CAUTION - this post contains discussion of cheating so don't read if it triggers you to eat. It's also pretty whingy & overdramatic
OK. I haven't posted on this thread because have been hiding. The scales have not been going in the right direction. So now I'm in a spiral of Bootcamping plus little added extras. But one of the reasons I wanted to talk about cheating on this thread was because this isn't 'tee hee naughty me I've eaten ... and it was delicious' It's binge eating almost as a form of self harm, if that's not too dramatic. I'm literally stuffing food down that I don't want to eat, while crying, by myself & then I hate myself afterwards. Attractive huh! It has got better on bootcamp, in that it's one ice cream rather than the whole box, but it's still stupid self sabotage and I don't know what to do.
Has anyone dealt with this? Any tips, or even hand holding? I know why I'm doing it, there's some really crap stuff going on at the moment which I'm really stressed about, and I can literally only talk to a few people about it. I'm so scared of going down this spiral again. It felt great to be in control of my eating, and losing weight & it's all slipping away.
It helps to write it down. So in the past few days (since Sunday) I've eaten 2 magnums, 3 slices of a chocolate mousse cake (mainly 70% choc & eggs, but about 50g sugar in the whole cake so not exactly great) and an entire bar of Lindt 70%. I've also been drinking lots of diet coke & not enough water. And my weight this morning was 2/3 pounds heavier than last week.
Sorry to anyone who hates talk of cheating, I just really wanted to get it out there. I don't think I've ever been honest with anyone about my eating. It's massively unhealthy I know, and I was hoping for some support on this thread. I'm looking into getting counselling, but it's way to rich for my blood at the moment (I'm so street!)