Menopause -- just how bad is it?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm in my early 40s now and I realise that it might not be long before I go through the menopause. I've listened to podcasts, done some reading, but sadly don't have anyone close enough to me to ask about their personal experience of it (my mum died when she was fairly young and my family is very insular). So I thought I would turn to the anonymity of the internet!

I know that everyone's experience is highly individual and will depend on both genetics and lifestyle. However, I'd love to hear from people who have gone through it and come out the other side... Just how tough is it and how much did it impact your quality of life? What advice would you give to a daughter or close female family member to prepare? Did you need HRT?

I worry that when reading online articles etc. there could be a tendency to over-represent the negative side; after all people don't tend to write articles about what is plain-sailing. So I'm really hoping that there will be a reasonable segment of the population with responses that say 'Actually, it wasn't too bad' or 'It was inconvenient and there was a year where I felt out of sorts but then I got through it' or similar. (Perhaps wishful thinking, but who knows).

Thanks in advance.

Heavy infrequent periods, hair thinning and hot flushes were as bad as it got for me. No HRT. Unpleasant, but not life changing.

And I'm all through it now!

I think it's great to know that there is help out there if you need it. That's really the main thing. It's no longer being ignored or not spoken about

Worst thing for me with menopause was the vaginal atrophy which I’d never even heard about - itching, increased need for the loo, painful sex to the point I had to stop, little cuts from thinning vulval skin, soreness, . It’s easy to manage once you get the right treatment but you have to know what it is.

Menopause?? Horrific! I was happily on HRT until fucking breast cancer hit me ( secondary now) so no HRT for me now!

I feel ready for the knackers yard. Unproductive, unemployable, just shit really.

I am 46. The only info I had was about physical symptoms - especially hot flushes. But no one warned me about the mental symptoms - the crippling anxiety, worry, intrusive thoughts, fear, a regression almost back to childhood in terms of fear and worry. A total lowering of stress tolerance. Major isolationist tendencies. Now I am on hrt I see improvements but I have had to actively continue to manage my stress and anxiety. Anxiety has been replaced perhaps now more with wanting to be totally alone. It’s not great. I just take it a day at a time. And I still haven’t had a single hot flush!

In the UK there is very little joined up thinking on menopause although a good specialist or GP can help @Ippagoggy

Using HRT or not (which is what this thread is developing into) should be decided by looking at your whole body - not just flushes etc.

Look at family history of heart disease, osteoporosis, bowel cancer and diabetes.

All of these are a factor in choosing hrt or not as HRT prevents them /lowers risk.

Flushes etc are one part of meno but the really important diseases that women die from don't kick in for another 10+ years. So no one is ever 'out the other side'.

Research recently showed that post meno, women's risk of heart disease doubles compared to men's. A result of loss of estrogen. Heart disease is the biggest killer of women along with dementia.

HRT used within 10 years of the menopause reduces this risk.

1:2 women develop osteoporosis. 100K a year die from its complications.

Focus on long term health as well as the symptoms of peri.

Not saying 'choose HRT' regardless but look at your individual risks . I wonder how many GP are asking women these questions and practising preventive medicine?

In 42

Periods have stopped
Insomnia is kicking my ass
Night sweats are awful
I cry all the time

Periods stopping are a bonus though

Has anyone advised you that this is early menopause?
It's a medical condition and you should be using HRT to age 50 at least.
It's considered a deficiency disease at 42 like diabetes etc. You're 10 years before the average age.

Maybe talk to your GP?

I’ve not had a period for about six months now, am in the same boat as you sadly. OP:
I’ve no idea really. Am 51.

I can relate. Particularly the anxiety, worry and deep thinking. I too just want to be alone. I'm 53, so much older.

@JinglingSpringbells

The gp advised me to have the coil. The symptoms have got much worse in the last two weeks but unable to get an appt to see gp

Is it because I started my periods aged 9 maybe?

I'm taking magnesium and just ordered some wild yam supplements on recommendation

Thank you! I needed to hear that

I'm well out the other side now at 60, I've been on HRT for two years. Looking back my perimenopausal years weren't too grim, other than my cycle becoming erratic and my periods heavier in my mid-40s. A Mirena coil stopped all that, no periods at all after it settled down. I used to get brain fog, but only in the evenings after a full-on day at work when I had to be on top of my game. I'd get home and forget what day it was, and have my children finishing sentences for me because I couldn't remember the words I wanted. I started HRT because of achy joints mainly, and vaginal atrophy that wasn't responding enough to topical oestrogen. I feel great on it, back to myself.

Mine started age 41, night sweats, then terrible atrophy leading to prolapses (three of them), dry eyes, suicidal thoughts for two weeks every month after ovulation and the list goes on.

I'm on HRT now, coil and patch and T. much better than I was but still get very depressed some weeks which is when I assume I am still ovulating. No energy for anything. I count the hours until I can go to bed most days.

I exercise and have exercised a LOT for at least ten years. V healthy BMI. Never liked sugar that much as an adult. And still hit me like a bus. My 40s have been pants so far. Can't imagine a time when there is something to look forward to again.

BUT I think forewarned is forearmed. I had no idea about meno. Mum didn't tell me anything, it hasn't occurred to me to look into it at all. Good luck.

Why would you need a Mirena coil? Only for contraception as under 50 you need it for a couple of years even after a 'last' period.

It's doesn't replace estrogen but you can use it as the progesterone part of hrt - with a patch/gel/tablet.

Good luck

Periods stopped five years ago.
This is the only difference for me.

I'm beginning to miss periods now, and I feel good. Better than before, less PMT! Now my kids are older, I have more time to myself, I feel calmer. It's true, I can't sleep at night, but I love the peace at night when I'm the only one awake. Sometimes I have to nap in the day to make up for it, it's not so terrible.
I love being "invisible", it's what I wanted from the beginning! I use this new power to boss people around. They don't care, even men don't mind because they don't really see me any more. I wear bright colours and it's not too much, nobody thinks I'm look-at-me. Actually, this is a great time of life so far.
I definitely have less libido, which I prefer. Lust used to make me crazy.

So what do you do when you can't have HRT AND you get put on hormone blockers too, when HRT is the only thing which sorts libido and anxiety? Anyone going through this crap?

I can honestly say that apart from periods stopping I had no noticeable effects of menopause at all.
So you might find it is not an issue. Everybody is different.

Am half way though I guess as in haven't had a period for about 6 months. No symptoms at all.

Well actually the only thing is I really can't tolerate much in the way of alcohol nowadays but I don't think that is a bad thing really.

No period for ten months now. Worst things for me are the hideous night sweats and hot flashes during the day. I sometimes feel like I'm sat in the oven.
Itchy skin comes and goes and that's awful to deal with, especially in the summer months. Luckily summer days are few and far between here!

55 and still not really noticing it. Periods still going, though a bit more erratic. Some annoying chin hairs is the worst thing. It may have helped that I started running in my mid-40s (and continued) but suppose I’ll never know.
Also don’t know if starting periods late (mid-teens) or having children late (last one at 41) and breastfeeding them had an impact.

Im 47 and havent had any issues - as a pp has said, you only hear about the bad stuff. Both myself and my sister didnt realise we were going through it other than periods stopping.

I'm 52 and I'm relatively OK tbh

However ... this is only because I've lost nearly 4 stone this year and have become a near normal weight. I also do 30 mins of exercise every day and have started lifting weights. I eat a healthy diet.

Prior to this, I was struggling a bit. Tiredness, apathy and feeling fat and sluggish and stuffing my face. I really had to pull myself up and I have to say that menopause is much easier to manage when you're slim and fitter and eating well,

I don't take HRT as I wasn't comfortable doing so when 4 stone overweight, I do intend to take it by the end of this year though - mainly for the preventative benefits

I'm probably in late peri menopause right now as I still have periods. After 35 years of them arriving bang on 28 days, it's quite the shock to have them arrive whenever they feel like - sometimes up to 60 days apart or more

I think i'm through it at 56, no period for 18months .
No hot sweats ,no brain fog, no mood swings ,none of the common symptoms but a little joint pain which now seems to be easing off and itchy skin also eased off .
sleep not as good as before but most nights good enough and i get enough sleep.
Less patience with people but that could just be my age !
I have chosen to not have hrt ,the pill didn't suit me and i'm not keen on using drugs,actually not even been to see a gp, can't see what they could do for me really.
If this is all i'm going to get then i think i have had it easy .
I had no expectations and i didn't read up about it before i sort of just went with the flow ,perhaps i buried my head in the sand but i think i possibly would have imagined symptoms if i had known how many there can be !
More women i have spoken to who are through it or going through it have not had it too bad so hopefully you'll be the same when it comes.