Fed up of every single thing in my life!

[growlingbear]

I feel like growling with frustration, I'm in such a rut.

Can't stand working alone form home any more. I've done it for years and am SO LONELY!!! But not qualified or experienced to do anything else. And probably would come over a as bit bloody weird and socially inept after ten years of working alone.

So bored of where we live. Village full of Daily Mail readers, no cultural diversity. I miss London but can't afford it and want to find another lively but cheaper city to live in. But can't move until DC finish school and DH wants to stay in the countryside anyway.

I earn very little money because my self-discipline and motivation has just eroded since I turned 50 and I can't seem to find the drive to do more than the minimum. I think of retraining and then think 'can;t be arsed.'

All of this is why I've posted this in Menopause. Is it a hormonal/life change thing? I'm in a massive rut but have no drive to get out of it. I've wasted five years feeling like this, just drifting while DC go through secondary school. I'm knackered and overweight and feel like the most boring person in the world. Today I haven't even bothered to get dressed or do any work at all. I felt so sorry for myself I didn't get out of bed. WTF is wrong with me and how do I shake it all off and get started again?

My husband works in professional sport... have explained that steroids would be awesome right now. Selfish bastard has too many professional ethics to go there. (Also doesn’t want me to turn into hairier beastie than I already seem to be happening to morphing into.... never mind the other swinging ball bits.) Bloody ethics!!!

I dunno, @justilou1. Wouldn;t steroids just make you bulkier, hairier and more furious? What benefits would they have?
I take L-Tyrosine and the Phenylalanine one, but they don't seem to be doing much this time round. Today I have only been arsed to get out of bed twice to eat and then return to bed to growl and stew away. I can see small jobs that need doing but I just haven't the motivation. But I will stick a wash on, tidy the bedroom and pick up some stuff DH forgot when he went shopping this morning, so I don't feel like the entire day has been swapped by this lethargic gloom.

Yeah.... I was totally clutching at straws.

I take fish oil for my memory... when I remember... hair, skin and nails supplements - fart kit if good they’re doing... iron a couple of times a week, vitamin D & calcium, thyroxine, oestrogen, and stick to very low carb diet. I’m so bored with myself....

*fat lot of good, not fart kit!!!

Sorry your feeling like this OP. From this thread it seems like a lot of us are feeling very similar and in a bit of a rut.
I had children late in life at 38 and 39 who are now grumpy thoughtless teenagers most of the time often having a laugh at my expense. I am sick of nagging and moaning at them and am forever tidying up after them which is very draining and wearying. My parents health at 78 and 80 has really started to decline which is upsetting, means I have to step up more and I really worry about them.
I don’t work from home but I work in an office on my own which is great for concentrating but less great for human contact. At 53 I have put on a lot of weight and am a totally unflattering Apple shape, I am starting to let my grey hairs come through finally which makes me look and feel old (I am kind of in no mans land) and I have delightful hairs sprouting out of my chin and moustache at a rate of knots. So that combined with wearing Tena ladies doesn’t make me feel that desirable or attractive. I also have the tiredness and lack motivation. I have an under active thyroid, my iron stores are often low and I have another health condition. Trying to find out what used to make me happy is hard. I now like quiet walks with the dog and having a laugh and a natter with a couple of good friends and I love travel but can’t travel as often as I would want to as though the kids don’t really need me they are both just under 16.
I feel your pain OP.

I adore quiet walks.
If you'd told me that in my 20s I'd have laughed at you.

I started feeling this way this evening growling...sort of really disconnected I suppose and I'm thinking of starting a new thread just to try and make sense of why I feel like this. Re. earlier post, my hormones are definitely shifting and I wonder if this is giving me a sense of time passing.
I live in a pleasant residential area, if a bit of a backwater (lived here for a number of years) and if I look across the valley, I can actually see the hospital where I was born! But, I live here for the rest of my family really, if that makes sense = dh works locally, children go to school locally (eldest is at a good school which is another incentive for staying put). I have no extended family sadly and a couple of my friends have moved recently whilst the others that I have who live locally always seem to be working and wrapped up in their own lives and I currently feel like I'm left in a rut (sahm with toddler) doing the same old walks, the same old school run, seeing the same old faces (but not really connecting) etc.

I know some of this is to do with the fact that I have a toddler and everything feels samey but honestly for me, I could pick up my own life and plonk it anywhere (I have always wanted to live near to the coast). The answer, I know is to make the most of where I live and I could do more without toddler at home because I have a few hobbies, so it isn't like I don't know what I want to do but recently I have found myself very isolated as a sahm and honestly, I sometimes feel as if I could throw my cards up in the air and see where they landed (with family included) but this as op says is currently too complicated. Like the op, my dh seems reasonably content with where he is, so I do wonder if this is linked to all of my circulating hormones or my current life situation or a bit of both.

Had a sea swim this morning with a couple of ladies my age. I’m trying to get my confidence to do it more, it was such a buzz, I can see why the fantastic “older ladies” I saw doing it in the depths of winter go out. Hopefully this will help shock my system into action if I can get out more regularly - I was in a wetsuit whilst the ladies were not but they had been doing it all year great inspiration.

That sounds Fab Tri. I suppose what would be ideal for me would be to afford a holiday home near the coast and spend several weeks of the year there. For me, I love being near the sea, the sound of it, even walks on not so good days, a bolt hole, an escape.

TriSki - I have always wanted to do that. It sounds like a brilliant way to kick-start the day.

Daphne and Daddy I think there are two classic times in life when we feel this way - when DC are pre-school and when they have almost left home. It just feels like life has flatlined. I really don't know the answer to solving it though. i just wish I had drive. I long to be one of those people with loads of dopamine that leap up in the morning. I used to be, years ago but haven't been for ages.

That's a good word for it...flatlined. I just feel so stuck, trapped even and I also think I am very peri-menopausal (so having youngsters and a horrible mixed bag of hormones have collided). I'm not depressed exactly but could do with a bit more variety in life though I love my dcs dearly.

You know what else? Migraines. ...bloody migraines. Have never suffered until recently

BLOODY MIGRAINES!!! I actually had a massive brain turnout scare last year!!! Turned out to be rapidly-cycling migraines which I think were heralding the fucking menopause!!! Am now on horrible anti-seizure meds for these weird, stroke-like migraines. They make my hair fall out too. Bastards!!!

Yep getting monthly migraines too just like my mum did. She’s still gets them but only 3-4 a year now when she’s exhausted from doing too much.

They're so debilitating. ..have slept for nearly 24 hours and now feel like I've been put through a wringer 😕 That sounds awful justilou1

Better now managed,@Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername! I hope you feel better asap!!!

I think feeling trapped with toddlers is quite common. I'm 53 now and had my children close together, late on my youngest is 15. I left my husband 18 months ago my DD lives with me and life has opened up. I remember buying the book by John Gray cannot remember full title but its how to get what you want want what you have.
Think not about what you can't do but more about what you can. Ie I can't get the job I want due to child care issues but I can train for a half marathon. I'm not keen on self help books but I like his work. At times I felt really trapped but realised I'd made a decision to have children and as much joy as they bring it can get incredibly tedious and boring. I've forgotten who started this post but I was thinking maybe setting up a closed Facebook group could be good.

Thanks Fuddle, thinking about the things that you can do is definitely the way to go and tbh, I am nearing the completion of a fairly major project which I have been able to work around the dcs. I think the problem that I have is that my first child is much older and I can see how much easier life becomes in many ways whereas looking after a toddler is highly attention intensive. Don't get me wrong, I love my little dc very much and I am lucky to have her but I am sure my hormones are on the shift and I seem to feel irritable much of the time unfortunately (I take a low dose ad, which seems to take the edge off things), plus itchy soreness down below, I have been taking estriol but I have a gynae appointment tomorrow and actually looking forward to trying to get some sort of diagnosis or at least telling someone about it!

Fuddle, I completely agree that that's the way forward. I was desperately down and trapped when DC were small until I realised I would never regain my old life and its freedom. To be happy I had to create a new form of happiness out of the life I now had, with DC at its centre. I did, and that worked. Family life has been the greatest source of happiness for me ever since. Probably no surprise that my feeling trapped now is due to DC growing up. They'll be gone in a year and I'm probably panicking.

It's definetly something we don't talk about as we're supposed to be happy. We are all different as mums aren't we? On another note I don't want to make this about me but sometimes the menopause creeps up on you. I kept putting off HRT and now that I've been on it three months I shudder to think how I've been. Of course there are multifactorial things to how we feel about life. I left my husband, met someone else completely changed my life I think I went nuts. One minute happy another sad, saw a therapist but HRT has brought me back to me. The symptoms can be insidious so don't leave it too long if you're considering HRT. I think you can lose touch of what is normal for you otherwise.

growling and fuddle...I think there is more freedom with older children though and for me not having any extended family plus hormone fluctuations is making it feel all a bit intense. Ironically, I have just found some hobbies I enjoy pursuing, hobbies that I didn't have pre-children. Interesting about the HRT aspect Fuddle, will re-read.

I have been on HRT about three months now too..... starting to feel slightly less psychotic in the last two weeks. I am VERY lucky to have a wonderful GP (in Aus, or I’d pm you all her number) who agrees that hormones are evil bastards and that there is nothing natural about puberty, pregnancy or menopause and if men had to go through any of it, they would have cured them all years ago. (Love her!!!) Should my daughters have issues with periods, I will take them to her. She has referred me to a dermatologist for a scalp biopsy and hopefully we will be dealing with impending baldness ASAP!