Terrified of menopause

[warmmfeet]

I'm 41. I struggle with PMT and on off low mood and anxiety which I believe is due to genetics.

I do my best to manage those times naturally and it generally works, just needed 6 months of antidepressants after my second child was born.

Anyway, I'm absolutely terrified of the menopause. I feel constantly bombarded with stories of how awful it is. I was a teenager when my own mother went through it and it was a very turbulent time.

I want to ask what it's like once through the other side? Do you feel ok again? Also any remotely positive stories of navigating it would be great.

Thank you

I match perfectly your first two paragraphs!

Now 60, and through the other side. Worst thing for me has been the change in my body shape. I haven't really gained weight but it's migrated to my boobs and bum. Haven't yet discovered where it came from 🤷‍♀️. Hot flushes were a nuisance but my heating bills are lower.

Positives: better skin than I've ever had, no more hormonal acne, and thicker hair.

It's different for everyone, just take it as it comes.

This is the flip side of too much focus. Most of it seems to be really negative, lots of stories about how awful it is.

For me, I didn't even realise until I was 55 that I was in peri-menopause! I didn't really have any terrible symptoms, just had a passing comment with my GP who also happens to be a menopause specialist. I noted that I was suffering from night sweats and anxiety. I had no other symptoms, regular periods etc etc. Anyway on her advice, I went on HRT, and actually instantly slept better, night sweats went, and my anxiety reduced. I will probably stay on it for another couple of years and then stop. Assume my periods will have stopped by 60 (please god).

My DM raged through her menopause, I was in my early teens, and my Dad and I were the brunt of her moods and anxiety. I wasn't great.

@KnittedCardi it's like PND though isn't it, if we don't talk about it the ones who do have the awful time are isolated, less likely to seek help thinking they're being a "drama llama" because Patrice next door got through it ok. Generally think it's better to have these things out in the open to catch the ones that struggle, and everyone else can be pleasantly surprised! Plus I think there is a lot caused by menopause that hasn't been understood, and would be blamed on something else, the healthy issues that can be caused by it are staggering.

Conversely, every diagnosis I have would have been written off as perimenopause in their entirety had they presented themselves now.

Joint pain.
Tendon injuries.
Back pain.
Stomach pain.
Bone pain.
Tiredness.
Emotional distress including suicidal ideation (inflammation does that to the brain - instantly cured by a steroid shot, never to be seen again whilst medication is taken).
Dry skin.
Itchy skin.
Memory issues.
Intolerance of heat/fainting/hot flushes.
Hirsutism.

Actual diagnoses and treatment - Psoriatic Arthritis, Coeliac Disease, EDS, POTS, PCOS and ADHD.

Just as well I was lucky enough to have them prior to hitting 40, really. Although now women in their early 30s are starting to be dismissed as having peri.

Cheers, Davina, for all you've earned done to help future women with these conditions be told it's their age.

OP, you are only terrified because small minority of women make such a fuss about it. For most women, it is a perfectly straightforward life stage. The joy of no longer having periods! The recognition that you no longer have to give a wotsit what anyone thinks about you! It's joyful and liberating , so embrace it.

Oh, and HRT may work for some people, but it's not compulsory. I'm 58, have never taken HRT and never will. Not even needed to see a GP for any reason in the last 20 years. If you feel well, then just crack on - there is no reason to even think about your health, and you can spend your time on other far more interesting things.

Mine has been awful and it has ruined my life in lots of ways. I'm not sure why so many women on this thread seem to think I might make this up because I saw a documentary. Its very depressing to read.

My main advice would be to go on HRT as soon as you get symptoms. I put up with insomnia, anxiety, feelings of doom, rage and panic attacks for 6 years because of the myth that HRT gave you cancer. I thought because my symptoms were not physical.

There is no 'other side'. Symptoms are caused by a depletion of oestrogen. People react very differently, have different symptoms etc but it is all caused by a lack of oestrogen.

Lots of my friends have had no symptoms at all and boy do I envy them.

@Hbh17 did you know the suicide rate amongst women is at its highest during middle age, I suppose that's just a coincidence or maybe they were making a fuss hey?

Menopause ripped my mum's world apart, so don't you dare smugly and arrogantly sit there saying that it's women like her "making a fuss" causing mass hysteria.

@NeverDropYourMooncup oh that's Davina's fault is it? Not the misogynistic world we live in that causes women's health to be massively overlooked and misunderstood? Na, let's just blame another woman shall we, it's ALL her fault 🙄

I'm through the other side and my symptoms were very mild.
I had mild hot flushes but didn't get sweaty or anything like that - I'd just be thinking how hot it was and had a t shirt on when everyone else would be in thick jumpers.
I also had joints that were a bit achey but nothing too drastic.
That was it - never felt the need to go on HRT and haven't had mood swings or anything like like that.

This is why I hate all the media coverage surrounding the menopause at the moment. Whilst I agree that those who suffer badly should be heard and understood, there doesn't seem to be any positive stories. It's been at least 10 years since my last period (probably longer than that), and the worst thing I had was the occasional night sweat. I've been accused of lying and playing down my own experience because people just don't believe that some women genuinely "sail" through it. It both saddens and angers me that the media has made it appear that all women go through such a horrible time and I feel for them, I really do (my own sister went through Hell), but for a lot of us that's just not true.
I am well past going through it and nothing much has changed. My hair is as thick as it ever was (very thick) and my skin is still as good as it ever was. I do get tired but how much of that is due to the menopause and how much is due to the 4.30am alarm every weekday morning it's difficult to say.
FWIW I, too, had awful PMT and really heavy periods, to be finally rid of all of that was a blessing.

Those women who say they had no symptoms are the rare 25% of women who don't.

So 3 out of 4 women do, on average for 7-10 years.
And that's just the noticeable symptoms.

The longer term results of estrogen-loss appear within 10-20 years of menopause.

Many women who think they have 'escaped' may find at 60, 65 or 70 that they have severe loss of bone density that has been developing for 10 years and more.

It's often diagnosed after a minor fall where they break a wrist or ankle.

Likewise, the 2nd biggest killer of women (it was the first until dementia overtook it) is heart disease. Women's risk climbs to the same rate as men's, once they are post-menopause.

Yes, of course, there are lifestyle changes that can offset this.

But as 67% of women are overweight or obese, they aren't exactly making those changes, and the rates of diabetes, osteoporosis and CVD are increasing.

@FishIsForCatsNotDogs Have you ever had your bone density checked?

This is being honest- my 3 friends who also 'sailed through it' all have had fractures and have loss of bone density.

Yep 3 months ago and all is good.

I was also very afraid because it meant 8 years of physical and emotional hell for my mother. We both have Bipolar Disorder and our extremes have mirrored each others. I think i sailed through it! I had 18mths of horribly heavy periods, but only bled alternate months, and a general hot, sweaty feeling but, my terrible menstrual migraines stopped, my hair didn't thin, I haven't dried out and shrivelled up, I didn't gain weight and, unlike my poor Mum, I didn't get sectioned.

And my PMT had been as bad as it gets but it stopped suddenly! Yeay!!!!

That's brilliant news.

Does your GP refer you? (And why?)

I was fortunate to have no symptoms at all, one hot flush and just delighted my periods stopped ... that was 20 years ago in my mid 40s and I have never needed to 'discuss' the menopause with any of my friends so no idea if anyone has had a hard time or not. I appreciate I am fortunate but there seems so much more 'publicity' about the menopause these days which clearly causes a lot of worry and anxiety. I haven't had any bone density checks or anything .. in fact I haven't needed to visit a GP for ten years ... I am not super healthy... clearly overweight and should do more exercise but I don't think that's anything to do with my age ... I've always been overweight!

I don't really understand why all those who "sailed through" seem annoyed that there is treatment available for those "drama llamas" who didn't.
As a few people have said, life is long, HRT could protect the body from a lot of conditions and illnesses later in life, and people shouldn't be made to feel bad for considering it.

I'm in the US and generally your GP will refer you for a DEXA scan around menopause and definitely by age 65. It's a routine screening test.

How does it work in the UK?

Since you are knowledgeable about HRT...I know it's protective against osteoporosis while you are taking it, but once you go off you begin to lose bone density again. Do women stay on HRT into their 60's? Or is it most protective for women experiencing early menopause?

It doesn't work in the UK! They only do them if there is a strong family history (and then you'd still have to ask for one) OR perhaps if a woman has a fracture post-menopause (usually if the fracture seems unlikely for the type of fall.)

You can pay for them privately in the UK (around £200) and they are repeated every 2-3 years.

Sadly, NICE has not agreed to offer DEXAs for all women over 50 (cost/benefit analysis) at a recent review.

HRT is most protective for bones soon after the menopause as up to 25% of bone loss can occur within 5 years (then it continues to decrease but more slowly.)

HRT can slow down the loss and also reverse it. The correct way to manage this is to have a DEXA scan every 2-3 years and decide if HRT needs to be continued. Here, there is no limit on how long its used. Many women today will live to 90, so by stopping at 60, that's still 30 years with low estrogen.

However, if women do choose to stop or have to, they will still usually have a higher bone density at 60 (or when they stop) compared to most other 60 years olds who've not used HRT.

It's a bit like putting your money in the bank. If you make small deposits over 10 years, that money will be there, compared to not putting any in at all (and it will last you longer.)

@JinglingSpringbells very interesting - Thanks!

Routine screening has its pros and cons. Here in the US there's a tendency (due to drug company influence) to over-diagnose "preconditions". So a scan showing some loss of bone density (but not enough to diagnose osteoporosis) can sometimes lead to a woman being prescribed a medication (and let's be honest, these meds are fraught with significant side effects) when lifestyle changes would be a better option.

I wish there was more emphasis on building bone strength in young women. If you head into your 30's with strong bones then you stand a better chance maintaining more density as you age.

I'm 62 and was never told anything about bone health other than " milk is good for you". Luckily my vanity led me to start serious weight training in my late 20's. I knew nothing about the health benefits, just wanted to look good at the beach😂But I did get a bit smarter over the years and kept up the training, and I'm grateful for that!

So mini side effects on POP and implant, physically and mentally, that my hubby had the snip 😊

I'm managing OK with evorel sequi regime patches though. Even the evorel conti which include progesterone!

Or if you've got a history of long term steroid prescriptions (I've had two - one in my mid 30s and one in 2020/21 - both have been 'excellent', apparently, both ordered by separate Rheumatology departments) and/or a severe vitamin D deficiency picked up on blood test or following symptoms of osteomalacia.

Weirdly I feel better. I feel less emotional, more about what I enjoy etc