Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I had a miscarraige last night.

45 replies

deemented · 11/04/2011 08:55

I've lost my baby. My loved and long for baby. An i don't know why. I feel so confused. Everything was fine yesterday, no problems at all. Had a lovely day in the garden with the children, then we went out for ice cream and when we got back i suddenly started bleeding, then cramping. I went to the walk in clinic who basicly said there was nothing they could do, just to go home and wait and see.

As soon as i got home i started flooding, and then started having contraction like cramps. I then passed several huge clots. It was literally pouring out of me.

I hate myself so much - what did i do that caused this? Manshape is gutted, and although he's been fantastic and says he doesn't blame me at all, i do. It has to be my fault.

OP posts:

mumatron · 11/04/2011 23:07

dee i'm so sorry to hear this.

You know it wasn't anything you did or didn't do, it just feels like that at the moment.

Life can be real shitty at times.

Thinking of you and yours tonight. x

wellieboots · 12/04/2011 01:09

So sorry
It is not your fault, but I understand that you feel that it is - I felt that too, and it took me time to understand that there was nothing I could have done, please take the time you need, come and talk to us on here, talk to your manshape and share your loss and grief.

look after yourself,
((((dee))))

LauraInGuildford · 12/04/2011 05:53

Hello Dee.

I saw your messages on the November thread on the Sunday evening and I am now in this limbo land between reading the pregnancy boards and the miscarriage board. (And doing this at wierd times of day because I cannot sleep.) I am going through the same as you although I do not know exactly what is going on till my scan later but the amount of blood I lost yesterday is not a good sign.

Please don't blame yourself - I know it is difficult as I keep doing those 'what if' scenarios myself. Please take care and I really hope that with time that things start to feel better. x

Minnie74 · 12/04/2011 18:28

Hi Dee

So sorry for your loss - it is so crap. Try not to blame yourself (though I know how much easier that is to say than do, believe me).

Take care of yourself xxx

ilythia · 13/04/2011 10:09

Dee, xxx Am thinking of you

babylanguagelearner · 13/04/2011 11:48

So very sorry for your loss. It is not your fault. Be gentle with yourself. Try to give yourself the same gentle words of support that you would give to a close friend in the same position.

travellingwilbury · 13/04/2011 19:29

Dee just wanted you to know I am still thinking of you xx

Original poster

deemented · 14/04/2011 13:50

I'm really struggling today.

I can't believe i'm not pregnant anymore. How can that be? One minute everything was fine and we'd had a great day out with the kids, then the next i'm on the bathroom floor passing clots the size of my fist. No warning, nothing. What did i do wrong? Was it something i did or didn't do? I feel so angry and so hurt. I'm still bleeding like a stuck pig and still having pregnancy symptoms and i just want to die. I want to rant about the unfairness of it all, i want to scream so everyone hears, and i want to crawl into a corner and weep. It all hurts so so much.

OP posts:

SecretNutellaFix · 14/04/2011 14:17

Dee, please don't think like that. It has happened and is cruel and unfair. There isn't anything that you did or could have done. Please be kind to yourself.

Have you had a scan to check things over? Especially as you are still having pregnancy symptoms.

nickelbaalamb · 14/04/2011 14:24

It's a really hard time.

You don't have to be strong, you don't have to be brave.
you can grieve as much as you need to.
You can wrap yourself up in a big blanket and eat shedloads of chocolate on the settee if you want to.

And yes, you can shout and scream as loud as you want, it is your right.

Please take care of yourself.

You did not do anything wrong - sometimes these things happen.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 14/04/2011 14:29

I know :( I know it well. Do whatever you need to do, scream and shout and punch things if you want. Whatever helps you get through it.

Have you been checked out? x

Original poster

deemented · 14/04/2011 14:40

I go for a scan on Tuesday just to make sure everythings gone.

I've had three previous miscarraiges before and although awful, i haven't felt as utterly dreadful as i feel now.

OP posts:

nickelbaalamb · 14/04/2011 15:11

FAB5 · 14/04/2011 15:13

Oh love, .

It was not your fault, miscarriages happen for any number of reasons but not one reason is because of you.

Take care of yourself and stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault.

travellingwilbury · 14/04/2011 19:26

Dee , please be kind to yourself . Nothing you have done or not done has caused this to happen .

Life is pretty shite with a capital S sometimes x Thinking of you x

FoofffyShmoofffer · 14/04/2011 20:11

Oh Dee

ilythia · 15/04/2011 12:57

Dee, my heart is properly breakign for you, xxx

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 15/04/2011 13:02

Dee - I've only just seen this thread. I am so so so sorry :(

Apart from the emotional loss you are having a terrible time of it physically... have you called the Drs again? There must be something they can do to help surely? x

It's not fair :( I am so very sorry for you and manshape x

MrsSteph · 17/04/2011 18:44

It is so sad & horrible but please do not blame yourself, I know its not your fault, I had a MC in Feb, started to bleed immediately after sex totally blamed us both for it, then thought it was the 2 mouthfulls of ice cream I had before I remembered reading you shouldn't eat it, had a few drinks on christmas a few days before a positive result, I am really sorry to say I am now having my 2nd MC, this time 8wks pregnant & I can not blame myself at all, there was nothing I did at all that could have caused it, even had a ban on sex & it still happened. But at least I can now stop blaming myself for MC no1
Be kind to yourself...xx

Mitzimaybe · 18/04/2011 20:56

Did you drink several bottles of gin in a scalding hot bath followed by throwing yourself down the stairs several times? Even if you did, it really wouldn't have made any difference.

We all look for a reason and someone to blame but really, the only culprit is old mother nature. She can be so cruel. Be kind to yourself.

Flip

1 2