Fed up of every single thing in my life!

[growlingbear]

I feel like growling with frustration, I'm in such a rut.

Can't stand working alone form home any more. I've done it for years and am SO LONELY!!! But not qualified or experienced to do anything else. And probably would come over a as bit bloody weird and socially inept after ten years of working alone.

So bored of where we live. Village full of Daily Mail readers, no cultural diversity. I miss London but can't afford it and want to find another lively but cheaper city to live in. But can't move until DC finish school and DH wants to stay in the countryside anyway.

I earn very little money because my self-discipline and motivation has just eroded since I turned 50 and I can't seem to find the drive to do more than the minimum. I think of retraining and then think 'can;t be arsed.'

All of this is why I've posted this in Menopause. Is it a hormonal/life change thing? I'm in a massive rut but have no drive to get out of it. I've wasted five years feeling like this, just drifting while DC go through secondary school. I'm knackered and overweight and feel like the most boring person in the world. Today I haven't even bothered to get dressed or do any work at all. I felt so sorry for myself I didn't get out of bed. WTF is wrong with me and how do I shake it all off and get started again?

I saw a life coach and she asked what I liked doing as a child. Now I paint as a hobby and enjoy it. I also liked making nice 'houses' when little and now look for nice things to put in my home, anything cushions, sugar bowl, antique thingy. .Oh, and doing things that are 'wasting my time' but actually pottering and doing small things you enjoy and are enhancing your life, not wasting your time. If you've rushed around after others for years it takes time to develop me habits.

I have started studying nursing. I figure if I don’t do something now, Alzheimer’s will set in, (yet another symptom of menopause - are you forgetting every single thing and grasping for words???) and it’s a recession-proof job. Will see where that leads me. Doesn’t help that have realized that half of social circle are arses too. Everyone jealous of everyone else, thinking they know what’s going on in their lives and what’s best for them. Looking down their noses and being massively hypocritical. I am distancing myself enormously. If I don’t, I will probably say some things.....

@growlingbear
Have a look at the Future Learn courses.

Just to share a bit with you. I re-trained at 50 (an online course) which gave me a new string to my bow which I ran alongside my p/t work in another profession until I retired from the former.

A few years later I wrote two books ( self-help type) and this led to other work.

I suppose I am trying to give you hope that at 50 you are still incredibly young - you could be working for another 15-20 years if it was something you wanted to do.

You might be eligible for a career development loan or a student loan (which doesn't need paying back till you earn a certain amount.)

If none of that appeals, have a think about putting back into your life what isn't there. You don't have to ditch the well paid freelance work from home, but you need to think about a portfolio career where you have maybe a couple of things running alongside which give you the contact and meaningfulness that's missing.

You don't have to think of paid work to give you contacts and satisfaction- I've friends who trained for the Samaritans, others who volunteer in local hospices, another who took a very long route to being a counsellor and was fully trained by age 64!

Focus on what excites you, what makes you tick and decide how you can get some of that in your life.

@growlingbear The one thing no one (even me) hasn't mentioned is HRT. Low mood and loss of energy is one reason to us e it. You might find a low dose of HRT perks you up no end and gives you the energy to do stuff.

Sounds as if you might have needed this years ago instead of anti depressants.

Growlingbear

Another one who can completely relate to how you feel! It's shit!

I don't seem to have any energy or confidence either. Pretty much zero motivation. Thinking of taking ads but not sure. Unfit. Fed up of being a "facilitator" even though there is only me, DH and DD at home (but DH is preoccupied with work and travels a lot and DD is a teen who pretty much hates me at the moment). Followed DH abroad and gave up a lot to do it. He,'s a good man and does the eye-glazing over thing too. And fed up of tedious p/t work. Oh yes and I am three stone overweight and my house is old and crumbling like me.

I know that sounds very self-pitying. I should be grateful for what I have. We have a holiday home which we hope we will live in when we retire (also crumbling) and being in the countryside every so often is the only thing that is keeping me sane atm. I know I am very fortunate.

Sorry, left off the important bit which was to say that I agree with Craftycorvid. In my case I think it may be mid-life issues generally more than menopause but who knows? I felt pretty much the same way before full hysterectomy as I do now.

I feel your pain. I’m on HRT but was so so tired I got checked and my thyroid has failed, I’m highly anaemic and my vitamin D is too low - despite spending two hours a day outside - I’m on AD and HRT. Thyroxine made a huge difference and then I went downhill again - they doubled the dose yesterday and I got a multivitamin and vitamin d supplements yesterday and have ordered a sad light so hoping it makes an improvement soon

I feel a similar way, 45 and informed that I'm headed for an early menopause - already experiencing many symptoms. I have a toddler, an infant aged child and a pre-teen and I am a sahm.

I have literally gone back and had a child later in life and many of my peers are seemingly moving on - have returned to work, older children, city breaks etc. I love my little dc to bits (a very laid back lovely dc) but as a full-time sahm with no extended family and a dh who works all day, I feel trapped and frustrated.

I get the impression my dh is fed up of listening to me moan and groan about my various ailments and frustrations, if I had loads of spare cash I would definitely pay for counselling, I have had it before and it is wonderful to have someone listen to you!
I am on a low dose of citalopram and I am finding this helps.

I have an engrossing hobby and would love to volunteer for a local charity, so wouldn't be bored whilst the dcs are at school, I just can't access most of it given my current life circumstances, my hobby keeps me sane and away from that beige feeling thankfully, I really could be quite colourful if given the chance! Everyday, I look at the washing and the cleaning etc. and feel dismal but at the moment it is just a case of plodding on. I feel isolated, I am at least 10 years older than a lot of other mums and as I said my peers have moved on to other things.

Hi growling,
Really sad to hear you are feeling so down and lost. I think it’s all too common when you spend your life caring for others, putting careers on hold, taking low paid jobs to fit around family etc. It always seems to be the women who bear the brunt!

It sounds as though you are feeling depressed? It may be time to start doing things for YOU now? My story is a bit similar to other posters really. I gave up teaching over a decade ago, had youngest child, was ready to return to work, diagnosed with breast cancer, recovery took years, didn’t return to teaching, what next? I have had a series of low to slightly better jobs. All have been fixed term contracts. I’m also menopausal and struggling with horrendous symptoms. However, I refuse to let life pass me by. I’ve done a ton of voluntary work, completed two courses, been offered a couple of new jobs ( one only today!) and that has given me some confidence. Jingling mentioned future learn; they are very good. Also check out The Skills Network. They offer several level 2 funded course. Do it .org is a website which lists all voluntary opportunities in your area, maybe worth a try? Write down what you would like to achieve in the next six months and how you can go about achieving it? What interests you? Anti d’s seem to be GPS best friend! Not sure why, as surely they are not recommended for long term use? How is your diet? Exercise can also help.

Don’t give up hope growling. I am writing as one who is having panic attacks driving along 60mph roads ( menopause) but I won’t let it dominate my life. It’s exhausting and I think your man needs to consider your feelings also.

P.s have you considered OU courses? There are many to choose from and all different levels. You may be eligible for funding? I would strongly recommend doing some voluntary work to get you out the house? I have volunteered at food banks, with Home start and the CAB. All very worthwhile organisations and you learn a ton of skills in her process. Best of luck.

Just going say yep hear you and feel like I’m heading down this road. Luckily for me my sister is 4yrs old and I saw for myself how bad she got - she was lucky she got to give up work and focus on her child and allotment to reduce stress & focus on the natural approach. I’m on HRT mid-40s fed up despite being the fittest I’ve ever been, can’t shift the weight, my mind is constantly wandering can’t focus brain fog is going to kill my career at this rate I’m looking at whether to drop a day at work but retrain as a swim teacher to pick up more meaningful but ok pay as a 1:1 swim teacher. I work from home 2d a week or I’ll kill someone in a noise open plan office if I’d have to be there 4d a week but anxiety is also slowly crippling me. HRT worked wonders to start with but a year later I’m struggling again so going back to GP to see if a change in dose could help. The effect of hormonal changes on mental health is incredible. Beige & fed up invisible old lady is how I’ve been feeling a lot lately, yet I’ve got SO much to feel thankful for in life I feel very guilty so plaster on a smile in real life and keep hoping if I fake it I’ll come out the otherside of meno hell at some point.

Christ yeah, the brain fog is awful. I used to be so efficient and on top of everything. ...all gone to shit now...and it affects my paperwork really badly. To the point of me ignoring wages and self assessment ntil the very last minute.

Thank you all for your lovely replies. I'm not up to individual replies yet but have read every one of them and taken them on board.
Woke up at 5.30am and found a job online that I'd really like. Took until 1pm to finish the application and I know it is going to be highly competitive, but even the thought of it cheered me up.

Oh god op I hear you with the eyes looking at the shrubs. Dh is a good man too, but he's not wrung out after years if caring. He's getting cared for and organised, same as the dcs are. And they are grown up not children. But I'm still being the mammy and am getting a bit sick of it.
I need to step back, big time.

I totally get the facilitator thing...that's what I am, I feel like I enable everyone else to have the best lives that they can.

I also get the brain fog thing. Mid forties now, my eyesight has suddenly deteriorated and I need glasses and I have noticed a sudden increase in varicose veins. I seem to be irritable a lot of the time and quite often I just want to be left alone but family life with young children means that's not possible.

Dh is fab but I also get the glazed eye look at times so sympathise. I lack friends of around my own age too, I miss work because of social reasons and being able to bounce things off people and just general chit chat but I am far more confident in many ways and comfortable in my own skin.

Well done for being proactive growlingbear and applying for that job!

I feel like this.....im only 38! Early meno so i have no one really to talk to as it doesn't affect my friends. Sad.

Good first step growling....baby steps. Fingers crossed

Thanks @Whywontthey

And thank you @JinglingHellsBellsingling for all the suggestions. I do need to make bigger changes in life than I've been doing. Not sure OU is right, as it won't get me out of the house. But I could look at courses that will build my skills. I did work in a food bank for a year and loved it but had to give it up when work got busy.

Growling, I'm 54 and vitamin D and getting out every day for two walks has made me feel miles better. I was Vitamin D insufficient for many years I think but becuase it was a cycylical thing and I always felt a bit better by the end of August I didn't really clock what was going on.
Supplements 1000iu a day minimum and sunshine 11-3 as much as you can.

You can ask the GP to give you a blood test, and check your folates TSH (thyroid function indicator) and Vitamin D. Sometimes it isn't motivation and mindset, there is something physiological amiss, atlhough our brains tell us it is "us" being negative.

I feel like I have been sliding into menopause since I was 28! That’s honestly when everything started going to shit with my body! My thyroid died, other autoimmune issues came out to play, hair started to thin, hair began to sprout elsewhere (bastards!!!), I put on and lost weight repeatedly, etc. Issues with depression, anxiety and panic attacks, then of course, pregnancies, miscarriages, babies and all of that - kinda of masks and exacerbates the whole emotional thing. Moved to other side of world with small kids, Dad diagnosed with life-limiting illness, trips to and from with and without kids to visit, Dad died, then same thing with Mum.... moved back to home country, moved to different city, (not a fan)....
Just been diagnosed with telogen effluvium AND androgen alopecia (just great....) and am pretty resentful about this!!!

Meanwhile, in last couple years I have managed to lose 60kgs and maintain the loss with fairly strict diet, which has helped with inflammation in body. I feel like no matter what I do, I can’t win!!! My body is turning against me!!!!
Am using oestrogen gel, taking vitamin supplements, studying, etc....
Still turning into shriveled up, balding potato.

Oh @justilou1 that does sound hard. But I bet you are not a bald potato!
Well done on your weight loss. I haven't the self discipline to lose three pounds, let alone the twenty I need to lose! And you lost 60? That's so impressive.

@Justilou1 you need to give yourself a hug for all you’ve coped with & you’ve still got your sense of humor.

What’s really helped me is weight training, it’s made me fitter, stronger, leaner & cheered me up.

This is me with bells on.
tired all the time, lack motivation, irritable, middle aged spread, awful skin and hair.

Also had a rough patch which brought back a lot of locked away bad memories from childhood which has been hard.
I end up eating rubbish and get to the end of the day with a glass of wine - which I know I cannot tolerate anymore. Don’t sleep, wake up rubbish and repeat it all again. Sorry for the moan but that felt better.
On a positive note I am trying to make changes and realise it isn’t going to happen overnight. I try and get out for a run, I try and look after myself more and try not to feel guilty if I do take time for me (easier said than done) and also I’ve tried to deal with demands from others by not reacting straight away - temporarily ignoring messages from demanding parents. I can’t control some things but I’m trying to control how I react.
I think we all need to be nice to ourselves sometimes and we will get there!!

Agree Nettleskins about the vitamin and walking, I try to fit a reasonably long walk into my daily routine, usually in the evening when at least one of the dcs are in bed...I find it makes a big difference to me both physically and mentally and therefore I suppose, emotionally.

If money was no object, I would be starting an M.A soon in a subject that I really enjoy (I know which course it would be). As I have no earnings, I can't seem to justify it plus we have had a lot of expenses recently...I am hoping to do it at some point in my life though. An O.U course might stimulate your brain but it wouldn't get you out amongst people, which is perhaps what is needed.