Menopause -- just how bad is it?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm in my early 40s now and I realise that it might not be long before I go through the menopause. I've listened to podcasts, done some reading, but sadly don't have anyone close enough to me to ask about their personal experience of it (my mum died when she was fairly young and my family is very insular). So I thought I would turn to the anonymity of the internet!

I know that everyone's experience is highly individual and will depend on both genetics and lifestyle. However, I'd love to hear from people who have gone through it and come out the other side... Just how tough is it and how much did it impact your quality of life? What advice would you give to a daughter or close female family member to prepare? Did you need HRT?

I worry that when reading online articles etc. there could be a tendency to over-represent the negative side; after all people don't tend to write articles about what is plain-sailing. So I'm really hoping that there will be a reasonable segment of the population with responses that say 'Actually, it wasn't too bad' or 'It was inconvenient and there was a year where I felt out of sorts but then I got through it' or similar. (Perhaps wishful thinking, but who knows).

Thanks in advance.

Hi , I’m 51 and in the throes of menopause . I have got dreadful insomnia and dry eyes . However I’m not taking hrt as a lot of the info about it seems to come from people like dr newsome who have a financial interest in it .

Same as above. In the middle of it and not taking HRT. The hot flashes and insomnia are a killer. I used to love going to bed at night, now I dread it.

Truthfully @Ippagoggy I'd not give it another thought.
You've probably got ten years to go yet. Average age of meno is 51-52.
Why waste time on something that may not be a problem when it comes?

Just keep yourself healthy, don't get fat, eat well and wait and see.

I think it's a shame that the talk around menopause has backfired in a way and made young women worry.

To give you the stats- 15% women say they have no symptoms (they'll be along here soon to tell you!) whereas the rest do and some have severe symptoms.

But there's HRT to help. No need to suffer if you find you need it.

My situation is not the norm as I had a surgical menopause, but I can categorically say that for me personally - 'the other side' is grim.

Without HRT I gain weight in the abdominal area which will not shift despite a meticulous diet, my joints ache to the point of screaming and I am exhausted and lack motivation. It's not all about getting through the hot flushes - which will abate eventually for a lot of women. It's the other things that estrogen does for musculoskeletal health, metabolism and brain function. I can tell a huge difference when I'm off HRT and my estrogen is effectively zero.

I'm 52 and doing ok!
I've dealt with symptoms as they arrive eg headaches - I drastically reduced my sugar consumption (hard but I did it!)
I've been taking a combination of menopause type vitamins since my mid 40s and take these religiously everyday- who knows if they work but I seem to be suffering less than some of my friends? I've never had any hot flushes but maybe I never would have anyway?

The tiredness is a killer at times but I'm fortunate that I had my children reasonably young, so I'm able to have a little nap when it hits really hard and that really helps!

And yes, as a pp has said, watch your weight! I have always been one of those annoying people who never gained weight and ate everything in sight - not anymore!!
I now have to eat very healthily to remain slim but it honestly helps me feel better generally so I'm happy to keep it up!

You’ve probably got 10 years to go yet!

Also early 40’s here and don’t feel I need to think about that yet. Still feel young. When it happens it happens. I would t spend time worrying about it in advance.

I’m well out the other side. I agree about the weight, I eat a sparrow’s diet and still could be said to be “well upholstered”. But actually going through it wasn’t so bad. I was fit and don’t have a sweet tooth, so always ate healthily. No hrt, symptoms were flooding with unreliable periods (so hard to prepare for), hot flushes, but not excessive sweating. Slight insomnia, but nothing too severe. And that’s all I remember. I increased my exercise and reduced my eating, and got through. And now I feel great!

I had a Hysterectomy at 40, but ovaries were left. I had no advice, nothing about HRT.... and this was from a woman consultant, which tells you something about the care of women's health, but we all know that this is still woefully under researched and ignored and that menopause is simply one aspect of that which affects women to be addresses, but there is more! My Hysterectomy was 22 years ago now and it is only with hindsight that I realise that some very odd issues, symptoms and reactions, all of which were investigated but came to nothing, were probably due to hormone issues, but that's only viewing them with hindsight and the knowledge we have access to today. However, I had one very large Fibroid and the issues from hell for about 15 years prior to the operation were awful and really impacted on my life, so nothing would ever, for me, be that bad again. On the whole, compared to some, I've not had too bad a ride with it, but I do think that menopause is also a balancing act of looking after your health and being in a better place to deal with what it might throw at you, which means so much more research is needed, as one size does not fit all and I hate some of the employer interventions we are seeing, where they think an app and a bit of a chat will sort it!! I know it can be awful for some, but it varies so much for each individual. I think awareness is the key and then not being fobbed off without an issue being investigated. We also need to be kind to ourselves and not trying to be wonder women when we feel crap (I know, easier said than done for some, but not all).so take that nap, kick the crap out of the pillow, don't be afraid of asking for help, medical interventions and don't be fobbed off by the media blurb. Deal with you as you need to and knowledge is power, so know thine enemy and be informed, thereby better armed to deal with those that know little and challenge those that should know more!

I went through it years ago with zero problems. Same as my mother and my sisters.

You only hear and read about the horror stories.

Kindly, OP, there is no point asking this. You're going to get all kinds of replies. I could tell you my Mum had flushes well into her 80s, others will say they never had one symptom.

You won't need to think about it soon.

Just enjoy being young and cross any bridges when they happen.

I think it's useful to be aware of the symptoms. I was blissfully unaware (15 years ago) that insomnia, night sweats, anxiety, headaches, The RAGE like permanent PMT and tiredness etc were all symptoms that could be improved with HRT.

All I'd heard of was hot flushes, which was the one thing I wasn't getting. I went to the doctors after a flooding incident and (separately) nearly killing my husband with a frying pan after he made a daft remark.

The only reason I knew I wasn't dying with the flooding, was because my sister had talked about something similar.

HRT really helped. I'm 55 now and not on HRT anymore (apart from vaginal oestrogen) and apart from the odd hot flush that I do now get, I'm fine.

Don't stress too much but being aware that if you are getting peri menopause symptoms, HRT might help. The comments about money being made from it by doctors is a bit daft I think.

And I've successfully lost weight in the last year.

I seem fine for the moment. Am 51 and no period for around 18 months. I tried HRT for a year a while ago as was anxious and thought it might help but there was actually something going on that was making me anxious and that improved so I stopped. I feel hot sometimes but I only notice when am at home working and for me it seems to be linked to whether I’ve had something sugary to eat a few minutes before. Obviously that’s a personal thing and can’t be generalised. It’s not very frequent now anyway and not awful. I wake up a lot at night whiich I have no doubt is hormonal as pregnancy always plunged me into insomnia but that’s improving too and generally I just wake up and fall back to sleep which can be quite nice as is v different than if get stuck awake!

I'm nearly 50 and in perimenopause. I've had the odd hot flush, the odd sweaty night, the odd few days when my eyes/hair/skin seemed drier but certainly nothing to prevent me from counting the days until I don't have to deal with fucking periods ever again.

First symptom for me was having a 'bad half' of the month where my mood was low and I did experience mild hot flushes - about the age of 44 when this started. This just slowly intensified, noticed weight gain, aching joints by 46 - very strange inbetween stage when my libido rocketed at 47! Didn't last - then my FSH was in orbit and my oestrogen level on the floor by 48, felt like death - HRT helped. I found it made the difference between being motivated to take exercise and eat well - it's very hard to do those things when you have these explosive bursts of heat every time you walk up a slight slope. Try to get as fit as you can now before it starts. Build muscle etc. But every woman's experience is different - just tune into your own body and keep an open mind on HRT - I think I should have been on it far earlier, it would have improved my horrible moods!

All the recent discussion about the menopause has sort of gone a bit far in that now everyone thinks it is terrible for everyone. I am 50, periods often missed, and I don't feel weird at all. Older than I did 10 years ago, but that would be expected. I have quite an active life and eat relatively well. That may help.

@JinglingSpringbells , I hear you and you definitely have a point. That said; I feel are though (and as a PP mentioned), there does seem to have been some increased awareness / openness about the menopause in recent years (I've probably also been listening more carefully as I get older). For example, discussions on BBC Woman's hour, podcasts, etc. or any platform that is vaguely interested in women's issues will likely bring it up at some point.

However, I don't ever recall a single one of these (at least not the times I've plugged in) as talking about it as anything other than something that needed to be "dealt with" or "managed." Sure, they always prefix it as a part of life, natural process, etc, but then launch into talking about HRT shortages / women not being listened to / how should employers handle this / etc. etc.

So, from where I'm standing (and without any insights from older women in my family) it has thus become something of a rather nebulous and somewhat daunting prospect...

So, I really do hope to get a wide range of responses -- both the good and the bad. I know that not a single one of these will necessarily reflect what I eventually get through (if I am lucky enough to make it that far!). But the mere fact that the responses are wide-ranging will probably be comforting in itself; and if there are sufficiently many responses perhaps I might even be able to tease out a few averages. Let's see. :)

It's obvious that GP training/employer awareness up until now has been pretty lacking so this is why it's being so widely discussed. Maybe a bit of overkill in the attempts to correct this - and yes it is making younger women nervous. I was terrified of flooding and heavy periods but those things didn't happen to me, thank God. But I wasn't prepared for how profoundly a lack of oestrogen and testosterone would affect my mood and energy levels. And we hear time and time again of women being fobbed off with ADs, hopefully the message is getting through to doctors now that a lot of depression and anxiety in your forties is rooted in the hormonal deficit.

The most important thing women can do for themselves at any age but especially as they get older is to not get or remain overweight!

Many of the symptoms touted as being caused by the menopause can be attributed to being overweight or obese!

I'm very active and always have been but I have reduced the amount of calories by a lot to maintain my figure and my health.

I hear what you're saying @Ippagoggy Yes, the media has jumped onto the topic partly as they have to fill their programmes with something!

I think one really important point is that women's own awareness of menopause and being able to talk about it openly is often at odds with many GPs' training in it. So what you tend to hear are experiences of women suffering often because of GPs not being up to speed and offering the wrong treatment.

Only this week there are examples here of women on HRT getting a load of misinformation from GPs.

So there is a bit of a kick-back to get it into the open.

I don't agree that it's an illness or that employers should bend over backwards to accommodate it. There is safe and effective treatment for menopause (HRT) and even lifestyle changes can make a huge difference.

I had no symptoms till I was 51/52. I had insomnia and hourly flushes. Not long after that I started HRT with a consultant gynae, who I'd seen already about something else. I get expert and balanced advice which is what all women should get (even) from a GP.

Achy joints only. No HRT. Nothing to bother about for me.

I'm 57 and feel happier than I ever have.

I did feel a bit mad in my late 40s before HRT though.

I’m “out the other side” thankfully. 😅

For me the physical symptoms weren’t too bad but I wasn’t aware of or prepared for the extreme mental change I went through. In short, I lost my mind for a few years. It was horrendous. I moved house repeatedly, changed jobs, left family relationships, basically made a series of horrible choices resulting in long term repercussions.

Eventually I began to emerge from the “fog” feeling foolish, bewildered and full of regret. I even lost confidence in my ability to cook and drive (I had previously driven for work).

Now I’m 15 years on from the onset of that time I’m still shocked by what happened to me and the fact that I had no prior knowledge that one’s mental state could be impacted so drastically. My GP has since informed me that yes, this does happen.

Advice? Try to surround yourself with trusted friends /family who will be brutally honest with you if your personality starts to change for the worse. Decide now that you will listen to them.

All the best. xx

I started from early 40s, so wouldn't kick it into the long grass for another decade like others are suggesting!

I started with dry eyes. Moved rapidly into mood swings, anxiety and depression, loss of focus, hair loss and aching joints. Then night sweats, insomnia, brain fog and absolute screaming rage about everything and nothing. No GP took me seriously, just kept giving me antidepressants and offering talking therapy. No one pointed out that women who have had PND (which I did) are far more likely to struggle with perimenopause, they just assumed I was depressed.

I am 52 now, on HRT having gone private, and much more stable, but far from 100% and still having periods, so I see no end in sight for me.

I'm three years in menopause. I've been ok, the odd hot flush. My hips have started aching overnight. I suffer fools less gladly. I've thought about HRT for the benefits to bones and heart etc, and possibly to ease hips. I'm cautious because I reacted with awful mood swings on the pill, and reading on these forums made me realised how complicated it can be to get it right.
I have an if it ain't broke, don't fix it approach for now.
I do wonder if I'll feel regret one day, but for now I'm leaving well alone. Active, good diet, never smoked, barely drink, top end of bmi healthy weight.
Thinking about more swimming and starting weights instead.