Your mother’s menopause

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I often hear post menopausal women, such as my mother who is in her 70s, saying they barely noticed the menopause, whilst lots of the next generation (in their 40s and 50s) report big issues.

Obviously it’s becoming a less taboo and more talked about topic, is that all it is? My mother came of age in the 60s, is very liberal and not afraid to discuss issues but genuinely doesn’t seem to have anything to say re her experience, whereas I’m on HRT at 45 including testosterone (I have though had hormonal issues all my reproductive life).

Have you talked to your mother (or other older women) about their menopause and what did they say? How does it compare to your experience?

My Mum had a hideous ‘change’ around 52. She would get ready to go out and then be drenched with a hot flush, steam up the car, depression, flooding and all the rest - it was so bad. She recently told me she didn’t want to wake up. She went to the GP and was eventually given patches which helped alleviate most of her symptoms. She was berated by her female GP for having no sex drive and told ‘it was her husbands right’ .
She’s told me more as I’m peri and strongly advised me to go to the Doctor if I felt any symptoms. I’m on patches now at 48.

I've just been told that I'm going through 'early menopause' (44, but symptoms started over 2 years ago). My mother had a hysterectomy at 40 so unfortunately I had no idea this was possible at my age!

Started HRT yesterday, can't stop crying today. Seriously, I saw a dog in the street and cried. It was a cute dog, but really?!

@Dollywilde @HelplesslyHoping @ILoveHuskies Just curious on this- nothing else- but what made you come to the menopause board when you are all so young (younger than my DCs and your mums are younger than me :) ) Is it being flagged up as an active thread or something?

@JinglingHellsBells yup, came up on the Active Threads! If I’d seen a title asking about my own menopause I’d have breezed past but quite interested in comparative experiences - for example my pregnancies have been quite similar to my mum’s. And always interested to learn!

This is just a wild hypothesis, but could this be obesity/life style related like everything else?

Just anecdotally, most of my friends are very fit (because those are the circles I move in socially) in their early and mid 50s. Most report no menopause problems. My colleagues are much more sedentary and overweight and without exception, those of similar age are complaining about menopause.

My mum was late 50s and doing ok, not many symptoms, but after no periods for a year or so then some bleeding and a long delay for tests (due to the GP) was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and had a radical hysterectomy.

After that she had some immediate, nasty symptoms, hot flushes etc, and still does ten years later!

My mum had an easy time in her 40s.

I'm having an easy time in my 50s

My mum is very private about "ladies issues" so she hasn't really spoken to me about her experience with menopause.

She went through the menopause very young, I think she mentioned that it started with very heavy irregular periods in her late twenties. I also know that my Nan started going through the menopause in her early thirties and my auntie managed to have my cousin in her early thirties before going through the menopause when my cousin was still a baby/toddler.

This thread has made me realise how little I know about menopause and I should really learn about it as due to the reluctance of my family to discuss anything "private" or to do with "personal issues" I have gone through my life very ignorant to a lot of things I should have known about (like periods and a family history of mental health issues)

My mum never talked about periods, so never talked about menopause.

If she was the same or similar age to me then i would have been 25 ish so not living at home and wouldn’t notice.

I think it’s great how much easier it i to talk about it now.

My mother went through the menopause at 47 with zero problems. I was much later (finally finishing at 54) but apart from some very heavy periods which were dealt with by tranexamic acid, I had no other problems at all. Just so glad it was over with!

@AndMatt

This is just a wild hypothesis, but could this be obesity/life style related like everything else?

Just anecdotally, most of my friends are very fit (because those are the circles I move in socially) in their early and mid 50s. Most report no menopause problems. My colleagues are much more sedentary and overweight and without exception, those of similar age are complaining about menopause.

If only! No. All my friends are slim and fit and they all had some issues.

Being fatter is actually 'better' in so much as fat creates estrogen so fewer symptoms.

I'm actually surprised at how many 'no problems' there are here and wonder if there is a bias by the question being flagged up because as I posted upthread 75% of women have significant problems. A small minority don't.

I find this to be true. My mum claims that menopause didn't affect her at all, but I clearly remember how often she'd complain about her insomnia or facial hair.

@JinglingHellsBells I think partly it is because there are people saying that they are 51and think it is all over. I thought that at 51. I was 62 before it finished and still had the joys of vaginal atrophy to come.

I’m 50 and peri- periods hit and miss last couple of years but no other symptoms. I find it refreshing to hear good stories as it reminds me that it’s not a fine deal that it will be awful.
DM was around 50. She said she didn’t have a hot flush but I remember her being a bit irritable and she went in hrt. DF called them her happy pills!

*done deal

[quote HilaryThorpe]@JinglingHellsBells I think partly it is because there are people saying that they are 51and think it is all over. I thought that at 51. I was 62 before it finished and still had the joys of vaginal atrophy to come.[/quote]
You could be right.

I wasn't even fully in peri at 51. I thought I was sailing through simply with lighter periods. Fast forward 3 years and unable to sleep and hourly flushes, loss of bone as well.

My dm died before she entered menopause, my dgm said for her it was a blessed relief. I found it a breeze three months with an occasional hot flush, two heavier than normal periods at the expected time and then they stopped and have had no symptoms since.

It could also be because we expect more from our 50+ years now. My DGM was widowed at 50, never had another partner and was an old lady virtually. We expect our sex lives to continue and to have the same energy and drive.

@hiredandsqueak how long ago was that?

I’m only on this thread as it’s ‘active’ so on a menopause thread you will get a bias of those that are suffering.

@Benjispruce5 Six years now

I think it's possibly due to living much more stressful lifestyles, drinking much more alcohol and eating food which plays havoc with hormones. I think a lot of women didn't connect many of their symptoms with menopause. Anxiety, anger, depression were all put down to other things. 'Nerves' mainly.

That’s great to hear!

My DM would be 80 now if she were alive, she took HRT for menopause related symptoms in the 1980s, it was really common back then! Definitely remember 'the change' being a topic of conversation. Thankfully so far (52 and only 1 period in the last 2.5 years) I've suffered less than her, she had terrible migraines (solved by HRT)

DM would be 80 too but sadly died from breast cancer at 74. 10 year on hrt so I hope I’m ok as I’m scared to take it.