Perimenopause has totally erased my character and I don’t think I can stand it a minute more, there is no joy in anything I do anymore

[BonnyLassie99]

I will give some background; I am just turned 42 and I’ve been in perimenopause since I was about 38/39 but didn’t start HRT until September 2021, which is when the symptoms became unmanageable.

I am on Evorel Sequi patches and I’ve changed HRT about 3 times but back to the patches for about 5 weeks now, although I am wearing 2 patches at a time now instead of 1 that I wore before.

The majority of the physical symptoms have died down now (insomnia, itchy skin, dry throat, sore tongue, sore ears, rage, gut issues, food intolerances) because of the patch but I feel extremely low everyday, although I’m not depressed but just very low, I cannot concentrate on anything now for longer than about 30 mins, in the past 2 years I don’t think I’ve watched TV for more than 20 hours in all and I used to love TV and all the interesting programs it had to offer me, I have zero motivation to do anything, my sleep quality is shit because I have an overactive bladder and I always need to wake to pee after only 6-7 hours sleep, I take medication to stop peeing so much but it’s not that effective, before perimenopause then I would have been able to fall asleep immediately after waking early for toilet but not now, I have constant fatigue, I haven’t had my eyebrows done for months, my roots are coming in and I’ve had the hair dye for about 7 weeks now but I just cannot be arssed to dye it, it takes too much effort.

I feel like I have nothing much to say to anyone these days because I am not doing anything with my life except for work which I am grateful for but at the same time, then I don’t want to be at work for longer than I am at the moment, I work 30 hours.

I used to be the life and soul of the party, witty, opinionated, upbeat, happy go lucky, chatty and generally someone that people wanted to be around, but I’ve lost myself and this menopause stuff can last years and I don’t think I can go on feeling like this for another year, never mind years and years.

I take Vitamin D3 now and other multivitamins and the VD3 does help me because my muscles were very weak, but it’s meant to help my mood and it isn’t, I was on 100mg sertraline but felt even worse as in emotionally flat, like someone I loved could have died and I think I’d still have the same sort of mood; just like a person without feelings or something, the sertraline was great for anxiety and really helped with depression prior to being in perimenopause, but they just didn’t help anymore so I came off of them, I had zero effects with coming off them and I know I’m not depressed because when I’m depressed, then I cannot stop sleeping and even showering is an effort when I’m depressed; I just feel so low and I’m sick of it.

I can’t have caffeine anymore because it makes me itch and coffee especially makes me hot and omg, the anxiety I get when I drink caffeine now is unreal, I have noticed that I don’t get anxious with DeCaff teas and coffees but the constant peeing still happens, the only way I won’t pee constantly is if I don’t drink any fluids at all and obviously that’s not going to work!

The doctor abruptly said to me “HRT isn’t a fix all you know”, but why isn’t it?! Why is it that any time we get sick then meds take it all away yet HRT can only fix so much?

I am wondering if I should go back on the Sertraline but maybe just 50mg rather than 100mg as I think the higher dosage was making me feel emotionally numb.

My periods are also coming every 17 days now and omg, the fatigue is even worse then and I’m more awake in the evening than in the day, and I’m so emotional on my period and I was never affected by them this badly prior to peri. I just want them to stop now, why can’t there be meds that just make this transition over with faster, this is me thinking rhetorically of course.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from this, obviously, but I just need to rant, why isn’t the VD3 making my mood better like it’s meant too?

When will I get ‘me’ back? When will I be interested in life again? I just cannot be bothered with anything or anyone these days and if I didn’t have a daughter to consider, and wasn’t such a coward then I think I’d kill myself, I bet many many women have committed suicide due to this perimenopause and especially back many years ago when HRT wasn’t even invented, just how the hell did they cope!!

My god they say life begins at 40 but I feel like it’s ended for me, even the glorious weather isn’t cheering me up like it usually does.😭😭

Exercise was key for me and I suffered a lot of your symptoms before I worked this out. Initially I just walked a lot, we have a dog so it’s easy, but made sure I took different routes or went to new places rather than same every day.
in covid I took up jogging and that 30min of headspace every day helped me do much. I had to join a challenge to make myself do it to start with.
I also had to start low carbing because eating things like bread or sweet stuff had a horrible effect on me. Eating low carb has been a game changer and I feel better, sleep better on it. I had a year when I went back to eating refined carbs again and everything slipped very obviously, I just don’t seem to metabolise those foods like I did when I was younger.
The weeing thing, I was up 6-7 times a night so even now your once in 6-7 hrs is a goal I rarely meet. Not sure you need medication for this at all, what you describe at night is not an overactive bladder. Drink water, it’s not caffeinated, you will wee a lot to start with but your body does adjust. You don’t need to drink excessive amounts though.
it takes work unfortunately and there is no one size fits all medication. Up your exercise, it increases dopamine. Think about what you’re eating and see how you can improve that to work better for you.
Testosterone is available in many areas via your GP but is only prescribed for low libido. I wanted to try it and just told my GP that I’d looked into it, wanted it for this reason, and she prescribed it. It’s not like they can test you for a low libido to check, it’s in the NICE guidelines.
Finally, just wanted to say good love you xx k and you will get through it. You may need to pretend lots at times but the more you do to lift yourself the better you will feel. If you feel flat and do nothing to change that you will stay flat.

@BonnyLassie99 I resonate with so much of your post. I’ve been on HRT for nearly 2 years and it’s all gone backwards lately.

One thought - have you had your vitamin B12 tested? I looked back over my NHS app blood tests the other day and saw that my B12 was 249, which although the GP put ‘normal’ is actually very borderline.

Look up the symptoms - many of them seem to overlap with peri: low mood, muscle weakness, tiredness, brain fog.

It’s next on my list to try!

I didn't want to read and run...

I could have written much of your post symptom-wise. I am 4 years in and here is what I have leant and what works for me.

I have a great GP but I also pay to see someone via the Newson Clinic. I also found that some of the symptoms were helped immediately, but others have taken much longer to manage & improve. What dose Evorel are you on? 50 or 100mg patches. Since moving from gels to patches and upping dose to 2 x 100mg patches, things are so much better - particularly the lack of joy / flatness. The other gamechanger for mojo / brain / motivation / feeling like me again has been the addition of Testosterone (via Newson). As you are younger it is likely you need a higher Oestrogen dose - trying it can't harm.

Do have a look at the Balance Website - factsheets & podcasts are such an eye-opener. It is now standard that HRT consists of all three hormones, but the UK is just behind with it. I also take mirtazapine, which I was prescribed at the start to help with the mental health symptoms of menopause, which I take at night. I don't require progesterone, but I think taking that at night can also help with sleep. Please know you are not alone and you should be able to get a hormone balance so that things improve for you.

I have consulted the menopause specialist at the doctors; apparently all surgeries have them? I am on Evorel Sequi but I’ve to wear 2 patches rather than one, but I do believe I need more oestrogen but I started on Evorel Sequi and I was only only to wear one patch at a time and change from Conti to 50 every 2 weeks, then they stopped working so I went into Elesste Duet 1mg pills, then they were rubbish so tried same pills but 2mg, then they were also crap so tried Evorel 100 patch to wear continuously with Urogestan (progesterone part) 200mg pills every 14 days for 14 days, they wiped me out and I put on half a stone with them in about 2 months which is why I’m back on Evorel Sequi patches again!! I really don’t think I’m getting the best care I could, and they keep trying to get me on the coil and I suspect it’s to save money!!

The GP had a bitch to me about the program Davina McCall made about menopause, unprompted I may add, and this is when she said “HRT isn’t a fix all you know”, which I know she is correct because I have to alter diet, no caffeine blah blah blah, but I do feel she should have mentioned testosterone to me, it’s all about saving the NHS money rather than truly helping us ladies live a better quality of life, imo anyway.

Hi @BonnyLassie99 I really feel for you ,I hate feeling so shit when I was always a happy optimistic person . The only way I've found to feel better is by taking 5-HTP and a mix of vitamin D ,C and B12 . I've found that these real lift my mood and take away a lot of anxiety .
I also find taking time away from everything helps me ,just sitting on my own or walking the dog brings me peace because every day noises,music,tv get into my head and create their own irritation .
I think that the attitude is still along the lines of ,bung her a few pills and she'll be fine , we've still a long way to go before the medical profession treats us as individuals rather than a group of older women to be fobbed off.
Big hugs to you ,keep talking to other women,you're not alone ,we're always here to listen xxxx

Thanks so much for your post; they don’t seem to want to give me any higher than Evorel 100, I did wear 2 patches of those but I feel the progesterone 100mg 2 pills was too much because I put on weight fast!!

I also asked about gels and sprays and she said they don’t do them, which I believe to be lies because I know many women that take get them from the NHS, I think it’s time to go private because I’m being lied too and fobbed off…it’s all about the money!!

not too young, been in peri for 3 years and i am 35.

@BonnyLassie99 I've just seen your point about testosterone, I have just started taking it ,I bought it from Holland and Barrett so I'm excited to see what happens 😁

Thanks so much! It’s comforting to know I am not alone even though in our heads we are alone, sometimes I can’t even articulate to the doctor exactly how I’m feeling mentally, although maybe she isn’t doing her best job atm because she too is still going through it, I suppose I can’t blame her for lacking but at the same time, it’s her job and she should get it, and I expect the patches are the cheapest because that’s what every woman gets offered first and foremost, but they work so I can’t complain!!

May I ask what brand of multivitamins you use? I use ‘Health and Her: Perimenopause Multinutrient Support’ and I take 2000IUs of vitamin D3

Christ. You ask for opinions and I mine - politely - and you bite my head off

We get what we deserve clearly ...

What you can buy actual testosterone without a prescription?!

Sorry I never bit your head off at all; I merely told you that of course I’m in peri, do you have any idea how hard it is to get HRT when you truly need it, so the thought of them giving me HRT without them being sure I need it is baffling!! It’s expensive stuff!

I'm out the other side. I didn't have as bad symptoms but that flat feeling was horrible and so not like me. I've got my energy and enthusiasm back and it makes me realize just how shit it was.

Yes I'm fully aware that you can be in peri at any age - I said this in my response to you. But regardless of what anyone says, it is NOT the norm to be menopausal in your 30s.

Anyway - clicking hide now!

Hang on.

Wait...

Here we go found it

<plays tiny violin>

Please don't post incorrect statements about health on the Internet. That's the lesson for today.

@NotLovingWFH i have been on meds for overactive bladder for about 7 years and this is what they told me it was, I know it’s a symptom of peri too but I was checked for fibroids because they thought it was this and they said it was an overactive bladder, my mum had it too but hers started in peri, it’s possible I was going though peri earlier than I thought but didn’t know it, I used the toilet far more prior to taking the pills, I do drink lots of tea and coffee, DeCaff of course; I don’t drink enough water but I need to start and I need to seriously overhaul my diet, it’s so difficult but I know I have to do it to feel better, it will be hard at first but I’ll get there in the end! 🙂

Same 🙄

No, you can't buy Testosterone without a prescription! Re. Newson clinic, you can have your appointment online, and in theory can just have the one, but I have had further review appts. Some GPs are reluctant to prescribe above 100mg, I think because that is supposed to be the max dose, but that is so out of date & they are supposed to prescribe to the symptoms. Newson will send a copy of the consultation report to your GP and can recommend to them to prescribe an increased dose (one female GP at my surgery also refused to prescribe me above 100mg, whereas my GP did instead!). So I still get my patches through GP but get my Testosterone through Newson. The male sachet is slightly trickier to dose for yourself, but significantly cheaper - you can't get the female option on the NHS at all at the moment anyway.

Sorry didn’t mean the word buy, lol, I just thought it was a prescription only from doctor but didn’t think of the Newson clinic, I really must book an appointment with them, because I wang everything I should be getting in order to be happy and healthy!

How is it diagnosed? I thought I was but I had bloods done and told def not perimenopausal so now I’m not sure what’s going on

It should be diagnosed & treated according to symptoms- that is the NICE & NHS guidelines. Bloods don't really tell us anything.

I’m going to have to stop all the DeCaff tea and coffee and just have one coffee in the morning, and cut sugar out and join yoga, plus get my testosterone checked and get back on SSRIS, I’ll try Prozac, I don’t know why I thought I read Prozac doesn’t go well with HRT; I have read so much on this that I suppose I have gotten muddled up, SSRIs also sorted my sleep out, I know mitrazepine is great for sleeping too and I asked for this and doctor wouldn’t give me it, but I have had addiction issues before and I don’t think they want to give me a sleeper and tbh I don’t blame them, plus when I’ve taken them before them before then I always eat like hell on them and I can’t afford to put on more weight, I’m only 5ft 2’ and I’m 10 stone, and it’s all on my belly, I’ll stop eating gluten and have a high protein, low carb diet with all the relevant fruit and veggies, I do need to help myself more but I suppose that’s what I wanted HRT for, and of course I though it did ‘fix all’ because most meds do fix the issue that you take them for.

I just hope I can find enjoyment in watching TV again some day, I don’t even watch true crime anymore and that was my favourite, although I do read more books these days.

Thanks for all the support and answers ladies, you’ve all been very helpful.🥰

Bloods often come back ‘normal’ because of the fluctuating hormones, but when under 45 years they want bloods, list all your symptoms down and take it to the doctor but only after you’ve read the NICe guidelines, tell the doctor you’re referring to those guidelines, be prepared to be fobbed off, you may get lucky but not all GPs are educated on perimenopause at all, they don’t need to be to get their medical degree and I think this will need to change in the future, so many women making TikTok’s about peri and helping other women find out what is wrong with them because they know too many doctors don’t have a clue beyond hot flushes and night sweats! 🙄

Unopposed oestrogen can cause weight gain. My weight was fine when I was on 25/28 utrogestan. As soon as I went to 14/14 utrogestan I gained weight almost overnight (almost like whenever I have been on the contraceptive pill).
Too much oestrogen affects insulin/blood sugary stuff (not medic/dietitian) but basically turns the sugars to fat.

When you say the utrogestan wipes you out...when were you taking them? I take them at night and they give me the best nights sleep....

Thanks I’ll go back then . They said my FSH and AMH were those of someone much younger and I don’t need to worry but my cycles are shorter and so much heavier. I’m exhausted. Food and digestive issues and sleep issues and just exhausted no matter what. I’ve had my thyroid checked regularly as on levothyroxine so not that and I do t feel taken seriously at all