Perimenopause has totally erased my character and I don’t think I can stand it a minute more, there is no joy in anything I do anymore

[BonnyLassie99]

I will give some background; I am just turned 42 and I’ve been in perimenopause since I was about 38/39 but didn’t start HRT until September 2021, which is when the symptoms became unmanageable.

I am on Evorel Sequi patches and I’ve changed HRT about 3 times but back to the patches for about 5 weeks now, although I am wearing 2 patches at a time now instead of 1 that I wore before.

The majority of the physical symptoms have died down now (insomnia, itchy skin, dry throat, sore tongue, sore ears, rage, gut issues, food intolerances) because of the patch but I feel extremely low everyday, although I’m not depressed but just very low, I cannot concentrate on anything now for longer than about 30 mins, in the past 2 years I don’t think I’ve watched TV for more than 20 hours in all and I used to love TV and all the interesting programs it had to offer me, I have zero motivation to do anything, my sleep quality is shit because I have an overactive bladder and I always need to wake to pee after only 6-7 hours sleep, I take medication to stop peeing so much but it’s not that effective, before perimenopause then I would have been able to fall asleep immediately after waking early for toilet but not now, I have constant fatigue, I haven’t had my eyebrows done for months, my roots are coming in and I’ve had the hair dye for about 7 weeks now but I just cannot be arssed to dye it, it takes too much effort.

I feel like I have nothing much to say to anyone these days because I am not doing anything with my life except for work which I am grateful for but at the same time, then I don’t want to be at work for longer than I am at the moment, I work 30 hours.

I used to be the life and soul of the party, witty, opinionated, upbeat, happy go lucky, chatty and generally someone that people wanted to be around, but I’ve lost myself and this menopause stuff can last years and I don’t think I can go on feeling like this for another year, never mind years and years.

I take Vitamin D3 now and other multivitamins and the VD3 does help me because my muscles were very weak, but it’s meant to help my mood and it isn’t, I was on 100mg sertraline but felt even worse as in emotionally flat, like someone I loved could have died and I think I’d still have the same sort of mood; just like a person without feelings or something, the sertraline was great for anxiety and really helped with depression prior to being in perimenopause, but they just didn’t help anymore so I came off of them, I had zero effects with coming off them and I know I’m not depressed because when I’m depressed, then I cannot stop sleeping and even showering is an effort when I’m depressed; I just feel so low and I’m sick of it.

I can’t have caffeine anymore because it makes me itch and coffee especially makes me hot and omg, the anxiety I get when I drink caffeine now is unreal, I have noticed that I don’t get anxious with DeCaff teas and coffees but the constant peeing still happens, the only way I won’t pee constantly is if I don’t drink any fluids at all and obviously that’s not going to work!

The doctor abruptly said to me “HRT isn’t a fix all you know”, but why isn’t it?! Why is it that any time we get sick then meds take it all away yet HRT can only fix so much?

I am wondering if I should go back on the Sertraline but maybe just 50mg rather than 100mg as I think the higher dosage was making me feel emotionally numb.

My periods are also coming every 17 days now and omg, the fatigue is even worse then and I’m more awake in the evening than in the day, and I’m so emotional on my period and I was never affected by them this badly prior to peri. I just want them to stop now, why can’t there be meds that just make this transition over with faster, this is me thinking rhetorically of course.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from this, obviously, but I just need to rant, why isn’t the VD3 making my mood better like it’s meant too?

When will I get ‘me’ back? When will I be interested in life again? I just cannot be bothered with anything or anyone these days and if I didn’t have a daughter to consider, and wasn’t such a coward then I think I’d kill myself, I bet many many women have committed suicide due to this perimenopause and especially back many years ago when HRT wasn’t even invented, just how the hell did they cope!!

My god they say life begins at 40 but I feel like it’s ended for me, even the glorious weather isn’t cheering me up like it usually does.😭😭

Yes I took them at night too and got a good sleep but the during the days I felt shattered, I was so bloated and looked pregnant constantly and I did put on weight, at the time of taking 2 100mg pills of utrogestan then I was wearing 2 Evorel 100 patches too which was constant oestrogen, I have had bulimia before and so getting fat could bring that back on and the doctor thought so too, it was also quick weight too, whereas the patches alone are unlikely to put weight on me.

And honestly I barely eat now it’s like my calorie requirement is so little and if I go over I pile on the weight overnight i feel there’s been a huge change in my metabolism

@WhoToBeToday do you know why some ladies have to take the utrogestan for 2 nights and some ladies have to take them for longer? I have no idea why that is?

Sertraline decreased my appetite and it was great, I was toned and now I look like a potato sack..

OP do you have topical oestrogen for the over active bladder? That might help - a pessary like Vagifem or Vagirux, or a cream like Ovestin.

It also occurred to me that I had a lot of 'mood' issues until my thyroid problem was diagnosed and treated. Just a thought. You can get a full thyroid function test from Medichecks.

No I don’t but maybe it is all the tea and coffee I drink? Although I always drank that much but I know it’s different now…I thought topical oestrogen was just for vagina atrophy or are bladder issues also vagina atrophy? Why aren’t the doctors mentioning all of this to me, and the so called menopause specialist as well prescribed me the tablets for bladder and she never said a word!! God it makes me so angry

Not enough oestrogen can cause weight gain.
Unopposed oestrogen can cause weight gain (ie not enough progesterone to balance it out).

Too little oestrogen - feel like shite - including nights sweats/weight gain
Too much oestrogen - particularly if not "balanced" with progesterone to even it out - feel lie shite (but different shite to above, but includes night sweats/weight gain plus bleeding issues)
Too much progesterone - feel like shite (different to above)
Not enough progesterone - feel like shite (different to above) Plus bleeding issues

If you gained weight when you only had 14 days of progesterone and 14 days without - it could be that regime.

I think women start on the 14 days on/off progesterone (which is what the sequi does as well) because it mirrors the peaks/troughs of the natural cycle. Which is OK when you are in early peri. But our own progesterone lowers often before our own oestrogen. And our own oestrogen can wildly fluctuate for several years - whereas I think the progesterone just tails off.

Generally, after a year, we are moved to the continual (or 25/28 day) progesterone as we need it to balance out the oestrogen.

We take the oestrogen to level out the ups and downs.
We need to progesterone to top up old levels and to balance out the oestrogen.

Underactive thyroid - causes oestrogen dominance issues and weight gain.
Contraceptive pill - for me - causes oestrogen dominance weight gain

@WhoToBeToday yeah I believe I’m not on enough oestrogen, I know that women in peri need more oestrogen than women in meno or post, but again, this all boils down to not getting what I need from the GP, they don’t seem to be offering me any more than 100mg oestrogen patch, I am going private, it’s the only way. Thanks for the info.

@WhoToBeToday although I don’t get night sweats at all, but isn’t that solely a menopause symptom rather than a peri one?

B12 is what you need and also thiamine (if your stomach can handle it) Find the oral spray b12. I take mykind b12 spray. It's expensive but trust me, your energy levels and nerves will thank you for these two things! Spray it under your tongue first thing
Also if you're taking d3 1000iu isn't nowhere enough. Try 5000. Also take K2 as calcium can't be absorbed without it.

@BonnyLassie99 you say you were diagnosed with an overactive bladder 7 years ago and medicated since then? Just checking is the needing to wee after6-7 hrs a night the only symptom or do you have all the other issues? A friend of mine takes an hour or two to leave the house because she has repeated urges to wee but actually nothing left to pass so it’s more a psychological thing for her. I’m genuinely asking not questioning your op at all. Peri was a trial but there is daylight at the end of the tunnel if you find what works. Unfortunately it’s just trial and error.

Not at all! It (and hot flushes) is actually what HRT is licenced for

Why is it that any time we get sick then meds take it all away

They don't. That's a myth. Lots of drugs don't cure or at best just reduce symptoms or only work for a while before they fail. Or else they just soften the symptoms until your body heals itself. We still live in a miraculous era compared to having no medications, but they are not complete miracles for every problem.

I dunno what OP should do, but I would not be surprised if there is no perfect simple solution for her.

Objectively it sounds like OP is holding down a job & having a social life, getting her life admin done & not facing a terrible crisis in every area of her life. She may be very unhappy along with all that but objectively, she is doing most activities of daily living at an "ok" level of functionality. That's all medications can usually do. Get you to an "ok" level of functioning.

Re your question about why isn’t the vitamin D improving your mood- maybe you're not taking enough. How much are you taking?

I was like this when I was on the pill. Now I'm peri I'm reluctant to take HRT and take a million vitamins and herbal things instead. It's been trial and error but it has made a massive difference to my sleep, aches, mood etc. Maybe HRT isn't for everyone.

I'm pretty sure HRT actually robbed me of get up and go. I've just stopped, and feel so much better!

I think you need to ask for a referral to....I dunno, someone else!

I was never "offered" patches first. Had a chat with GP, discussed the issues with different types, settled on gel sachets and Ultra 14/14, which I changed to 12/16 because it can affect my skin.

I had estrogen increased after 3m from .5 to 1. I've just gone back, after 18m on that, and we've agreed I'll do 1.5 and take the Ultra back to 14/14

GP also happy to prescribe testosterone if I feel I need it (and I have two friends on it via NHS) but currently DP is on anti depressants so there's not much impetus there anyway.

Also, I don't think HRT is that expensive for the NHS. It's not as expensive as not having it and other issues that could develop instead (VA, womb lining thickening, osteoporosis, cardiac disease, etc).

Also OP, what contraception do you have? I'm not sure the coil is the problem you think it is (I've got my third one) or what your objection is?

Interested in the poster who said the buy testosterone at Holland Barrat!

I'm almost 40 and started peri early, a few years ago. It's been awful. I feel for you op.

@BonnyLassie99 hi I take generic vitamins C , D and any others I take from asda or morrisons , I have generic magnesium and pukka bedtime tea about an hour before I go to bed which I find really helpful
. The testosterone and 5 -htp are from Holland and Barrett and I find they're cheaper when they're on the buy one get one for 1p offers those are in the pictures .
I also mix it up with jointace, menopace and St John's work occasionally .
I think your doctor needs to up her game as she's going to be in the same situation herself one day .
Sorry I've taken ages to get back to you , I've been fighting with my laptop lol 😂 xx

I’m on Citalopram for low mood and Ovestin cream for VA and my bladder and weeing is so much better x

Sorry it’s 2000 I’m taking and they say 4000 is the highest they allow, and D3 is best with K2, it’s from animals and D2 is from plants, I don’t take calcium

I don’t take contraception, I am single so no need for contraception, right now I’d be glad never to have penetrative sex again! God no 😂

I feel for you OP.I was peeing less than an hour apart in the day time.
Gave up booze exercise now and feel back to my old self pretty much.
It took a few yrs and I can see why women become suicidal.
I recently swopped utrogestan for provera and feel better too.
Bit D and magnesium really do help. Good luck.

Vaginal atrophy is known as genitourinary syndrome of the menopause, and absolutely does cause urinary frequency. See here www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/urinary-incontinence-in-menopause-are-you-ignoring-the-symptoms/

How do you feel on the testosterone.. when/how many times do you take it.. do you have any side affects and what are the benefits? I love my supplements I take hundreds of things. Not tried this as of yet
Thank you