Terrified of menopause

[warmmfeet]

I'm 41. I struggle with PMT and on off low mood and anxiety which I believe is due to genetics.

I do my best to manage those times naturally and it generally works, just needed 6 months of antidepressants after my second child was born.

Anyway, I'm absolutely terrified of the menopause. I feel constantly bombarded with stories of how awful it is. I was a teenager when my own mother went through it and it was a very turbulent time.

I want to ask what it's like once through the other side? Do you feel ok again? Also any remotely positive stories of navigating it would be great.

Thank you

It's not necessarily awful, even if your mother had a rough time; everyone is different. Mine was annoying at times - wasn't expecting the joint pain - but I didn't feel the need to medicate it (apart from pain killers). Being terrified will make it worse so if you can work on that anxiety ahead of time that will definitely help.

It might not be as bad as you fear! Personally I suffered with hot flushes & night sweats and uncontrollable rage. I have friends who are sailing through without any symptoms and others who have similar problems but aren't using HRT and instead are managing with changes to lifestyle and natural remedies.

Instead of worrying, I think you should focus your energy on being as fit and healthy as you can be. Look at your diet and exercise and well being and work on improving where you can. That will put you in the best position when peri starts to take hold.

Never had any problem and I don't know any family member, friend or colleague/ex colleague that had any problems either!

In recent years they have commercialised the menopause and it's an insidious way of making many women pay for supplements, treatments etc.

Of course some women have problems just as some women have a terrible time with periods and others done.

The menopause is a natural part of getting older and there is no need to fear it.

The biggest bonus for me was no longer having periods and the freedom that comes with that.

No HRT, I would never have taken that and I feel great and have done for fourteen years since I went through it.

I'm navigating it now. Honestly, it's not a walk in the park but it's just something you deal with. Your experience might be easy. If it's not, there are treatments available.

Well the biggest bonus of menopause is no more periods and no more PMS. The way you feel is no longer dictated by a 28 day cycle up and down. It's liberating.
Yes there may be a year or so of symptoms. Many, many people have no problems whatsoever. I had hot flushes but the lack of PMS was just bliss.

Exactly as @IrisGold says, no more PMS or periods.
I hadn't realised to what extent my moods and feelings were related to my cycle, so that was a revelation! I really like being on a much more even keel emotionally.
I've never had a hot flush, not once. I did suffer from some UTIs and now use the delightfully named Vagifem pessaries which keep everything running smoothly, so to speak.
Please do not live in fear, seek help if you need it.

Following as I’m a similar age to you op and also feeling pretty apprehensive about it…! Am trying to prepare by being as healthy as possible and maintain a positive attitude - I’m loving The Change on C4 on demand as a portrayal of menopause that isn’t angsty or doom laden too. Only watched the first two episodes so far, but if my menopause also involves taking off on a motorbike and being made coffee by Jerome Flynn I will not be displeased (goes to google motorbike lessons)

They're going to make out that it's horrendous because they want women to pay a fortune out on treatments, clothes, makeup and medication for it at the first hint of feeling a bit warm in the queue at sainsburys.

Reality is just as likely to be:

1. you feel a bit hot in summer, 2. then you realise a couple of times that everybody else is complaining of the cold.
2. Couple of 'that was a bit heavy/unexpected' periods
3. you make an appointment with the GP
4. they write out your prescription for a patch.
5. Slap a patch on your arse twice a week and you get on with your day.

Just like you get women and companies falling over themselves to scare you shitless about periods, childbirth, marriages, sections, ageing, toddlers, preschoolers, preteens and teenagers, you get it when they've worked out there's a previously untapped market of more affluent females out there.

Yes it can be awful. But not for everyone. Some people sail through and wonder what all the fuss is about. I’ve had a Terrible time and I never suffered with bad pmt or post natal depression. And if you do start to suffer with symptoms, hrt can work wonders.

This is where bloody Davina and co have created a monster.

Some people have terrible periods, pregnancies, births, menopause. Some don't.

Take medical advice, keep healthy, stay away from Google. Don't assume every itching toe is "peri". Don't be afraid to take HRT if that's what your doctor recommends for you.

And don't buy a bloody face cream just because it's in a pink box.

Or any clothes that say 'menopause'. Particularly vests, leggings and t shirts - it's a load of bollocks to justify charging a massive markup on lower quality goods as part and parcel of the withering ovary tax.

I'm 52 and still having regular periods and no sign of peri menopause so you've potentially got a long time yet, don't spend it worrying about what might be

I think you do hear a lot of horror stories.... but, in reality, there are plenty of women who aren't so badly affected.
Here's my experience to offer you a balanced view. I stayed on the minipill (a lifetime of v painful periods) until I was 52. I came off the minipill and waited for a period. None came. The menopause had happened without me noticing!!! Three years down the line now.
I have had some joint pain - but I've been diagnosed with arthritis, so joint pain not necessarily connected to menopause.
I do sleep poorly. Light sleep. I wake a lot but do get back to sleep quickly. And amazingly, I have STOPPED having to get up in the night for a pee.
I do have the old brain fog - just forgetting words occasionally, but nothing that you can't brush off with a laugh.
My hair is thinning round the temples.
I take no HRT or herbal supplements for menopause but I do take general vitamins and supplements for my joints/ arthritis.
No anxiety, no depression, no mood swings,not a single hot flush, none of the other myriad of symptoms which affect some women.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to keep yourself as fit and healthy as you can from now onwards. Eat well, exercise and sleep. Don't spend the next few years expecting or dreading the worst. You'll probably be fine!

I’m 52 and stopped having periods at least 2 years ago. That’s the the only symptom I’ve had thus far; no hot flushes, mood swings, or anxiety above the levels I habitually experience. My mum was the same.
It’s not universally horrendous and maybe you’ll be lucky.

Instead of worrying, I think you should focus your energy on being as fit and healthy as you can be. Look at your diet and exercise and well being and work on improving where you can. That will put you in the best position when peri starts to take hold.

I totally agree. Any work you do now will pay you back a hundredfold in years to come.

Cut out UPF, sugar and refined carbs as much as possible and eat a largely plant based diet, with lean protein and healthy fats (EVOO), plus small amounts of unrefined/complex carbs and dairy.

Keep your BMI in a healthy range.

Work out, especially with weights/dumbbells, plus regular HIIT/cardio. Try Caroline Girvan for the former and Growingannanas for the latter. Walking is always good too. You may find it hard to begin with, but the resulting strength and fitness are so worth it.

I'm 58 and through the other side of the menopause. I had hot flushes and joint pain for a couple of years. I also lost a bit of confidence around things I'd taken for granted before, like driving. After a few months of thinking, 'bloody hell, this is crap' I gave myself a month to turn things around. I upped my exercise, really cleaned up my diet and upped my fruit and veg intake, gave up meat and booze, got plenty of rest and all the other good stuff we know we should be doing already. Well, within a few weeks I was feeling wonderful. This isn't to belittle anyone else's experience, I know some people struggle, but I found there was so much I could do to help myself.

Something nobody says, and I REALLY wish they would, is that the things you experience in menopause do not necessarily continue afterwards. Out the other side I feel fantastic, not suffering from sodding periods any more, on an even keel, calmer and much more relaxed. I genuinely feel more confident, settled and happier than I ever have.

Please don't worry. A lot is written about how bad things can be....I guess the story that most people have a bit of a blip and then carry on normally doesn't sell books and papers. It's just a change and you will get through it like we all do. All will be well.

Oh, sorry to bang on, but another thing I did was use the 'change' to sort out all the other things I'd not had time to do in my life. I saw a good dentist (expensive, but I only spent the money I saved by giving up on booze) and got my teeth sorted. I saw a podiatrist who gave me exercises and orthotics which really helped with the joint pain I'd been having. I downsized my house, got an allotment, started my own business, took a vocational course and got myself a tent and camped and wild swam all over Britain. I've set myself up for a whole new stage of my life. Menopause can be a really positive force for good - why does nobody say that?

I am just entering peri now, at 51, and started having a few symptoms but nothing bad

In fact, I am on the Mirena so no more periods, though I still know where I am in my cycle (pmt still happening on the dot 😁🧐)

I was worried about the big bad menopause but so far I have to admit it's been fine.

Instead of focussing energy on what you can't control, you could focus on what you DO have agency over:

• look into options such as Mirena, the pill, or other hormone birth control/HRT options snd read up on them
• take charge of health s d fitness. At 45 I started to feel helpless about ageing, getting fat etc. 6 years later I am stronger and fitter than I've ever been in my life.

I think when something feels overwhelming and out of control, it is important to take charge and do something positive about it

For me that is sport, more sport and the Mirena (and cutting out alcohol , that was a biggie too)

I'm 52. Had my last baby at 40, periods returned very light (from previously being very heavy), and I don't think I've had one for about 6 months. Im not conscious of any significant peri symptoms / but mood swings and fatigue could have been tied up with the stresses of having 2 small dc. I put on a bit of weight about 5 years ago which is proving tricky to shift, and I've started a weights class to stay toned. But no HRT, and no real problems.

High five to @BunnyBettChetwynnd

Yes, I also made changes and start competing in a sport 😁 Like a nutter I challenge 20-somethings and anyone really (men too) to keep on getting fitter

It's given me a new lease of life.

DH and kids are surprised that I got randomly competitive and sporty in middle age, but are happy for me

I have sailed through menopause. After decades of endometriosis pain, PMT, and just hideous hormonal stuff. I haven't had a single symptom and now have no pain and no hormonal surges. I cannot emphasise how wonderful it is to not have those surges. Honestly, for me it has been the best thing in the world.

I'm going through it and have been for a long time. I can't take anything such as HRT due to previous breast cancer. It's been fine largely, sometimes I have off days or lots of sweats but can go for long gaps between that happening.

I'm 52 OP and can honestly say that I've not really noticed much to date. My periods are a bit all over the place and I've got painful hips at times but nothing that a vitamin D tablet and the odd ibuprofen doesn't sort out. I'm fully functioning at work, no difference in energy levels and to be truthful think that celebrities like Davina McCall and Meg Matthews are just drama queens. Yes some people probably do suffer but then I'd imagine that they also suffer from lots of other problems too.

I am so grateful for all these replies! This thread has exceeded my expectations. I feel reassured and like I can have some control over this.

It's so helpful to hear others stories.
Agree that it's been made something that sells.
Don't think I'm terribly unhealthy but will definitely work on this further.

Thank you!