managing to keep job with high responsibilities during peri /meno

[Marasme]

how do 40+ women in high responsibility jobs do it?

What i used to do "easily", almost as second nature, now i struggle massively with - i need handholding (which i don t get, because noone "knows"), constant reassurance, I doubt everything i ve done previously.

I manage a team of 15 people, and have a fairly public role, with daily speaking engagements. I need to make decisions all day every day, yet i am struggling to decide on whether i ve been mistaking super basic things (e.g. right for left) all week (i have not, but i question everything, my brain is playing tricks on me, i m an anxious mess).

every so often, the anxiety becomes terror. Just pure fear - rarely rational, but that does not matter - my brain will find something debilitatingly scary for me to obsess about.

i eat well, sleep well enough since i quit wine, weight is ok, periods regular yet super heavy. I m 45, and GP was not convinced last time i visited and gave me some sertraline which is still in the box, and told me to go PT because of burnout. I am not denying that work is "hard" - 60hr week, constant travelling - but i used to NOT be scared of misplacing my passport or forgetting to get the right visa (now i am - i obsess about anything and await disaster).

If you have a job like this - how do you resist the urge to quit everyday? it feels like a game of Faking It, and i feel it can only go on for so long until disaster happens, or i quit to avoid it coming down to this.

Please dont rely on the NHS for this. It is so important and the NHS is such a crap shoot. Tomorrow morning just get up, tell yourself you are worth it and call a private GP. Get a full health check up withbloods

hormones
thyroid function including antibodies
parathyroid hormone
Vits D and B12
Magnesium
Iron
Ferritin
Kidney panel
Liver panel
Complete blood count

and anything else the PRIVATE GP wants to add

your symptoms could be a mix of many small deficiencies, one large deficiency or peri menopause. If you find out empirically what is going on, you can treat it and get back to enjoying your life

again. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Give yourself the gift of focussing some of your time, money and attention on your health

I have an appointment at the Newson Clinic on Wednesday so hopeful I can look at my regime. Had a wonderful chat with a lady at work, had no idea she was one of our Menopause champions - by the end of the conversation we were both in tears at how much we had been / were struggling. Felt so good to speak to somebody who understands as DH is in the 'think positive thoughts' camp which makes me even more annoyed!

Have you tried getting a menopause career coach?

Ive only read your posts @Marasme but for me, HRT has had a huge benefit in helping my anxiety.

I have had periods of feeling anxious in the past. But the anxiety with peri menopause... it was as though someone flipped a switch somewhere and diverted someone else's anxiety to me. The first time it happened, i was walking DS home from school and BAM i was in the middle of a panic attack. No reason, although i think it may have been combined with a hot flush at the same time. I was 43.

Then in the car with DH driving. BAM suddenly i had to get out the car (we were on the motorway) and started to cry and i could literally feel the anxiety pulsing through my body. No hot flash. No reason. Just hit me.

The self doubt at work was bad enough, and i have a fairly high level important job. I used to check things once or twice, then it was repeatedly - what if i had writtej the wrong conclusion? I knew i hadn't but also what if i had? Repeat, repeat, repear.

HRT has been so useful. Continuous estrogen patches and utrogeston for 2wks. Initially i felt a little low at the start of the progesterone phase but it is better now.

You have my sympathies, OP.

If you can, go back again to the GP and maybe see if there is a menopause specialist at your surgery. Give them the full list of symptoms. Blood tests are not foolproof, but other symptoms can paint the full picture. I hope you get taken seriously and they help.

i ve got a new GP appointment in a few week - and if this is not a constructive conversation, i ll go private.

It is so helpful to read that it s not just me being batshit crazy - i obsessively check everything, just in case i ve written the wrong thing / uploaded the wrong doc etc. And the need for reassurance... constant.

i had worked myself out to the point of crying (i was going blind, no doubt, i started evaluating the impact of blindness on my work, my life etc). Turns out... i m not going blind yet. My brain went into respite for 1hour, and promptly found sthg else to freak about (a sordid spreadsheet probable error).

And the anger.... oh the anger. The fuse is ever so short!

GP appointment done, and i got a three month trial of patches to see if it makes a difference!

i had to push a bit and not minimise how i feel, which was not easy, but the GP was very good and didn't rush me (i stayed there a good 20 minutes)

HRT. I didn't take it and ended up.being sacked after 25 years blameless service. If I'd have had HRT I'd probably still be there.

Go private if your GP won't help. Though treatment should be symptom led after 45.

Good luck OP.

I feel this thread should be compulsory reading for everyone, everywhere. I’m not sure if it would help, but maybe people might have empathy. Or maybe it would just fuel more misogynistic ageism in the workforce. It does feel unfair that at the age where big career opportunities really open up for people (male and female) due to having the required experience and wisdom, we are hamstrung by this invisible disability.

All of this describes how I feel. I have 99% made up my mind to quit my job with a plan to take 3 months off work before I even look for another job, so likely 6 months out of the workforce. I feel like I need to take this time out to recover. I am of course scared that I will never get another job again, or at least never another job that pays as well.

I have been on anti-anxiety medication for years but I think it’s time to talk to my Dr about HRT.

Not my business but I wouldn’t quit without a job to go to @Notmyrealname22 in light of the ageism/sexism you describe.