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Original poster

Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (pt 17)

993 replies

Remotew · 18/01/2010 18:03

Has no-one beaten me to it yet?

Juicy sounding good.

WG old friend is worth seeing again.

Second not to arrange a meet up without me. Maybe down south in May.

OP posts:
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 02/02/2010 16:25

kdk and and some more???

go shuffle off to corner, you may as well grab some rabits and start simmering.

what are you thinking??... so... you have let him know you were keeping tabs of when he had checked your profile?

then made a small niggle(almost bitchy) comment about yeti's

maybe he has a life/ has other dates/ is 100% terrified on internet dating and hasn't even been on a date??.. do you remember how long it took you to build up courage for first date?... i was actually .. MONTHS!! and boy was it nerve wracking. he might also be shitting himself.

you should have simply put the last bit you put

something casual

"hey , how are, fancy a drink on x day as i have some free time"...

then see if he flat out refused.
agreed
or refused but arranged another time.

i've re wrote and deleted this several times.

but i suppose point of this thread is some help and advice on this dating malarky.

can you imagine if you are in his shoes kdk.

there's a guy you fancy.

but your holding off because
a)terrified
b)dating someone else and dont want to string along
c)not interested but like noseying profiles
d)going through a messy divorce and just enjoying dipping your feet in water and not yet ready to jump into a date yet?

if some guy said what you did you would think

"cor... he's a bit full on, thats scarey. i've only messaged a coupleof times. i owehim anything. yet he's pissed off at me for now fawning over him and jumping head first into a date i'm not ready for"

i will eat my words if he gets in touch and we need fascinators.

please dont take offence. just my response to what you have done. others may have done the same thing in your shoes.

i am still single afterall.

kdk · 02/02/2010 16:31

Take your point but we have been exchanging messages on and off for best part of a year - had previously agreed that it would be nice to go for a drink - and commented before on the keeping tabs thing .... just want sort of resolution ie if he really ain't interested, fine - if he is, also fine ...

kdk · 02/02/2010 16:32

but agree that I think he is terrified of being hurt from things he has said before/says on his profile.

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 02/02/2010 16:35

kdk - some guys are on sites purely for an ego boost.

he mayeven be married and flirting online behind his wifes back.

if he doesn't arrange date from what you have said i would leave well alone. even perhaps blocking so your not tempted to see if he's viewed you.

kdk · 02/02/2010 16:44

all fair points - although I know he isn't married but just decided to do a nothing ventured/nothing gained move as fed up with lack of prospective or potential dates in London!

If you've got any spare intelligent/attractive/solvent men aged between 39 and 50, who are looking for a happy medium between a shag and marriage, and know that going for a drink isn't a precursor to a walk up the aisle, feel free to send 'em down this way ...

thesouthsbelle · 02/02/2010 19:22

i'm floating cliff notes anyone please?!?! lol.

juicy - laptop is not at home (was at mums) phone is also with me, landline is switched back on, am now back in the world and living.

am also online so will hopefully catch you soon.

for me sailor is on the back burner, (can't find time for a coffee again at the mo without DS)

gymboy - hmm well nuff said i'm tight lipped on that front on account that everyone's giving me both barrels no matter what I say about him. suffice to say thou the last week that man has insulted/offended me in so many ways (and it takes a lot) I completely cut off from him & the outside world, and sunday he does something totally random & stupid & i'm left laughing and smiling all day - then again we shall see - tight lipped as I say.

er EX is on 2 hour standby at the minute as well - not good, but hey only for another week or so I think - (good job)

so anyhow clif notes? (will have a quick read as well)

thesouthsbelle · 02/02/2010 19:35

ok now where is young LOU!!! is she without net or all loved up??

juicy - irish - drinking- you - not good, nuff said, stick with the squaddie.

hate - not too sure what's happening - go with what juicy says - offer a set time/date n see what the response is.

betty - how's things with you?

eve - are you still seeing the same chappy?

hi to everyone else I missed off.

erm... what else has happened this end - oh work's gone a bit haywire, and well - I won't be logging in there anymore at work - (suffice to say a lot of sites have 'gone down' to work computers and I think the usage is now being monitored. DS has got into the school of choice (YAY!)) XH as I say standby both been v worried about it all. erm.... DB has been annoying & turned into the MAJOR bridezilla erm.... dogs are the usual. sailor as I say - usual. (am reluctant to string him along thou really tbh in the current situ however he's a friend and we will do coffee again at the first opportunity. gymboy - well, nothing physical, he's been talking i've been listening we've both been crying, i've been walking he's been asking me not to, i've cut contact, he's been random, we've been laughing, I've admitted how I feel (not good) he's saying he's not sure if he can get his head around things still, but if he was we'd be in it for the long hall (that much he is sure of). I again said friends is no go for me. I have banned all 'heavy talk' for the next 2 weeks while XH is on standby. ho hum. tbh quite content with tom ward a bar of choc & the telly! (oh and lush goodies!)

kdk · 02/02/2010 20:20

I just wish to say to all nay-sayers -yah boo sucks (sometimes anyway ...)

have had message back

'I've been around but usually late at night, since some stuff at work means that I'm pulling a huge amount of hours at the moment - definitely still up for that drink, but I couldn't give you a date yet, as I haven't even had a day off since the start of the year... including weekends.'

so - the wait continues but at least I know he's sort of interested

ninah · 02/02/2010 20:51

has anyone seen the press aboutt this dame who advises women of a certain age (and no age at all in my book) to settle for the nearest chap to hand and marry him cos otherwise you are being picky????
the comparison is, apparently, with musical chairs and if you aren't sitting on a man by age 30+ you grap the nearest imitation??
I do wonder where it leaves those of us who've bred, co-habited and need a man like the proverbial fish/bicylcle but might quite like one, as a luxury item

hatesponge · 02/02/2010 20:53

kdk - well, i thought you should have messaged him.

at least you got a reply (good) and its not a no (also good) however it is a 'I'm very busy and have no free time whatsoever' which is not so good if this busy-ness (and I know thats not a word but I was at work for 10 hours today so am a bit punch-drunk atm!) is going to continue indefinitely.

I think you have to put him to the back burner & see if anyone else takes your fancy in the meantime. que sera sera & all that.

as for me, nothing from saturday night's date. Am going to text him in a bit, just trying to compose something that sounds relatively casual but interested at the same time........

ninah · 02/02/2010 20:53

belle you speak in riddles! are you waiting and hoping he will sort his head out and make a committment? I am ruling out fascinators for no one

ninah · 02/02/2010 20:57

hate why not let him contact you?
and i don't think birdman is the answer kdk, if it's stressy and a bit forced before you meet it can only get stressier, think of it as a graph

hatesponge · 02/02/2010 21:02

ninah, I've left it since Sat & havent heard from him. which may mean he is busy, doesnt intend/want to contact me, or that he's waiting for me to text him... who knows. but am fed up of waiting so am going to text him. even though I probably shouldnt. and even though i will probably regret doing it!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 02/02/2010 21:05

ok(wearing hard hat time)
kdk you won't like my answer to this at all but he is stringing you along
sponge please don't text or call him
belle same advice to you!!

where have all the others got to?

kdk · 02/02/2010 21:05

@ ninah - think we saw that article last week - it's not really a new story - she's a yank who wrote an article a couple of years ago saying women were so seduced by the idea of 'mr right' that they allowed lots of nice guys to go by .... she's now got a book out. Think it's probably much more relevant to women who never have married/had kids than us lot! There was something about her in the Times the other day here.

hatesponge · 02/02/2010 21:09

asbm dont say that. now am not sure what to do

to text or not to text
that is the question..........

thesouthsbelle · 02/02/2010 21:10

hate - text him!!! lol.

kdk - hmm, agree back burner for that one n let him make contact next.

ninah - riddles re gymboy - tbh i'm getting frustrated/it's confusing/I walk away then he sits there with tears in his eyes n tells me not to. (I ignore totally and get an email saying this isn't easy for me either you know!) I can't be 'just friends' fact, and have no inclination to be such - have enough male friends and also a FB if desired lol. as to making a commitment - no I don't want that either tbh. he talks of my meeting his family but then what would we introduce each other as/ plus he talks of meeting the boy?!? (apparently he owes it to me ) he says it would be for a long time if things took the next step (not sure what makes him think i'd want another for keeps relationship cos exp says they don't last!) tbh I want today, not 5 years down the line, maybe 5 days but not 5 years! also everyone keeps saying to me forget him forget it walk away, he's no good he'll make you ill etc etc etc so for now i'll keep all the goings on with him/I.

ninah · 02/02/2010 21:15

hate - don't youi dare!! [grin}

ninah · 02/02/2010 21:17

belle what does he see as the 'next step?'
hmmm?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 02/02/2010 21:19

please don't
two poss.outcomes here
either he's busy or being cool and will be in touch when it suits him
in which case don't rush to reply and don't go on a date without proper notice,tell him that you'll check if you're free etc,he has to respect that sponge has a life!
or
he's being a cowardly shit who feels that ignoring is the same as communicating
i'm not wishing to sound like a 'rules girl' here btw

hatesponge · 02/02/2010 21:19

well, I've sent it. Too late now!

spicemonster · 02/02/2010 21:21

Here I am again, doing my occasional dip into this thread. I normally have nothing to discuss and it moves soooo fast I can't keep up.

As ever, am shamelessly seeking advice. I've been exchanging emails with this man from an online dating site and he seems very nice. BUT he has dissed his ex twice in the last email he sent me. Is that a total no-no? Just saying that the amount of travel he did was in large part responsible for the break up of his marriage (but that his ex didn't complain about the money). And that he was still in close contact with his DS despite having left the country he lives in with said man's ex to 'rescue him from too much Mum watching over his shoulder.'

Feels a bit ick to me but am I looking to find fault (that is something I do a lot with men who look good 'on paper' so I'm trying to stop myself doing it)?

thesouthsbelle · 02/02/2010 21:21

blondie.

ninah - next step = a full blown relationship ie we are partners n thats it for the next 20 years! marriage etc as well.

ninah · 02/02/2010 21:23

hi asbm, have to agree with you and juicy
listen up ......
we are the threadmeisters, we have 'been there and done it baybee, I'm telling you the truth' to paraphrase roisin murphy
I sense more candidates for the s.o.h party

aseriouslyblondemoment · 02/02/2010 21:26

hi spice good to see you back!
hmm..
would be wary tbh
maybe alot of unfinished there
is he divorced/estranged?
doesn't bode well imo
and you q-ing it speaks volumes