West London Thread August continued...

[Kewcumber]

shiny new thread to sully.

how about a creepy crawly tin for her DS and a flowers "card" for her?

This is so sad. Poor 2cute I remember her saying her Dh would call her several times a day on her mobile, as they were so close

I think it would be nice to do a collection from her friends on here and a message to say we are all here if there is absoluteley anything she needs.

Paddle, thanks for letting everyone know. I will e-mail you for the funeral details.

I can hardly belive this has happened

I am sorry, that's terribly sad news. My heart goes out to 2cute. It seems only yesterday that they got back from a lovely holiday in Hawaii.

If anyone is kind enough to send flowers/card or anything, I would like to contribute, too. I am off a few hours so if it's OK, I'll pay back when I return.

don't worry Sushi - I'll add your name and we can sort it out when you return.

Puts lots of things into perspective doesn't it?

I'm going to send her a card today. I think that we should organise something once the shock of everything has worn off. Whilst it would be lovely sending something to 2Cute now, she will be in such a blur she really won't take it in. In a month or two's time we should all arrange to go over to her house, arrange a babysitter for her ds and take her out (we can all chip in to pay for her meal). I can organise if you wish (will do it via mail away from mumsnet). What do you think?

Kew I think that would be a lovely gesture for 2cute's DS. I think some practical advice would be very helpful in the longer term too, from Yorkie. What can we do for 2cute I wonder?

think arranging something nice in a month or so would be nice, though I wonder if she's going to feel like going out so quickly. Alternatively we could organise an event including the kids one day if she prefers.

I expect in the short term her family (and his) will rally around. I think she will need more in the way of ongoing support being a single mum. Have already cat'd yorkiegirl hopefully she will be able to offer some advice.

I wonder if she will feel up to coming out to Cov's on 13th Oct?

She won't feel like going out but if we descend on her en-masse she will have to come out.

MrsR - that's a good idea. Good point about the blur. I can't stop crying - poor 2cute

If paddle has her bro's mobile number, perhaps he could arrange a family member to babysit. She's more likely to come then and Foxie or I can pick her up.

I know I'm the same Foxie - it is just unimaginable that this could happen to 2Cute.

I agree KC and like paddle said it is when people around 'move on' that you need support and an ear just to talk about her loss.

winston's wish might help in the long run they do wonderful work with grieving children

don't have paypal account but will either ask dh or drop something over your letter box later

I thin kwe have to see how 2cute wants to deal with this. Different people deal with things in different way. She might not be up for going out or she might think that's just what she needs.

Further down someone mentioned getting her some prepared meals so she wouldn't have to cook. I think this is a good idea. Does anyone know her well enough to know what chores she really hates. Like if she hates ironing, can we collect enough to send an ironing lady round for say the next three weeks?

Does anyone know of anyone who does nice veggie take away meals that she could freeze and reheat as she needs them?

those are excellent ideas eleusis from what I know she likes things nice and tidy not sure if she will find hard to keep up or will find them therapeutic

I think it's also worth remembering that while her family will probably try and help her out, they too will be mourning the loss of a loved one. So, I don't know how much they can be expected to pick up. Of course I don't know them, so I could be wrong. But, I'm just thinking that this is difficult for them too in a way that it is not difficult for us -- or at least me as I didn't know him.

My DH's best friend died a couple of years ago and his partner said the thing that hurt the most was that before the funeral everyone rallied round, but once the funeral was over no one contacted her (probably because they didn't know whether to or not, or didn't know what to say) - so in the longer term she was left completely isolated. We must make sure 2cute has a strong support network in place in the longer term.

I'm afraid I don't have her bro's number. The text was from him on 2Cute's mobile.

I think a personal card is the way to go right now. I'm assuming that she will be inundated with flowers both at home and at the funeral.

With a card, they can be kept until later when you can re-read them and remember the sentiments of the sender when you are thru the blur of immediate grief.

Practical help after the funeral is, IMO, the way to go. Freezer food for both her and her ds etc.

As for going out etc, let's let 2Cute call the shots on that as we don't know how she will handle this. Staying close and keeping in touch and taking her lead is the important thing, IMO, to begin with at least.......

Should we post this in berevement? I don't know if there are other mumsnetters who know 2cute who would want to know. We have a limited audience here on the west london meet-up thread. What do you guys think. I really don't know.

totally agree Foxie, it's after the funeral when everything "goes back to normal" that the real longterm grief and shock and reality of their never coming home really kicks in.

and people become unsure what to do so they stay away etc.

ele, totally agree that we have a very valuable role to play in supporting 2Cute. we are not immediate family and therefore are not mourning in that way for her DH. so we can be whatever she needs us to be without the need to hold back a bit as you do with other family members are suffering their own loss.

I thought of that Ele, i did a search of all 2Cute's posts for the past 12 months and they are pretty much 100% in our West London Meet Ups.

I agree paddle&foxie

have written a card will post when I pop out later.

certainly when my mum died it was very hurtful when people avoided me and or the issue.

can't get over just how sad this is, things is perspective indeed.

omg, I've just come on and seen what's happened .

Please put my name down for a collection, I can also cook a couple of meals to take round?

Paddle, I'll email you for the funeral details. Would like to come, depends on childcare.

absolutely agree that we need to take her lead - I wasn't suggesting we should force her to come out!

I think we all agree that its the longer term that is important and we need to make sure she gets any support she needs. Even arranging to meet someone in tesco's to shop together can be helpful when you're feeling a bit down and you're on your own.