Pregnant and doing it on our own

[maledetta]

Hello, this is just as the thread title says- for embryonic lone parents! There have been several of us bouncing around various threads for some time now- anybody else out there?

Hello All,

Welcome newbies!

Congratulations Maledetta - glad you have a wonderful son and that you are settling at your parents' place for a bit.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while ... waddling around trying to get things done before my one arrives. 4 weeks to go now.

ExP is most definitely still off the scene. We've had one phone call in the last 3 months. At least I know, and have known for months where I stand - which in some ways is better than the limbo some of you are going through.

Generally feeling ok though - very apprehensive about the future - but positive.

Will keep you posted on any developments!

Hello,
This is my first post on Mumsnet so bare with me... My DS is 4 weeks old on tuesday and I was left by my Husband at 29 weeks. He was there during the birth along with my Mum and was glad that he had the chance to see DS born and bond plus I could treat him like the Sh*t he is and not have to deal with the fall out!

It seems like there are a few dangerously large ladies out there...! Going to be a brace of Pisces babies (like me!) if I've done my sums right...!

It's happened : Yes, I was worried about getting everything done. Some stuff I managed to do, some I didn't- and now I don't give a stuff about it!I'm supposed to be doing an NVQ, and I brought the paperwork element with me to my folks- thought I'd have some spare time to be cracking on with it...(hmm).BTW, you can get the maternity grant form at the job centre. Have you checked to see if you're eligible for tax credits?

Michelle Frances : I think that makes your DS 1 day older than mine! How is he doing?

Mine is (still) lovely: such a dear little face, unfortunately the spit of his father (damn! damn!). He sleeps from about 7.00pm to about 8.00am-waking up for feeds of course- and you know the infuriating thing? I am lying there unable to sleep, so tense because I worry that he's GOING to start crying! Ridiculous, isn't it- I realise that it's me that needs sleep training, rather than the baby!

The folks are great, but I can't wait to get home- I'm going a bit mad here....They've gone away for the weekend, and I haven't spoken to an adult all day (well, except for now...)

ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! I am fuming! stupid stupid man! Why, just when I am starting to feel slightly less angry and thinking I would like to encourage a decent realtionship between him and his child does he have to get me soooooo MAD!

He starts off texting me saying am I sure I dont want to be with him earlier today, I said yes I'm sure. Then this eve he asks for the millionth time is it his child to which I say yes. So again he says can we try again blah blah blah to which I say no, am better off without you.

So now he says he is definately taking me to court for custody, he has already seen a solicitor and the case against me looks bad. I don't see how that is possible, I am a good mum and he may well have evidence to show I don't bloody like him, but what does that have to do with my parenting ability?

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Sorry about the rant. Do you think he is bluffing? I can't see how he could afford a solicitor. He can't afford loo roll. I know this because I gave him clean bedding and he cut it up to wipe his arse with it. Shudder. Also he text me a few days ago to ask if I had his bank details on my comp coz he has been robbed of about 300 quid out of his bank account. I really need not to respond to his texts because he makes me soooooo mad!

Should I get a solicitor? Should I just ignore him and hope he goes away? What should I do?

i would ignore the man untill he gets the message and stops.
i wouldnt worry about the whole cort thing...you could ask for supervised contact and plus if your BF baby then wouldnt be able to be seperated for a long while anyway. also i would advise not naming on birth cert as this means that he then has no rights and woud have to take you to court to gain access if he really wanted to. i would only get a solicitor if you get anything written from one on his behalf( although dont think he sounds like the type to be bothered!)

i can completely understand what you are going through...my LOs father called me this morning to ask if im up fora quick shag when he comes to see me, as the damage has been done not quite the way i see it, but this from the man who said that he would never contact me again if i didnt abort this baby. i told him no just the money for the pram will do on this visit thankyou...he seemed shocked!

hope all are well xx

maledetta sorry i missed your post there, where in the world are you based? im merseyside and am glad to still be doing classes and astill volunteer lots as it keeps my mind focused. i remember being so glad that i went to baby massage classes just to have an adult conversation when Ds was small.

im still trying to get the house all prepared and keep calling the landlord as the boiler has to be stripped down as the hot water isnt working properly, and also had a damp course done and replasering in nov, so now all needs to be painted, and i only have 10 weeks left!

take care glad Ds is fine and dont worry about the dad thing...they grow out of it!

Hello,
PumaGirl told me about this link
I didn't realise there are so many women having their baby alone. Everyone around me is married/married with kids so I have felt like the odd one out....nice to know that I am not!

Hello!
I'm having a baby alone, I'm 35 weeks pregnant, never done this before, bit scary.
Have no family or friends around either.
But hopefully my doula whom I've met once will be of some support when I'm in labour.

hello all!

welcome poll32 and anotherusername-
yes i was suprised how many of us there are.were are you both based? i am aslo surrounded by married couples having theier babies, but as long as i steer clear of mothercare where i get slightly emotional, it gives me hope that one day that may be me.
i would also rcommend local mums gropus or surestarts as they will help maintain your sainity in the beginning.

anotherusername- will you be making use of the hardship fund available to doulas, even if its only for some of the cost? as i know they are expensive( but essential).

Hello all,

Can I join the club? I'm 26weeks and H is moving out in the next week or so (temporarily apparently but I can't see him changing his mind as he doesn't feel anything for me any more, but lets not go there).

We already have a 2yo DS and I am absolutely dreading doing this alone. H is a wonderful dad, and will do more childcare than many resident ones where it comes to DS. However he helped me so much when DS was tiny that I'm petrified of being on my own in the evenings and nightime when it is hard. I've been there and it was hard enough with him there helping.

The idea of the birth alone is pretty scary too. I have a friend who will come if she is not working (she was there when DS was born too) and H can look after DS and her kids, but there's no guarantee she'll be available. I'm just really scared of going through it without H to hold my hand (I'm an idiot and I still love him)

I'm in worcestershire, and I do have friends but no proper family as I haven't really talked to them in getting on for 10 years. Feeling very alone at the moment, even though I think I'd be coping ok with the breakup if there weren't another baby on the way. Spend most of my time on mumsnet atm

Is it normal to feel lonely, crap and confused and cry all the time one day and the next feel 'fine'?
What does 'doula' mean?!

Poll - that sums me up well. I've started anti-depressants which haven't kicked in yet, but I'm either up or right down.

A doula is a paid/trained birth partner.

Glad I'm not the only one... I didn't think you could take anti-d's while pregnant? My GP has sent me to see a maternity counsellor...only been once so haven't seen much progress/results.... Made the mistake of meeting my ex.... not a wise move for the moment.

But then I see him at work everyday...

It depends what sort of ADs. Certain types on a fairly low dose are fine, particularly as I didn't start mine till 25 weeks.

I'm referred for counselling too but waiting for that to come through.

Both doctors said that if it was affecting me to such an extent, then ADs are better than suffering. Hopefully they'll help me be on a more even keel when this DC arrives.

How are you doing ladies?

H left today. Surprisingly, for today at least I feel great. A weight has been lifted!

That's good. Maybe the pressure of him saying he will leave and not doing it was worse than him actually leaving? At least you may get a clearer idea as to where you stand and can think of a way to cope and eventually move forward?
My ex keeps saying he is going back to France, but never actually goes. Wish he would do something and not keep talking about it....seem to be stuck in limbo land...

chairmum, it sounds like you may cope better without him. the feeling awful probably wasnt helped by the fact your H was so good with your Ds. plus if you have been with someone a long time then you get used to them being around so can be strange being on your own again.
i didnt think i would cope at first and when i found out i was having this one...i nearly lost the plot. however now i dont panic so much on a daily basis and just try to get on.
im off to town to get the last bits for the baby at the weekend and am having yet another blitz of the house today and over the weekend to ensure if anything ahppens early then im prepared. my Lo's dad is getting back from brazil next wednesday and all i want to see him for is to get a descion of him about being involved and hopefully the money for the pram...although im still not holding my breath. which i feel horrible saying as we have been friends for years and was so supportive when i had DS, but all that seems to have changed.

sorry again for the rant, hope everyone else is ok.

Hello everybody, and welcome newbies!

Today I am quite stressed and pissed off because twunt has pulled the rug from under my feet again: he was being quite supportive, lulling me into a false sense of security, even coming up and driving me back from my parents...then tried to get a shag out of me- 4 weeks after giving birth- then completely wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days (including my birthday)- then just disappeared- leaving me and baby on his boat with no electricity and fast running out of firewood, in freezing conditions....

Luckily I had a friend to stay with, and to look after the baby while I hurriedly finished putting my own boat to rights to make it warm enough and habitable....It took a huge effort, and was pretty stressful to have to do it in a hurry with a baby, but I managed- we had our first night on there last night, and it was warm enough, thank God....What a wanker eh?

Lady jadey: Some solicitors offer a free 1-hour "surgery", where they will advise you. This could put your mind at rest, as they will probably tell you your ex hasn't got a snowball's hope in hell...

Oh no, baby's started crying! Bye for now....

Hey I've just joined the lone parent pregnancy club...scared!!!!!

hello all!

welcome katy86 things will become less scarey as time goes on. when are you due? and is this your first?

i feel much more organised than i did a few weeks ago, matress arrived this morning, so just awaiting LO's dad to get back at the weekend and give me some money so i can finally buy the pram, which is on offer at the moment. i will curse if he lets me down, shouldnt really get my hopes up, but ive fallen in love with the one pram and will be pissed off if i dont get it, it is the only thing i have asked him for.
I am really starting to feel pregnant now ( 32 weeks!) and have a growth scan tomorrow. my mum has been here since sunday and has left a couple of hours ago, so she moved furniture around for me and helped me get a bit more oragnised. i did think i had everything under control until mum pointed things out, so its all done now.

hope everyone else is ok, will check in again later.

Hello itshappenedagain !!!

Wow 32 weeks bet u can wait for the bubba now!!!

Im due 11th Oct and its number 2 i already have DD age 4

I hope it becomes less scarey right now im terrified

xx

katy86 -if you have read this thread from the start you can see how i have moved forward through the scariness...into petrified...and out the other side. i alos have a DS who is 3.5 and soooo excited about having a sister! i think that helps. ave you joined your antenatal thread? found it to be very helpful and that i wasnt the only one feeling the way i did.
take care
xx

Someone tell me I CAN do this on my own especially when I have been made to feel like crap by a certain tosser and has made me cry most of the day. I don't need him and I can do it - got to keep telling myself.