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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Why I am happier as a lone parent.

124 replies

TheSteelFairy2 · 11/05/2010 11:21

Just a follow on from the other thread about doing ok as a lone parent.

So we can tell our stories without hijacking that thread.

I am happier as a lone parent because

My children are happier because there is not an unpleasant, bickering, argumentative atmosphere all the time.

I am better off financially, even though on benefits. Ex used to gamble and drink all our money away.

I wake up every morning to a peaceful flat, no lazy man snoring, refusing to get up and help with dc and then when he DOES get up being nasty and aggressive because usually hung over.

No constantly being accused of having unpleasant motives behind every single thing I say or do. Being forced to defend myself for making normal requests, buying something for myself or even being on MN.

No being called a "bully" or "controlling" because I dare ask him to do something round the house or with the dc.

No wakeful nights when he rolls in at 5 in the morning and thinks nothing of leaning on the door bell because he is too drunk to use his keys.

No finding suspect telephone numbers or text messages on his phone.

NO SKY SPORTS! I cancelled it the day he moved out!

OP posts:

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GypsyMoth · 11/05/2010 11:32

i'm happier all round....not relying on a single person for my happiness!!

much.much better,which is only confirmed when i read relationships section here on mumsnet!!! my god!! the CRAP some women are prepared to put up with so they can hae the 'married' status! ugh!!

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Dollytwat · 11/05/2010 13:10

I'm SO much happier, for all the reasons you've said, and

I can invite my girlfriends around, whenever I like, to MY house, I don't have to ask anyone

I can go out (babysitter willing) whenever I want, with whomever I want

I can enjoy myself when I'm out, without having someone who is a liability with me getting blind drunk or stoned

I don't have to go through the regular 'reviews' crtitism of every part of my personality

I can leave the washing up if I want to, without someone making loud 'huffing' noises from the kitchen

I can judge for myself if the children are ill and need a doctor, rather than someone telling me to take them to the doctor every five minutes (but not bothered to take himself)

my money is not spent on booze or drugs

We can go on holiday or wherever without the inevitable row beforehand and we can go where we like

I make the decisions on how to bring my children up, make sure they have good manners, without being undermined at every opportunity

I don't have to wonder if he's shagging around

I can be a bright, confident, happy person and no-one in my life speaks to me the way ex used to and I love it

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GypsyMoth · 11/05/2010 16:05

its the best thing!

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wooga · 11/05/2010 18:46

I no longer have to put up with football bellowing out on tv.

Don't have to wait ages for bathroom while someone's sat in there reading the paper.

Computer games no longer dominate our lives.

I'm in control of the money-not much there but at least I know where it goes!

I'm free of his headf**k,and his sulking if asked to do anything!

The dcs are more settled.Also,they now have quality time with their dad-no longer seen as an obstruction to the tv/computer games.

Even on days where I feel a bit lonely,I never feel as lonely and crap as I did with him.

Thanks

Megancleo · 11/05/2010 18:49

Love this thread! Having only been seperated 7 monthes, I'm still having to struggle with reality (esp.financially) but I could relate to lots of the reasons to celebrate that are listed here.Twenty years of being verbally abused, undermined and controlled left my self-confidence in the gutter but every day that I wake up free, that my children don't have to face that stress and I don't have to go through mental hell means I'm happy, very happy to be a single mother!

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charlee09 · 11/05/2010 20:10

loving this thread i have 2 children under the age of 3 and another one due in june getting rid of exp was the best thing that has ever happened. Dc are more settled im more happier

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ATinofBiscuits · 11/05/2010 20:33

You girls are making me jealous (Currently at Relate...)

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GypsyMoth · 11/05/2010 21:43

i doubt i would ever marry/cohabit again.....its far better. and i've learnt loads of diy skills.

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HanBanan · 12/05/2010 08:57

Totally agree! Happy days!

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Kayzr · 12/05/2010 13:56

I really enjoy being a single parent.

I can do what I want. So if I want to leave the washing up I can.

Opposite to a few of you I can watch the football and go a bit loopy when my team score without his huffing and puffing.

I can have my friends over when I feel like it. Tuesday night is now my DVD night with my best friend.

Every other weekend I get to go out and see my friends and get a bit drunk if I want. Also I can wear whatever I feel like.

But most of all I don't get shouted at anymore and neither does DS1.

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TheSteelFairy2 · 12/05/2010 17:01

Oh I will never marry or co-habit again. I actually feel happy when I imagine myself an old lady watching whatever I want on tv with my dogs.

My grandma was single from around forty years old and she went travelling all over the place. I remember a couple of occasions when we lived abroad in various places to find her standing there as she had decided to surprise us with a visit. She was fab.

OP posts:

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northlondonmumma · 22/05/2010 20:44

This REALLY strike a chord with me. All your comments especially steel fairy.

I have to say i LOVE being by myself with my 2 kids. My children are getting far much more out of their dad as a result of us bot living together. He has to make an effort with them rather than him lying around in front of fools and horses with a spliff in his mouth, he takes them out now.

I too after having been split for a year feel that it would honestly take a LOT for me to give up this independence and live with a guy again.

I know there are probably some lovely supportive guys out there but i was with one that fell clearly out of that bucket and it has really made me cherish living by myself.

I feel happy that I can work, support my two kids and give them a good life read them stories in the evening bake cakes with them without some ogre in the background criticising me and leaving a trail of destruction

Sorry I am very zealous almost about this. I guess other people have had supportibe partners who have left them not through their choice or have been widowed and I know everyone's situation is different. For me, though, it been tough but I am sure it was the right thing for me to do.

PS for me it was never having to watch fools and horses again which my exp seemed to watch on a loop

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swallowedAfly · 23/05/2010 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

motherlovebone · 23/05/2010 22:50

big larfs on this thread, agreeing 'yes, yes, yes' to all the twatty things they said and did.

im 6monthsish into being a single mum, growing better at it by the day, hell, i might even grow a beard

as swallowed says, kudos to the escapees!!

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SolidGoldBrass · 24/05/2010 00:51

Another one who has always been a single parent here. in our case DS dad is a perfectly OK bloke and a brilliant dad but I couldn't live with him full time. I have never lived with a partner in a couple-relationship, which is something I am basically rather pleased with - though I do concede that actually I would be horrible to live with as a partner - I am quite solitary, very untidy, like to get on with my own stuff etc. ANd DS dad, though a nice bloke, is actually too much like me in all those respects (slob, absorbed with his own stuff etc) I couldn't cope with having to constantly consider myself less important than him, as, nice bloke though he generally is, I am always coming up against things which demonstrate that he just fundamentally thinks that his life, his stuff, matters more than mine.

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lionstigersandbearsohmy · 15/06/2010 23:50

I know this thread is a bit old now but think we should keep emphasising(?!) the positive about our lives!

I've been on my own for about 5 months now and really liking it so far.
Went to a work bbq at the weekend and found out that at least 3 couples had at least one of them sleeping around. All these 'families' have children, one of the guys had even invited a friend of mine round for sex while he looking after his little girl (DP at work).

It made me sad and proud at the same time, I know I've done the right thing for my son and I and he will never have to live in such a destructive situation. It p*sses me off that single parents get such a hard time when compared to a lot of people our children live in much more stable and happy homes

Keep up the good work!!!

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Downdog · 16/06/2010 10:30

been a single Mum for 3 days (well in my mind anyway - he's still to move his stuff out) - this thread has really cheered me up! Thanks

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FairyLightsForever · 16/06/2010 10:51

My favourite thing about being a single parent is being able to put my music on and dance around the kitchen, doing housework. I don't have to listen to the "what's this rubbish" and "my choice of music is so much better than yours" comments. The kids quite often come and join me (although, more for the dancing, than the housework ).
Besides, for the second half of our relationship, I didn''t feel like dancing because I was mostly too .
The same goes for TV, I can watch what I want without constant critisism.
I am relaxed and smiley and so are my children

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GypsyMoth · 16/06/2010 10:54

thats right fairy.....relaxed and smiley here too......

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passmyglassplease · 16/06/2010 11:50

my favourite thing about being a single parent is that I get to spend real quality time with my dcs

we are all a lot more relaxed and have lots of fun together as the stress element of life has been taken out.

thanks for the thread, it makes me realise that I am so lucky to be a single parent

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sincitylover · 16/06/2010 11:56

ditto all the comments here.

I would have got looks and comments if any display of exuberant behaviour. And many comments about what I watched on TV.

Said as if his choice/way of life was better than mine by default.

He still tries it on now (we have been split for nearly four years) but it can't affect me like it used to.

My dcs feel alot more relaxed here.

I don't feel at all inclined to get another man living here. I like it just me and them the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

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Janos · 16/06/2010 20:41

I too love being on my own and second (third? fourth? fifth? lol) all the comments here.

I just can't imagine living with a man again, ever.

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shimmerysilverglitter · 16/06/2010 21:12

Glad this thread bumped back again. Am SteelFairy, name changed.

Today I found out that the H of my one of my oldest friends has been shagging about. He did it before, they split up for a few years, got back together and set up home once more and here he is at again. The house will have to be sold.......again, my friend will be living in a teeny, tiny little flat because that is all she can afford to buy with her 50% of the sale of the house......again, she will have to tell her kids that she and their Dad are splitting up......again, he told her it was all her fault, he never really loved her and regretted ever being with her......again. His parting shot? "And YOU can tell the kids!".

I realised that I don't actually know one happy couple, I don't know one single couple were one or both has not messed around.

I know I will be single forever, I couldn't ever go through all that nonsense again.

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Gem2 · 17/06/2010 15:11

I totally agree with all your comments ladies, we are so much better off without men in our lives, they just complicate and upset just about everything, life with my two boys is bliss, we do what we want when we want and to not have to answer to anyone, clear up after them is just great!
Men are only good at one thing, and they have given us just that, our beautiful children
Gud luck to all of you out therexx

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Unlikelyamazonian · 18/06/2010 01:11

Men. Can't live with them...Pass the beer nuts.

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