Perimenopause has totally erased my character and I don’t think I can stand it a minute more, there is no joy in anything I do anymore

[BonnyLassie99]

I will give some background; I am just turned 42 and I’ve been in perimenopause since I was about 38/39 but didn’t start HRT until September 2021, which is when the symptoms became unmanageable.

I am on Evorel Sequi patches and I’ve changed HRT about 3 times but back to the patches for about 5 weeks now, although I am wearing 2 patches at a time now instead of 1 that I wore before.

The majority of the physical symptoms have died down now (insomnia, itchy skin, dry throat, sore tongue, sore ears, rage, gut issues, food intolerances) because of the patch but I feel extremely low everyday, although I’m not depressed but just very low, I cannot concentrate on anything now for longer than about 30 mins, in the past 2 years I don’t think I’ve watched TV for more than 20 hours in all and I used to love TV and all the interesting programs it had to offer me, I have zero motivation to do anything, my sleep quality is shit because I have an overactive bladder and I always need to wake to pee after only 6-7 hours sleep, I take medication to stop peeing so much but it’s not that effective, before perimenopause then I would have been able to fall asleep immediately after waking early for toilet but not now, I have constant fatigue, I haven’t had my eyebrows done for months, my roots are coming in and I’ve had the hair dye for about 7 weeks now but I just cannot be arssed to dye it, it takes too much effort.

I feel like I have nothing much to say to anyone these days because I am not doing anything with my life except for work which I am grateful for but at the same time, then I don’t want to be at work for longer than I am at the moment, I work 30 hours.

I used to be the life and soul of the party, witty, opinionated, upbeat, happy go lucky, chatty and generally someone that people wanted to be around, but I’ve lost myself and this menopause stuff can last years and I don’t think I can go on feeling like this for another year, never mind years and years.

I take Vitamin D3 now and other multivitamins and the VD3 does help me because my muscles were very weak, but it’s meant to help my mood and it isn’t, I was on 100mg sertraline but felt even worse as in emotionally flat, like someone I loved could have died and I think I’d still have the same sort of mood; just like a person without feelings or something, the sertraline was great for anxiety and really helped with depression prior to being in perimenopause, but they just didn’t help anymore so I came off of them, I had zero effects with coming off them and I know I’m not depressed because when I’m depressed, then I cannot stop sleeping and even showering is an effort when I’m depressed; I just feel so low and I’m sick of it.

I can’t have caffeine anymore because it makes me itch and coffee especially makes me hot and omg, the anxiety I get when I drink caffeine now is unreal, I have noticed that I don’t get anxious with DeCaff teas and coffees but the constant peeing still happens, the only way I won’t pee constantly is if I don’t drink any fluids at all and obviously that’s not going to work!

The doctor abruptly said to me “HRT isn’t a fix all you know”, but why isn’t it?! Why is it that any time we get sick then meds take it all away yet HRT can only fix so much?

I am wondering if I should go back on the Sertraline but maybe just 50mg rather than 100mg as I think the higher dosage was making me feel emotionally numb.

My periods are also coming every 17 days now and omg, the fatigue is even worse then and I’m more awake in the evening than in the day, and I’m so emotional on my period and I was never affected by them this badly prior to peri. I just want them to stop now, why can’t there be meds that just make this transition over with faster, this is me thinking rhetorically of course.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from this, obviously, but I just need to rant, why isn’t the VD3 making my mood better like it’s meant too?

When will I get ‘me’ back? When will I be interested in life again? I just cannot be bothered with anything or anyone these days and if I didn’t have a daughter to consider, and wasn’t such a coward then I think I’d kill myself, I bet many many women have committed suicide due to this perimenopause and especially back many years ago when HRT wasn’t even invented, just how the hell did they cope!!

My god they say life begins at 40 but I feel like it’s ended for me, even the glorious weather isn’t cheering me up like it usually does.😭😭

That supplement posted is not actually testosterone, of course. And no evidence to suggest it works at all.

Ask to be referred to a urologist for your urinary symptoms.

I'm on medication for overactive bladder it's called solfecinicin I think.Its worth a mention to Gp,they've really helped.

I haven't experience of any of your other symptoms though but I hope you feel better soon

I'm struggling to understand. Have you been depressed and on AD's for a long time. Is it really HRT thats the problem or is your anger misdirected. Speak to your GP again or ask to be referred to HRT clinic at the hospital. The 6 to 7 hours of sleep before waking up to pee is fine. Why haven't you had your eyebrows and hair dye, just do it!

I have no idea about the medication aspect. But reading your posts I would try this for your general sense of well-being 1. Go for a half hour walk every day 3. Get your eyebrows/eyelashes done every months - it is an instant lift 4. Get a mobile hairdresser.

Re your bladder - ask for a referral to a women's physiotherapist as they can work wonders. I saw one who taught me about internal massage for over active pelvic muscles (you can buy a glass wand to help but you ideally need to be taught in person).
Get some oestrogen pessaries as well. You can buy them or get them prescribed (vagifem). They help with vaginal atrophy, one of the symptoms of which is needing to wee frequently. They are low dose so can be taken with your other HRT and deliver oestrogen directly to where it's needed.

Re the patches - I really don't like progesterone. It does not make me relax and sleep. So I use the Evorel Sequi patch and this can be topped up with two pumps of oestrogel every day (if you are on one patch only). This has the effect of getting the right amount of oestrogen but not too much progesterone. Might be worth a try instead of 2 patches.

You can get testosterone from Superdrug online. My health board absolutely refuses to prescribe until a menopause specialist has been seen, which has a lengthy waiting list. I'm considering just buying it.

Finally, my best advice is to see a new GP. Yours sounds shit.

Exercise @BonnyLassie99

You haven't mentioned any. It's essential.

And counselling will help with the anger and depression. Be careful of testosterone supplementation if you have anger issues.

Hi OP,
My sympathy. I was in peri menopause for years without knowing. I hadn't even heard of it until I was almost through it. I didn't bother with HRT at all so can't advise on that.

But some things that helped me:

More supplements. Take a herbal iron supplement like Feroglobin capsules or Floradix. And definitely take vit B complex and magnesium too. Vit D is best taken as a spray as it is more easily absorbed through the skin inside the mouth than if it is in a tablet that needs to be digested.

Start exercising. You don't have to want to. You can begin with zero enthusiasm and zero motivation. Just do it as if it was a fact of life, like turning up for work or making sure the children are fed.
Do a 5 minute morning stretch you tube video and a 5 minute HIIT workout while waiting for dinner to cook. Even these will waken up your muscles enough for you to get the impetus to join a fitness class.

Do something new. We've been knocking around the world for a few decades and can get into a rut. So just listen to new music, go to comedy nights or even just try a new herb or spice. You don't have to like everything you try. It just gets the brain engaged again.

Do things imperfectly. If you usually book a beauticians appointment for your brows but can't be bothered, just buy a quick wax or threading when you are picking up shampoo in Superdrug.

Try to get one thing done imperfectly each week that you have been putting off and feeling down about. By the end of a month that's 4-5 things, by the end of a year, that's 50+ things. Start with small stuff and the most effective rule is: You don't want to have to do it, you don't have to feel better for having done it, you just have to do it. I did this and kept a record of it. One day I read back over it and realised how far I'd come.

"Why is it that any time we get sick then meds take it all away yet HRT can only fix so much?"

Medication does not take all sickness away and more often than not, causes side effects and other symptoms.

I would sit down and have a good read of all the leaflets that come with your various medications to understand whether any of your symptoms are mentioned in the side effects sections.

If prescribed correctly, HRT can absolutely restore your mood, return your sense of self as well as quash all the horrible perimenopause symptoms you are struggling with. However, many GPs are incapable of prescribing HRT correctly, in part because they are inhibited by a lack of training, but also because of the confines of what they can prescribe - many need testosterone as part of their HRT - the NHS rarely prescribe this. Also, due to a lack of training, many just don't understand how HRT works, nor female hormones. Often, the answer is yes, more oestrogen please, but for some, it's actually progesterone that is needed. Either way, most GPs are hopelessly out of their depth and reliant on HRT that doesn't work for many because it isn't tailored enough.

I know this because I was like the OP. I was told I couldn't possibly be perimenopausal because of my age (late 30s when I first flagged it). Eventually I found a GP who prescribed based on my symptoms and put me on Everol Sequi which made everything worse. I asked to change but he wasn't able to help due to his lack of knowledge, nor would he send me to the menopause clinic. In the end, I threw money at the problem and went to see a specialist. It was a godsend, and absolutely transformative.

If you can afford it, go see a specialist - it will be the best money you ever spend.

PS. Vagifem will absolutely help with your bladder issues.

Everyone is different. There is no one size fits all dosage. This in itself is part of the problem with HRT - everyone has needs unique to themselves, yet many of the HRT offered isn't tailored, and can't be tailored properly.

So, some might need to take utrogestan for just two night, some take it longer. While I do not take ultrogestan, I take a bio-identical progesterone. At the beginning, I was taking 400mg of progesterone nightly. This was for two years. Now I am post-menopause, I still take 200mg nightly, and every other day, I take just 0.5mg of both estriol and estradiol, and 1mg of testosterone.

It's futile using other women's HRT needs as guidance, your needs are unique to you. A specialist will understand this and work to find an HRT dose that works for you.

This is so interesting because it’s exactly how I feel. Exactly exactly exactly. I will tell you that there’s a possibility you are on too much HRT. I was on the Avril 50 and I still felt very grumpy and irritable. I think sometimes you can be taking too much. It’s just a thought. I also go to Cotswold menopause massage outside Cheltenham. They say eating fermented foods. Eating fish oil or oily. Fish oil helps with brain fog and it has helped me. I wish I had more solutions for you because I know it’s miserable. I’m feeling better now after the estradot. I didn’t feel good on Avril. The problem is the Esther Dot is so hard to find.🥴🥴🥴🥴

I tried the cream with the progesterone and the estrogen, and I was so irritable!!!!!!