managing to keep job with high responsibilities during peri /meno

[Marasme]

how do 40+ women in high responsibility jobs do it?

What i used to do "easily", almost as second nature, now i struggle massively with - i need handholding (which i don t get, because noone "knows"), constant reassurance, I doubt everything i ve done previously.

I manage a team of 15 people, and have a fairly public role, with daily speaking engagements. I need to make decisions all day every day, yet i am struggling to decide on whether i ve been mistaking super basic things (e.g. right for left) all week (i have not, but i question everything, my brain is playing tricks on me, i m an anxious mess).

every so often, the anxiety becomes terror. Just pure fear - rarely rational, but that does not matter - my brain will find something debilitatingly scary for me to obsess about.

i eat well, sleep well enough since i quit wine, weight is ok, periods regular yet super heavy. I m 45, and GP was not convinced last time i visited and gave me some sertraline which is still in the box, and told me to go PT because of burnout. I am not denying that work is "hard" - 60hr week, constant travelling - but i used to NOT be scared of misplacing my passport or forgetting to get the right visa (now i am - i obsess about anything and await disaster).

If you have a job like this - how do you resist the urge to quit everyday? it feels like a game of Faking It, and i feel it can only go on for so long until disaster happens, or i quit to avoid it coming down to this.

But mostly HRT
and hanging out with girl friends

I also have a coach at work. I see her every 2 weeks and I love it.
I was also diagnosed with adhd and have had some adhd specific coaching. Also super helpful.

im yet to find my tribe at this job but am hopeful i will. So I dont need to look for a new big job!!!

When I say HRT : I started on progesterone cream. Then she added testosterone to that cream. And now recently added oestrogen.
all bio available and prescribed by a fabulous psychiatrist!
I feel much better

I agree with this. The answer isn’t to quit and give myself an easy life. It would not be easy. I am full of anxiety at work because of something in me, not my work. I loved my work for years, it motivated and inspired me and has afforded me a lifestyle I love. Quitting isn’t the answer as I expect I’d be anxious at home about something else. Plus I’d have lost something I’m proud of and worked hard for and have for the most part enjoyed until recently. And I’d have to sell our house which would cause anxiety even if I wasn’t hormonal.

You can’t run away from symptoms inside you. I’ve tried that with grief. You feel just as bad on a beach in the Caribbean missing your loved one as you did in the office.

I am sure quitting isn’t the solution. I just wish I knew how to get through the hormone induced anxiety.

@LineofTedLasso I am so glad to hear I am not alone although horrid for you too. I get you about work, I do 13 hour shifts FT over 3 days and when I have a day off I draw the curtains and lay on the sofa as that is all I want to do. DH and I don't live together (long story), both DC at Uni so it is very easy to isolate myself. I don't want to feel this way, I just don't know what to do 😞

another bad night of sleep and awake since 4.30am. Tonight in am going to bed by 9 and I taking a tablet to aid me getting to sleep (boots own one) that I’ve taken before to just help me get to sleep. So many issues falling and staying asleep.

I have no interest in anything really. Pilates tonight so hoping that helps and need to get back to some exercise regularly as it does help.

ive been on hrt for nearly 18 month and been in various ones. Latest is a new brand as previous one out of stock. Due back in 1 month.

now on sertraline as was nearly panicking 2 weeks ago over my job. Handed my notice in this week and working 3 months. Been there 6 months. Not right job. DH said I looked calmer last night but back to palpitations, feeling sick in my stomach etc.

not easy.

Will speak to HRT nurse about what else to try or up dose again at next appointment.

think mine is a mix of past few years catching up with me, peri and the new job anxiety has just tipped it over

so many of us are affected and struggling though

Board Director of a FTSE 100 company. HRT and getting sufficient sleep is the answer!

how old were you when you started, @sparkle83626?

i m still pissed off at the notion of being forever "too young" for anything at this surgery.

Nor RTFT but HRT and other supplements like Magnesium helped me personally. It took me 18 months to get the GP to give me HRT, if I had to do it all over again I'd get a private appointment and get put on it that way.

I was 45 when I started HRT. I had a very helpful GP who was extremely supportive.

I get you. My adult kids live at home. So it’s constant mess and noise. I also don’t want to be like this. I never go out socially anymore because I can’t be bothered. I’m on HRT and sertraline but no joy in anything. I was hoping that the HRT would be the magic cure, but alas it’s got rid of the hot flushes but not helped with this. I didn’t live with my partner either but I just thought that finishing it would help but it hasn’t, now I feel even more lonely.

For you and all the other women on here, if you're on HRT and it's not working (and you're also taking SSRIs as well) it usually means your HRT isn't at the right dose or type.

GP guidance from NICE is to optimise HRT before offering SSRIs and only to prescribe if there was existing depression etc before peri.

Dr Louise Newson has a lot on this on her website Balance.
She says that SSRIS do not work for symptoms of peri and that the right dose of estrogen is the treatment. In addition, they can also dampen the mood further.

Also MIND has research on low mood and exercise, especially outside, is as effective as drugs for low mood.

There's also increasing evidence that low mood and depression can be a symptom of a poor gut microbiome, so following a very healthy diet can improve symptoms.There is a direct link between UPF and depression.

HRT should help a lot but the research shows what diet and exercise are also really important.

I’m also in a significantly stressful job - more so than it use to be with the current economic environment. I’m 48 and my GP was very supportive of HRT starting at 45.

HRT has really helped me but it’s taken a while to get the dose right - initially the gel increased my anxiety but the patch seems to be more stable delivery that suits me. That’s made a massive difference to my sleep and how I cope with work, far less of that anxious and wired feeling that I was having. Giving up sugar and alcohol has also made a huge difference - aside from 85% dark chocolate, I’ve decided that’s still worth eating.

But… I just don’t seem to be managing work travel. The different environment of a hotel room plus working, especially with business dinners, increases my stress levels (using a fitness watch) and I find that I have hot flashes and night sweats that I don’t get at home or on holiday. I’m trying to minimise overnight work travel but it sounds like that might not be possible with your job. When I do travel I try to give myself space to not be at my best for the few days after.

I have just made an appointment with the Newson Clinic for next week. I don't really have the money spare but I will find it as I will do anything to try and not feel this way anymore.

@LineofTedLasso I hope you can find something to help you too you have my utmost sympathy. I really love my DH but I feel I should cut him free then he doesn't have to put up with my miserable face anymore I don't think he gets it though when I try to explain how this feels. I went to Sri Lanka in Jan (our most fave place in the world) and I just lay there barely talking and couldn't wait to get home so I could be left alone. It is no life.

There's also increasing evidence that low mood and depression can be a symptom of a poor gut microbiome, so following a very healthy diet can improve symptoms.There is a direct link between UPF and depression.
HRT should help a lot but the research shows what diet and exercise are also really important.

This is really interesting as I have to hold my hands up and say my diet is terrible, appalling even I am too ashamed to talk about it. I used to run around 10 miles a week for 17 years or so but now my bones ache and I can barely walk upstairs without pain let alone run. I am going to push to get a full set of bloods done and go from there.

HRT did nothing for me and to add to the suffering I have Long Covid too. I now delegate a lot more and I have ruthless to do list which I keep online and live by. I still get times when I can’t find my words - this happens a lot now - but I’ve learned not to be stressed by it. I pause, think of another way of explaining and move on. It’s shit though. Sometimes I feel like I have the beginnings of dementia!

There's a lot on this on the Zoe website. I know some people are cynical and say it's money-driven (Zoe) but it is nevertheless serious science if you drill down into the research papers on the site. (under Library.)

If you have arthritis it often responds to exercise. My late MIL was crippled with arthritis in later life but all along she was told to keep moving or she'd seize up completely.

on Zoe, agree that there are lots of useful (& free) information and ideas - online & the podcast - without stumping up loads of money. The male dominance of it gets irritating though.

I'm not aware of the male dominance. Dr Sarah Berry is great and is on nearly all their podcasts.

Perhaps I’ve mainly listened to the ones with nearly all blokes

good point re the diet - mine is pretty on point, this is the one of the rare area of my life which i have zero doubt about. I would just suggest that there is evidence, but it s not as conclusive as Zoe portrays... but the grift is strong

I am not saying give up the big job, but can you slack for a bit whilst you make changes to improve your lives?

Slack at work
Do exercise where you can
Prioritise sleep
Eat veggies and fermented foods - as far as I can tell that is the Zoe message. SAURKRAUT will save us all ! (Tho I do now eat a lot of it and am happy).
Book in the GPs and keep going until you get the dosage right.
Make up some condition where you can't travel for work for a while - vertigo? No one can prove you don't have it.

It's not going to be quick or easy but if you Make small changes now you WOULD feel better in a year.

.tyop

Thank you all. Sadly i feel better i am not alone Solidarity getting through Sunday evening. Trying whackamole with catastrophising thoughts at the moment

OP - when I read your post, I feel like it could have been me writing it! for months I have been feeling like I’m going slowly mad, I also have recently used the boiled frog analogy with friends.

i have a “big job” in a school - long hours, busy, constant decision making working into the evenings… a job that was hard yet manageable is now totally overwhelming due to anxiety, brain fog, lack of sleep and exhaustion. The anxiety has been the biggest killer and not something I have really had before - I’ve always been very confident at work

im 43, went to the doctors, listed my symptoms and said “im surrounded by all men (on my senior team) and cant be the woman that goes mad” 🤣. She smiled, and thankfully prescribed straight away and I’ve been on them for a month.

it has been useful reading the replies on this thread. It’s been great to feel I’m not alone… and it’s the hormones to blame

As others have said please find a GP or specialist (throw some money at it if needed) who understands menopause.

I too was becoming crippled with anxiety in my “big” job and overwhelmed with this awful internal rage at home. I found myself a gibbering wreak ahead of pretty inconsequential meetings with clients - overwhelming feeling of terror that I was “in trouble” and would be told off by them 🫤

Put on oestrogen gel (already have Mirena coil) and immediately felt better - which is actually not possible as it takes months to really kick in but my GP said psychologically knowing you are taking control makes you feel better.

I still get the odd wave of bad anxiety and rage but it has take the edge off and made it more manageable. Still wish I could run off and leave DH and my teenage DC and just live alone with the cat though 😂

It is definitely worth a try before hitting the sertraline.