managing to keep job with high responsibilities during peri /meno

[Marasme]

how do 40+ women in high responsibility jobs do it?

What i used to do "easily", almost as second nature, now i struggle massively with - i need handholding (which i don t get, because noone "knows"), constant reassurance, I doubt everything i ve done previously.

I manage a team of 15 people, and have a fairly public role, with daily speaking engagements. I need to make decisions all day every day, yet i am struggling to decide on whether i ve been mistaking super basic things (e.g. right for left) all week (i have not, but i question everything, my brain is playing tricks on me, i m an anxious mess).

every so often, the anxiety becomes terror. Just pure fear - rarely rational, but that does not matter - my brain will find something debilitatingly scary for me to obsess about.

i eat well, sleep well enough since i quit wine, weight is ok, periods regular yet super heavy. I m 45, and GP was not convinced last time i visited and gave me some sertraline which is still in the box, and told me to go PT because of burnout. I am not denying that work is "hard" - 60hr week, constant travelling - but i used to NOT be scared of misplacing my passport or forgetting to get the right visa (now i am - i obsess about anything and await disaster).

If you have a job like this - how do you resist the urge to quit everyday? it feels like a game of Faking It, and i feel it can only go on for so long until disaster happens, or i quit to avoid it coming down to this.

Surely all these big jobs come with private healthcare? Look into what that offers. AXA offers a free menopause dr appointment for 45mins for the company I am in.

is it menopause or just getting fed up? I have a ‘middle job’, am 50 and no peri symptoms at all. But travelling all the time, time deadline projects, massive team to manage. That would kill me.

I honestly don’t know. It was never my favourite the time of day but it is now a real struggle!

Not in public sector roles...

@Marasme I forgot to say in my earlier post I am too now on HRT. Like others it is definitely helping. It is worth a try and GPs are increasingly switched on about it, and should be following NICE guidelines in England and Wales around prescribing it, so I would definitely go back and insist they try you on it.

Oh you are my people. I forgot one of my team member's names today, I've been managing her for nearly two years. Absolute brain fog. Also totally losing track of words/thoughts in meetings. I keep meaning to book a GP appt, after reading this I'm going to do it tomorrow morning. Also 45 btw.

Completely agree about not wanting to make a thing of it at work. I manage a team of 9 and have lots to juggle in and out of work but I’m scared to get the help I know I need for my anxiety, anger, stress and sadness because I’ve finally reached the top of the ladder in a very male environment and I don’t want to give anyone an excuse to think I can’t cope .

I am 52 and have a job that involves long hours and a lot of responsibility/brain power. I am struggling a bit as I am constantly exhausted. Currently have a few days off work and just want to sit on the sofa or sleep.

I take HRT for the same symptoms as you and it has saved me. I left a job before I started taking it and only realised what had been happening once I got back on an even keel. I’m lucky enough to have access to a women’s health clinic with a sympathetic GP and I’m not sure how to advise you to navigate around that numpty you’ve seen previously.
I hope you can get to see someone better, soon. Some of my pals have been on it since their early 40s.
Good luck.

Honestly just cut out trying to get hrt from the gp. Go to bupa or somewhere. Very quick, easy and they really listen. Cost me about £300 so not cheap but so so worth it.

Just reading all these experience does help - a lot. Thank you!

I will go back to the GP when the next rage comes - might as well use it as a motivator! If it fails, i might pay to go private.

It makes me angry to feel that the rug is being pulled under the feet of so many amazing colleagues at such a critical point in their career. It s hard enough without the hormone fest.

My work does not have private insurance, it has some meek "menopause café" which noone attends (because why paint a target on our backs in a sea of men already keen we re not up to the task), and "resilience workshops" for menopause among other "challenges".

Honestly HRT has been life changing for me. I left a big job for something still senior but nothing like the previous job. I just couldn't manage the previous job any longer I was literally on the floor.

Good luck x

This was me, op. Meno hit me so hard I was scared I’d have to cut my hours, and or take a less senior role (can’t afford the first one, don’t want to do the second). HRT and Sertraline saved me. Things aren’t perfect, my MH has never been the same and I really struggle with certain things, but I am generally ok. I saw, and still occasionally see, a specialist menopausal doctor, and she’s brilliant.

I'm doing solution based therapy paid for by my employer.
I've just submitted a flexible working request to do 5 days in 4 and have 1 day per week to myself
I'm planning on paying for proper face to face CBT

This sounds like me except I don’t have a big job. 6 months ago I returned to full time work as I had had enough of my two part time jobs I had done for a couple of years. My youngest was now at secondary so seemed right.

been in HRT for nearly 15 months and do think it has helped at times. Tried some various patches and gels over that time and now have Mirena.

since starting my new full time job I’ve had crippling anxiety and I’ve questioned everything.

it all came to head 2 weeks ago when I reached my limit and broke down to DH and HR.

today I handed my notice in as I have 3 months to work and I couldn’t wait to find a new job and then work 3 months. I was a mess on Thursday.

this evening I had an interview and job sounds so much better.

my current one is just a hot mess of drama that triggers my anxiety and no amount of changes will change that. Very small office and no one else to do my job so no help available really.

I feel so crap that it has got to this point and that after it came to a head 2 weeks ago I got the dr to prescribe sertraline to help.

there has been lots going on the last 5 years but I do think peri has played a big part and the root of the anxiety.

im sorry others are experiencing similar although I do feel less of a failure by hearing that others are experiencing similar difficulties regarding work.

do go back to GP and get HRT and persist.

I am hoping the sertraline helps as the state of panic couldn’t continue. This evening after my interview and handing my notice in, I do feel slightly calmer so I hope this continues as no doubt the anxiety will be back in abundance by 9am tomorrow

I was really struggling before HRT patches. Got an Implanon implant at the same time to get rid of my periods as they were random and really heavy. Now I have the occasional bad nights sleep that I use a sleeping pill for and an afternoon of spotting every month or so. A year on, my brain fog, hot flushes, night sweats and chronic insomnia have disappeared.

I got HRT at 43, you aren't too young.

HRT. It’s there, it helps. Use it.

Make sure work has a menopause policy. I had a nightmare as a teacher during an observation when I forgot a word (hamartia) and got marked down on it and the (male) Head of Department wouldn’t have it. Straight to Union and menopause policy in place.
it’s a word I’ve used for years! He implied I didn’t know what it meant

For me, HRT, mushroom gummies and doing things that need brainpower as early as possible in the morning

Firstly not everyone experiences menopause like that

Secondly anyone working 60hrs plus will get worn out sooner or later and the more years you do it the worse it gets. You ain’t a machine

and finally if it really is just menopause - you need to push for HRT especially as 45 is relatively young meaning the risks are greater

I know I'm in peri (44, couple of minor physical symptoms) but I also don't have any of those side effects (sorry, my mum didn't either). In fact I've become even more focused and ambitious (not alone among my friends with that).

So the answer could be you are comparing yourself to others who aren't having those symptoms. Can you go private just for this, or does your GP have a doctor who specialises in women's health? Or can you change surgery?

I can’t have HRT due to a medical problem. I don’t know how I’m getting through it. I returned to work after 14 years out of the industry and took a lower level job, working with a young team. I’m 52. I take menopause herbal tablets, cod liver oil and omega 3.

I will say one thing - I don’t have any aches or pains joint-wise. Endometriosis pain - that’s another thing entirely.

I get really quite jealous of everyone on HRT and I always think it must be amazing to be on it.

No hot flashes. An occasional one but nothing major. Mood, anxiety, weepiness though. Words jumbled or forgotten to the point of assuming I’m losing my mind.

Thoughts are with every woman going through this who is suffering.

I went to a private menopause specialist. Same age as you. Turned 45 and became overly emotional (crying every day, which was ridiculous and my team must have thought I’d lost the plot!!) and waking up at 3/4am. I also drafted my resignation email from my dream job that I’ve spent 23 years working towards!! So extreme, when I’m usually very balanced.

After 3 weeks of this craziness, I started HRT. Feel so much better. Don’t rely on an NHS GP. Good luck!!

Exactly this, definitely worth the investment. Good luck!

All of this resonates hard with me. However I am 58 and through the menopause. Would HRT help. Is post menopause a thing? I dont want to go back on fluoxetene as cant deal with going through the side effects again. I have been up since 3am catastrophising about work again I cant retire yet.

I am 47. there are days at work that I vomit with terror over tasks I used to do without worry. I’ve been like this for a couple of years now. In particular I now have a really hard time before public speaking. I’ve spoken in public all my life and used to love it plus I KNOW I am good at it. But there is no logic to the terror and I shake and sweat and the room spins for several hours before. I’ve recently been shortlisted for our CEO role and I wake in a cold sweat of panic every night about it. We have never had a female CEO before and I wonder whether part of the reason is that as women reach the age for these roles many feel awful.

I have a very strong family history of breast cancer so I’m trying to avoid HRT. I wish I’d tried sertaline earlier but I didn’t and don’t want to start taking something that could impact negatively just before my final interviews. So basically I have no advice but a lot of sympathy.