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Pregnant and doing it on our own

106 replies

maledetta · 10/12/2009 18:20

Hello, this is just as the thread title says- for embryonic lone parents! There have been several of us bouncing around various threads for some time now- anybody else out there?

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maledetta · 21/12/2009 18:02

ps....what's happened to itwascertainlyasurprise?

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HelenRosie · 21/12/2009 20:09

I'm only 7 weeks at the moment, so really early days. My gay BF is going to be on the birth certificate and the baby will have his surname - partly because I don't like my surname and his is nice. He really wants to be a dad, and has done for a while. He's watched me go out with a few unsuitable blokes, while I've watched him desperate for a child and exploring all his options. Finally we put 2 and 2 together and I'm very happy with our decision. I guess only time will tell how it works out but no relationship is guaranteed.

maledetta · 21/12/2009 21:00

That sounds wicked HelenRosie! Congratulations!Never any nasty relationship-splitting-up acrimony, and just think, if you both get nice partners in the future, that child will have so many significant adults to love it!

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Scorps · 22/12/2009 20:19

maledetta - I'm in Cornwall too, due on Friday and my H is leaving when she is born. Where in Cornwall are you?

maledetta · 23/12/2009 17:49

My goodness Scorps, do you mean that your husband is waiting to leave you until your baby is born? What a strange and nasty thing to do. How long have you known about this situation?

I'm near Helston-where are you? Are you planning to have the baby in Treliske? I just realised that Friday is actually Christmas day...How are you feeling about everything?

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nappyaddict · 28/12/2009 01:59

HelenRosie hope you don't mind me being curious but did you actually have sex or use some other method to get pregnant with your friend?

Those of you who have already had your babies if the dads are involved how old were they when you let them stop overnight?

PumaGirl · 29/12/2009 18:08

Hi All,

Just checking in - hope you had a great xmas.

How's it going with the Ex, Maledetta? Sounds like things are going better than expected! Really happy for you - especially as your due date is now so close.

maledetta · 30/12/2009 18:07

Hello!

Christmas was very low-key and quiet-couldn't manage much else really!

I did spend a couple of days with the babyfather over Christmas...it was OK. Haven't heard from him since....2 steps forward and one step back (sigh).

He said he wants to be on the birth certificate, which I thought merited some chewing over, so I put it to Mumsnet, which resulted in a huge punchup, still raging...

(whisper: So I am hiding here with a tin hat on!).

It's a bit shocking to have started off such a barney- and to realise how few people actually read your posts properly before commenting!

Pregnancy-wise, I am just waddling around collecting things for The Bag. TENS machine and blankets today.....And praying the baby doesn't come early- not, for example, before babyfather has told his other children, who stay with him 2 nights a week, that they are going to have a little brother. "Apparently" his ex doesn't want to tell them. Which means they could get a hell of a shock quite soon...

(Bangs head against wall emoticon).

Right, I'm off to defraud the Housing Benefit office in order to fund my crack habit!

How was everybody elses' Christmas? All enjoy the enforced sobriety?

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itshappenedagain · 30/12/2009 19:38

maledetta- hope all is going well with you...i understand the babnging head aginst wall, i did a lot of that with Ds father, fingers crossed it all works out.
had my scan today and am having a girl...but im a bitch so not telling anyone in RL. they can all wait and see.
Ive heard everyones opinions now and so to quash all rumours today posted on facebook the name of the father the due date and that fact that yes i could have had an abortion but i didnt want to. seemed to stop all the shit flying around. im just waiting until this happens to someone else and then will laugh my tits off, then laugh a bit more. ok rant over.
christmas was fab witht he exception of Ds being sick, but his excitement on christmas day was the best present ever!
hope all are keeping well.

PumaGirl · 31/12/2009 10:52

Glad we all made it through Xmas intact!

Maledetta - had a quick look at your other thread about names on birth certs. There are some very strange, and frankly, venomous people out there! Definitely lurk here in the friendly trench until the shelling stops

Sorry about the frustration you are feeling at the mo with babyfather. Understandable. And just what you need of course!!

Mine sent me a xmas card. Other than that, no contact for about 7 weeks now. Think he'll probably get in touch in the new year to sort a few things.

My xmas was really good - spent with friends - 17 of us and a 20lb turkey. Decided to eat alot due to the drinking ban - well, got to take your pleasures where you can.

Looking forward to the new year to be honest. 09 was not a great one in many ways!

Hi to ItsHappened! Congrats on your girl - great news. Sorry though that you are facing trial by gossip. Again, just what you need! Hopefully your facebook press release will give you some peace!

Where's ItWasCertainly? What have you been up to girl?

Anyway - all the best to everyone and a happy new year.

maledetta · 03/01/2010 21:08

Happy new year to everybody! 2010 WILL be better than 2009!

2 weeks to go for me, and my horoscope tells me: "The next fortnight will be a waiting game for you"...!

Congratulations on the girl It'sHappened...and well done for confronting the gossips head on...

Sorry, PumaGirl's post has made me hungry: must waddle off and eat something...it seems it's not true that you stop eating so much when you're heavily pg..!

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itwascertainlyasurprise · 08/01/2010 12:38

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PumaGirl · 09/01/2010 11:30

Hi All,

Happy New Year!

Maledetta - thinking of you - only a week to go right? Best of luck.

Itwascertainly - really sorry to hear the news about your grandad. Very sad. Best wishes to you and your family. You never know, perhaps he'll be keeping an eye on you and the baby from somewhere .....

On the twunt front - how do you feel about having him at the birth? Who else will be with you? 'It's imperative'? Hmmm. I think you come first when all is said and done. Read somewhere that viewing births on u-tube gives a good dose of reality so maybe you could steer him in that direction

itshappenedagain · 10/01/2010 21:07

hello all!

itwascertainly- sorry to hear about your grandad, hope your family support about.
its your descion as to weather he is at the birth or not...if you would feel more relaxed without him there then just dont call when you go into labour...other than that if you do agree have a bcakup plan as exs tend to change their mind like the wind. how long do you have now?

maledetta- hope you are enjoying the peace and that all the snow clears in time for your birth.

2010 doesnt seem to have changed anything for me except getting fatter! Los father called a couple of days ago "to see how i was", my answer still pregnant. he wants to see me when he is next home in Feb...so i have decided i will be asking him to buy the pram and cot and other essential items as i really cant afford to do so. think he may get a shock when he does see me...if he turns up..as the last time i didnt even look pregnant and now i am huge. he also informed me that he wont be telling his family, so i feel like she is a dirty secret, although to me she will never be that.
i went out and bought my first baby things yesterday as i had a free hour whilst Ds was at a party. The woman at the till nearly had me in tears she asked about what my partner thought, i just didnt reply...yet felt so stupid at the same time!

Scorps · 11/01/2010 08:35

Dd2 is 12 days today, I didn't allow him at my birth (at my parents house). Tough - he isn't that person to me anymore. I'm still at my parents but will go home to other dc as well this week. Eeek.

Feel really resentful he is getting away with no babycare when he wanted a baby 9 months ago! Such a shit.

I'm in Penzance

itshappenedagain · 11/01/2010 11:10

congratulations on your DD2, i didnt alllow Ds father at the birth...funny how they change their minds when all is done. have told this LOs dad that if he ever needs a kidney or anything else important he isnt getting one!

itwascertainlyasurprise · 11/01/2010 15:34

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SolidGoldBloodyJanuaryUrgh · 11/01/2010 15:45

Hi all: Just dropping in to say that my DS dad was not at the birth (he did ask and I told him to get lost as we were Not Friends) at the time, and he didn't tell his family until DS was 3 months old.
HOwever our DS is now 5 and we have an excellent co-parent relationship, DS has the benefit of a devoted hands on dad and I have the benefit of plenty of chiildfree time when daddy looks after DS and even an extended set of outlaws. SO it can work out very well.

itshappenedagain · 11/01/2010 17:57

itwascertainly- you will become the one with the balls and the lactating breasts ( quite something!) but i can completely understand yur reasoning of trying to give him the benifit of the doubt. although sleepless nights and changes in hormiones, can be make or break time and when i learned ro do what was best for us...not him.

i dont think i will be doing any ante-natal classes. unless they have single parent ones. my mum lives 2 hours drive from me!

maledetta · 12/01/2010 11:31

Hello everybody!

This is the first time I've been able to get near t'internet for days, as I've been kind of confined to the village- I managed to strand the van 4 miles away from home, and my computer is in my studio 3 miles away...there's not even that much snow here at all, it's just that the council are late converts to gritting....Been getting total cabin fever!

I rashly went to see a friend in the snow on Thursday- getting there was fine, and we did some brilliant naked pregnant lady in the snow photos in her not-very-secluded garden- nearly had some 4x4 drivers off the road through staring!

Unfortunately, I stayed just a little bit too long, and everything had got all icy- upon trying to leave, ended up sliding sideways down the hill and having to be rescued by a tractor! Had to abandon the van, and have just managed to rescue it this morning....

Congratulations Scorps, and a million times congratulations! Have you got plenty of help on hand when you get home? Maybe meet up when I get back from my parents in February?

It was certainly......So sorry to hear about your granddad. I'm really feeling for you, you seem to be coping with so much bad news at the moment.

Ach, I really sympathise with the twunt situation, too. You so desperately want them to care- for you as well as the baby- and, especially in our fragile, hormonal states, promising something-anything- and then going back on it- is the last thing you want to have to cope with. I don't know how much I can actually advise you, 'cos I'm not dealing with it superbly myself, but practising this line helps:

"We must develop a relationship of trust in order for you to adequately support me at such an important event as the birth of our child. In the light of what you have done in the recent past, this means that I would like you to ring me x times a week/come shopping for baby stuff with me (and pay!)/attend antenatal classes (or anything else you want-delete as applicable..)."

Does saying this mean that I'm coping with my twunt particularly well myself? Ah-ha-ha-ha! Nope.

Although he has prevailed upon me to move in with him-temporarily-and I have caved in; it was all getting too cold and difficult on my own....But sometimes it's lonelier with him. He doesn't communicate much- just slumps in front of the telly. Emotionally, I would prefer to be on my own I think. But...his boat is warmer and more comfortable; he chops the wood, has hot water etc...

It'shappened...yes, feel for your pain too! I think getting him to buy the baby stuff is a good solid ask, and hopefully something he can easily comply with...

BTW, I went to NCT antenatal classes on my own, and, although everybody else was coupled up, I didn't feel the odd one out at all; the facilitator worked hard to "split couples up", as it were, for the group activities, and we had a real laugh. So don't be afraid!

SolidGold...read your contributions on other threads, and it's always a joy!

Oh dear, must go, hands and feet dropping off; I haven't turned the heater on as I'm taking it home for when the baby turns up....Sunday is the due date! (but no sign yet...) xxx

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itshappenedagain · 12/01/2010 16:46

maledetta- you seem to be coping just fine. my friend has asked me to do some nude pregnancy modeling for him again, have some lovely ones of differnt stages of pregnancy with DS, so will be taking him up on the offer...alothough im not as brave as you to do it in snow or in a garden ( althought last ones with DS were taken in a friends Bar...not open of course! good luck for sunday hope baby arrives on time.

scorps- wishing you a safe journey home and hope that things get better, im sure your other children will be glad to see their new sibling.

My LOs dad will probably panic when i ask him to hand over money for ababy stuff...especially as we are meeting in the shop, and i plan to use this to my advantage...dare he cause a scene in the middle of one of the largest department stores in liverpool? i think not. anyway i will only be getting essentail items, a friend wrote a list that she wanted to email to him...she put all kinds of shite on there that you never use...could just ask him for the money i suppose. my Ds is getting very excited and has already found some of his baby stuff to pass on.

maledetta · 14/01/2010 17:43

Itshappenedagain: Good plan about meeting in the shop! I bet he won't dare kick off- but if he does you have the opportunity for a classic soap opera moment eh!

Babyfather's told his kids about the baby, and they are being very sweet about it, although the 2 year old is convinced I'm having "little baby Jesus"!!

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PumaGirl · 14/01/2010 18:09

Hi All,

Congrats Scorps! Great news about your lovely new DD.

Maledetta - love the photos story, bet you look brilliant!

Itwascertainly - Understand completely about being torn between 'doing the right thing' and wanting to be a tough cookie. Not an easy line to walk.

It'shappened - soooo, what happened in the store?

SolidGold - thanks for the positive story - keep em coming!

Sorry this post is short. Just wanted to say hello to everyone.

itshappenedagain · 14/01/2010 21:18

pumagirl- not meeting him for another 4 weeks...although this will probably work to my advantage as will be a tank by then!

maledetta- told them just in time for the arrival...men are so lovely about this! good luck for sunday...are you hospital or home birth?

went to buy castor oil this morning ...for oil cleansing skincare routine...the woman at the counter told me that it wasnt reccomended for inducing labour anymore...she was rather taken back when i told her what it was for!

i am having lots of braxton hicks, and midife told me to try and rest, as she could feel my stomach tightening whilst at my appointment...other than that all is well, just haope the weather clears as Ds wants to go out on his bike!

does/did anyone suffer from heartburn during thier pregnancy...ive never had it before in my life and now have it constantly!

maledetta · 16/01/2010 17:06

Oooh! Having some mild cramps! (although I do know this could last for days..). Reversing into a wall just now seemed to start them off...

It'shappened: LOL at the castor oil!

Yes, have been getting terrible attacks of heartburn: anything minty seems to help: peppermint tea, extra strong mints etc....

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