Menopause -- just how bad is it?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm in my early 40s now and I realise that it might not be long before I go through the menopause. I've listened to podcasts, done some reading, but sadly don't have anyone close enough to me to ask about their personal experience of it (my mum died when she was fairly young and my family is very insular). So I thought I would turn to the anonymity of the internet!

I know that everyone's experience is highly individual and will depend on both genetics and lifestyle. However, I'd love to hear from people who have gone through it and come out the other side... Just how tough is it and how much did it impact your quality of life? What advice would you give to a daughter or close female family member to prepare? Did you need HRT?

I worry that when reading online articles etc. there could be a tendency to over-represent the negative side; after all people don't tend to write articles about what is plain-sailing. So I'm really hoping that there will be a reasonable segment of the population with responses that say 'Actually, it wasn't too bad' or 'It was inconvenient and there was a year where I felt out of sorts but then I got through it' or similar. (Perhaps wishful thinking, but who knows).

Thanks in advance.

@Enigma52 @TheShiningCarpet I can relate totally.

Menopause is unique to every single woman. You can only wait and see and make decisions as and when. You have acknowledged this yet you still wanted to hear other fandoms' experiences. 🤷‍♀️

Randoms.

op this might be helpful - there is no ‘out the other side’

what I didn’t understand in my 40s is that it isn’t just about periods stopping and how that feels. Your hormones fluctuate and decline for years and then your body has to make do with low levels for the rest of your life and this has health impacts.

so even if you feel ok when your periods stop it’s worth reading up on what’s actually happening. A lot of health issues in women are related to hormone changes and it’s clear from mumsnet etc that lots of us don’t always realise that (sadly true of some GPs too)

Wait and see.

What's good for you now that discussions are opening up about it is that if you do hit problems you'll be able to access help more readily than any other generation of women before you.

I'm 55. I haven't had a period for around 18 months now. Highlights -

Nightsweats for a couple of years early on, waking up cold as PJs were soaking wet.
Only had a handful of hot flashes thankfully during day, didn't like them at all!
Insomnia
Dry eyes
Itchy vulva at night drives me bonkers, but it comes and goes with hormone changes, so can have it for 2-3 days then not have it for weeks again
Sore joints - especially in the morning
Piling on weight
Thinning hair (really thin, female pattern baldness, scalp showing now - but lots of hair on chin instead!)
Low mood / don't give a shit in work now, but pretend I do
Brain fog - I work in a complex technical job and I sometimes just listen to the young techs and feel like an old women saying - slow down, lets write this down, draw a picture etc. More forgetful, need to write everything down
Less confidence/bit of anxiety (I don't travel for work anymore as the thought of travel arrangements to strange places terrifies me) - probably partly to do with anxiety/fear and also partly to do with confidence around appearance - weight/hair.

I am so jealous of women who got their state & private pensions at 60 before! Honestly think it should never have been changed due to the impact of menopause on the female body/mind.

Truthfully @Ippagoggy I'd not give it another thought.
You've probably got ten years to go yet. Average age of meno is 51-52.

The average age to have completed menopause may be 51-52, but perimenopausal symptoms can go on for up to about 10 years before that!

Just how tough is it and how much did it impact your quality of life? What advice would you give to a daughter or close female family member to prepare? Did you need HRT?

I may not be right person to answer bec I'm not yet a full year since last period (10-11m maybe).

Anyway, for me, (peri)menopase was an almost complete non event. Some commonly mentioned things that I never had were: fatigue, weight gain, any emotional turmoil. There were some physical symptoms (like periods being erratic). But none of those symptoms have been difficult. Yes my body shape has changed but ... I couldn't say when. It's been changing for 20 years. Or all my life, even.

So my answers so far,
QoL = better than ever. Truly, my reslience and energy levels are both better now than at any other time in my entire life.

My daughter is a terrible control freak and I'd tell her to not be, if she would listen, and could change herself. That's nothing to do with menop. It's the root or near root of all her unhappiness, though.

I never went near HRT. No reason to.

I suppose I can also give some upsides just for balance!

it’s true that you really can develop like a new view on life - once the oestrogen drops, the desire to put others first and care for others can diminish. This can fill you with a sense of bravery to do what you want, put yourself first and take care of you. I know I really do care less what others think which is interesting that the anxiety hasn’t increased that. I feel far more self reliant and confident, I can appreciate the good people in life and can easily let go of the things and situations that don’t work for me. You reflect more on what you need and pleasures can be really very simple - and therefore very attainable. I value peace more than consensus and I am fine with that.

its forced me to take care of myself, to identify things that contribute to positive mental health. So in a way, I feel far more open and expansive.

A breeze.
Seven of us went through it at a similar time.
Two of us: no symptoms other than irregular periods for a couple years then they stopped.
One: a few hot flushes, irregular periods then stopped. Occasional hot flushes now.
Two: hot flushes, a bit of brain fog, enough to try lowest dose HRT. Pretty much took care of any symptoms.
Two: quite debilitating symptoms went on HRT which helped but still suffered.
I was lucky to be in the first group, and my mother had such a horrendous time I was dreading it. I've never had a hot flush, no brain fog. Slight ache in my left thumb and right elbow. That's it.
So half didn't feel the need for HRT, two decided they might as well, two definitely needed it.

I could’ve written this post. There is too much written about what a horrendous thing ‘menopause’ is. But it isn’t one thing. It’s something you juggle for a time and like periods, or sex, or childbirth, there are a whole spectrum of experiences.

@YeOldeTrout @Screamingabdabz

I really hope you will carry on being one of the 15% of women with few symptoms.

However, HRT isn't just for peri meno (which you are in.)

Many women only start HRT after their periods have stopped because this is when the full effects of loss of estrogen are evident.

Some start it within a few months, other not for a few years.

All the best anyway.

Are you not seeking medical advice for this? Even if you've decided you dont want full HRT you should be using topical estrogen for the itchy vulva etc. There's no need to suffer like this.
Have you considered HRT or talked to a dr about it at all?

Dreadful night sweats - had to sleep with a towel and change of night clothes - and intense episodes of anxiety and irritability were a nightmare for me. Weight gain, worsening joint pain also arrived along with brain fog.
Treatment for breast cancer has led to the return of the night sweats - so that’s fun

I could’ve written this post. There is too much written about what a horrendous thing ‘menopause’ is. But it isn’t one thing. It’s something you juggle for a time and like periods, or sex, or childbirth, there are a whole spectrum of experiences.

So you think that the people who have had horrendous experiences should stop writing about them? Also, why have you put menopause in inverted commas? Do you not believe it exists? Menopause is one thing, technically. It's the cessation of menstruation. Anyway, just because people have a spectrum of experiences of menopause and the approach to menopause, that doesn't make menopause or perimenopause not one thing. You might as well say that pregnancy isn't one thing because not everybody experiences it the same way. It's still pregnancy.

My daughter is a terrible control freak and I'd tell her to not be, if she would listen, and could change herself. That's nothing to do with menop. It's the root or near root of all her unhappiness, though

You sound quite judgemental?

All of this 100%!

Absolutely awful, vaginal dryness to the point of extreme pain, unable to sit down comfortably. Painful joints, fatigue, gained weight without eating more, dry eyes, brain fog, depression. Hrt has helped but not cured symptoms. Had no idea when I was in my 40s that this was around the corner. Hoping it improves after a while but don't feel like myself at all. Maybe this is it now?

And with it being an average age, some women are a lot younger, some are a lot older.

I didn't say I had no symptoms. I had hot flashes, for instance. These were exciting. Whatever symptoms I had were entirely manageable, though.

My HF were linked to events that frustrated me or pissed me off. Supposed to be a cortisol rush, I think? Like if something mechanical was aggravating to me or a work action wasn't easy. And almost always when I was sitting still. But no big deal. I have an insect bite right now that is driving me rather more bonkers than any HF ever could.

Interesting. I thought I wasn't at the hot flush stage of peri, but I also go really hot if I get cross, so perhaps mine are similar to yours.

In terms of the ops original question, I'm early 40s and I'm noticing changes to myself. Some of this are uncomfortable and need relieved with lotions and potions or dietary tweaks.

WOW! Some of these comments.

I'm 43 not remotely overweight and muscular (age group competitive endurance athlete as a hobby) with an excellent diet, don't drink/ smoke etc. I couldn't take better care of myself if I tried. Yet. I was suffering so badly with insomnia, joint aches, night sweats and hot flushes I had to do something. One of the things that frustrated me was that all the advice to manage my symptoms, i was actually doing. I dread to think how bad it would have been otherwise!! I eventually got prescribed HRT (body identical) and everything has massively improved. I feel like the old me again.

My periods became irregular when I turned 40. From my friend group early 40's seems a typical age to start with perimenopausal symptoms.

I think it is worth researching the negative impact that lower hormones have on the female body regarding long term health implications...

Women love to show off about not taking or needing HRT!

Completely different for everyone. Just like childbirth. Or periods. Sone women sail through it, others are not so lucky.
Looking back. I think the first symptoms were exhaustion. I started to feel myself falling asleep at work. Couldn’t understand it. Only realised it was due to peri menopause much later after joining help groups.
On a positive note, the lack of oestrogen means you start to not give a fuck. Seriously, just like a man.
I have no interest in things which don’t interest me and no long feign interest. That is liberating.

From around 42 I had insomnia and back pain - didn’t think much of it at the time. Then at 45 the acid reflux joined the party. When my periods started stretching out I went for HRT and it basically cured all of the above. The back pain was the most surprising - it vanished in week 2 of HRT.

Now that I’m on it it’s fine, I get random itches and sometimes my periods get out of whack with the drugs so I have PMS symptoms mid cycle or extra small bleeds. The weight gain has been ridiculous and the lack of energy to do anything about that is a problem, but honestly the insomnia being gone is such a gift!