A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably
won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.
You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything, but something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your pen*s was chopped
off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The bloke groans a bit, but the doctor goes on " Look, it's going to be
alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will
work as well as your old one did: better in fact. But the thing is,
it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch".
The bloke perks up at this, despite the thought of the expense.
"So the thing is" the doctor says, " you'll need to decide how many
inches you want. But it's probably something you want to discuss with your wife. For
instance, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to
go for a nine -incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine
inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five- incher this time she
might be disappointed. So it's important that she has a say in helping you make the decision."
The bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the
next day.
"So" says the doctor "Have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have,"
"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the bloke.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
The bloke looks up and says "We're getting a new kitchen".