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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Dh thinks I'm depressed :0/

51 replies

harassedinherpants · 03/02/2011 21:08

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since my scan at 10 weeks showed our baby had died at 7 weeks. Had erpc the following Tuesday. Then got an infection on top of everything.

Today was my first day back at work and I now have thrush. I went on facebook and there were loads of pregnant posts. That was it for me and I got upset. Dh said I should go to docs as seem depressed! What does he expect?!

OP posts:
Collie2 · 24/02/2011 09:23

Thanks harrased for your reply and offer to PM you. I'm just sitting waiting to go to the dentist but might do later tonight. I try not to spend to much time of here in front on DH as i think he thinks unhealthy, (wereas to me its a lifeline) so i'm a bit of a closet mn'er!

Gwendoline thats teribble that you are still getting letters, particulary snotting ones. I would write a snotting one back. That would make me feel better, and they might actually listen then!

Obviously i am so sorry to hear you are all going through this, but am also glad to know i am not alone going nuts. I just feel like such a yo yo. I never feel 'fine' but some days i cope ok and on the outside appear to be back to normal, but then other days i just can't pull myself up and just want to cry and cry. And then i beat myself up as i think, well everyone thinks i should be over this, so mayb e i should be. Why am i still crying??

blackkat my 16 week appointment passed a few weeks back and it was shitty. I'm I'd be 20 weeks now and just can't stop thinking about how i should be going for our next scan. DH thinks i shouldn't be keeping track, but i don't know how not to.

I'm finding ttcing hard. I am boarderline obbsessive about it now and get soo frustrated that i am having to do it some morning i could punch someone for having to take my temperature. Agghhhhhhh, yes it is a TOTAL ARSE!!

Blackkat · 24/02/2011 21:09

Right, nearly weekend Wine's all round. Grin
Today was better I think, it was sunny. Can the weather really have such an impact?

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 25/02/2011 09:35

Ohhh, I did a huge post yesterday, and it seems to have been eaten. How annoying!!

I would have been 16 weeks yesterday, I was ok yesterday, but last night and today it's made me feel a bit Sad. Especially as we're in full ttc mode, not that dh knows this, and it kind of feels disrespectful iykwim.

So I understand how you're feeling Collie. Are you charting?? I gave it a half hearted attempt....

Gwen I can't believe you've been getting shitty letters. There really should be something in place to deal with these things, it's not as if it's an uncommon occurrence!

Blackkat - I honestly think the weather does have an effect. Certainly for me. Dh has promised me one of those lamps that gradually wakes you up in the mornings. But I'll wait until next winter now lol!

I did actually have a Wine on Wednesday evening, the first since I got my bfp...

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laylasmummy09 · 25/02/2011 17:53

hi everyone ive spoken to some of you on other threads so i thought id check in on here as harassed mentioned it earlier im handing out the Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine we could all do with it i just wanted to say hi, im feeling quite good today so ill save the rant for another day, the days really do get easier but its still heart braking with milestone dates and things, i am actually avoiding my MIL because i feel like shes not a nice person because she has forgotten about the grand children she should have, i no thats rediculous but thats my craziness lol, hugs to you all x

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 27/02/2011 17:34

Hi laylasmummu90 glad you found us!

Well after a good weekend it just had to be ruined didn't it?! A relative on dh's side, who knows all about my mmc, put an invitation to a baby shower through my door today. I had no idea what it was, so opened it up only to be confronted with this invitation complete with silhouette of a prg lady with the lastest scan photo on the tummy.

Shocked wasn't the word for it. I was fuming, then it floods of tears. The relative that's organising it knows and chose to ignore the subject when she's seem me despite being prg herself, fair enough. The person the party is for, also a relative, knows and sent me a lovely message when I mc'd. You'd think one of them might have thought??

Dh said he's dealing with...

OP posts:
Blackkat · 27/02/2011 20:57

harassed Angry on your behalf, what a shitty thing to do to you, some people Sad. I wonder if the person who the shower is for, who sounds as if she gets it, doesn't know how it was delivered to you - that person sounds super insensitive.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now?

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 27/02/2011 23:18

I do feel better now thanks, thank goodness for dh & dd. They really do keep me going!

I don't know for certain if the person who's baby shower it is knows, but I wouldn't put it past her. She did send me a lovely message, but she has a tendency to be quite selfish and me, me, me. Lots of history lol.

On a happier note, we have an 11 week old kitten who's currently carrying around one of dd's mittens!!

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laylasmummy09 · 28/02/2011 10:19

hi harassed what an insensitive thing for that person to have done, your kitten sounds lovely, i cant have one as oh really doesnt like them Angry hope you are feeling ok today, im actually having a good day for once, oh at work and dd very calm looking at books and drawing pictures, its dds birthday in a few weeks so we took her out to get a fish tank and a few fish to put in it yesterday, she loves fish for some reason, she stands in front of the tank talking jibberish to them and waving to them we thought it would be a good idea as we didnt have any pets so she can feed them and learn some responsibility, i also went to see my MIL who id been avoiding and we had a nice chat no mention of babies thank god, and we have dd in a good bed time routine finally, she slept 11.5 hours last night Smile all in all i think im getting there Shock
hello all x

Blackkat · 28/02/2011 19:49

YAY for the kitten - our black cat (gettit?) keeps me sane. Glad you're feeling a bit better Harassed

Fish sound lovely too, just as well you haven't got a cat laylas!

Collie2 · 02/03/2011 11:33

Sorry i didn't reply harrassed Sad for your 16 week milestone on friday. I totally understand as i passed my 20wk date on saturday too Sad Thanksfully it wasn't half as bad as i expected. I know what you mean about DH not knowing, mine didn't have a clue and when i said something his reply was, 'doing you really think you should be keeping track of your dates?'.....No i don't think i should, i know its not healthy but its not something i can help. Aghh Men!

We went out on saturday to buy a necklace for me to wear to rememmber our baby by. I think that really helped as i've really been bothered by the fact that i've not had anything.

I am gald you have had a better weekend although Angry and the invite and insensitive friend who posted it and spoilt it. I hope your DH has sorted it.

I am much better than last week. I was having a real low last week. My sprits had lifted though by the weekend and i'm still doing ok (apart from a little wobble this morning)I am hoping that there isn;t going to be an emotional dip ahead of me again as i don't think i could handle it, i am just so tired of being so sad.

Yes i am charting here's my chart but its driving me mad. CD23 and still no ovulation detected. Its very disheartening.

Gwen and laylas hope you are ok today

Collie2 · 02/03/2011 11:36

PS YAY for the kitten. I have 2 black and white cats ( blackkat i did have a little black one but lost him after a house move Sad ) and they keep me sane too. Little terrors that they are. I can't believe they were ever little kittens are they are HUGE!!!

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 02/03/2011 16:17

Having a reeeally bad day. I'm ill which isn't helping, and I should be at the mw right about now Sad. My due at the same time I would have been has been this morning. Instead I'm wondering if I've ov'd yet.

Sorry, will post later/tomorrow when feeling more positive.

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GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/03/2011 16:21

Sorry to hear you're not too good harrassed. You know where I am if you want to rant xx

Blackkat · 02/03/2011 19:56

Sorry to hear today isn't go good harassed hope you feel better soon ((((hugs))))

Collie2 · 02/03/2011 22:28

Sorry you're having a bad day harassed I hope tomorrow is better. Feel free to talk on here though. X

Blackkat · 03/03/2011 19:46

harassed how are you today?

sydenhamhiller · 04/03/2011 13:48

I miscarried on 24/1 at 11+6... just 2 days before (first) nuchal scan, had been sick as dog (as with my 2 DC) so real shock.

This forum has been life-saver: I feel like my friends and family treated the situation like a broken arm. Shame, but hey, you're fine again now. I had to tell my mum I had been pregnant and miscarried over the phone (lives up north), and she came to stay at the weekend and avoided the subject entirely. Even when I brought it up, e.g. reason for feeling awful over xmas, reason for no summer holiday plans previously - she just avoided it, and I felt really hurt.

My heart goes out to everyone else on here, it is rubbish! Thank goodness for chocolate...

Original poster
harassedinherpants · 05/03/2011 14:45

Hi girls,

Sorry I haven't been back sooner, been a really difficult time for me. I had Thurs am off work to get my hair done, but phoned in sick in the afternoon and just sat on the sofa and cried.

I wonder if I'm taking on too much tbh. I've been trying to diet (slimming world) unsuccessfully, 3 home study courses, ebaying and sorting, plus all the usual stuff.

sydenham welcome to our thread, but sorry you have to be here....

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Blackkat · 05/03/2011 16:03

harassed good to hear from you - sounds like a crappy few days, does sound to me that you've got a lot on for anyone, let alone coping with recent m/c too, can you let anything take a back seat for a while? Hoping you are feeling a bit better again.

Sydenham so sorry to hear your story, and also to hear about your mum's response. I think sometimes people just don't know what to say, although I know that is no consolation.

GML how are you?

laylasmummy09 · 05/03/2011 16:05

hi sydenham sorry you have been through this but i hope we can help you my first loss was at a similar stage and was heartbreaking, my familys reaction has been the same and it really does hurt, i hope things get easier for you soon,
harassed i dont know if you took too much on but it definitely doesnt help, im a SAHM and i thought i was doing ok until monday when i went in to meltdown, i said to my oh that i should be a mum of 3 not 1 and he said 'you shouldnt think like that because if you hadnt lost the 1st you would still be pregnant due 8th so you would only have 2 anyway ' i was furious AIBU? it hurts so much that he treats it like ive been in hospital for a blood test rather than losing babies, he has no emotional attachment at all and it hurts that im the only one who loves our babies Confused x

laylasmummy09 · 05/03/2011 16:07

xposted then blackkat hope you are having a good weekend Smile

Blackkat · 05/03/2011 16:11

Oh laylas that sounds awful, I don't think you ABU, but DH will react to this differently to you, doesn't mean he doesn't care. So sorry you feel so sad ((big hugs))

Have you seen this website?
www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz/ourselves.html the advice for other halves, families and friends is really, really good. I gave it to my DH and my friends to read - it might help.

sydenhamhiller · 06/03/2011 09:53

Thanks for lovely welcome, everyone- sometimes wish there was more one could do to help other posters.
My dc are 5 and 7 and I just spend every other day since mc thinking- well, maybe gap wld have been too big, life at that 'easy' stage etc etc. Have more time and energy than otherwise wld have. And feel guilty about that, as potential dc3 very much planned and wanted:o(
And in between those days, I just look at pregnant women and prams with little babies and feel a vice round my heart...

laylasmummy09 · 06/03/2011 11:30

thanks for that blackkat ive had a look and its a very nice site but my oh and our family are quite proud and stubborn so if i sent it them they would think i was trying to say they are not supportive although they do try just in the wrong ways Confused, sydenham i feel the same although wondering if the gap would have been too small as dd is 2 then i think of course i would have coped if id only been given the chance our baby was wanted and we would have made sure we could cope, it is normal, i hope everyone is doing ok today Smile

hendriks · 14/03/2011 17:00

There are a couple of options re the depression aspect -
EMDR / ENT therapy is one it is provided on NHS where I stay and gets great results

you could take a high EPA omega 3 supplement you need about 1000mg just make sure its around 1000mgEPA and doesnt just say 1000mg omega 3 - you need the active ingredient - there are a couple of brands takeomega3 is one - if your in London Selfridges Oxford street Pharmacy carries it - or have a look on line as im sure they will have a website its an alternative to taking an anti depressant as well as that helps build up your omega 3 levels which do get depleted during pregnancy - and that can lead to low mood

There are also some very good support groups which will be advertised at your hospital / local surgery