managing to keep job with high responsibilities during peri /meno

[Marasme]

how do 40+ women in high responsibility jobs do it?

What i used to do "easily", almost as second nature, now i struggle massively with - i need handholding (which i don t get, because noone "knows"), constant reassurance, I doubt everything i ve done previously.

I manage a team of 15 people, and have a fairly public role, with daily speaking engagements. I need to make decisions all day every day, yet i am struggling to decide on whether i ve been mistaking super basic things (e.g. right for left) all week (i have not, but i question everything, my brain is playing tricks on me, i m an anxious mess).

every so often, the anxiety becomes terror. Just pure fear - rarely rational, but that does not matter - my brain will find something debilitatingly scary for me to obsess about.

i eat well, sleep well enough since i quit wine, weight is ok, periods regular yet super heavy. I m 45, and GP was not convinced last time i visited and gave me some sertraline which is still in the box, and told me to go PT because of burnout. I am not denying that work is "hard" - 60hr week, constant travelling - but i used to NOT be scared of misplacing my passport or forgetting to get the right visa (now i am - i obsess about anything and await disaster).

If you have a job like this - how do you resist the urge to quit everyday? it feels like a game of Faking It, and i feel it can only go on for so long until disaster happens, or i quit to avoid it coming down to this.

HRT
You are 45, they should prescribe on symptoms.

@Marasme don’t wait to go back to your GP practice; I assume you’re on a high salary with a job like this so spend some money on yourself and go private. You can’t get testosterone on the nhs for menopause, and that was what I most needed for me to cope with my job (very similar to you). I’m 48 have been on one form or other since 45, and tried many combinations. I get progesterone and estrogen on nhs prepayment cert and tesosterone privately.

So glad to find threads like this. I am anxious, tearful and doubtful of my own abilities. I can't seem to find any enjoyment in anything, apart from being on my own, in a field with my dog....
I am beginning to find work so hard and just wish I could give up ( I can't)
I am 49, still having regular periods. It is the mental health side of peri that is just so awful.
It sounds like hrt is worth a try. 🌻

This is temporary, don't step back. Push to get on HRT.

Sorry, I missed that you asked for HRT and they wouldn’t prescribe. It makes me so mad, I had this problem at around your age but that was nearly 15 years ago, I thought things had improved. My only answer is to try a different GP or go private but I really understand that when you are feeling anxious you feel like you can’t advocate for yourself. However, you are still doing that big job so you are still capable of sticking up for yourself. You’ve got this. Phone the surgery, ask for an HRT positive GP (weirdly I ended up doing better with men than women)
How angry will it make you to have to give up something you’ve worked so hard for to leave it to the men. Use that to self advocate.
It took me, several attempts over 3 or 4 years, starting 15 years ago to get HRT prescribed as it had bad press then. Knowing what we know now, they should prescribe when you ask.
You absolutely an do this.

I feel if I want to feel women should be treated just the same as men in the workplace then I just get on with it to be perfectly honest, being female i could find endless reasons to get out of things if I chose to but I play my part but showing women are just as capable as men and should be taken just as seriously

Tell us you aren’t one of the many women for whom a complete change in hormone levels plays havoc with their system, without telling us.

Horrible post from ‘Blondie’

Of course they should be treated equally. If a man starts having memory problems, severe anxiety, insomnia and other symptoms, he should also be given whatever adaptations he needs.

And “medication” that has proved to help for many people x

@Danglinglights If it's only your GP who's refused you HRT I'd get another opinion from a specialist.

I appreciate this may have happened, but the number of women here who have been told they can't have HRT by GPs (who don't know enough about it) is quite shocking.

The reasons not to use HRT are very small and are usually recent breast cancer, a recent blood clot or waiting for investigations into something womb-related that could be cancer.

Definitely go back to the GP and see a different one or go private.

im struggling so much at the moment and I’m on HRT and nearly 2 weeks of sertraline.

due to see nurse (nurse prescribes HRT at my surgery) in about 4 weeks so can see if HRT can be tweaked to see if that helps as well. Also hoping that sertraline will have kicked in by then and would be due to get another prescription in about 2 weeks too.

horrendous night sleep and anxiety since early hours, and just want to never go back to my job. 3 months notice to work. Trying to get a new job isn’t great and I worry about still having the same issues but hoping I will feel better in a new job. The current one is a big source of anxiety and triggers it - partly job itself, partly such a small company that only me doing my job - not really any holiday cover and my job isn’t the only one.

it is glad to hear that I am not the only one and I’m not even on 30k so my job isn’t a big job so this can affect anyone

There is an issue with using ADs at the same time as HRT because it's very hard to get the dose of HRT right- because of the combination of ADs and HRT.
I don't know your history of course, but NICE advises that women give hrt 3 months trial at each dose and not to use ADs unless there is long-term depression pre-peri menopause. HRT at the right dose is in the meno guidance.

OP, your GP needs to educate themselves on menopause and HRT. So many GP are so poorly educated on this. It should be part of their mandatory training / CPD.

I spoke to my practice nurse who is up to speed. She prescribed HRT for me.

If you have no luck with next GP then ask about the nurse led clinic. Failing that, private GP for one consultation and prescription then revert to nhs.

To all the women having these awful symptoms, maybe it is the menopause, but also maybe you should start putting yourself first and re architecting your lives so you get what you want.

imagine your perfect life. Not the parents, partners, kids, expectations.

how far are you away from it, how can you get there ?

to state the bleeding obvious we only get one chance. Ok so you fought to get up the ladder. But if it brings you no joy and only misery WHAT IS THE POINT ?

money? Sell the house and buy a smaller one. Put the kids in state school.

self worth? Get some therapy.

shit projects ? Give them up?

Massive team? Be a shit manager for a couple year. Be selfish.

Not as easy as that @Fuckfacetime

Oh I have found my people. Senior Nurse within a very very busy high pressured NHS team. I struggle every day, yesterday I cried twice before 9am as it is so so busy. I used to be able to whizz around and carry out everything without too much bother whilst managing two young DC (a year apart in age so full on), now I sit and look at the computer and wonder what to type. I am 48 and have been on HRT for a good 10 months and have switched from patches to gel and tablets but its made little difference. I wish it had been the miracle cure that I see people talk about.

The worst thing of all for me is the terrible apathy I feel. I want to do nothing, I don't want to talk to anybody, my DC are at Uni and even them coming home I find overwhelming and I adore them more than life itself. I have tried antidepressants but they make the apathy worse. I should probably exercise but I CBA with that either! I wish my DH would leave me as he deserves better.

@Loopytiles but ….. not easy no but if you are depressed, not enjoying life, then something needs to change. Ok yes it might be peri menopause or it might be your body telling you that something needs to give.

to all the people suffering on the thread - put yourself first for a year an bin as much off as you can. Pay for a private meno doctor, see what gives. You have the money if you have the big job.

remember when everyone tried homeopathy? People would swear by that, I am think it was just the regular appointments of people being listened to.

@Seeyouincourtkeithyoutwat Reading your post, my first reaction was that your HRT is not optimised.

You should consider going back to your GP and asking for a higher dose or, if your GP isn't up to speed, use one of the many private menopause options, whether that's a gynaecologist (your work may give you insight into who's good) or a specialist working remotely if there is no one in your area.

Changing from patches to gel isn't always the answer- the dose needs optimising. If you're not up to the maximum dose, that is a consideration. if you don't get on with Utrogestan, there are other options.

There is NO WAY you should be struggling like this on HRT. You also owe it to yourself to be proactive and find the right help because it is out there.

@Fuckfacetime my job made me happy, until not so long ago, because i was very good at it, and felt very confident in doing my key tasks. I ve worked hard to get where i am today, and i m not keen to bin it because i m feeling like i do. If i did not do the job, i m pretty sure i d be freaking out about something else, however trivial. I d just be financially dependent on DP (if he found a job that paid better, to start with) or having to scale down our life to match losing my income.

i ll probably try the GP (another one at the surgery) once more, and will pay for private of i get fobbed off again. It just pisses me off that it s 1) so difficult to get help, 2) such a massive shock to the system (i was probably one of these women who wondered what so bad could happen at / before the menopause)

@JinglingSpringbells Thanks for your thoughts. I switched from patches to the gel as they kept falling off and my main initial symptom was bone pain / aching. I was then put on two pumps and the tablets but brain fog became more of a problem so I went back and the GP I saw made it sound like I had a brain tumour or dementia as she said I would need brain scans if the 3 pumps don't work, I came away feeling like a total freak. TBH I have taken myself off it but have spent today crying and feeling like utter shit. I just don't know what to do with myself, I have never felt so dead inside and devoid of joy in my life it is so so awful. I may have to bite the bullet and book an appointment privately, thank you.

Op you do not need tests. At 45you can have HRT. Go for it.

Oh my god. The apathy. That’s my middle name. I’d he happy to spend every waking minute alone. I can’t be bothered with anything. I am a social worker and I can just about keep it together at work but outside I just crave solitude. I get no joy
out of anything anymore. Just finished a relationship because I couldn’t bear being around someone.
I hear you xx

HRT

Also find people you can talk to for support
your girl gang. At home. And at work.