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Why I am happier as a lone parent.

124 replies

TheSteelFairy2 · 11/05/2010 11:21

Just a follow on from the other thread about doing ok as a lone parent.

So we can tell our stories without hijacking that thread.

I am happier as a lone parent because

My children are happier because there is not an unpleasant, bickering, argumentative atmosphere all the time.

I am better off financially, even though on benefits. Ex used to gamble and drink all our money away.

I wake up every morning to a peaceful flat, no lazy man snoring, refusing to get up and help with dc and then when he DOES get up being nasty and aggressive because usually hung over.

No constantly being accused of having unpleasant motives behind every single thing I say or do. Being forced to defend myself for making normal requests, buying something for myself or even being on MN.

No being called a "bully" or "controlling" because I dare ask him to do something round the house or with the dc.

No wakeful nights when he rolls in at 5 in the morning and thinks nothing of leaning on the door bell because he is too drunk to use his keys.

No finding suspect telephone numbers or text messages on his phone.

NO SKY SPORTS! I cancelled it the day he moved out!

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 26/06/2010 07:39

Agree agree agreee I love being single, I love being the boss and in charge in my house, I love making all the decisions, I love not answering to anybody or justifying anything I do. Sometimes I might get a bid fed up of being single, but then as soon as some bloke shows some interest I run for the hills because I realise that actually I like it just the way it is.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 26/06/2010 08:01

i love being single too, i love that ds is like a mini version of me and that i have seen him grow into a gorgeous little boy, exit did the thread title not give it away for you? perhaps you need to go on the "my dh/dp is so wonderful " not being to make a decision on your own? because? belle aha we meet again!!

gettingeasier · 26/06/2010 09:46

This thread is becoming a daily shot in the arm its so great to listen to positivity about being single rather than the perceived wisdom of if you are on your own its to be pitied and you need a man (hi robd/woman)to be validated.

No more double standards / one rule for you one rule for me

No more snipey put downs and criticisms passed off as humour or banter

No more being patronised and treated like am stupid

No more sitting on my own EVERY single night while he goes out drinking

No more having someone put a dampner on every thing you do for your dcs that may not be your first choice but its for them eg school fete , camping trip

No more listening to a running commentary of other drivers bad driving on every journey - they cant hear you but I can

No more going to social occasions by myself when I am meant to be married wondering why I am the only one in that position

No more listening to someone go on and on about how they go to work and you dont

No more being with someone you love but they dont feel the s ame and the cold shoulder is their default position

No more being told "you need help"

No more listening to being told you are controlling/have to have your own way etc when its the absolute opposite

Think I had better stop there but this morning I woke up feeling and I know this will make me feel better because as I have posted before I know I am better off without that malign person and that am moving towards being happyon my own with my wonderful dcs. Discovering MN last weekend and all you lovely MNers is helping that journey.

Inner keep reading and posting

exit make like your name nobody said there arent lots of happy marriages out there

Everyone enjoy your day !!!

shimmerysilverglitter · 26/06/2010 11:57

Oh piss off Exit.

I started this thread so we could all concentrate on the sometimes hard to find positives in the difficult situation of being a lone parent.

Quite frankly I am a bit that you decided that kind of opinion on a thread with this title in LONE PARENTS.

GypsyMoth · 26/06/2010 12:01

exit wont have a perfect marriage....we all know that....she wont have the freedom we all have....

gettingeasier · 26/06/2010 12:03

shimmery am so glad you say "sometimes hard to find positives " but on a day like today when am off for a picnic at Butterfly World with DD and a friend its easier.

Will observe butterflies closely we have something in common - we're free !

shimmerysilverglitter · 26/06/2010 12:05

decided to post that kind of opinion.

My post made no sense as I was typing in a fury having been pissed off by ex again this morning!!!

chiccadee · 26/06/2010 12:24

Not up to posting on this today but just wanted to say that I think it's a great thread.

Janos · 26/06/2010 12:34

How on earth is this thread man bashing robd?

Perhaps I've missed something here, but I thought it was all about why women enjoy being on their own, not a diatribe how awful men are.

shimmerysilverglitter · 26/06/2010 13:26

robd this is not a "man-bashing" thread. It is a lone-parent thread and as such you are welcome. It just so happens that the majority of posters are women.

I honestly cannot see what anyone can find to be offended by on this thread.

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/06/2010 14:26

Hi All - Deeply deeply sorry. Broke the first rule of Mumsnet which is never to post when you have sunk a few wines. Really did not mean to offend anyone - I was only taking issue with something Magalyxyz had said about married woman having no idea until the bag is lifted from their heads. Did not spot that this was in Lone Parents either. Really truly deeply sorry . I have several friends who have felt the relief you all refer to when they were finally rid of partner who made their lives a misery. Please, please forgive me, and never read anything I post after 9.30pm.

anothermum92 · 26/06/2010 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GypsyMoth · 26/06/2010 15:31

Lol exit!!! Thanks for the apology!

gettingeasier · 26/06/2010 17:58

Exit you're forgiven have made hundreds of faux pas after too much wine. Having said that I do agree with comment about bags on heads lets call it quits !!

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/06/2010 18:56

Thanks all

MrsDrOwenHunt · 26/06/2010 20:22

yeah you are a bettter woman than me i hate apologising!!

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 21:01

gettingeasier sorry, I lost sight of this thread and have only just seen your question.

i was scared to end things because I was all ccaught up in 'appearances' at the time. Although now I feel strong and independent and brave, at the the time I felt that it would be shameful to be a single mother! Now obviously I realise how ridiculous this is. But he was always very negative and nasty about single mothers (hmmm) and he always talked down to me, implied that I would never achieve anything if I left him. He was so breathtakingly nasty... it's hard to type! but he'd say to me 'you had no savings when you met me, and you think you can turn your life around if you leave me???' and his tone was so mocking and so contemptuous.

Eventually I left because I no longer cared how I looked to the outside world and I no longer cared if I lived in a shack or a nice house (his, always his) and I no longer cared if I would ever 'amount' to anything. TThings I'd stupidly told him in confidence at the beginning were thrown back in my face later. I always, always knew he was the one with the problem though. But even so, it was a huge leap to leave. That is hard to understand isn't it??? why are we prepared to live in torment for so long!?!

Exit, your post is really stupid. this is on the lone parent board for one thing, and if you read AIBU or relationships then you'll see that we have a point.

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 21:02

Didn't see your apology Exit. Never mind. white flags ok?

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 21:04

ps I have a drink in my paw, so it'll be me typing the wrong thing on the wrong thread later no doubt.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 26/06/2010 21:12

mag well done for leaving him, it takes courage and strength xxx

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 21:15

thanks... oh and btw, all my friends seem to have good marriages, so I know that they definitely do exist and I am not a man-hater by any means, far from it. My x's behaviour was totally unacceptable but he represents only himself!

You've reminded me I have the 2nd half of GA to watch, downloaded it the other night.

Another good thing about being single! I can download my 'mawkish shite' and watch it in peace.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 26/06/2010 21:19

yes mag it is all about the greys!! oooohhhh and its a good one this week!! i love not having to see what his mood is like when he gets in and having to tread on eggshells. i love being to have an opinion and i love not to feel intimidated if i say the wrong thing. i am begining to love me again x

chattymitchie · 26/06/2010 21:44

thesteelfairy2 - were you with the same guy I was with?!!! Or do they all the bad men get their own way by calling you bullying and controlling as soon as you dare question them??

Obviously there's a lot of nice men out there as well! Just seems weird that the nastier men use the same tactics!

shimmerysilverglitter · 26/06/2010 21:49

Yes I hate apologising too. I will go a very, very, very long way to avoid it so good on you Exit Magalyxyz OMG do they work to a script or something? My ex used to say "why don't you fuck off and crawl back into the hole you were in when I met you, you had nothing, you were thirty and had achieved NOTHING in your life" and another one, when I wanted to re-train and asked him to support me was "I am not your Dad, if you wanted to do that kind of thing you should have done it before, not up to me to support you". Unfortunately my parents weren't great either so I didn't really have anywhere to turn and even if I did he hated me being friendly with my family.

Sometimes the everyday being ignored and unconsidered was even worse than the abuse. I was just supposed to deal with whatever he handed out and ask for nothing. He used to physically shake with anger if I ever expressed that I was important too and deserved opportunities to go out, have a career etc. If I ever asked him to look after the kids or do anything round the house it was because "you are so fucking lazy shimmery!" That man never once got up with his dc during the night, probably hoovered twice in 8 years, never dusted in 8 years and certainly never touched the bathroom or changed a bed in the whole time we were married. He occasionally cooked (about once a month) and that was it.

He would take himself and the dc to GAP to kit them all out each season and spend an absolute fortune and I would be stood there, nothing would be bought for me, while he spent £500 on clothes for him and dc. Even though I was a SAHM and totally dependant on him because "thats what we both wanted and my wife doesn't need to work" as he once said to his work colleagues.

Sorry what an essay but if I can't say it here where can I?

chattymitchie · 26/06/2010 21:49

Oh, and I'm absolutely loving being a single mum with my little boy - magical days

We do what we like when we like, we have lots of friends to hang around with, we get up when we want and have fun pretty much all day

I'm never stressed at home treading on eggshells, I don't have live on a constant guilt trip, I don't have to deal all the time with lies.

I'm also studying for a degree which now I'm single I don't get called selfish for - it's all good. Amazing in fact!

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