MMC picked up at 20 week scan yesterday, going to hospital tomorrow

[spilttheteaagain]

I went to the 20 week scan yesterday and we found that our baby had died, somewhen in the last 3 weeks since I last saw my MW.

I got sent straight to Gloucester hospital to see a doctor who explained what happens next. I've had a tablet yesterday to ripen my cervix ready for induction tomorrow to deliver the baby.

I'm getting a dragging, periody feeling now so I'm wondering if things might be starting slowly and DH and I are getting ourselves organised bit by bit with what to take to hospital.

Not really too sure what I'm trying to ask or say here, but we're so lost and frightened and shocked. I know lots of people on here have been through similar things and maybe might have things that helped them?

We're very at sea about what happens after the delivery with the baby.
From the scan it's head was only 10cm circumference so it's going to be very small and fragile. Has anyone seen their baby when it was this little? Did it help or was it disturbing? What did they look like?

I'm crying writing this.

What did you need or wish you had at hospital? I've been told they are giving us a private room and DH can stay all the time.

Please help.

Hope you have a lovely time away. When you're back, if you want to read it, here is a description of what my baby looked like:

Bobbie was probably a bit smaller than your baby (guessing from the dates - Bobbie measured between 14-15 weeks but had lived to at least 17 weeks when MW & I heard the hb).

Head to foot was just under 14 cm, so with the head near the top of my fingers, the feet were just reaching the bottom of my palms. There was practically no weight at all (just 2 ounces), I think this is also because the bones are all still soft.

The little hands and feet were perfect, they were each about the size of my little fingernail and every toe and finger was clearly formed.

Overall the proportions were not quite like a newborn. The head was still larger relative to the body (about the size of a table tennis ball), and the legs were a bit short (another 4 weeks ish of growth would have seen the proportions adjust to what we would expect to see). Obviously they are very slender at this age as well.

The facial features were all perfectly there but a little "blurry", the nose and ears were very small and still had some growing to do. The mouth was clearly there because of the jaw structure but we couldn't see any lips yet. The eyes were closed, but the eyelids were very fine so you could see the darkness of the eyes through the lids. There was no hair.

Skin colour is a lot darker for these early babies, a sort of dark reddish/purpley/browny colour. The skin is sort of glossy looking.

I was frightened about what I would see when they brought the baby in to us, but it wasn't frightening at all. They are very clearly little human babies and how perfect they are when so tiny is just amazing. You can be very proud of your little baby and know that your baby was beautiful.

Look after yourself x

Hello spilt I have just read your description of Bobbie, I am so very grateful for this, I now feel I have a much better image in my head of my little one. You are very kind to take the time to explain it all in such good detail as it is such a private personal experience.

I wasn't looked after in the maternity ward I was taken to the gynae ward, you had to be over 20 weeks to be seen on the maternity ward. So no midwives just nurses and the one who looked after me just wasn't nice. I didn't know that I could of had any photos or hand printsnothing of that nature was ever mentioned, looking back I feel I could of had much better care.

I've had a few days away so will read a few of the more recent posts to catch up on how you are feeling.

Thanks again x

No problem at all. It's a priviledge to be able to help in some small way after all the support I have and am receiving from lovely MNetters.

I feel so so sad and angry for you not being given more time to decide if you wanted to see your baby. They could have prepared you better before delivery for the decision/what you might see (and not just left you with a bed pan over a toilet FFS, how sickeningly insensitive). After delivery, they could have described the baby to you to help you decide if you were able to look. They could have given you a cup of tea and asked again in half an hour. They could have offered to wrap the baby in a blanket so you could look bit by bit rather than having to take everything in at once. They bloody well should have done pictures and prints and offered them to you in an envelope so you could look when you were ready if you wanted to.

I'm so so sorry none of this was done for you, I can't imagine how painful that must be for you x