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Original poster

If you could have a private chat with your ex's new girlfriend, would you tell her to run like the wind?

37 replies

nighbynight · 03/02/2010 22:08

Just wondering. I read loads of profiles of divorced men on dating websites, and I always wonder what their exes would say about them.

(I would advise to run, but thats cos my ex is violent.)

OP posts:
Parmageddon · 03/02/2010 22:13

Same as you, I have never said anything but sometimes wonder if I should (ex also violent). But apparently he has told her all about it

ChasingSquirrels · 03/02/2010 22:15

no

WingedVictory · 03/02/2010 22:18

No, but our friends might have done!

overmydeadbody · 03/02/2010 22:18

Depends which ex we're talking about.

Some I would some I wouldn't.

Original poster
nighbynight · 03/02/2010 22:19

oh god, parmageddon, he has probably told her in such a way that she cant take it seriously, or some other such trick.

I did once warn a girlfriend.

OP posts:
Original poster
nighbynight · 03/02/2010 22:21

you see, if I am meeting some nice divorced guy on the internet, I am just wondering if his ex would say "ah he's a nice guy, we just didnt suit" or worse. Reassuring to know that people can split amicably.

OP posts:
Meglet · 03/02/2010 22:24

yes, because he is abusive and I doubt a new girlfriend would make him behave any differently.

WingedVictory · 03/02/2010 22:25

Of course people can split amicably. I know plenty of people who have done, and my parents eventually became amicable, although it was not the case at the start of their divorce. It depends on whether it is something wrong between them or something wrong with one of them (e.g. s/he is vicious/ alcoholic/ controlling/ jealous) which is unlikely to change.

Does your (hypothetical?) divorced guy have children? Any observations of his interactions with them and with their mother would be excellent for making up your mind.

Original poster
nighbynight · 03/02/2010 22:32

yes "my ex is a vicious cow" is a huge turnoff.

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 03/02/2010 22:37

that it is, nighbynight!

hatesponge · 03/02/2010 22:41

I wouldnt tell my Ex's girlfriend simply because she is not a nice person either and frankly she and Ex deserve each other. If however she were a genuinely nice person who didnt constantly bitch about me behind my back, I might feel differently......

thesunshinesbrightly · 03/02/2010 22:55

My Abusive controlling ex told me all about his ex's he said ' they were all bitches to me, i was never anything but nice'

So as far as he is concerned, yes i would tell his present GF.

thesunshinesbrightly · 03/02/2010 22:56

Also agree with hatesponge

Mongolia · 04/02/2010 00:57

I won't tell her absolutely anything, she deserves exactly what she got!

However I'm a bit curious on how long it will take her to find out there is something very wrong with my lovely-in-the-surface ex.

BertieBotts · 04/02/2010 01:54

Well, he seems to have latched onto his friend's sister, and this was the friend I used to be able to moan about him to, so I suspect he has some idea what ex is like - I am surprised actually that he is happy about them dating but then again he's not really the protective type.

To be honest no I wouldn't warn a new girlfriend because they would be unlikely to listen anyway.

ToccataAndFudge · 04/02/2010 01:59

no I wouldn't tell them to run like the wind..........but I would warn them that he'd prefer going out with his friends than staying at home with you/the children.............and the biggest warning would be to tell them to make sure THEY (ie the new girlfriend) took control of all finances/utility bills if they should ever live together - otherwise they probably won't get paid.

Pinkcaz · 04/02/2010 04:07

thesunshinesbrightly.... exacly the same here in what my nasty, controlling and abusive ex told me ... but I wouldn't tell new gf about it becasue she probably wouldnt believe me like if it was me and his ex told me I probabky wouldnt either as these guys are usually the most charming guys out there and take us in... well in my oppinion anyway.

Also once I got free from that relationship the last thing I wanted was to drag him back into our lives so no I wouldn't for that reason also x

lionstigersandbearsohmy · 04/02/2010 07:43

My soon to be ex also gave me that speech! I have thought about this too, not sure any new girlfriend would believe our side of the story anyway.

GypsyMoth · 04/02/2010 08:23

Yes, have warned off all 3 of his new girlfriends .....all met on the internet.. All 3 have ended up with beatings, and previous 2 had dc so had ss to contend with... They were all nice about me warning them, but said he seemed so nice they stayed. His violence gets worse with each one

WingedVictory · 04/02/2010 08:27

"His violence gets worse with each one "

Oh no....

aseriouslyblondemoment · 04/02/2010 09:46

tbh i would hope that my exh has learned from the mistakes he made in our marriage and is now a reformed character
as such what he does now is his own business and as long as it doesn't affect my children i have absolutely no interest in him or any new gf
can't say how i'd approach things tho if he'd been physically abusive towards me

morningpaper · 04/02/2010 09:50

I would say: "She used to be a chap"

macdoodle · 04/02/2010 16:37

ooohhhh no i wouldnt, she is a nasty selfish manipulative cow (and was the OW), and did so many nasty things to me and my DD1, she is sooooooo welcome to him, and hope she stays with him for many years so he can do to her what he did to me x100!!!!

PotPourri · 04/02/2010 16:40

No, the new GF wouldn't believe you. Would think it was sour grapes.

thesunshinesbrightly · 04/02/2010 19:25

Yes Pink, i agree with everything you just said and i am re-thinking my answer, dont think i would actually.
some very good points, these guy's are text book arent they.