Your mother’s menopause

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I often hear post menopausal women, such as my mother who is in her 70s, saying they barely noticed the menopause, whilst lots of the next generation (in their 40s and 50s) report big issues.

Obviously it’s becoming a less taboo and more talked about topic, is that all it is? My mother came of age in the 60s, is very liberal and not afraid to discuss issues but genuinely doesn’t seem to have anything to say re her experience, whereas I’m on HRT at 45 including testosterone (I have though had hormonal issues all my reproductive life).

Have you talked to your mother (or other older women) about their menopause and what did they say? How does it compare to your experience?

Mine also had a hysterectomy

It seems it was much more common in those days for v heavy periods/fibroids/other issues

She was devastated and it really impacted her mental health

I remember a friend at Uni talking about her menopausal mother. She said her Mum acted like a crazy woman. One day she kicked the TV in.
My own mother says her menopause was easy. That’s not what I remember!

I knew all about my mother's, she would frequently tell me she was, 'bleeding like a stuck pig'.

She had a hysterectomy while I was left as a teenager with 10 day periods, vomiting and flooding.

My own menopause, well I had been using the contraceptive jab and forgot to get one, then I had a light bleed every 3 months for 12 months, then it stopped.

My mum isin her mid seventies. Hers was pretty bad and she went on HRT for decades until a new gp was horrified and insisted on taking her off it a few years ago. Cue lots of health problems - she's not been the same since.

One thing that's struck me here is the wide age ranges of mothers and daughters!

We've a poster talking about her mum born 1924, (my own was born not long after that) and other posters talking about their mums who are younger than me:) and born in the 1960s or later.

My own mum did ask for hrt in her late 50s/ early 60s after suffering night sweats for nearly 10 years. her GP refused saying he didn't think it wise to restart all her hormones again. Now, she'd be given it at the right dose and the right type for a woman nr 60.

She has continued to suffer with flushes and sleep issues since, despite being very active, teetotal, and slim.

My mother is now in her mid 70s and I am in my mid 50s. She has always been very open (and intrusive) about puberty and sex, but has never really breathed a word about menopause, save to be disparaging about menopausal women. She has recently got worked up over the amount of attention being given to menopause and thinks that peri menopause is something women have made up because they are not getting enough attention. I do vaguely recall her saying something about HRT being unsafe, but that was in a general discussion and way before she would have been in meno territory.

She did ask me some time before Covid whether I still had periods and seemed relieved when I told her I did (even though I actually had no clue if I did as I was on mini pill at the time). She then claimed to have gone through her menopause at 63 with no problem.

She has always been difficult but she turned into a raving nightmare in her mid 40s. Her already heavy drinking intensified, she became even more volatile than before, she complained about insomnia. She became even more interested in men and took on a toy boy (while married to my father).

She started to complain regularly about some health issue or another from her 50s on. It's hard to tell whether these issues are related to meno in any way as she is an obese smoker who does no exercise. A few years back she got lichen sclerosus and at the appointment the doc said she had vaginal atrophy.

Unsurprisingly, therefore, I had no clue about what peri and meno might entail beyond the cessation of periods and the hot flushes which I had heard about. Fortunately I realised what my peri symptoms were after doing some research and am now on HRT which is a Godsend. I am not about to ask my mother for any further details about her meno since it will only trigger an avalanche of queries about mine. Massive mood swings (and vile night sweats) were what finally drove me to seek help, and with hindsight she quite clearly got the mood swings too.

[quote JinglingHellsBells]**@Dollywilde* @HelplesslyHoping* @ILoveHuskies Just curious on this- nothing else- but what made you come to the menopause board when you are all so young (younger than my DCs and your mums are younger than me :) ) Is it being flagged up as an active thread or something?[/quote]
It came up on the active board on the same day I had a call from my consultant about my tubal! And I find it interesting and slightly daunting to see what's ahead and what isn't talked about enough x

My mum would have been 81 now, but she was very vocal about the terrible effect of menopause on her. Not least that it ramped up her allergies and eczema which she had managed all her life to a disabling level

My mum had a hard time going through the menopause, and I remember her having HRT back then. I asked her about it recently as I'm having period troubles (having a heavy period every other week) and she said for all the trouble she had with hot flushes and night sweats, her periods stayed regular and just stopped one day.

I had a great grandmother who had a horrendous time and died from gynae issues (cancer I believe) because her husband wouldn't agree to let her have an operation! At least those days have gone.