I can go to emergency room rather than pay for more sticks but I'm just gonna get cheap Tesco ones, not spend hours waiting in that room again....!

Hope it is negative this week, only 'symptom' I still have are the little white spot-like bumps on my nipples so wonder if it'll be positive until they go.

Incidentally tedmundo my doc said no reason to wait for AF, think wowp body's either ready or it isn't....I did plan to wait but am also getting impatient so not going too now

This weekend I had brown bleeding on Saturday and then fresh blood on Sunday. I was supposedly 11 weeks pregnant and when my HCG levels were checked, they were very good for that time.
I had an early scan today and it seems that my baby did not survive past about 5.5 weeks. (no heartbeat or growth beyond then) This is my third so I feel pleased to have two healthy children. Feel a little numb, although over the weekend I had a chance to come to terms with a possible miscarriage. But was quite shocked that my body still thinks it's pregnant but the baby died. I have a scan appointment for next week, but otherwise no one has talked to me about anything. I know that it's gone.

Mumcmd i didnt want to read your message and just leave it. so sorry for your loss, and so sorry for all those who've joined here recently. Its such a difficult sad time. I felt the same thing, i had light bleeding 2 days before before my NT scan but other than that felt so pregnant still. I felt it was cruel for my body to still register me as pregnant when the baby had died 3 weeks before. In fact it took me 20 days from the erpc to get a negative pregnancy result, and my erpc was a week after i had the scan. In that time my boobs went back down as did my belly as the uterus shifted back. It took a long time, longer than i thought it would. My hormones now seem to be settling and i feel mentally better. Things will get better for you but it takes time.

I'm so sorry mummcd There's so much advice and experienc on here, have a good read and at the very least, know you are amongst people who completely understand your feelings. xx

mumcmd, so sorry to hear your story and to see you on here.

Hope everyone else is ok. Xxx

muncmd so sorry you are joining us. How are you today?

Oh mummcd and everyone else on here at the mo ... it is such a rough time at the moment isn't it? I really hope everyone is OK and please know I am thinking positive vibes for us all.

I went for the scan and the pregnancy sac had collapsed and got stuck in the cervix. So had the ERPC this afternoon and I am home now. Feeling better after my takeaway curry and Corrie catch up.

I cried a lot when I came round after the op but def feel loads better now. It was truly the end of that pregnancy and now I can dust myself off and start again. Once the bleeding has stopped, got a BFN and calmed down a bit that is .....!

mummcd - it may take a while for your body to catch up with current events. The nurse told me not to expect a BFN until after the bleeing had stopped and that will be in about 2 weeks. I guess these things just take their own sweet time. I plan to eat naughty runny cheeses and drink wine (as well as my 5 a day of course... ha!) until it all gets back to normal. x

Oh Tedmundo, glad you're doing ok. Your post made me laugh, I'm also taking advantage of this window...never had so many prawns! Also the blue cheese etc....

tedmundo exactly what i did! big glasses of wine and lots of banned cheese was eaten during the week after my erpc.

Argh just wrote long message then lost it when mn crashed!

Just wanted to say hi to everyone and apologies for not posting for a few days. Had a crazily busy weekend driving half-way round the country to collect a running machine we bought on ebay and visiting my dad, then saw a friend all day yesterday.

Still not much going on here Had a little bit of spotting on Sat morning (bright red) after some bedroom activity and a little more on Sun morning. Yesterday and so far today there has been a little on and off spotting of brown blood when i wipe but no-where near enough to need to wear a pad. JUst wish my body would get on with it! Got to wait out this week before going back to the hospital next Monday.

Told two friends in RL now and starting to feel slightly better emotionally though i think.

Thanks for sharing your experiences MrsHP

Glad to hear the op went ok tedmundo :)

Hope you got some advice from your doctor shomes?

Sorry to see you've had to join us mummcd - hope you're feeling as ok as you can in these circumstances.

Hi littlespade I hope you don't mind me coming over here to reply to your question on the September thread? I didn't want to not reply but I didn't want to go into any detail over there.

I had a MMC discovered in November at a scan at 13.2 weeks, baby had sadly stopped developing at 10.1. I was given three options of waiting for natural, medical and surgical. They have to give you all the risks associated with each to cover themselves.

We opted for medical management in the end as I had read that waiting for it to happen naturally could take weeks and I didn't think I was strong enough for that but also was worried about the risks assciated with surgery.
As it turned out things started to happen naturally a couple of days before I was due to go in for medical management. At first I was pleased that it was happening at home and I could manage it myself with my own comforts around me. Two hours later, just as I was about to suggest to Dh that we ring the hospital for advice as the bleeding and clotting was so heavy I collapsed unconscious on the loo
Dh had to call an ambulance and what followed was the worst night of my life. I really thought I was going to die as I kept going into cervical shock and my blood pressure was in my boots. Had the tablets anyway and lots of fumbling around 'up there' as they tried to manually remove what they could from the cervix.
After each manoeuvre and increasing senior medics becoming involved they would always tell me "you may end up having to go to theatre" - by morning I was pretty much begging them to let me go to theatre anyway. They wanted to take me for a scan to see what was left after passing so much in the night but I collapsed again as soon as I got in the chair and ended up being rushed to theatre for emergency ERCP and a blood transfusion.

I've dithered about posting this because I know it doesn't make pleasant reading and I don't want to scaremonger but I don't think you hear enough about the realities of a MMC and how bad it can be. I hope I was particularly unlucky and most women's experiences are not like that but if I ever see the midwife again who told me it would be like having 'a heavy period', I'll have some choice words for her!

The silver lining is, as I mentioned on the other thread, that despite all the trauma and being severely anaemic afterwards I was quite surprised to find myself upduffed again 6 weeks later! It had taken us over 6 months to conceive the last pregnancy, so maybe there is something to the 'more fertile after miscarriage' thing.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck whatever route you end up going down. I'm so sorry to see so many women on this thread in general and so many ladies who started off with me on the Due in September thread. You are much missed, I hope you are all healing mentally and physically and will be back with your own good news in the not too distant future.

Thank you so much iph :) I really really appreciate you being brave enough and kind enough to share that - it must have been hard to write it all down after such a traumatic experience. I didn't want to read and run and I promise to write more tomorrow - I have to rush out for the evening but wanted to let you know i'd read it and was very grateful x

iph thanks for your lovely message-wish I was still on the September thread but hope that like you, i will have some good news soon.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? I am fine, still no sign of AF or anything else for that matter!

hi everybody!

got my AF last week 4 weeks after the ERP. So back on TTC and I'm crossing fingers about the "more fertile period! ";-)
IPH, this sounded horrific, I'm glad I went for ERP, would recommend it to everybody, i have heard too many horror stories... Like a lot of you, my body spent 5 weeks thinking it was still pregnant...;-) so unsure what I will do for the next pregnancy. I will beg for a scan at 8 weeks or pay for a private one, as I'm not reaching 12 weeks again to be told the baby had died at 7 weeks... I would rather know before...
Anyway, good luck for those going through hardtime- take at least 1 week off work to recover!
take care xx

Nothing here yet from AF either Ethel going to do a test tomorrow to see if still getting a positive....it's 4 weeks since ERPC so hopefully not!

Iph bloody horrible isn't it, you've had an awful time though and I'm so so so happy that you're having a 2012 baby!

Went to see a film tonight - the best marigold hotel. Fab film but the last line started me crying, in a good way. Judy Dench repeats what Dev Patel says earlier in the film - it all works out in the end and if it doesn't work out, it's not the end. Just hit me and made me weepy and maybe the 2 glasses of wine had something to do with it but either way, I think it applies to this situation we've all found ourselves in.

I'm hopeful for the future and hearing fab stories like iph's reinforces that

Hi all,
re getting back to normal cycles. My ERPC was 6 weeks ago yesterday and according to my temps and the dark line ( but not quite as dark as control line ) i got on my OPK i ovulated this Monday. In fact i think i even got an ovulation bleed- the first time ever, i had a tiny bit of pink blood on Monday in my CM and thought 'oh no here we go again, more spotting/bleeding starting ' but that was it, and nothing more all week. I had my first AF 3 weeks after erpc, don't think i ovulated for that cycle, then ovulated this month at day 19- i'm usually day 15. We had lots of sex too so i'm hopeful . Feel so much better to know things are getting back to normal, that's more important to me than getting pregnant, though that would be very nice :)

Hi Everyone.

Thanks for your lovely messages. I have thrown myself into work and my other children to stop thinking about it. Still rather uncertain until I have my scan next week, but already do not feel pregnant any more (can't bring myself to drink the wine, but was missing it when I thought I was pregnant).

I am however looking forward to moving on and hopefully trying again in a few months. Blood seems to be slowing down and no cramping. Starting to feel more positive.