Your mother’s menopause

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I often hear post menopausal women, such as my mother who is in her 70s, saying they barely noticed the menopause, whilst lots of the next generation (in their 40s and 50s) report big issues.

Obviously it’s becoming a less taboo and more talked about topic, is that all it is? My mother came of age in the 60s, is very liberal and not afraid to discuss issues but genuinely doesn’t seem to have anything to say re her experience, whereas I’m on HRT at 45 including testosterone (I have though had hormonal issues all my reproductive life).

Have you talked to your mother (or other older women) about their menopause and what did they say? How does it compare to your experience?

My dm had a radical hysterectomy at 42 due to cervical cancer.. I am 50 amd no signs of menopause as yet.

Both my Mum and my grandmother reached menopause round about 51-52.

My Mum was suffering with her menopause after I'd left home and moved away so I wasn't party to it day to day. However, I do know that she did suffer from hot flushes and insomnia for decades and she swore she had flushes well into her 80s (no other cause for them.)

This does tie in with what my meno consultant told me, that some women never ever get rid of some symptoms.

I reached meno at 53-54 and because of the flushes and insomnia went onto HRT quite soon after wards.

I’ve wondered about this too - my Mum (mid-eighties) said she had no issues at the menopause, and never took HRT. Meanwhile, I’m having a pretty terrible time and started noticing peri-menopausal symptoms when I was about 40 (although full on symptoms started about 10 years after that). I’m mid-50s now and have been on HRT for 4.5 years. My older sister seems ok and is not on HRT though.

Mum was always baffled when I grumbled about my PMT and told her that I could tell when I was ovulating and knew when my period had started just by the way I felt (before the bleeding and cramps started), so I have concluded that we are just very different hormonally!

I am 54 1/2 and still having monthly periods. I have some of the typical menopause symptoms, anxiety (never been a problem before), lower libido, massive hair loss, weight gain, sleep issues and worst of all very stiff joints. I am managing so far and hoping to be out the other end soon, fingers crossed.

My DM (85) is lovely, been a great mum, I have 2 sisters again good relationship with them. My DM has said that menopause is “all in your head”. She had an emergency hysterectomy age 51 after a couple of years of dreadful flooding type periods (would take to her bed). My older sister was done and dusted age 51 and her only comment on the subject is “you’re not still having periods!”. Younger sister is 10 years younger. My oldest friend is 55 and she had her last period age 52 and is on hrt, she has literally nothing to say about the menopause. I have another friend who is 60 and again because she has finished with it she doesn’t seem to want to remember or share her experience.

My point is it seems to be like being pregnant or giving birth, women who have gone through it seem to collectively forget what it was actually like. Very odd. That’s been my experience anyway.

I just don’t talk to my DM or sisters or friends about it. I keep an eye on the menopause thread on here.

My mum had a very easy menopause in her late 40s. She used to say she didn't mind the hot flushes as she feels cold all the time (she's teeny -tiny so no natural insulation!).

I can't really compare it to my experience as I had a surgical menopause at 42. My symptoms weren't terrible but they came on literally overnight (about 8 hours after I waved goodbye to my ovaries and womb) so they were a shock to the system. Five years down the line I have barely any symptoms.

My sister had a premature menopause at 39 and her symptoms were (and still are) awful - far worse than mine.

^ forgot to mention, of the three of us only my sister uses HRT.

Life is an awful lot different now in terms of work/life juggling plus I think daily diets have changed. I know there are some countries where there is no word for menopause, it’s not a thing. Again apparently down to diet.

My mum had a relatively easy menopause. She was working full time but I think her main issue was heavy, frequent periods. I’m nearly 50 and don’t really have any symptoms yet.

My mother had an early menopause (41), had a few hot flushes but nothing else. She started HRT in her late 50s to help with lack of energy and was diagnosed with breast cancer at 60. She was also very late to start menstruating (16/17). I started my periods at 11, menopause at 51 after several years of horrendously heavy periods. Our "journeys" have been so different we've never discussed menopause. Although, like another poster, she was incredulous that I was still having periods at 50 "I can't believe you're bothering with all that" 🙄

My mum had a hysterectomy in her 40s, and went onto HRT, so I don't know how her menopause would have gone. It's a shame, actually, as I went through mine at 46 (on the early side), but didn't have anyone to compare it to.

My grandmother told me she had periods until she turned 50, then they stopped and no problems.

On the same day, she was telling me a story which stemmed from her being too unwell to do the laundry and tied in pretty well with perimenopause. She also went on to suffer prolapse and had a hysterectomy in her mid 60s. I don't think she ever really made connections and had no close female relatives.

Statistically, only 25% ( 1 in 4) women have no meno symptoms or very few.

75% have significant symptoms and something like 10-15% have them for decades.

What's becoming clear now is that many women's health issues are related directly to loss of estrogen, but without that knowledge then, they didn't know.

For example, many of my mum's friends suffered with 'nerves' when they reached middle age, some developed mental health issues, joint pains etc, others existed on a mix of sleeping pills and anti depressants for years for their 'nerves'. They also 'accepted' issues like dodgy bladders or other signs of loss of hormones without knowing what was causing all of this.

My husband surprisingly is well aware that my MIL really suffered with menopause. She’s 70 now. He remembers the hot flushes and tears.

My mother said she barely noticed it but her periods stopped dead at 45. I early 40s when peri started but I had loads of horrible symptoms.

My mum says she barely noticed it but I can remember a very turbulent time when she was around 50 where she would get upset and say she was leaving quite regularly. That could have been my dad though!

My mum's 60 now (I'm 32 so have this to come). I know she suffered with hot flushes very badly and went through it quite early - early 40s. My maternal grandmother went through hers in her late 30s.

It was a big factor in my decision to make sure I was done with kids asap (had DD at 31 and due DC2 - who will almost certainly be my last - just after my 33rd birthday). I have a lot of friends not planning to start trying until 35 and they think I'm mad having kids 'early'!

I am 72 and had a dreadful menopause that lasted ten years. I had a very demanding full-time job and it was really hard to keep the high level of concentration that I needed. I went on HRT, but then the dodgy research came along in the early 2000s and doctors started refusing to prescribe. I had brain fog, mood swings, palpitations, broken nights with hot flushes etc etc. I had a good diet and plenty of exercise.
There is nothing more irritating than people who say they sailed through the menopause and you just need to keep active / eat well / take some herbal remedy or other.
I had no problems in pregnancy and childbirth; I wouldn't blame people who needed intervention for not doing it right.

I personally don't think that our grandparents were raised on diets flooded with hormones like we are.

I don't eat meat or drink/eat dairy products, and have touch wood had no symptoms as yet (I'm 51) and still having random periods. My Mum had a radical hysterectomy at 40 though so I've got no benchmark.

My mother went through it at 41 and breezed through it apparently not my experience so far...

I think sometimes they forget. When I started getting symptoms in my late 40s my DM told me she sailed through with no hot flushes or mood swings.

Remembering my teenage years, the latter is definitely not true!

My mum started going through it at 40-41. She'd be nearly 50 now but we're NC so not sure if she's still going through it.

She had terrible hot flushes, extreme mood swings, anxiety, fatigue,etc. My grandmother was the same, but was regularly hospitalised for such heavy periods before and during her menopause. Both were very healthy before and after but were told if they'd been healthy they would have sailed through it (by male doctors ofc)

I'll be having a tubal ligation some time in the next 2 years so I don't know how my menopause will be.

I've talked to both of my grandmother's about their menopause (and about their mother's menopauses too), they're both in their 80s now. Both of my grandmother's claim to have been unaffected by the menopause. However, they both recall their own mother's going through it with almost a distain (both of my great grandparents had children relatively late for the time so still had youngish children around when going through menopause). Both claim their mother's became lazy and irritable, and that they had to take over some of the care for their younger siblings/the house. They both claim to have been unaffected and didn't "succumb" like their mothers did.

My mum, however, remember's my nan's menopause differently. She says she had "dark days" where she just refused to talk to anyone, huge mood swings and my grandad took on a second job and got an allotment to be out of the house more.

My mum is currently in her 50s and on HRT - it has affected her mental health more than her physical health substantially.

Dunno, she didn't really talk about it & passed now. She was a bit of a moaner about other physical things, so I guess her transition was easy enough.

I'm 54 & haven't even had peri so can't comment, either.

I think sometimes they didn't make the connections. My Mum was done and dusted with it all at 45 (I'm 52 and still having periods). She has had worsening anxiety over the years, which started in her early forties and I can remember her having memory problems so bad that she was convinced she was getting dementia, although she blamed it on work stress. She also has accepted stress incontinence as just something that you get, plus she hasn't had a smear for donkey's years as it became too painful after her periods stopped.
But she's never considered any of that to be menopausal.

My mum says she barely noticed hers

(She went through it 14 years ago at 50)

My mum was the first one to go through the menopause, all the other women had hysterectomies much earlier. I think it was in her 40's, certainly by 50 it was over. She had a horrible time, her moods were absolutely awful! I'm now nearly 40 and noticing a few things now that suggests it's near.