Perimenopause has totally erased my character and I don’t think I can stand it a minute more, there is no joy in anything I do anymore

[BonnyLassie99]

I will give some background; I am just turned 42 and I’ve been in perimenopause since I was about 38/39 but didn’t start HRT until September 2021, which is when the symptoms became unmanageable.

I am on Evorel Sequi patches and I’ve changed HRT about 3 times but back to the patches for about 5 weeks now, although I am wearing 2 patches at a time now instead of 1 that I wore before.

The majority of the physical symptoms have died down now (insomnia, itchy skin, dry throat, sore tongue, sore ears, rage, gut issues, food intolerances) because of the patch but I feel extremely low everyday, although I’m not depressed but just very low, I cannot concentrate on anything now for longer than about 30 mins, in the past 2 years I don’t think I’ve watched TV for more than 20 hours in all and I used to love TV and all the interesting programs it had to offer me, I have zero motivation to do anything, my sleep quality is shit because I have an overactive bladder and I always need to wake to pee after only 6-7 hours sleep, I take medication to stop peeing so much but it’s not that effective, before perimenopause then I would have been able to fall asleep immediately after waking early for toilet but not now, I have constant fatigue, I haven’t had my eyebrows done for months, my roots are coming in and I’ve had the hair dye for about 7 weeks now but I just cannot be arssed to dye it, it takes too much effort.

I feel like I have nothing much to say to anyone these days because I am not doing anything with my life except for work which I am grateful for but at the same time, then I don’t want to be at work for longer than I am at the moment, I work 30 hours.

I used to be the life and soul of the party, witty, opinionated, upbeat, happy go lucky, chatty and generally someone that people wanted to be around, but I’ve lost myself and this menopause stuff can last years and I don’t think I can go on feeling like this for another year, never mind years and years.

I take Vitamin D3 now and other multivitamins and the VD3 does help me because my muscles were very weak, but it’s meant to help my mood and it isn’t, I was on 100mg sertraline but felt even worse as in emotionally flat, like someone I loved could have died and I think I’d still have the same sort of mood; just like a person without feelings or something, the sertraline was great for anxiety and really helped with depression prior to being in perimenopause, but they just didn’t help anymore so I came off of them, I had zero effects with coming off them and I know I’m not depressed because when I’m depressed, then I cannot stop sleeping and even showering is an effort when I’m depressed; I just feel so low and I’m sick of it.

I can’t have caffeine anymore because it makes me itch and coffee especially makes me hot and omg, the anxiety I get when I drink caffeine now is unreal, I have noticed that I don’t get anxious with DeCaff teas and coffees but the constant peeing still happens, the only way I won’t pee constantly is if I don’t drink any fluids at all and obviously that’s not going to work!

The doctor abruptly said to me “HRT isn’t a fix all you know”, but why isn’t it?! Why is it that any time we get sick then meds take it all away yet HRT can only fix so much?

I am wondering if I should go back on the Sertraline but maybe just 50mg rather than 100mg as I think the higher dosage was making me feel emotionally numb.

My periods are also coming every 17 days now and omg, the fatigue is even worse then and I’m more awake in the evening than in the day, and I’m so emotional on my period and I was never affected by them this badly prior to peri. I just want them to stop now, why can’t there be meds that just make this transition over with faster, this is me thinking rhetorically of course.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from this, obviously, but I just need to rant, why isn’t the VD3 making my mood better like it’s meant too?

When will I get ‘me’ back? When will I be interested in life again? I just cannot be bothered with anything or anyone these days and if I didn’t have a daughter to consider, and wasn’t such a coward then I think I’d kill myself, I bet many many women have committed suicide due to this perimenopause and especially back many years ago when HRT wasn’t even invented, just how the hell did they cope!!

My god they say life begins at 40 but I feel like it’s ended for me, even the glorious weather isn’t cheering me up like it usually does.😭😭

You are early to be in peri menopause. Of course it's not unheard of but it is rather early .. Are the doctors sure it's that or are you being fobbed off?

You could be fixed on the fact your symptoms are caused by menopause and it's something entirely different so I'd be open to that to try and get to the bottom of it

I’m not too young at all to be in perimenopause, this is a myth that you should be 45 plus to be in the peri, I’ve done extensive research on it and many NHS doctors have no clue about menopause and think it’s all about night sweats and hot flushes, this is because women’s reproductive health isn’t mandatory when they are getting their degree, 42 is young for menopause but not perimenopause, plus I see the menopause specialist at my GP surgery and she too started peri at 38, I also had about 30 odd symptoms of peri and I think I’d know by now if I wasn’t meant to be taking HRT, been on it 21 months!! Lol

Also HRT isn’t really meant to fix your mood, it’s more the physical symptoms than anything.

Also HRT is expensive for the NHS which is why many doctors try to put women off of it, so it’s more likely that women would be in peri and be fobbed off that it’s something else, to save money!!

Low mood is part and parcel of peri but I just can’t cope, I have seen a lady on TikTok raving about testosterone gel and this helps with motivation and energy but very tricky to get on NHS, she had to go private as NHS aren’t keen on giving this out.

A friend of mine was also struggling with some of the symptoms you describe and it only improved when she came off the patches, she had a ton of allergy testing things done at the same time and found she had a lot of allergies, she is a different person now and back to her herself. Just her experience.

Are you taking testosterone as part of your HRT? It really helps with motivation and energy or as my consultant calls it your ‘zip and zing’.

God I wish I got 6-7 hours sleep before needing to pee. I sleep in 3 hour stints.

There is no way I could come off the patches, I had insomnia for a start without them, like full on insomnia of never sleeping at night, the rage had me feeling like I could murder someone at times, I was constantly bloated, dry itchy eyes and all the rest, it’s the mood part they don’t help at all, also suddenly having allergies is also part of perimenopause, I now have hayfever which I’ve never had before! I have tried HRT pills but I hated them, it’s just my motivation and mood that needs to change, I think without the patches then I’d be in jail or dead! Lol

Sorry for your situation OP. I think perhaps it’s time to accept that you are not going to ‘go back’ to like you were. We constantly change physically and have to adapt our lifestyles in response. I used to be crazy party girl but now I don’t drink, I get up and run before breakfast every morning before 7, I also don’t watch tv as find it tedious and instead read. A good nights sleep for me is 6.5 hours when I used to pack in ten hours. I have totally changed my diet over the years due to intolerances so eat clean and no sugar. All I do is work, work, work. Do I miss the old days? Not really. That was then this is now. I recognise there are advantages with this new phase of life, a chance to get stronger, a chance to learn and a chance to be my own woman and not worry how I’m perceived.

You have to exercise. I am picking up in the fact that your doctor might be hinting there is room for improvement in your lifestyle to make changes, from her comments. I think you need to put that old you - or at least the idea you have of yourself - to rest and start working on a new you. Self care is paramount and it starts with exercise and diet. If you’re not exercising and if you’re not listening to what your body is telling you about food then you will struggle. Things will not get better on their own.

My dad died when I was your age and that was my wake up call. Slowly I looked at every bit of my lifestyle and made changes. It’s really paid off. I’m now 50 and have never had it or felt better, although I do miss the sleep I must admit! It just takes honesty and commitment and a positive mindset, which is in us all.

good luck, you can get through it.

Hi OP, everyone is different. The way you describe feeling is the way the progesterone element of the HRT makes me feel.

For three months I literally didn't even want to talk to my teenagers, I had to make a super human effort to interact with them.

I then put the utrogestan in vaginally and everything got better.

In terms of sleep, I've never really slept more than the hours you describe so honestly I'd be delighted if that was my steady state.

The HRT definitely reduced the amount of weeing I needed to do. I went from weeing about 14 times a day to 7 or 8. And I don't always get up in the night now.

The vaginal estrogen cream really really helped with that. So if you don't have ovestin, you should get some.

I too like the PP exercise every morning. I get up about 5 and either do weights or an hours walk before I get ready for work.

I also walk in my lunch break or swim if I can. And my diet is great. I dropped to caffeine free tea and coffee years ago but my pelvic floor physio told me that even decaf versions can impact how much you need to wee.

Oh and one more thing, it turned out I had prolapses, the bladder prolapse has happened in the last year and is menopause related.

My symptoms started when I was 39 and I went on HRT at 44.

I hope you get some respite soon.

42 is not early. It is common for symptoms to start a decade before menopause. As the average age for menopause is 51/52 then 42 is well within average. Then when you factor what averages mean and how they work, many many women must be starting in their late 30s to get those averages.

OP Also HRT isn’t really meant to fix your mood, it’s more the physical symptoms than anything.

HRT is replacing lost hormones. Those lost hormones are responsible for a whole host of mental and physical difficulties. So of course HRT is also for resolving mental health issues if they relate to loss of hormones

Why bother posting if you don't know the actual facts?

Opinions and attitudes like this are the reason why so many younger women are struggling with their symptoms.

I have struggled enormously. What has helped me is:
HRT patch/gel. I've used both. Both are fine for me. I am able to swap as and when it suits (travel etc)
Testosterone
DAILY exercise. That's weight training or brisk 1.5-2 hours walk
Reducing simple sugars
Sleep

If any of these is let go, I fall into a stupor of inactivity and lack of motivation. I can't do anything.

It's not easy but it's worth it.

It isn't early at all, and it's absolutely shocking how ignorant other women and GP's are regarding peri-menopause. So many women are left to suffer horribly or are given useless, harmful antidepressants because they are "too young." I was on HRT for peri-menopause when I was 40.

Its shit isn't it. I remember hating my husband of 20 years during that phase and he left. I also had 6 months (luckily paid) off work with chronic depression and inertia and spent so long in bed my leg muscles wasted.
It lasted about 5 years and then I started coming back.

I need an SSRI on top of my HRT (and vitamins D, iron & magnesium!) to feel OK.
Sertraline made me feel awful, but fluoxetine (Prozac) works beautifully.

Also - yoga & meditation.

It was every 3 hours prior to taking the overactive bladder meds, although it’s more frequent through the day.

I read that Prozac and HRT don’t mesh well together…mmm maybe I read wrong,,,yes taking the multivitamins too…and no caffeine anymore, god it’s hard all this change!

@RoseBucket how/where did she get allergy testing out of interest?

I have been trying to sort out the right HRT for me - it is difficult getting the right balance. And if it is wrong it can be horrid - (but not as bad as no HRT so it is really tricky).
I was on 25/28 100mg utrogestan (100 patch). But was having bleeds/long periods. Dr put me back on 14/14 utrogestan. Bleeding a bit better but OMG the 2 weeks WITHOUT the utrogestan I really struggled to sleep, moody, hated everything about my husband and just felt like I was in a permanent passive aggressive haze. But,like you said, an overcast/numbness. Laughing/joy..nope...none of that.

Saw gynae...who just wanted to give me a hysterectomy (don't they always) but I asked if I could just change the dose of utrogestan as per the british menopause society recommendations. They were reluctant but agreed.
Now on 100 patch and alternating 100/200 daily of utrogestan for 25/28. Too early to tell if worked on bleeding (but so far so good) - but my mood/overall wellbeing is hugely improved. Laughter and joy back. Anger diminished. I like my husband again...we have gone out for evening walks and even to the pub.

I cannot tolerate synthetic progesterone (sequi). It maybe worth looking at changing to utrogeston (body identical). Maybe a 75 or 100 patch plus Utro?

I had no trouble getting testosterone from my GP once she was sure the rest of my HRT was optimised. Upping my oestrogen sorted my flat mood/borderline depression, which was my main menopause symptom (along with VA which oestrogen cream fixed). Once the GP was satisfied my oestrogen was doing all it could, and when I presented specifically talking about loss of libido, she prescribed testosterone.

Who have you consulted? what dosages are you on of what?

Yes it’s fixed my irritability and rage but I’m afraid it’s not meant to really sort out low mood as much, it’s more for physical symptoms tbh and that’s why I started on it

Not yet but god I am dying to try it!! I don’t know if the doctors will even test my levels for it but the lady on TikTok says you can get the blood testing kit from Superdrug online and then take results to GP to try it out, I don’t think the NHS sees testosterone as mandatory for us ladies in peri, shocking but I’m getting used to all the stuff the GP won’t do or tell me, I’ve found out most stuff by researching it all myself, I suspect many of us have!