Terrified of menopause

[warmmfeet]

I'm 41. I struggle with PMT and on off low mood and anxiety which I believe is due to genetics.

I do my best to manage those times naturally and it generally works, just needed 6 months of antidepressants after my second child was born.

Anyway, I'm absolutely terrified of the menopause. I feel constantly bombarded with stories of how awful it is. I was a teenager when my own mother went through it and it was a very turbulent time.

I want to ask what it's like once through the other side? Do you feel ok again? Also any remotely positive stories of navigating it would be great.

Thank you

Don't assume every itching toe is "peri".
Yes to this.There is a huge bandwagon that dictates everything that happens to your health either physically or mentally in your 40s or 50s is "peri" or "menopause". I often worry that serious illnesses get missed because of this.

You don't need any bonkers diets. Just healthy eating and a healthy weight which are important all your life. As is exercise. The exercise that helps you most in older years is the exercise you do in your teens and twenties, that's when bone is built. Sadly I did zero at that time but it's never too late to start and there is always some benefit.

HRT. My menopause was 12 years ago. I didn't take it partly because I was concerned about the risk of breast cancer and partly because I didn't want to take a drug for something that is not an illness. No one told me about the benefits of HRT in bone protection and in hindsight I would have taken HRT.

I was quite happy to see how my menopause went, not that keen to have HRT as I remembered my mum's which was an absolute nightmare. Didn't mind the hot flushes that much as it was winter and like I had my own central heating!

Then I realised every time I had a hot flush I had a migraine - I already have very frequent migraine so this was a big deal for me. And my vulva was itchy.

Vulva fixed in 2 weeks of vaginal oestrogen. And now happy I am unlikely to be facing my mum's old age of recurrent UTIs and sepsis.

HRT has also sorted the migraine issue. No resemblance to my mum's nightmare as the products are completely different. It also sorted a load of musculoskeletal stuff I hadn't even realised was peri. Currently feeling the best I have in years.

Try not to cross bridges before you come to them @warmmfeet
It's true that 75% of women have menopause symptoms (this is in the research from the British Menopause Society, led by gynaecologists and hormone specialists.) But the extent of symptoms does vary.

One thing to bear in mind is your bone density. I have friends who 'sailed through the menopause' and some are now in severe pain after having had broken bones in their late 50s, and on treatments with far more side effects than HRT.

There are plenty of women who seem 'proud of the fact' they didn't take HRT but in 10 or 20 years' time, they might feel differently. Osteoporosis is a silent disease. Unless you are proactive and pay for a bone density scan, you don't know until it's too late.

It's not about treating menopause as an illness, it's about looking at your individual risks for diseases in the future, (based partly on family history such as heart disease, stroke, osteoporosis, dementia) and making an informed choice.

Do lots of reading around it and when the time comes, do what is best for you.

Well I felt increasingly shit over the last couple of years post menopause but giving up alcohol and starting HRT have made me feel so much better.

In recent years they have commercialised the menopause and it's an insidious way of making many women pay for supplements, treatments etc And more money for the pharmaceutical industry.
I agree so much with this.My periods finished 3 years ago so I presume I have had the menopause. No issues and I haven't changed my lifestyle to facilitate this.

Mine wasn’t awful at all. Only one symptom, hot sweats, they were horrendous. I couldn’t take HRT because of previous cancer but my GP prescribed a different treatment specifically for sweating and it got on top of it very quickly.

My mum had a torrid time but I'm one of the "lucky" ones. My always regular periods just stopped at about 51 and that was it.

I have a colleague who's a real doom mongerer about it and has put the fear of God into a couple of younger women in the office. She has suffered and I'm not minimising what she's going through but she's very much of the "wait till you have x, y and z symptom" ilk. I always try and counter her horror stories with "and then again you might be perfectly fine".

I sometimes feel like we Gen Xers think we invented menopause, or something.

We’re now hitting that period of our lives, and it’s all we can talk about, as if women haven’t been going through it for 100s of 1000s of years.

I get that until recently it was a taboo subject, and we’re bringing some (probably much needed) sunlight onto it.

But as a late 40-something, staring down the barrel of it - it now feels like this huge, looming thing that IS going to be awful / debilitating / insurmountable, and will go on and on for around a decade, etc, etc.

I don’t know how helpful this is, either. How does that help one’s mental health around the issue? If I wasn’t feeling anxious about it before all the media hype, I am now. I mean, I’m keeping it in perspective, but again, I’m not sure how the continual negativity around it is actually helpful.

As above everyone is different. I agree with posters saying it’s like pregnancy, childbirth, coping with children etc etc. some people sail through and others are not so lucky. Periods were the bane of my life. Heavy, painful. One of the benefits of pregnancy was not having periods and that’s a benefit of the menopause too. I do think it does depend if you have to work full time in a demanding job though. It’s easy to say it’s easy if you can sit at home and chill rather than having to concentrate for 8+ hours a day 5 days a week. Lots of women have given up work because of the menopause. So bare that in mind and don’t be afraid to take HRT if you need it.

TBH I didn’t really give the menopause much thought. But looking back at the various things I’ve see with GP about over the last few years: hair loss, insomnia, UTIs and stress incintinve, aching joints, anxiety, depression etc. Not once was menopause mentioned an D.C. I was offered sleeping pills, antidepresssnts, referral to physio etc etc. Strangely these symptoms have all improved/gone with HRT snd I’m extremely grateful for it.

The worst bit was my regular and short periods becoming floods. That was only fir year though obviously I didn’t know how long that would go on for so really depressing.
Periods just stopped in September last year ( I was 51).
I definitely don’t have any sex drive although I can’t be arsed frankly. Been there done that. You get a lot of pressure to gain it back but for me it’s like wanting kids. That was all consuming feeling in my 30’s but I had one and 20 years on I don’t feel like that version of me.
I’ve definitely put on weight but I think lots of that is not being bothered. I don’t feel the need to be attractive to go and do stuff.. I dress well and do what I like .

I was scared of it too. My mother had regular flooding - that was my worst fear. She eventually had a D&C and they found she had cancer so had a hysterectomy.
Anyway, I get to early 50s, everything just ticking along. About 54 I skip a period or two, and they become lighter and shorter. Then longer time between them. Nothing else - no hot flushes, no brain fog, no mood swings. I had a bit of an ache in one thumb at times. I think by 56 I was done. No more periods and the thumb stopped aching too.
Two of my friends were similar, though one did get hot flushes. A few more friends had it a bit more - more frequent hot flushes, more symptoms, a couple went on low dose HRT. One friend had a real hard time but is on the other side now.

It's only 12 years ago since my menopause but absolutely no-one mentioned it then. The positive side to that was that I didn't even think about it or how it might affect me. My periods just stopped, I had a merina coil so they were very light anyway. I only twigged what it was when the hot flushes started. They were grim for a year, probably 20 a day but that was all.

I'm through it now and barely any symptoms. I have friends who have a symptom list as long as your arm. We're all different and it affects us all differently.

I've heard that as a rule of thumb your menopause experience will be like your mothers. I don't remember my mum ever discussing it with anyone or having any symptoms and unfortunately she's not here to ask.

I’m still in perimenopause, only issue I’ve have was irregular flooding which is kept at bay with the mini pill. Absolutely no other symptoms thankfully.

Menopause was such a non-event for me that I couldn't tell you exactly when I "officially" became postmenopausal. My periods just became lighter and lighter until one day I realized it must have been over a year since I had one! That was about 8-9 years ago.

Whatever symptoms I've had have been minimal and very manageable. Bone density is fine. I've always exercised and have been weight training since my late 20's so I suspect that has helped with bone strength. No HRT.

I'm not minimizing what other women go thru, just pointing out that there is no "universal" Menopause experience. You may be pleasantly surprised at how few symptoms you experience. It is a very individual thing.

@CrazyArmadilloLady yeah, some truth in that

we were not supposed to get old like all those boring old people before us! We , Gen X were going to do ageing in a cool and different way… Age is just a number! Forever young we want to be forever young…. Oh wait. Shit 🧐☹️ we’re getting older too

I know a lady who suffered through perimenopause terribly. Didn't want HRT because of the increased breast cancer risks. There was no breast cancer in my ex colleagues family. She suffered with horrible hot flushes and anxiety, heavy periods.

Bottom line is she's just finished chemo/radiotherapy for breast cancer, been operated on to remove tumour . Is waiting list for 2 hip replacements and she's not even 60!! She could have not suffered peri symptoms and took the HRT, to protect her bones and perhaps wouldn't need the hip replacements. Who can say? 🤷🏼‍♀️ She got cancer anyway.

My own mother didn't take HRT and suffers terribly with bones

@SuperBlondie28 That happened to me. I posted earlier on the thread that when I had my menopause 12 years ago I had no idea of the benefits of HRT, only the risks. My mother and grandmother suffered badly with osteoporosis so I may well have asked for it had I known.
In fact I got breast cancer anyway and now have osteoporosis.
While it's true that HRT helps prevent bone loss it won't work miracles. What you really need is to build your bones in your teens and 20s with protein, calcium and impact exercise. If I could tell my 13 year old self one thing it would be this.

Please don't worry. If at all possible go on hrt at the first signs of it. I'm on hrt and can honestly say I have never felt so good. I just wish I'd gone on it sooner rather than putting up with 2-3 years of perimenopausal symptoms.

Just because you didn't suffer too badly doesn't mean people who do or did are " drama queens". What a nasty comment.

My periods have never given me much bother, but peri has been bumpy, but manageable with improved diet and exercise and hrt.
My sister has always had a horrid time with her periods, she is experiencing a much calmer happier time with her menopause.
So two sisters very different experiences.
Meanwhile it's with knowing that Hrt has lots of benefits for all sorts of things, whichever camp you fall into.

Contrast @GulfCoastBeachGirlpost 👌with @Bluebells1970 🙈 oh my.
Some people really can't comprehend another's experience might differ for entirely valid reasons can they.

I more or less sailed through, but I did prepare for it by losing weight and getting really fit. I am sure being very fit and having a healthy lifestyle at least helps and makes it easier. I am fitter now than in my 20s.

it's true that HRT helps prevent bone loss it won't work miracles. What you really need is to build your bones in your teens and 20s with protein, calcium and impact exercise. If I could tell my 13 year old self one thing it would be this.

Very true @IrisGold . They really need to educate young women on bone health and how to maintain it. I just read that 25% of women will have osteoporosis by age 65 and over 50% of us will have some "thinning" by age 50. Just swallowing a calcium supplement isn't going to protect you!