Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

@Michelle1988

Following..
been waiting to miscarry naturally for 2 weeks. Due to have surgery in the morning. But it’s started this evening...

I was six weeks pregnant yesterday. I started spotting bright red blood so ended up at the EPU. They did an internal scan to find an empty uterus. They did blood tests and my HCG levels were ridiculously low.

Late last night, I started getting horrific cramps and started bleeding lots more, so I'm confident I've had a miscarriage. At the moment, I'm still having awful cramps and I'm bleeding like a heavy period. In a way, I'm lucky as it appears that the pregnancy failed to develop properly so the physical process shouldn't be as difficult as that experienced by others.

Thank you so much to everyone on this thread who has shared their experiences and given advice. It's been such a comfort at an awful time. To echo other posters, I had no idea what to do or what might happen before reading this thread, so I'm truly grateful to you brave ladies for speaking so openly about your losses. I'm sorry for all your losses

Hi everyone,

Currently going through medical management now (took the tablets last night) and this thread was a godsend for little naive me who always presumed a miscarriage would just be a heavy period and now have a lot of respect/guilt for people I've known who have been through this - I didn't ever appreciate how hard it is, mentally and physically!

Whilst this was amazing on preparing for MC, I'm interested to hear your experiences and opinions as to how to manage this alongside the reality of real life. This was a missed miscarriage and so since the initial scan I've has no symptoms and I wasn't sure if I should hole up in the house and mope and wait or carry on and keep myself distracted.

I'm very grateful to have amazing boss and Occ Health at work who guided me through the practicalities (insisting I work from home immediately, take 1 week off when it starts and expect a phased return) but I honestly wouldn't have had any ideas of what is 'normal' (and appreciate I have the luxury of being able to work from home and have an understanding employer).

Some practicalities that I was/am navigating and would love to hear your thoughts on (knowing that most of the answers will be to listen to your body):

Staying physical- gym while waiting to miscarry? What about afterwards? Did it help with emotional/physical pain?

Did anyone think 'fuck it' and have a large glass of wine?

Were you hungry? Did you change your diet to include anything? Maybe comfort eating?

Did you find it easier to wallow or get out and about and keep doing things?

How did you deal with the waiting and not googling 'missed miscarriage' to death?

Did you go to Boots and buy all the depressing necessities or get an Amazon delivery?

Just really interested to hear how people approached the practicalities really!

Bumping this post up for anyone who needs it, I have found it has helped to get me through today, thank you all for sharing.

I only found out I was expecting on the 11th Jan it was by accident as I did an early ov test, id had what I thought was a period 2 weeks before. So we were happy but surprised.

But then on Thursday just gone I woke up and I just didn't feel pregnant anymore, I told my partner that, and a few hours later started to bleed. We went up to the hospital where they said my HCG was only 351, much lower than it should be. I continued to spot and went for another blood test Sunday , it had dropped to 249, yesterday evening the bleeding got heavier and today it's been quite heavy again.

Hoping it will all be over soon, just trying to focus on being positive at the moment

Hi everyone. Joining in here! I've had 2 very early miscarriages before- 1 2 years ago (when we weren't trying, was less than 5 weeks, was very philosophical about it), 1 in October (we were trying, again around 5 weeks and again saw it as just bad luck. Had scan at 8+5 yesterday and found a sac with no pole/yolk sac. So sitting at home, waiting to bleed. Getting cramps now strangely so hopefully it will kick off naturally.

I'm devastated this time and to answer Jessie's question have been wallowing. Think I might try getting back to work tomorrow to take my mind off things. Haven't told anyone at work as I cope very poorly with sympathetic nods and head tilts. And also feel I'll be constantly under suspicion of being pregnant again (we are going to take a break while we have some investigations done).

Not feeling very positive at all to be honest.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed. I found out yesterday at 10weeks that there’s no heartbeat (baby was 10weeks1 day). My biggest thing is that I’m trying to prepare myself for what’s going to happen and I just don’t know. I’ve had a lot of bleeding already as there was a blood sac in my uterus.

I just feel numb.

This is the message board i hoped I’d never post on. Found out yesterday at my routine 12 week scan that baby is measuring 5 weeks and 4 days. Impossible to be that far out. Made me go home and wait for a week. No signs of miscarriage, producing fluid from swollen breasts and still on medication for my severe hypermedis. Feels so cruel that my body still thinks it’s pregnAnt.
Anyway I’ll be 13 weeks next Friday so need to think about my options. Feeling so unbelievably sad it’s not way to think practically.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

I had two mcs last year and a chemical, both natural so I can't comment on medical management but I can on a few other things.

Staying physical- gym while waiting to miscarry? What about afterwards? Did it help with emotional/physical pain?
I think that depends on the individual (after) - I found for around 5 days i still had strong cramps (contractions really) that would last for an hour or two and I'd have to lie down as I felt dizzy so resting was the main priority. I've read here you can become really very faint and to seek medical advise if so.

Did anyone think 'fuck it' and have a large glass of wine?
Personally only after but my scan showed a hb just far too small, had had some bleeding.

Were you hungry? Did you change your diet to include anything? Maybe comfort eating? when I knew it was properly happening I asked Dh to get lots of cadburies. I ate what I wanted and set myself up with the iPad and hot water bottles.

Did you find it easier to wallow or get out and about and keep doing things? we just so happened to have been invited to stay with friends for a few days in Spain around Easter, booked just before mc and luckily managed to go just as I was finished bleeding around 10 days after it started. It did help hugely. They knew but we were able to have fun which I needed. The hardest thing I found though was that due to shock/ memory loss (deliberate memory loss?) I'd missed a few work emails etc which came back to haunt me weeks and months later which brought it all back. A phased return sound sensible though I know many women who don't. Emotionally I found my second mc harder actually. I felt a lot of relief and positivity after coping with the first; I found the second a harder blow.

My first was just before the 2 week Easter hols. I think not worrying about work helped a lot. The second I had two days off then back at work after the weekend. It wasn't as physical but it was harder emotionally and I think I could have done with more time, though keeping busy helped.

How did you deal with the waiting and not googling 'missed miscarriage' to death?
I'm not sure - my googling helped me realise the majority of mc and mmc are due to issues with the dna of the embryo. Googling practicalities really helped as it's really not talked about enough. Even my 'chemical' mc and one at 5 weeks were more than a heavy period.

Did you go to Boots and buy all the depressing necessities or get an Amazon delivery? I sent Dh out for maternity pads as it had started but weirdly I only was able to loose blood on the toilet. It was as if every time I had a contraction I had to go to the loo. It made judging blood loss very hard. I do wonder if I was just incredibly tense. I'm not sure how I'd feel going to boots myself now you mention it.

Hello was wondering if anyone can help me I had a missed miscarriage with twins ☹️ One was at 7 weeks and the other 7 weeks and 4 days only found out at 12 weeks when I should of been 13 weeks! I had surgery to remove the pregnancy nearly 3 weeks ago and did a test and saw a very faint line then did a test the next day and it was a bit clearer ! Not sure if it’s just hormones still left in my body or what sad any advice would be amazing

Hi I went for my first scan last wk An was told I was only measuring 6wks + 3 days which I thought I could be around 10-12 wks , at that moment I was told there was no heart beat with both external an internal , me An my husband were sent home with no advise nothing other than come back next wk for another s sn just to be 100% certain , I asked why I didn’t mc but my answer was sometimes it just don’t happen due to my hormones , I’m left in total limbo An devastation an feel lije they’ve made a mistake I’ve had no pain no spotting an sn very confused as I have no one to talk to that this has ever happened too ! I’ve had all the symptoms you can possibly get from being pregnant An feel fine An pregnant , I’ve had 2 children an never mc so I’m really scared about what is to come can anyone advise or let me know if this has happened to them An if I’m the end what was your outcome ? I can’t cone to terms with things . Thankyou .

I'm so sorry for your loss

You have had a missed miscarriage. It might be helpful to look at the miscarriage association for more advice - I haven't had a mmc only mc but I'm sure someone will advise soon.

You might find it helpful to post another post in the pregnancy loss section asking the same thing with the title of Missed Miscarriage, what do I need to know or similar.

It's such a shock. As far as I know Usually you are offered the choice of a natural mc or medical management. Have they explained any of this to you?

@Mayia19 I hope you're ok, hormones can last a while in your body, I still had positive tests after a good 3 weeks with a singleton loss.

Is there anyway you could be pregnant again?

One thing to update on is the hormone surge/decline. I was "ok" for 2 weeks but then suddenly one night for 4 days after that, I was a complete mess (crying, happiness, irate anger, everything you can possibly imagine).

@Mayia19: Yes, i've heard that hormones can last up to 6 weeks and with twins, perhaps it'll be longer? I had similar (positive pregnancy tests a month after D&C) and the doctor said: the number of weeks you are pregnant, it'll take that number of weeks to 'recover'.

@Loubell82: i'm sorry for your loss. I think every trust can be a little different with their processes (I was told to come back the next day for the confirmation scan for example).

One thing the doctor said to me when I asked him about still feeling pregnant, was that he said: you are pregnant. Your body is still surging with hormones and that takes weeks to go.

@Loubell82
I am so sorry for your loss
I am currently going through my 2nd MMC
It's just awful
My last one - the foetus had stopped growing at 9w4days- but we'd seen a heartbeat at 7 weeks. Because I was quite far advanced I opted for the ERPC which was relatively straightforward. It's the emotional ride which is more complex
This time I had seen a heartbeat at 6 weeks and when I went in for a follow up scan 2 weeks later there was no more heartbeat and the foetus had stopped growing a few days after
I've decided just to take the pill thing and not go though the operation again as I'm not that far along so I'm hoping it won't be too bad.
I don't know if any of this is helpful- just wanted to let you know you're not alone and these are the options my hospital gave me
The other option is just to wait and see when your body will eject it naturally but personally I just wanted this to be over and done with so I could get back to normal and try again !

Whatever you wish to do is your choice- just try and be easy on yourself. It's not your fault. It just wasn't meant to be. And remember the universe doesn't ever give you anything you're not strong enough to handle
Sending you hugs and strength
Xx

Hello,
Just wanted to say thank you for this thread to everyone who has posted advice and given the opportunity to just talk about it. I found out at my 12-week scan last week I had a missed miscarriage, I know now that the baby’s heart stopped at around 11 weeks. I initially did not get very good information - just a rushed phone call from early pregnancy unit - and was told natural management was unsuitable, so I opted for medical as it seemed the less invasive. I was told due to the ‘size of my pregnancy’ I would have to do this in hospital with an overnight stay. Thankfully when we got to hospital the gynaecologist realised we hadn’t had a proper consultation and took in on himself to talk through the options in more detail. Just in case this helps anyone, and I appreciated his honesty, he said that at 11 weeks basically I would probably feel the baby pass, probably see the foetus, have some fairly severe pain and bleed a lot. He also explained that it is not fully effective in 20-30% so there was a chance I would need surgery anyway. I can however also see that this process might bring more closure for some. I opted for surgical instead which I had yesterday ( few days later) it was all very calm, I have some bleeding and cramps but it is very manageable.
It was very useful that, due to this thread, I already had bought big pads, comfy knickers, baby wipes and a couple of pairs of jogging bottoms so I could more easily keep myself clean and comfortable.
I also initially was planning to go alone and my husband joined me later - in the event being in the waiting room alone, with people who were all wondering what a healthy looking young (ish!) woman was doing there, was horrible and I had to try very hard not to cry. I was so relieved when my husband got there, don’t underestimate how vulnerable being alone can make you feel - I was trying to be stoic but I shouldn’t have bothered! I needed the support.

I’m so sorry for everyone else needing this thread, but this forum has been so helpful, thank you all.

Hi
Does anyone have any experience with collecting the pregnancy sac for testing ?
This is my 3rd MC (2nd MMC)
The foetus stopped growing at 6w5days I should be about 9 weeks now
How do I collect it?
Do you use a potty? Or collect it out the toilet?
Can you feel it coming out?
Does the pain/amount of blood depend on how far you should be or when the foetus stopped growing? (If that makes sense)
Hope to have some advice
My first MC was at 5w and was just like a period
My second was a MMC at 12 weeks and I had an ERPC so I don't know what to expect this time.

I am booked in Friday for surgery after finding out I have miscarried at 8 weeks. I was wondering if anyone can offer some advice on the surgery itself. This will be my first ever surgery, I feel like it is the best option for me, I am in so much pain both physically and mentally and I feel like by having the procedure will allow me to focus on the grieving process.

Any tips on what to take with me would be useful and what to expect after?

Hi 2018, I had surgery yesterday.
It was honestly not a bad experience at all physically, quite quick and so far not too painful at all, I am really relieved.
Take with you:
Book / magazines for waiting around beforehand
Comfy knickers, jogging bottoms or comfy trousers, probably a spare set in case you bleed through (I didn’t but reassuring to gave them
Wet wipes to clean up afterward in the loo.
Pads (although they will give you some too).

My experience was:
Bit of waiting in a seating bay
Chat with surgeon and anaesthetist, anaesthetist was so nice I cried at him.

Lots of chats with nurse / blood taken, forms signed.
Got changed into gown - had to keep knickers on as was bleeding but otherwise nowt underneath.
Wheeled into surgery.
Nice nurse introduced everyone and helped me take knickers off!!
Cannula into hand and anaesthetic in. Fell straight asleep.
Woke up in bed in recovery room, was there about 2 hours or so, another nurse monitored blood pressure etc and helped me change pads a few times, offered painkillers, got me water, tea and toast. Was dizzy and woozy but actually very comfortable bar bleeding which was helped with discreetly.
Gradually felt normal!
Wheeled back to bay where I was able to get dressed / clean up and DH met me.
Final blood pressure check etc and went home.

It was much easier then I expected. Slept a lot yesterday but already today I feel so much better.

I really hope that your experience goes as well as it can.

Thankyou @buddy79 I'm not bleeding a lot at the moment but will I be after? Or like a period?

@2018isanewyear
I didn't bleed at all after my D&C so I guess everyone is different.
I did however have some very creamy and abundant discharge (sorry if TMI) but I was not prepared for it so make sure you have pantyliners at least. This lasted about 3-4 weeks after the procedure.

Yes I think it can vary a lot - I had heavy but manageable (with the massive pads) bleeding afterward, it has gradually got less and today is just like a period.
I have cramps, bit worse strangely today than they were earlier on, but again v manageable with ibuprofen and a hot water bottle. I have been up, showered, eaten normally etc.

So sorry you are going through this too x

Thanks both and sorry too, it's a sad time but i do think on a day like today 'international women's day' this shows how strong we all are to be able to deal with this (in the best way for us)

Just about to leave for pre op and feeling more relaxed after your advice Thankyou : )

@2018isanewyear good luck today! Hope everything goes smoothly
Get home and make sure you eat foods that will strengthen you- bone broths/chicken soup or steaks (if you can handle that- for the iron!)
We don't realise how much our bodies go through doing this procedure so make sure we give it all the nutrients it needs -and take your vitamins!
Get a box set ready and try and chill for a few days if you can!
All the best