Fed up of every single thing in my life!

[growlingbear]

I feel like growling with frustration, I'm in such a rut.

Can't stand working alone form home any more. I've done it for years and am SO LONELY!!! But not qualified or experienced to do anything else. And probably would come over a as bit bloody weird and socially inept after ten years of working alone.

So bored of where we live. Village full of Daily Mail readers, no cultural diversity. I miss London but can't afford it and want to find another lively but cheaper city to live in. But can't move until DC finish school and DH wants to stay in the countryside anyway.

I earn very little money because my self-discipline and motivation has just eroded since I turned 50 and I can't seem to find the drive to do more than the minimum. I think of retraining and then think 'can;t be arsed.'

All of this is why I've posted this in Menopause. Is it a hormonal/life change thing? I'm in a massive rut but have no drive to get out of it. I've wasted five years feeling like this, just drifting while DC go through secondary school. I'm knackered and overweight and feel like the most boring person in the world. Today I haven't even bothered to get dressed or do any work at all. I felt so sorry for myself I didn't get out of bed. WTF is wrong with me and how do I shake it all off and get started again?

Feel the same growling. Will reply later as tea is burning!

My advice is that you start chipping away at one thing and try to make some progress. For example, if you are overweight, why not buy the Michael Moseley 5:2 diet/ recipe book and have a go with that? Set small goals such as losing 2lbs a week.

If you are lonely, are there any clubs you might like to go to? Reading group? Writing group? Crafts? Sports? Languages? Keep fit?

I know it can be hard to find a way forward but you do have to start somewhere- no one else can do it for you. It must be very hard for your children to see you like this.

Where are you in menopause- have your periods stopped?

Me too OP! I’m also bereaved so I feel doubly shit at the moment. I know all the steps to take but just can’t be bothered. And the rage...don’t even get me started on the rage....ps I work from home a lot too

Thank you all for your replies. It's not that I wish this feeling on anyone else, but it's good not to feel alone.

All around me people seem to have their lives so together - they are slim and successful in their careers and wealthy and vibrant. I feel like I've let life and my ambition drift so badly over the past six years or so - basically since peri menopause (which I'd never even heard of until three years ago.)

jingling - I'm pretty much totally menopausal now. Not had a period this calendar year and only had very light ones last year. I am OK at amusing myself - go for walks and try new stuff - I've tried Body Combat and laughter yoga recently.

But I've come to realise it's not amusing myself that's the problem, it's the big stuff, the stuff that makes you feel like you're actually contributing to the world and doing something worthwhile with your life. I just don't feel that I am and it's really dragging me down.

I do a lot of comfort and boredom eating. It's just me alone at home having to motivate myself all the time with no one to talk to, no one to check in on the work except the occasional client email asking when it's ready. No input, no feedback, no interaction. No commute into the world (I know that's a mixed blessing but I even like people watching on the train and don't get to do that.) I just feel like the dullest person with no place in the world.

MrsGrindah so sorry you're dealing with this on top of bereavement. That's so tough.

How about getting a job outside of home? Doesn't have to be demanding. Shops, cafes, garden centres always want staff.
Even something voluntary (look at the national site Do It.org)

Help at local schools with reading?
Volunteer in local charity shops?
Visit the elderly?
Help out in a hospital as a volunteer?
Work for a charity which interests you?

I've worked (mainly) from home of many years so do understand the lack of contact and isolation.

Courses? Go back to college and learn a new skill? You aren't too old to retrain. Loads of courses online- look at Future learn (all free) run with the OU. Some courses have spin- off groups where you interact with other people.

I completely relate to how you feel . I have just returned to the office after spending the last two years working from home and what a difference it has made to my mental health just feeling like I am part of society again. Have you got any slack in the diary so you could start volunteering or mentoring or further Ed on a regular basis Anything where you can feel like you are working towards a goal and contributing and a participating in society . I think this is what you need I know I was totally isolated by the end of my 2 years WFH despite as you pointed out capable of amusing myself through boot camps, coffee mornings bridge etc it’s not the same and all feels a bit empty

Cross post with Jingling there Great minds think alike!

Sorry you feel like this Growling. I think it’s a bloody fine line to draw between meno’ and mid-life challenges. Sounds really trite, I know, but have you thought of listing your values/what makes something worthwhile to you? Is your line of work something that allows you to adapt or do some networking? If you had a magic wand, what would you change? And what does that tell you? What about ranging out completely and doing an evening class in a subject you really don’t see as ‘you’? It’s understandable to hit a point if feeling in a rut especially if your children don’t seem to need you as much, but it is an opportunity to find who you are again. 🌺

Jingling I really want a job outside the home but don't know what I'd do. The work I do from home is well paid per hour freelance. Similar jobs are hard to get in an office environment - not non-existent, but rare. Short term, I might be happy working in a cafe for a couple of days a week. It wouldn't bring in much money, but neither does slobbing around on MN instead of increasing my hours working from home! But long term, I want something more challenging - just don't know what. I can't afford to retrain - to stop earning and have to pay for uni is not possible right now. But I could definitely look at those free courses from OU. Thanks for suggesting them. I didn't know they existed.

Tween congratulations on getting back into the work place.It's tough. A really wonderful job came up locally recently and I applied for it and got an interview (on line with a bloody robot! so still no human contact) but then got a letter saying they had to suspend the project. It was such a brilliant project too, I'd have loved it. I think I'm hoping for similar.

Crafty if I had a magic wand, what I'd change is my energy and confidence levels. If I could get my motivation back, it would be so much easier to move on with some goals in life, but I feel so sluggish and demotivated and dull, like the person I present to the world is dreary and washed out and heavy and the person I once was is locked away under years of childcare and parent care and WFH.

Oh god I feel like this too. I don't work from home but I work a min wage shut job that was the only thing I could find that fitted round the kids for years and now I can't get out it.
I'm tired, I'm fat, I'm fed up. I'm waiting for the tumble dryer to be done at nearly 11 pm so I can do an ironing.
I'm done.

I took care of my mum for years when my kids were small and everyone told me one day is get time to myself again.... That day is here, mum is gone the kids are older but still needing lifts etc... And I have no clue what to do with myself.

I was kind of where you are now, 3 years ago. Came out of it, thanks to anti depressants, but feel myself slipping back. Slowly but surely. I'm pretty certain its all hormone related and that I'm in peri stages. You're not alone OP ! Also wfh 2 days pw, and the procrastination is ridiculous. The ADs sorted me out a lot 3 years ago - is this a route you're willing to go down?

Whywon't I was on antidepressants for years, only came off them a few months ago. They just kept me stupified. I'd be like I am now but too drugged up to care. It feels like coming off them has given me the wits to realise how much of a rut I'm in and what the problem is.

Seems like a lot of us feel this way. What can we do to get out of it?

I clicked on your title to see if you were me. There's hardly any aspect of my life that isn't shit and am sick of trying to self improve my way out of it.

Am giving HRT a go, but not sure it will help (unless it's able to provide me with money, compliant teenagers, a better job and a nice chap)

am sick of trying to self improve my way out of it - yes, this. I've spent a lot of time on 'self-improvement' but nothing changes.

Me too. I'm dick of cheerleading myself. And pulling myself up from the bootstrap. Am exhausted and tearful. I need someone else to care.

Me too.... have been following Dh around the world for his career at the expense of mine and my social life, only to end up in a city and climate I loathe, have been running around looking after DP’s with life-limiting illnesses for last 12 years, now they’re gone, and I’m left feeling like if I was a colour it would be beige.

I'm 45 and have worked from home for over 12 years now and can totally relate to your post, albeit I hope I am a bit young to start the menopause yet (that's something to look forward to! ) WFH can be boring and isolating and it's easy to get stuck in a rut especially when you've got kids to think about too. I'm afraid I don't have much advice to offer, only empathy, but try to get out the house as much as you can

Jesus. I can't even spell now.

I hear you OP....is it worth trying another brand?? I'm on Sertaline 50mg and it definitely improved my wellbeing for a good couple of years, but I'm loathe to up the mg, which is what doc has suggested. I've tried HRT but didn't work for me at all. I wish I knew the answer.....and I so wish I had the same motivation I used to

Btw, I am 47 next month and menopause confirmed. Oh joy..... have started shedding hair like a dog at the end of winter, and it was my one good feature.

if I was a colour it would be beige
@justilou1
Snap - I told DH yesterday I don't want to live a beige life.

I need someone else to care
@ssd That's definitely part of it. I feel wrung out having cared for everyone else and put my career and health on hold, and now there is time to sort them out but I'm so flaked out I don't know how to begin. Was telling DH yesterday how I felt and I saw his eyes drift to the garden outside the window. I'd only been speaking for about 30 seconds and I knew his response to my soul bearing was going to be, 'That shrub needs pruning' so I gave up.

He did apologise later and say he couldn't help noticing the shrub but I was telling him my deepest saddest feelings and I'm not an emotionally self indulgent person at all, but he couldn't pay attention to me for even a few minutes. And he's a good man. It's a bit soul destroying.

What are we going to do?

I totally appreciate your honesty in this post. Its given me a lot to think about.