Terrified of menopause

[warmmfeet]

I'm 41. I struggle with PMT and on off low mood and anxiety which I believe is due to genetics.

I do my best to manage those times naturally and it generally works, just needed 6 months of antidepressants after my second child was born.

Anyway, I'm absolutely terrified of the menopause. I feel constantly bombarded with stories of how awful it is. I was a teenager when my own mother went through it and it was a very turbulent time.

I want to ask what it's like once through the other side? Do you feel ok again? Also any remotely positive stories of navigating it would be great.

Thank you

@Bluebells1970 I could have written your post at 52.
At 53 it was a whole lot different!
I had no peri symptoms but when my periods stopped that was a whole new world. Hourly flushes and several other issues, including low bone density.

I tried to battle with my symptoms for 5 years tried every natural remedy going, it was thanks to Davina that I went on HRT.
i feel a lot better, still issues at night, sleeping can be a nightmare and still get the hot flushes but thankfully day time I’m on an even keel

@IrisGold

Well the biggest bonus of menopause is no more periods and no more PMS. The way you feel is no longer dictated by a 28 day cycle up and down. It's liberating.
Yes there may be a year or so of symptoms. Many, many people have no problems whatsoever. I had hot flushes but the lack of PMS was just bliss.
***
THIS
My experience too

While it's true that HRT helps prevent bone loss it won't work miracles. What you really need is to build your bones in your teens and 20s with protein, calcium and impact exercise. If I could tell my 13 year old self one thing it would be this.

I totally agree @IrisGold .

Unfortunately so much discussion of the menopause tends to focus on SYMPTOMS, when in fact it is the long term effects of the loss of oestrogen that is the real issue. And yes, HRT does address that, but a healthy diet and weight bearing/resistance focused exercise are equally important.

It's the same with weight loss. So many people focus on the way they look, when it's the underlying health benefits of a healthy diet that are much more important.

And yes, I am preaching what I should have done - though luckily I saw the light and changed my lifestyle before it was too late.

Eat food - not too much..... mostly plants

Lots of vegetables
Moderate amounts of lean protein
Plus some healthy oils and unrefined carbs

Severely restrict or ideally cut out UPF and sugar in all its many forms.
Ditto alcohol.

Exercise at least 3 hours a week, including weights, plus cardio.

Useful resources/information:
The Sugar Solution (Mark Hyman)
Dr Becky Gillaspi
Caroline Girvan (weight training)
Growingannanas (HIIT/Cardio)
Lucy Wyndham Read (for beginners)

HRT !
I feel that the emotional side of menopause can be harder than the physical sometimes . I was very sad about the end of my fertility, it made me feel less attractive somehow. I suppose it is the end of youth . I still had young children, so I was in that mode, yet also my periods stopping. I felt unsettled for ages and still do six years on.

Ultimately, celebrities champion a cause because they can make money/get media attention from it.

And I feel that Davina and others have done women a massive disservice with their making out that menopause is a fate worse than death, you will become unemployable and that you'll become a weeping incapable woman all due to your hormones. It feels like they're giving people another stick to beat women with.

That's what annoys me. And I do feel that celebs can be drama queens - they all have dramatic birth stories that were near death experiences, then they write baby books because no other woman has ever done it before them. Menopause is just the next bandwagon to leap on.

Every woman's menopause experience will be different. My sister's quality of life improved after menopause because she suffered with horrible period related problems for most of her adult life. End of periods = bliss for her!

Contrast that with a close friend who suffered absolutely debilitating hot flushes and night sweats. She literally would be at a meeting in work and would be completely drenched, looking like she just got out of the pool! Despite being deemed too "high risk" for HRT she opted for it anyway as she just couldn't function. Vast improvement and she has no regrets about her decision.

Everybody's experience is valid. No Meno shaming allowed😀Society is already too judgemental of older women, we don't need to add to the stereotypes!

This is your perception of it though (and I've already mentioned that you have a while to go before you can say you have sailed through menopause. You are 'too young' to judge!)

Some women will be eternally grateful to these 'slebs'. They have helped to bring menopause out of the closet as a taboo topic (women used to mutter about 'The Change' in hushed voices.)

Just because something is in the media and being discussed, doesn't mean women follow like sheep, does it?

your posts come across as if you are watching and reading something different!

What has happened is that the people you mention have actually said 'You don't need to let the menopause affect you in this way, there are options [HRT being one] and it's not a time to accept your life is over.'

Davina etc are not leading women to behave in a certain way.
Women are already leaving the workplace in their 50s (there is one thread here from someone who isn't coping and asks if she can take sick leave) and there are plenty of stats on this, not connected in any way to the Davina Effect.

Just because you have (so far) escaped menopausal symptoms, is it fair to judge other women who do feel the menopause is a very difficult time? And who now feel empowered to seek help and not just accept it?

You might eat your words.

I'm in peri and so far find I now operate at a few degrees higher than I used to and have some hot flushes - but as I was always cold before that's ok. My skin has got drier but as I always had greasy skin that was prone to spots before that's not so bad. My periods seem to have got more regular (I used to sometimes have 40 days between periods and never knew when they were coming). I've had some headaches, not sure though if they are due to peri or humidity.

I am counting the days until I don't have to deal with periods any more, can't wait for 'proper' menopause. Just before I get my period my immunity plummets and I often get terrible cold sores if I am in any way run down. Can't wait for that to not be the case any more!

I think it’s really offensive to say women struggling with menopause are “drama llamas”. I struggled enormously, my mental health suffered so badly that I couldn’t decide whether I had dementia, or was suicidal. Panic attacks, anxiety and depression like I’d never experienced. I am SO grateful to women like Davina, Louise Minchin, Kirsty Wark or Mariella Frostrup for sharing their experiences and giving me in info to help me join the dots about what was happening to me. These celeb women are to be applauded not decried.

I think you should bear in mind that you do hear from women who have a rough time, but not those who get through it relatively unscathed.. and who knows how one out weighs the other..

Personally it's all the added pressures of middle age that made it worse.. Kids leaving home, elderly parents, exhausted from working and life.

Interesting insight @SirVixofVixHall . I didn't mourn the loss of fertility, but I definitely felt that menopause was the start of "old age" and the myriad health changes that come with it. So maybe I did mourn the loss of my youth for a time?

Certainly there's a strong emotional component to Menopause that the medical community doesn't address. Or if they do it's in a condescending way, unfortunately.

I gotta say that watching Davina did push me to stand up to the doctor and say 'I want to try HRT'. I'm only 48 this year and my periods started getting irregular as far back as 2012. I'd skip the odd one. Then the skipped ones turned into longer gaps, digestive problems started, bad headaches, mood swings. I did go 16 weeks between periods around 2015, got told by GP, it was strange but they wouldn't investigate unless trying for a baby! I definitely wasn't pregnant. I did test. I was on no hormonal pills. Hubby had the snip already 🙂

Even my mum is shocked and says I'm too young for this, meaning HRT

I agree with the PP who said you need to start maintaining a healthy weight and exercising well before you hit peri. Also, there are some good things about the menopause - after years and years of menstrual migraine (vomiting and feeling rough for 2-3 days a month) they have finally gone, it's such a good feeling!

I'm 53 and had my last period 6 years ago so am very much on the other side. The menopause is the best thing that has (physically) happened to me - no exaggeration.

No more nightmare irregular, heavy periods, no PMT, no debilitating cramps. My hair used to be greasy, meaning it needed to be washed nearly every day. My skin was greasy, I had constant blackheads and pimples.

Now my hair only needs washing once a week, my skin is normal, I am free of all period anxiety and pain - it's wonderful!

Me too OP. I've suffered with awful PMT all my life, got depressed on hormonal contraception and had PND with both pregnancies. My mood has just always been very sensitive to my hormones. My mum was horrendous in menopause. I am terrified I am going to lose my husband (no reason to think so but watching my mum - her marriage ended in divorce).

I am so, so anxious. Completely willing to dose myself up on HRT but worried I will react like I did on contraception?

Im scared I won't sleep, im scared of the impact to memory and my career, but mostly im scared I won't want to live anymore.

I know that all sounds very dramatic, and others glide through it no issues, but seeing as I have faltered at every stage of my life where hormones are involved I don't think it bodes well

Sorry OP that was a bit self indulgent of me, I hope you're ok.

Don't worry so much. My only real symptom age 49 was flooding so I quickly got progesterone only back to back pill which stopped my periods. That was great. I was on that for 2 years until I start to feel a bit unmotivated, not depressed exactly. So doc put me on hrt for heart and bones. i'm 53 now. I think I've had two hot flushes, ever, and that was on a hot day both times.

I barely noticed mine. My periods fizzled out, I had a couple of hot flushes, not really anything else.

I get a lot of exercise, keep my weight at about 8.5 stone and am vegan with a very healthy diet. No idea if any of those were a contributing factor or not.

My sister went through a miserable time and her GP prescribed her only antidepressants for 10 years. She is now in HRT and feels fantastic, but feels she lost 10 years.

I am 51 and my only symptom has been horrendous bleeding and a diminished sex drive. I now have a mirena, oestrogel and testosterone and I feel fabulous.

HRT has worked for me ok. You need to speak to your GP re your chronic anxiety and also work on that primarily more than anything, because that's your core problem.

53 here, started MP at 50.
I think you need to back-up a bit, as you really don't know how it will/may be.
I'm near the end of it now, but physical symptoms have been the main issue - flushes, brain foggy, dry eyes, and a bit more likely to injure myself (joints/tendonitis) but this is, I think, due to continuing with exercise. I've made a concerted effort to stay healthy and fit during it, almost using it as the excuse TO go further than previously. Increased weight training (not too much...injuries), increased protein, decrease complex carbs, haven't put on weight. Try not to think of it as a horrible time to be dreaded and then dragged through, but use it as a motivation to reach the next phase of life and do it with style, and determine to stay healthy going forwards. The exercise will also help with mood either way. x

Has anyone here had issues with hormonal contraceptives, PMT and PND but managed ok on HRT?

(By issues I mean mentally, low mood/depression)

I have a mirena coil and started oestrogen HRT about 6 months ago. I'm late 40s. Went through a phase a couple of years ago where I felt grumpy and hostile toward most people. And had pain in my joints. I should have got HRT then. Since I started that the pain and moodiness has gone totally, and I'm only on 1mg per day. I do think its possible to over-state how bad the menopause can be.

I agree with this. I also struggled hugely with my mental health, having had no problems ever before.

I too am very grateful that this is all now more widely known about.

It allowed me to explain to work that sometimes I couldn't cope and they were very sympathetic and made adjustments for me ie WFH when really unwell.

Its great if you do 'sail through' but also bear in mind that it is also great for us who suffer for everyone to be far more aware if it.