I'm so tired of the menopause :(

[NowImmeagain]

I'm probably actually post menopause, don't have periods really, occasionally feels like I'm going to have one and some light pink discharge. But I'm so tired of feeling the way I do. I have patches that have helped with night sweats. I have been using oestrogen pessaries for about six years. But I still have itchiness and dryness around my genitals. Some lichen sclerosis too. Sex is out of the question because the area is too sensitive and sore. My relationship has ended because I didn't feel anything anymore, no love, I wasn't aroused, nothing. I feel so sad that this is it for me now. I'm depressed and anxious about everything. I don't sleep well. Antidepressants haven't helped. I can't even sit in a doctors office and talk about it now and I can't discuss it on the phone. I live in a very small town, if I asked for a referral to a gynae I'd have to travel over an hour and I'm too anxious to drive that far, and there's no decent public transport. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up because what's the point anymore?

Oh bless you, I'm awake because I can't sleep (again) and I'm watching another patch drop off my arse because the adhesive is absolute rubbish.

My GP is terribly unhelpful and I know (sigh) that yet again I am doomed to quote NICE guidelines and British Menopause Society updates at her.

I think it's useful to list here, if you can, a bit more about where you are with age, symptoms, and current HRT prescriptions. So many GPs get it wrong.

There are really good posters on this board who will help

Sorry to read this OP. I have lichen sclerosus too and it's also been worse post menopause. I get down at times, especially as I am still having regular night sweats years after my last period but I am not in as bad a way as you.
Please go back to the doctor for the help you need and deserve. I know it's hard at the moment particularly, but there may be other treatment options for you so don't give up hope. Could you email or write to your doctor if you find it hard to talk on the phone - show them your post even? Is there a friend who could take you to the hospital or there might be some kind of community transport available. I live in a rural area and certainly pre Covid I know there were volunteer drivers who would take people to the hospital and so on.
I know that when you are depressed everything can seem like a mountain that you just can't climb, but please don't give up. If I feel overwhelmed I sometimes find that breaking a big task into small pieces helps. Then if I manage to do one of the pieces it often gives me the confidence to tackle the next one. Do you think that might help you .
But most of all, ask for help. There are good people out there, even when you feel all alone.
I hope you find some answers soon.

I'm so sorry for you. This may not help at the moment but, honestly, it will pass.

You could speak to your GP who may adjust your HRT, it's worth a try. It sounds as though the patches you are on don't suit you.

Please try to relax as much as possible, find something to take your mind off it all; your mindset isn't helping the situation and antidepressants often make things worse.

I hope the day comes soon when you wake up feeling like a new person. That really does happen.

Antidepressants haven't helped.

They won't and may very well be making you worse.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/health/menopause-antidepressants-symptoms-worse-hrt-shortage-a9148951.html%3famp

Thanks everyone, I wasn't expecting results so late at night!

I'm not taking antidepressants at the moment, I've tried five different sorts in the past, none have helped

I'm mid fifties and using Evorel conti patches. I don't have a problem with them sticking, but recently they've been irritating my skin a bit, but it's bearable. I've been using them for 18 months now. I've also tried ustrogen capsules orally and vaginally with oestrogen gel, but felt awful on them, dizzy and sick and very heavy tender breasts. I feel ok on the patches, but they don't seem to help with anything other than the hot flushes.

I've no friends to drive me, no family who drive either.

Replies, not results! Stupid auto correct!

I think if men had a menopause there might be a few more remedies available. Everytime I attended an appointment my (male) gp blamed it on the menopause. I now see a rather helpful female gp.

I use the topical cream twice a week (ovestin) and it's pretty good (for me at least). This is the third method I've tried and I think we've finally cracked it. But 8 years on I still overheat and the flushes although improved haven't disappeared altogether.

It isn't just the menopause and all the symptoms, I felt I became invisible, so at the risk of sounding flippant what worked for me to make me feel attractive was a total change of image. The anxiety is a difficult one but I try to push through it and most of the time I manage it. It does get better. I find exercise helps a lot so i try to manage at least a couple of games of tennis, or a cycle ride twice a week. It really helps in lifting the spirits. Also try to get out in the daylight especially in the sun, as seasonal depression is helped by vitamin D.

You're not alone, it's not great times at present but things will improve. For people living on their own I think it can be very lonely this year because we can't meet up properly and even going for a coffee is a bit fraught. Anyway I'm sure they haven't tried you on everything yet so as pp said it's worth asking for a phone appointment and having a chat with a (female) gp.

There's no female gp at my surgery, there is a female who can prescribe although not a gp.

I can't do a lot of exercise due to a prolapse causing discomfort, even a long walk is a problem. But above all I'm struggling to even get out of bed, let alone go for a walk. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of fighting for everything. Even getting patches was a huge struggle at the time. I can't do it anymore

And I'm so fed up that this is something that "just" happens to women, just considered normal, and we're supposed to just carry on.

So sorry to hear this.

On a really practical note, you need to try to summon up the energy and strength to get the right treatment. There are a lot of things that could be sorted if you get the right help.

For a start, maybe look into the fear of driving. Can you get some refresher lessons? Not being able to drive for an hour is incredibly life-limiting. You really do need to overcome this maybe with something like CBT if you can access that. OR just working on the fear on your own by going out in the car and gradually building up the distances.

You aren't just expected to carry on - the way forward is to ask for help and keep asking until you get what is needed.

The prolapse- has anyone examined you and suggested surgery? There is no need to put up with it if you are suffering.

The HRT- to me, it sounds as if you might be far better on a sequential type where the progesterone is used only for half the cycle. LOADS of women come off HRT or feel it's not working because the continuous no-bleed sort causes low mood . I am mid-60s and still use the type with a monthly bleed which is a PITA of its own sometimes, but I get weeks in between where I feel good.

You might think about that AND it's not 'normal' to have light bleeds if you are using continuous HRT- that needs looking at. Either you are not yet post menopause and need taking off the continuous type OR there is something going on causing the bleeding that needs looking into.

Are you in the UK? Just looking at your posting times- middle of the night? :)

You might need to adjust your expectations of who can help you and where they are. For example, it might be a train journey to see someone good. Is that an option? (It takes me almost 2 hrs door to door to get to my gynae, by train.)

Try to take some control because you can find good drs- and don't focus on it being a female dr- some male gynaes are wonderful.

Thanks @JinglingHellsBells. My periods stopped for almost a year, so they put me on sequential hrt, I've been having these very light bleeds about three times a year since. I don't really want to go back to having periods, but maybe worth trying if I feel better inbetween. I had no idea hrt could lower your mood, I thought it was meant to improve it. Would sequential hrt mean taking something different or are there patches that cover it all?

I'm working on the driving thing, and most of the time don't need to drive more than half an hour.

I'm just not keen on discussing all this over the phone with a (male) gp who probably thinks I'm overreacting. I'm also not prepared to put myself through a hysteroscopy regarding the bleeding as I'm terrified at the thought of it, having read all about it online. I have a phobia of GAs so also not an option. If I now go to the gp and tell him I've been having bleeding they'll want to investigate it. I've had this suggested before, despite the fact my periods hadn't stopped for more than a year.

I know it sounds pathetic, but that's how it is. I've had enough of all of it. My life is over. Not enough that I have no friends, can't go out now anyway if I wanted to, but my relationship fizzled out due to the changes during menopause and I'm left with nothing.

The reason I ask about different sequential patches etc is that if I approach them unprepared they'll suggest taking tablets, which I don't want to do, as this seeks to be the cheapest route for them. This happened when Evorel conti were difficult to get hold of last year and I really had to push for something else and ended yo buying patches from abroad until they became available again.

Is it feasible to just contact them and say I want a referral to a gynae or will I have to let them try everything first before they refer me?

"My relationship has ended because I didn't feel anything anymore, no love, I wasn't aroused, nothing. I feel so sad that this is it for me now. "

I totally get this. I too feel numb, nothing, about most things: Dh,dc, work, everything - which is really not a nice feeling, considering I was never this way before.

And no one seems to address that aspect. I'm not even sure they can, can they? It's not depression. I'm certainly not depressed. So AD's are definitely not the answer. But no one seems to be able to come up with an answer of what is!

Can I ask what your diet looks like? I’m a real proponent for diet having a huge impact on hormones and I wonder if you could make some changes which would be hugely helpful.

@Oblomov20 sorry you feel this way too, it's so hard isn't it?

My diet is rubbish tbh, I try to eat veg and some fruit, but tend to live off easy food, so make stew that I reheat for three days for example. I don't eat white bread, I don't have caffeine or sugary drinks, but I have some chocolate every day.

You can get patches that are sequential. Probably the same as you have now but with progesterone for only half the month.

I'm saying this kindly, but you might benefit from some help to support your mental health. I don't mean drugs, but a lot of what you write shows you are struggling with communication (with drs.) and you are doing what is called 'catasrophising' - in counselling terms! This means expecting the worst outcome and being completely stuck because you can't take a step forward.

Maybe think about what is behind your reluctance to discuss these issues with your GP. (You can have face to face appts now- it's not all by phone.) Is it embarrassment? Is it lack of self worth? (Thinking they will trivialise your symptoms?)

No one but you can get out of where you are now.
I know it seems like a mountain to climb but you have to make yourself ask for the help you need. The other option is to sit at home and feel worse and worse.

One step at a time.
Make an appt to discuss your symptoms.
OR (no idea where you live) self-refer to a meno specialist by by-passing your GP and get someone to listen to you.

There are some excellent meno drs out there, many working by phone or video now. You just need to find one, either via your GP or doing it yourself.

There's no need to keep going down this spiral of unhappiness when it's under your control to get the help you need.

Take one small step today :)

And you can keep coming back to this forum to ask for support and help.

The fact you are having light bleeds 3 x a year suggests you are not quite post menopause. (On the other hand it would be very silly to avoid having it investigated if it carries on. I've had a hysteroscopy and it was absolutely fine and in terms of pain no worse than a smear.)

What you need to do is say you think you react badly to daily progesterone in the combined patches and want to try sequential instead.

How are your finances? For £250 you can get an appt with a private menopause specialist. I can give you names. They would then contact your GP so the type of HRT or treatment would be on the NHS.

But you also need to get over this 'not wanting to talk to a male dr'. My gynae is male and is the best dr I've ever had- he's lovely and so helpful and caring. I can talk to him about anything without embarrassment.

You can also be prescribed testosterone to help with energy and sex drive but that has to be through a consultant and you can't get it from your GP.

If you look at the website of the British Menopause Society it has a list of Specialists on the menu tab- top of page- and you can see who is available where you live.

Thank you. My mental health isn't great at the best of times, but definitely worse over the last five years.

They're not doing face to face appointments at my gp surgery sadly. I don't mind speaking to a male doctor, it's just been my experience up to now that it's all dismissed as an overreaction.

I really can't afford to go private as I'm not working at present.

I've just emailed my gp surgery with a letter to pass on to the gp with all my symptoms, requesting an appointment.

I passed out from the pain of having a coil inserted 20 years ago, so can't face an hysteroscopy. I know some people are fine, but others find it extremely painful and I'm not going to risk it.

Great! You've taken a first step :)

Pretty awful your GP won't do face to face.

They have all been TOLD by the government that they have to offer these

Really?! That's bad then ... unless they've changed the rules since last Wednesday when my daughter had a telephone appointment with them.

Something you could do is change your diet to low carb/ketogenic. I know it’s a shift in thinking but it’s been completely amazing for me. I’ve felt the best I’ve ever felt and I’m mid forties now and heaving towards menopause.

I’ll include some links
menopause.net/signs-symptoms/does-keto-diet-can-ease-negative-symptoms-of-menopause/
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-the-ketogenic-diet-is-great-for-hormone-balance
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/ketodietapp.com/Blog/lchf/amp/ketogenic-diet-and-menopause

They were told weeks ago they had to offer F2F.

In fact they have always had to offer this as an option but it's in the hands of each practice. You should query it!

How can they assess patients by phone?

My mum and sister have had routine blood tests at the drs weeks ago now.

Great! I'll query it.

Hi I'm new here ,I suffer from depression and anxiety I'm 50 for last 3 weeks anxiety is unbearable, I'm already on antidepressants, any advice would be very helpful xx